Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life (24 page)

3. Create a vision and take tiny steps toward fulfilling it each day
.

What change would you like to see in your life six months down the line? What passions or hobbies do you enjoy regularly? What new habits have you adopted? What relationships have you nurtured? Now identify the first steps that will help you create those changes, and do one small thing each day to work toward those goals. If you're going through a difficult time right now, realize this isn't the end of the world; it's the beginning of a new part of your journey, and the perfect opportunity to evaluate what you want to change and how you can do it.

4. Look back at where you were ten years ago, five years ago, and one year ago to celebrate how far you've come
.

It's all too easy to focus on everything you think you're doing wrong. Instead, take a moment to recognize everything you've done right—all the ways you've learned, grown, and improved over the last one, five, ten years of your life. Then tell yourself that your worth has nothing to do with those improvements.
Life is about change and growth, but that doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with who you are right now. You will not be the same person tomorrow as you are today—but each perfectly imperfect version of you deserves your love and respect.

T
HROUGHOUT OUR LIVES, WE
'
LL EACH EXPERIENCE OUR DAYS IN
many different ways. We'll feel scared, lost, and saddened about the road behind us. We'll feel passionate, exhilarated, and eager to travel the path ahead. We'll feel paralyzed with fear and uncertainty, unsure that our actions matter. We'll feel energized with hope and possibility, knowing full well they always do.

It's the same for all of us. We each live a constantly evolving experience, with highs so immense it may feel like flying, lows so deep it may feel like dying, and limitless shades in between. This is what it means to be human, for all of us. Loving ourselves won't change that we won't always love what's in front of us. It will, however, change how we treat ourselves in response to it and what we believe we can do with it.

Loving ourselves means knowing that we are the constant in all our experiences, and that's something worth appreciating. Because each of us has a powerful light that we can use for so much good. Somewhere underneath everything we've learned to doubt or detest, there's a formidable force of strength and beauty—a spark so bright
it can light a path through even the darkest days, not only for ourselves, but also for others.

To access it, we need to look back at where we've been and choose to see our pain as fuel for strength and wisdom. We need to know that our imperfections are gifts, not curses, for without them there'd be no individuality, no journey, and no opportunities to help others who can relate. We need to see our mistakes as tools to keep moving forward—not the building blocks of who we are but rather steps to who we can become. And we need to see ourselves as the beautiful blend of both our strengths and weaknesses. Even if others choose to focus on the latter. Even if we're tempted to think they're better than us. Even if we're afraid they might not value us when they see us for who we really are.

Every time our heart beats, we have a choice that can change the meaning of that beat: we can choose to see the worst in ourselves or decide to nurture the best. No matter where you've been, what you've done, or how many years you've lived, this second can change your life if you use it to believe in yourself. Because once you decide to believe—once you shift your perception from regret over who you've been, to faith in who you are—you dramatically change the potential of who you can be and what you can do. You transform your experience of every moment that follows. Instead of blaming yourself for everything that feels wrong, you start empowering yourself to create something that feels right.

This doesn't mean you'll never feel down on yourself. It doesn't mean you'll always feel confident and self-assured. It doesn't mean you'll always bounce back from failure, disappointment, or heartache with an immediate sense of optimism and hope. It means you'll eventually find your way home to a soothing place inside yourself, where your own thoughts and beliefs reinforce that you will be just fine. It means you'll know more and more every day that no matter how you struggle, you deserve to enjoy as many of the moments as you can.

If ever that seems hard to believe—if you have trouble accessing your faith in yourself—remember you're not alone. Whatever you're going through, take comfort in knowing that someone else has been there, is there now, or will be there someday down the road. We're all in this together. Today, one of the people who shared a story in this book may have been helpful to you. One day, you may be there to shine a light for them, or possibly for me. We're all doing the best we can, for ourselves and each other. As someone who formerly spent years believing that I wasn't good enough, I propose we each decide that's something to be proud of.

1. Tell empowering stories of healing in the present instead of sad stories of hurting in the past.
   
2. Challenge the limiting beliefs that make you feel bad about yourself.
   
3. Shine a spotlight on your shame and douse it with empathy.
   
4. Recognize the beauty in your journey.
   
5. Identify what feelings you've been trying to outrun or numb.
   
6. Talk to yourself as you would a sibling or a friend.
   
7. See the gifts in your challenges.
   
8. Realize that feeling the full range of emotions is not something you have to “fix.”
   
9. See yourself as a work in progress.
   
10. Accept yourself in action (and model it for others).
    
11. Create stillness to feel more at ease with yourself.
    
12. Use your judgments as a mirror to grow into greater self-acceptance.
    
13. Reframe guilt- and shame-driven thoughts to be more self-compassionate.
    
14. Realize your mistakes only define you if you let them.
    
15. Remove the phrase “should have” from your vocabulary.
    
16. Ask yourself how you can respond more wisely than you have in the past.
    
17. When you deal with rejection, recognize in what ways you're rejecting yourself.
    
18. Challenge your assumption that other people are judging you.
    
19. See it as a positive sign if some people don't like you.
    
20. Keep a self-appreciation journal.
    
21. Flip your focus from what you
    aren't
    to what you
    are
    .
    
22. Stop the fearful mental stories that lead into self-destructive mental territory.
    
23. Get excited by what you can do instead of discouraged by what you think you can't.
    
24. Focus on what you can enjoy right now.
    
25. Use the mantra “I am loved” if you feel the urge to cling to other people.
    
26. Challenge your fears around love so you don't end up settling for an unhealthy relationship.
    
27. Identify your core values and priorities to better know, understand, and love yourself.
    
28. Treat yourself as you want a partner to treat you.
    
29. See yourself beyond your roles.
    
30. Take a tiny step to move beyond your mask.
    
31. Challenge yourself to be vulnerable.
    
32. Ask yourself, “What is my shadow side trying to tell me?”
    
33. Nurture yourself from the inside out.
    
34. Be gentle with yourself if you experience resistance.
    
35. Make a list of your top needs.
    
36. Practice saying no when a request would impact your ability to take care of yourself.
    
37. Ask yourself, “What would make me proud of myself if I weren't trying to impress other people?”
    
38. Experiment with what gives you energy.
    
39. Create a vision and take tiny steps toward fulfilling it each day.
    
40. Look back at where you were ten years ago, five years ago, and one year ago to celebrate how far you've come.
    

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection
.

—B
UDDHA

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
.

—U
NKNOWN

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you
.

—A
FRICAN
P
ROVERB

Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful
.

—T
HICH
N
HAT
H
ANH

No matter where you go, there you are
.

—C
ONFUCIUS

The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out love, and let it come in
.

—M
ORRIE
S
CHWARTZ

It isn't what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it's what we say to ourselves about what happens
.

—P
EMA
C
H
Ö
DR
Ö
N

It is better to be whole than to be good
.

—J
OHN
M
IDDLETON
M
URRAY

Good enough is the new perfect
.

—B
ECKY
B
EAUPRE
G
ILLESPIE AND
H
OLLEE
S
CHWARTZ
T
EMPLE

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself
.

—T
HICH
N
HAT
H
ANH

The moment you accept yourself you become beautiful
.

—O
SHO

If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher
.

—P
EMA
C
H
Ö
DR
Ö
N

Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others
.

—L
AMA
Y
ESHE

Things and conditions can give you pleasure but they cannot give you joy—joy arises from within
.

—E
CKHART
T
OLLE

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are
.

—P
ROVERB

When you lose, don't lose the lesson
.

—U
NKNOWN

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it
.

—R
UMI

What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly
.

—C
ARL
R
OGERS

What other people think of me is none of my business
.

—W
AYNE
D
YER

Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, being nothing

—A
RISTOTLE

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are
.

—
E. E. CUMMINGS

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life
.

—E
CKHART
T
OLLE

Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you
.

—U
NKNOWN

If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is
.

—U
NKNOWN

As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it
.

—E
CKHART
T
OLLE

We love because it is the only true adventure
.

—N
IKKI
G
IOVANNI

If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone
.

—M
AXWELL
M
ALTZ

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection
.

—B
UDDHA

Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path
.

—U
NKNOWN

Our lives only improve when we are willing to take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves
.

—W
ALTER
A
NDERSON

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful
.

—B
REN
É B
ROWN

Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark
.

—Z
EN
P
ROVERB

Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul
.

—M
AX
E
HRMANN

Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything
.

—J
ACK
K
ORNFIELD

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others
.

—D
R
. S
ONYA
F
RIEDMAN

You don't have to worry about burning bridges if you're building your own
.

—K
ERRY
E. W
AGNER

Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself
.

—
LULULEMON

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years
.

—A
BRAHAM
L
INCOLN

The grass is always greener where you water it
.

—U
NKNOWN

Always concentrate on how far you've come, rather than how far you have left to go
.

—U
NKNOWN