Tin Star (13 page)

“Brother Blue? From the Children of Earth?”

“Yes,” Reza said. “He knew about the imminent take over and convinced Earth to vote in the Earth Imperium Alliance and to take advantage of his colonies as a bartering chip. It was either that or the Imperium would mine Earth for resources. But with the colonies united with Earth, we were able to negotiate a deal as a promising species.”

“Brother Blue,” I asked again, to make sure.

“I heard him give a speech once,” Reza said. “He’s a most persuasive speaker.”

“Yes,” I said. “We all believed whatever he said.”

It came out sounding even more bitter to my ears than I thought I was.

“He is a man of his word,” Reza said, trying to defend him. “He’s the reason why the Imperium made its offer to Earth. There is no more Children of Earth. Brother Blue dismantled it and helped to create the Earth Imperium Alliance. As I said, we were set to integrate with the few Human colonies that the Children of Earth had managed to settle to make them Imperium. But our ship was destroyed, and now that goal of integration is in peril. Word is that Earth Gov has regained power over Earth again. There will likely be a civil war. And though the Earth Imperium Alliance is trying to work for Earth’s best interests from Bessen, now we can’t seem to reach even them. Earth Gov already considers anyone with the Earth Imperium Alliance traitors, but now even the Earth Imperium Alliance thinks we’re traitors as well. They think that someone on our ship sabotaged the ship in Earth Gov’s cause.”

I excused myself. Nothing Reza could say now could bring back that playfulness we’d shared earlier. I was too filled with hate.

17

I sat in my bin and stewed. It ate at me, Brother Blue being out there among the stars, free to do harm with no consequences. And now these Humans came saying that Brother Blue did a great thing for Earth. I saw the way that Reza talked about Brother Blue.

It was with
admiration.

My rage was at a constant boil.

Brother Blue had sent them here. These Humans were with him. Any softening of my feelings that I had toward these Humans had changed. But I knew that in order to expose Brother Blue for the fraud that he was I would have to ingratiate myself to the Humans. They were in his pocket, and so I’d have to be in theirs. I went about the business of getting Els the item that she wanted.

There were many steps to procuring a specific item. It was easier when I had things and could let people know what was available. It put me in a weaker position to have to get one specific thing. Which is why, for what Els wanted, I found myself bartering with a Monian.

I slammed my fist on the table and stood up. I leaned in close to the Monian, and I opened my mouth as big as I could so he could stare inside my throat. It was an act of submission, and it was respectful. Of course, my throat had none of the things that a Monian throat had, but the alien before me went through the motions, coming in close, putting his eye right up to my mouth. I tried not to gag as his oily forehead brushed my lips.

The Monian stretched his neck out as high as it would go to show me that he knew what was really on the line:
Reputation.

My business with him was done. Five more transactions and I found myself in possession of a substance that would substitute for what Els likely thought of as lotion. She’d have to accept it; everyone had to make do out here with substitutions.

I got word to her to meet me at the Temple of the Gej. The Gej’s temple was the most architecturally beautiful thing on the station. It was full of arches and statues and shrines to gods and places that no one knew.

I had once asked Thado about the Gej. He told me that the Gej had not been seen for over a hundred years. They were from the farthest edge of the Outer Rim and were a highly spiritual people who kept to themselves. When they had been on the Yertina Feray, they had thrived. Once Quint had dried up, they had retreated back to their quiet part of space, but their temple still stood.

I loved to retreat to the temple. It was often empty, and it was my second favorite place on the station. Sometimes, when I’d procure an object I did not know how to trade, I’d bring it to one of the shrines and place it as an offering. I liked making offerings to gods I did not know. It seemed somehow more pure. Did the Gej have one god or many? Were they even gods at all? I wasn’t certain. But when I put a cracked gem down or burned a sole stick of incense, it calmed me as if I was wishing on fallen and forgotten stars. Perhaps I’d given a gift to a deity who cared only for love. Perhaps I’d placed a trinket on a devil. I couldn’t be sure, and I didn’t care.

Els was late. I heard her arrive by her loud footsteps echoed in the vast hall. I didn’t turn around.

“This place is wondrous,” Els said, stepping in front of me.

“Yes, it’s good for singing,” I said.

“Singing?” Els said. “You don’t look like a person who sings.”

“Every species sings, even if it’s badly,” I said.

“You would know better than I,” she said. “But that will change once I’ve been out in space long enough.”

I could tell by the way that she stopped to mess with her hair that it bothered her that I could say something about aliens with authority. I could tell by the way that she kept adjusting her shirt that she was concerned about how she looked, not just to me, but to anyone. It was her main concern. Her hair was perfectly brushed, not a hair out of place. Her clothes were crisp and complemented her form perfectly. She was wearing makeup, not the light amount like my mother used to wear, but a whole lot, as though she were wearing a mask. She was tilting her head in a way that seemed submissive, but could have been posed. I wondered suddenly, if she had been late on purpose. I had used that trick sometimes, to make my contact agitated.

I took my time getting the lotion out, stretching out the moment to take my advantage back. It worked. Els looked impatient as she waited for me to speak.

“I have something that might suit you for your skin,” I finally said.

I passed over the small pot and watched as Els opened it and inhaled the smell. She smiled and then dipped her finger into the substance and rubbed it on her hands.

“This will do just fine,” Els said.

It was different talking to Els than it had been talking with Caleb or Reza. Whereas Caleb had a warm energy and Reza was electric and gave the straightforward impression that what you saw was what you got, Els was cold. This confused me, and it made me uncomfortable. I could read a plethora of alien species, but it’d been so long since I’d been with Humans that I was having trouble figuring out what these differences about them meant. If I listened to my gut, it told me to be on my guard with her. I quickly looked to see if it was possible that she had a weapon. She didn’t. But there was something about her that made me put all of my walls up. I knew that she didn’t really need the lotion.

I was torn between leaving or staying to learn more about the divided situation on Earth with the Imperium and Brother Blue. But I knew from experience that when you wanted to run was the time to stay. I focused on what my long-term goal was: to see if I could leave with them when they left.
If
they left. And get them to take me close to Brother Blue so I could kill him.

I let no part of my body language betray that I wanted to leave. I dug in and stayed only in this moment.

“Have you tried it?” Els asked.

“No.”

Els dipped her fingers into the pot.

“Your face is dry, right on your forehead,” Els said.

Els reached her fingers out as though to touch my face. Involuntarily, I backed away.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Els said.

With the exception of Caleb grabbing my elbow to help me up, no Human had touched me since the
Prairie Rose
left me. I forced myself to relax, and then let Els put the lotion on my face. The touch shocked me. I felt alive. The lotion felt cool and nice. Els worked the lotion into my skin. Her fingers were gentle.

“Sit,” she said.

I did as I was told and sat on one of the pews. Els put her bag on the ground and opened it.

“Don’t you ever brush your hair? Or wash it?”

“Who would care?”

“
You
should care.”

“Aliens don’t really know what a Human is or isn’t supposed to look like,” I said.

“But you do,” Els said.

Els began to brush my hair. The bristles on my head felt nice. She pulled on the tangles that my wavy hair always knotted into. I closed my eyes. I remembered my mother brushing my hair when I was little. There was the pull on the knots, my head arched back, and then after a bit of tugging, the strokes smoothed.

“It’s so nice to hang out with a girl,” Els said softly.

I wanted to feel the same. But instead I put my hand up to my head to make Els stop.

“Am I hurting you?” Els asked. “I thought I got all the knots out.”

“No,” I said. But in fact, Els was hurting me. Hurting me with memories that drifted up, memories of my mother and sister who were now long dead; making me feel as though I was supposed to look a certain way when that kind of thinking or feeling didn’t have anything to do with me anymore.

Els came around and sat on the pew next to me. She draped her arm over the back of the bench.

Now I wanted to leave. To run, really. I wanted Els’s arm off of my shoulder. But actually sitting and talking with a girl again was intoxicating to me. I could not pull away. I just wanted to watch her and be in her presence. Even though I did not know her, her exaggerated Humanness, the way she wore her clothes, the red of her lips and cheeks, the browns that accentuated her cold eyes, felt strangely compelling to me.

She seemed to be in such sure control of herself and of me.

“Earth Gov thinks we betrayed them. And the Earth Imperium Alliance thinks that one of us is a traitor,” Els said. Then she looked up at the dome and then back down. When she did, Els’s eyes were suddenly full of tears. They were perfect and flowing, but they didn’t seem real. Still, somehow seeing tears tugged at me. My heart cracked because sadness looked so familiar even though I myself had not been able to cry in so long. I tried to remember what to do. The last person I saw cry was Bitty. I had pulled Bitty in for a hug and let her sob on my shoulder. I did not want to hug Els, but I knew that a touch would be appropriate. I lifted my hand but found I could not touch Els. I let my hand fall back into my lap. But Els had seen the intention of my gesture and grabbed my hand to her.

“If only one of us could get to Bessen and explain the situation to Brother Blue directly, I’m sure we could clear this whole mess up,” Els said. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to get to the stars. I won’t get stuck here. We’re not traitors. We’re not with Earth Gov. We’re supporting the Imperium. If we had a travel pass, then I could go clear things up.”

And there it was. I froze. I kept my face as neutral as I could. What did she know of the passes? Who had been talking? Only the alien who owed Heckleck the favor knew that he’d had them. It would be normal for that alien to think that I knew something about them since Heckleck and I worked so closely together.

The passes would be useless until another Imperium aide came to the Yertina Feray. Only then, hidden among newly distributed ones could the old ones be used. But the Yertina Feray was on the fringe of the Imperium so that would likely not happen for a long time.

“Passes for free travel are impossible to get,” I said.

Els cocked her head to the side.

“We were supposed to meet with representatives from the Imperium to discuss our predicament,” she said. “But they never showed up for the meeting. I think you know why.”

Because they were dead. The Humans hadn’t killed the representatives. Why kill someone who was going to give you something you wanted? I wondered if it had been Heckleck. But why?

“And Brother Blue? Were you to meet with him, too?”

“If he had been here then this could’ve been straightened out right away,” Els said. “He’s the head ambassador to the Imperium.”

Brother Blue had not been here after all. Tournour had just reported the deaths to him. It only slightly soothed me that I had not missed my chance to kill him.

“Some things are just impossible and best forgotten. Like those passes” I said.

“Surely someone owes you that kind of a favor?” she said. She was using flattery in a way that I had never found effective with aliens.

“No one ever owes anyone
that
kind of a favor,” I said. “You should appeal to the Imperium again. They take care of their own.”

“But someone must have those passes,” Els said. “And I could use one.”

“Just you?”

“We,” she said, correcting herself.

“Everyone here has somewhere else they want to be,” I said.

“I think that those passes were meant for us,” Els said.

For a moment, I thought of Heckleck and my heart twisted. He was still so freshly gone.

Els took my hand again. I cringed. Not because I didn’t like the hand, but because of the intimacy that it inspired. But hopefully Els didn’t notice I was uncomfortable as she closed her fingers around mine and leaned in closer. After a moment, I relaxed into the game. It was a game I’d played a million times before to win a deal or a favor. Her grip was strong and steady, and it reminded me so much of my sister that I felt the urge to tighten my own fingers around hers.

“Earth is silent now as it struggles with its interior problems. The Earth Imperium Alliance at Bessen is debating our status.”

“Have you tried reaching the colonies themselves?” I asked.

“I have messages to the Children of Earth colonies pending as they were supposed to receive us. But they are silent,” Els said.

“Did you ever speak to them?” I asked. “When you were headed to them?”

“All of our communications to the colonies went through Brother Blue,” she said. “I worked in communications and everything was a go for our arrival.”

“But did you speak to them yourself?” I asked. I needed to know.