Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life (23 page)

I've learned that it is my choice whether or not to believe that lie. It is my job to let go of that lie and choose an empowering perspective instead. I've learned that I can make that choice every minute of every single day.

I'm being the best me I can be, right here, right now. I'll be thriving tomorrow thanks to the mistakes I am willing to make today. Living up to our full potential is not trying to avoid making mistakes. It's giving it our all, wholeheartedly, with everything we've got.

I am now reconnecting with my full potential through everything I do. I choose to do my thing, one tiny step at a time, at my pace, in my own fabulous, imperfect way. Some will like it, some won't. Living up to our full potential is being cool with that instead of trying to please everyone else. Living up to our full potential is giving ourselves permission to be who we are and tapping into our unique selves. Unapologetically.

I feel empowered, scared and excited, proud and determined, playful and inspired; these are just a few of my new daily companions on this long, fascinating, winding road that is living up to my full potential. And they didn't come into my life by accident. I chose to invite them in, one empowering thought at a time. And so can you.

by Patrycja Domurad

The grass is always greener where you water it
.

—U
NKNOWN

For a while there, I was a little peeved with the world. I've just recently snapped out of it, and I just want to sing and dance and share this message with everyone: stop waiting!

Last year, after living through some profound experiences—traveling extensively, soul searching, attending incredible life-changing events, shedding massive masks, overcoming huge obstacles, and deciding to change the course of my life completely—I came back to my life, to my home, and sat back and thought to myself, “This is what life is about!”

I was on a snowball-effect high of massive changes. It was the most intense feeling that seemed to go on endlessly, and the changes just seemed to keep on unfolding in my life naturally, organically. I dropped out of a program at school I wasn't really committed to, with the intention of going to culinary college after a year off. I faced the world for the first time, trading in my signature sunglasses for an eye patch, after hiding a facial difference I sustained from a car accident almost a decade ago. I returned to
my yoga practice, focused on my health and vitality, and dropped thirty pounds.

Last year was amazing, and it just seemed to keep getting better. I landed an amazing job at the company I was dying to work for during my year off before returning to school. I met amazing people and seemed to attract great new friends into my life. I traveled more for personal development courses and seminars and soaked up the amazing atmosphere that is unique to Tony Robbins events.

Around Christmastime, I began to sense a shift in myself and tried to brush it off. It wasn't much; it's just that it was no longer effortless to be happy, and I began to feel a little forced at times. Some challenges at work arose, and I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. After months and months of work that flowed easily, I began to realize that the wheels of my life weren't moving all too smoothly anymore.

At that point, I started to retreat. I had huge goals, big dreams on the horizon for the year, and it scared me when things weren't progressing. I began to take on a passenger mentality in my life, making excuses for my inactions and myself. When things got worse in any area, it was a huge blow to my self-esteem, and I let it break me down.

In January I entered what I consider to be a “winter season” of life. I got fired from the job that I loved, despite what I thought were my best attempts. I stopped going to the gym because my fitness goals were tied to my identity at work. I stopped practicing yoga for fear of running into ex-coworkers, and even began to dislike practicing at all.

After being so happy and wanting so many amazing things to come into my life I felt ashamed to be in a place where I had failed. I let that sense of failure eat away at my spirit, and I became defeated in the worst possible way. I didn't want to listen to anyone or anything. I became annoyed with my friends who were going places in life. I was annoyed with myself especially for believing in hogwash and thinking that changing your life actually lasts.

The truth is, I was waiting. I was waiting for something to come and shake me, wake me up out of that funky state. I was waiting for life to knock on my doorstep and say, “Here! I've delivered your answers! Ta-da! Easy way out!” I was waiting for things to stop being so difficult, for things to ease up on my plate, for things to miraculously get better, because it felt like a lot was happening to me.

I put the weight back on. I avoided friends. I didn't do anything really. I worked part-time, but whenever I wasn't working I was sure to drown any real thoughts in mindless television. I stopped writing. I avoided creating my daily gratitude lists, because they would inevitably become hateful rants. The memories of the year before and all of those amazing accomplishments seemed like someone else's.

After much reflection and finally taking ownership, I am happy to say I am standing on higher ground today. It wasn't easy to snap out of it. In fact, I made sure it was hard. When my boyfriend, the closest person in my life, finally called me out on my behavior and provided a harsh but necessary reflection to where I had led my life, I broke down. I avoided the accusations with an angry response
initially, but I began to journal frantically when I realized the pain I was living with was self-inflicted.

It was then that I realized that taking ownership of my life also meant I had the power to change it. The more I wrote, the more I discovered about what I wanted. I had to face the things I didn't want to face in order to create a roadmap for myself. That is the thing about life: it gets hard. Things go awry. You get fired. You fall out of pace sometimes. You end up eating a pound of chocolate. So what?

Then I remembered this question someone once posed to me: what if life didn't happen to you, but happened
for
you? What if I examined all of the crap that had happened “to” me before and saw where it had led me? What if I realized there was a purpose for every circumstance of difficulty, struggle, pain, and trauma? How would my perspective change if I realized my quality of life is directly related to my reactions? Would I stop and appreciate these moments of darkness if I realized they are necessary to guide me to the light in my life?

With a change in focus, you can change your life. If you're looking to change your life too, realize you have the power to do it. Instead of waiting for life to happen, make it happen. Instead of waiting for a change, create a change. Create a vision for yourself and your life and use the opportunities that come when life throws you a curveball to review your goals and dreams. You may discover a speed bump was a wake-up call to focus on something important you may have otherwise overlooked.

What do you do on a regular basis? Who do you know? How do you feel? How are you awesome? How is your life incredible? What excitement, adventures, and amazing experiences have you had? Where have you been? What is something that you once enjoyed that isn't in your life today? Where do you see yourself in six months, in the most important areas of your life?

Now draw it in to three months: what needs to happen three months from now to get to your vision? Be specific! Are you trying something new? Have you changed your daily habits? What do you fill your time with? What is it like to be this awesome you, three months from now?

Hone in, one month from today. What is different? What steps have you taken to this new you six months away? What are you up to? What have you accomplished? What are you working toward? What have you consistently been doing for the past thirty days?

What happens to you a week from now? In seven days, how have you changed your habits and your life to steer its course to something new and incredible? What are you planning? What is being implemented? How do you feel?

Now plan tomorrow. Repeat daily. Plan your time, because time flies, but the good news is you're the pilot of your life. Stop waiting for life to happen to you and take ownership for leading your life. You have led your life to amazing places already, and there is no stopping where you can go from here.

by Joanna Z. Weston

Always concentrate on how far you've come, rather than how far you have left to go
.

—U
NKNOWN

It is laughably easy to forget to stop and take stock of how far we have come in our lives. Our world focuses so much on what we lack—be it money, beauty, prestige, or romantic success—that it is far too common for us to get trapped in the loop of needing to have, be, or do “more” before thinking that we might be good enough. I, for one, do it all the time.

A year and a half ago, I was unemployed with no idea what to do next. I'd spent my life until that point ignoring the conviction that there was something I was meant to do. Since I didn't know what that calling might be, I played it safe by getting a library degree. I was pretty good at library work, but I was never passionate about it, which made me an unremarkable candidate for the few remaining library positions after the economy crashed.

All of this left me sitting at home, miserable. Unemployment, combined with a particularly nasty winter, led to a terrible flare-up of my lifelong nemesis, depression. To say that I was despondent that winter would be a gross understatement. Of course, I can now see
that this was a blessing. That terrible winter pushed me to realize that something had to change, and fast. I was finished playing it safe and ready to figure out my dream!

Since then, I've identified my true calling to become a life coach, sought training, and now I stand on the cusp of living my ideal life. But is that always how I see the situation? Of course not. On many days, I find myself focusing on how far I still have to go. I see the programs I haven't implemented yet and the website that isn't quite perfect instead of taking the time to marvel over the fact that I have so many ideas and a website at all. And you know what? Failing to acknowledge how far I've come robs me of a lot of joy and a lot of pride. I may not have everything figured out in my new business, but I've come a long way from where I was a year ago.

I would be willing to bet that you've made huge progress in the last year as well but are too focused on what remains to be done to see it. I invite you to start giving yourself credit for a lot of hard work and achievement. Start by stepping back and taking a deep breath. It's hard to hear the truth when a thousand voices and worries are circling through your mind. Taking just five minutes to sit down and let the voices become quiet can make a huge difference.

From there, ask yourself, “Where was I this time last year? Five years ago? Ten? I can guarantee that you will be surprised by your answers. Change comes slowly, so it can be hard to see it, but it's always happening, whether we notice it or not. If you keep a journal or blog, reread some of your old entries. You'll find written evidence
(in your own hand!) of just how far you've come when you see what was upsetting you back then.

It may also help to make a list of your own accomplishments from the last year or the last five years. I don't care how small or insignificant an event seems—write it down! Then look at that list and reflect on just how much you've done. You may want to ask a friend or loved one for input. We can be our own worst critics, so sometimes those close to us have a clearer view of how much we've grown than we have of ourselves. If it feels awkward to ask someone to tell you nice things about yourself, offer to return the favor. Remember that not all progress is related to your career. How have your relationships, your spirituality, or your self-knowledge improved?

As you go about your day, try to notice when you take even the smallest step toward your goals, and be sure to honor that in some way. Even just writing it down in your journal will give you that moment of recognition.

Most importantly, realize that it's never all done. We all want to reach the top of the mountain and feel that we have achieved something. We want to be finished, but that's never going to happen; our lives are a constant work in progress, which is the way it ought to be. Trust me, you'd be bored if you weren't constantly changing and growing.

Whatever you are working toward, and however far you still have to go, I encourage you to take the time to truly bask in
everything you have achieved thus far. It doesn't matter if you are moving fast or slow, only that you keep moving! And the best way to ensure that you continue to do that is to cherish each step along the way.

1. Ask yourself, “What would make me proud of myself if I weren't trying to impress other people?”

Forget about what you think people want you to do, or what you think you should do. Forget about appearances and what you think looks respectable or admirable. Forget about the pressure to do something important or big. Instead, ask yourself: what makes me feel good about myself? What activity always makes me feel passionate, purposeful, and proud? If I didn't have to worry about where it was leading, what would I feel good about doing every day?

2. Experiment with what gives you energy.

Not everyone can answer that first question. If you can't, give yourself time and space to explore. Resist the urge to tell yourself that you
should
have things figured out by now. This uses up energy that you could otherwise use experimenting and paying attention to your instincts. Also, don't worry about making the “right” decision. Give yourself permission to try different things and see what gets you excited. You may not know today,
tomorrow, or even a year from now what path feels right for you. But you will learn what
doesn't
feel right—and that's part of the journey to discovering what does.