Tin Star (12 page)

He was dead. He’d been recycled. I gave myself a week, and then I buried my grief deep down inside of me. I did my job. I renewed my vow. I would work every favor until I got off of here so I would be ready to leave the day that the passes were usable again, slipping through when other Imperium representatives came to the station with other high-end travel passes. Until that day they were useless.

On my first day back doing my rounds, I noticed Tournour following me as I made my way down to the underguts. He seemed to materialize next to me on the walk back to my bin. Whenever he appeared like that, I wondered if he was making sure that I got home safely and that no one jumped me for whatever things I had hidden on my body. I said nothing to him, but I appreciated this smallest of comforts. I knew that company was a rare and elusive thing. It was one of the real treasures of life.

Tournour was quiet. We walked in silence, him giving me the time and space to think. After having to talk all day, I did not want to hear my own voice making small talk. Besides, I didn’t have much to say to Tournour anyway. We were worlds apart. Usually I would walk away alone, always aware that he watched me until I disappeared from view. He never ventured into the underguts unless he was conducting a raid.

When we reached the last level before the underguts, he stopped at the threshold and spoke.

“I’m sorry that he’s gone,” Tournour said. “He was something to me in my life and I will miss him.”

Then he walked away.

*   *   *

At the arboretum later that day, I did as I always did and I took off my shoes and sank my toes in the dirt, leaning my head on the window. Quint kept its power to soothe me. We were coming up on its equator. I liked to look at the line that cut across the largest of its continents, like it was wearing a thick belt. Thado had explained to me that it was the growing belt. Most of the planet was made of shale and other rock, but that belt consisted of the only place on the planet where anything could grow. It was one of the reasons why Quint had always been a poor candidate for settling, and why once it was depleted, it did not thrive.

“That’s the Dren Line,” a voice said behind me. “Very fertile at one time. Now useless.”

I turned. It was the young man with the blond hair.

He stepped up next to me.

“Don’t harm the plants,” I said, thinking that he might not know to not trample the precious plants.

My tongue felt strange not speaking Universal Galactic. I sounded foreign, as though I had acquired an accent.

“Never,” he said.

We watched in silence as the vast ocean came into view.

“I’m Caleb,” he said. He stuck his hand out. “Caleb Kamil.” I ignored it. He put his hand down and leaned his head on the glass. “And you are Tula.”

I nodded.

“I heard about your friend,” he said. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

I hadn’t thought of that. That they might be asking as much about me as I had about them. In the last week I’d all but disappeared with my grieving. Here was a person who, having recently lost so many himself, likely understood my pain. I appreciated that he did not press or talk for a while longer. He just stood there with me, staring alongside me at Quint. I realized that what I missed most about Heckleck was his presence, so I was quietly grateful for this Human’s. Somehow, perhaps because we were of the same species, he was able to intuitively understand how I needed to be comforted, with silence. I was thankful, but I would never say that. It struck me that perhaps I didn’t have to.

Finally, he spoke again.

“It’s here that I had the first chance to look at another planet. Of course, we saw the planets in our own solar system on our Earth Imperium Alliance Youth Academy space training exercises, but going by light skip doesn’t really allow for sightseeing.”

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” I said.

“To be so far away…”

“… And yet really only to have seen the blackness of space.”

“Yes,” Caleb said. “Exactly.”

“Quint isn’t a planet that anyone on Earth would know about,” I said.

“But it’s the first planet I’ve seen, and I want to know everything about it,” Caleb said. “I’ve been learning about it. It’s almost like that planet is my…”

“Friend?”

“Exactly.”

I allowed myself a smile. Probably the first one since Heckleck died.

“There is a plant that blooms on the planet,” I said.

“The alin? Yellow flowers. Very rare.”

“I have one.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“I would love to see that.”

I stopped myself from offering to show it to him. A part of me wanted to show appreciation to him for this moment. Perhaps it was just a normal Human thing to do.

I stopped looking at Quint and turned to look at him. I had not seen many true blonds in my life. Everything about him was pale, except for the dusting of brown spots on his face.
Freckles.
I remembered how my sister Bitty would get them on her olive skin when in the sun. When I looked at his eyes, they were not alien. They were eyes I could understand how to read. Now gentle. Now thoughtful. Now amused.

“I saw you talking with Els in the market,” Caleb said.

“Yes,” I said. “She needed an item.”

“What kind of item?”

“A personal one.”

He smiled and suddenly I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or if he was trying to get something out of me as well. That sobered me and immediately my guard went up.

“I don’t discuss my deals,” I said. I became all business.

“Of course,” he said. “I apologize.”

He put his hands up in front of him in an apologetic gesture. I knew it to mean that he meant no harm.

We’d been standing there for over an hour. I had nowhere to be, but it made me realize that I should get back to my life. There were things to be done, and if they weren’t done, I would lose all that I had built when Heckleck was alive.

Tomorrow I would begin the hustle again. So I leaned my head on the window.

Caleb began to hum. It was that song.

“I know that song,” I said. I hummed a bar along with him. “I haven’t heard any Earth music since I’ve been here. Not until your lot came.”

And then he turned to face me and began to sing.

Fly the ocean in a silver plane

See the jungle when it’s wet with rain

Just remember till you’re home again

You belong to me.

There was nothing much more to say. And then the moment was over as he shifted away from me, breaking a thread that I suddenly noticed had stretched between us.

He nodded at me in a parting gesture and walked away.

16

That night I dreamed of Earth.

The sun was in the sky. My dress was snagged on the spines of a cactus. I was caught and could not undo myself. And someone, in the distance, was calling my name.

Tula!

In the morning when I awoke groggy, I felt strange. Dreams brought up long-forgotten memories and situations that felt real; as though I were living parts of my past again.

After such a particularly vivid dream, I did not feel hungry but knew from the times that I had gone hungry to always eat when I could, regardless of the desire. Near to Kitsch Rutsok’s, I headed in and ordered a protein pak.

“Can I join you?” a voice said. It was Reza, the other Human male. The one I’d yet to meet formally.

He sat down without waiting for a response. For some reason, instead of annoying me, I admired his boldness.

“I’m Reza,” he said. “Rumor has it you’re the person to go to with impossible requests. And I don’t mean luxurious lotions.”

I said nothing. I didn’t have to. In time he would ask for what he wanted himself and name the price or favor that he wanted to trade. But he didn’t say a word. I changed my tactic and broke my own rule of engagement and spoke first.

“Do you need something?”

“Not yet. But how about I’ll come to you when I know what it is?” he said.

I nodded. He was dark. Everything about him was dark. His hair. His eyes. His skin. When I looked at him, my pulse quickened.

“We’re stuck here just like you now. We might as well try to get along,” Reza said.

“Is that what you think?” I asked. It came out playful sounding, instead of wry.

“Yes,” Reza said. His smile widened. He had a nice smile.

I lifted up my hand to order another protein pak for him. When it arrived Reza slurped it down quickly and loudly. He was starving. That told me that they must be low on currency. When he was done, he crumpled up the foil pak and he leaned back on his chair as if to take me all in.

“We have a difference of opinion about whether we have to get along,” I said.

Reza smiled again, and we sat in silence for a while. It was a different kind of silence than with Caleb. This one had sparks to it. I felt like smiling, but I kept the curious feeling of happiness in check.

“You’re not very likable, are you?” he finally said. It sounded like an insult, but his eyes were twinkling. He was teasing me! And I was enjoying it.

“Everyone here likes me,” I said, indicating with a sweep of my arms the aliens surrounding us.

“Everyone here, but I doubt you’d find any Human to say that they liked you.”

“Why would I care about that?” I asked.

He laughed. I liked his laugh. His mouth opened very wide. He clapped his hands loudly together. His eyes squeezed shut. He touched his stomach and let his breath out.

“I haven’t had the occasion to talk to a Human in a long time,” I said. Part of me wanted to touch his arm when I said it, but I didn’t because I’d learned to touch an alien could ruin a deal. And though he was Human, he felt alien to me.

“Do me a favor and talk to Els,” he said leaning forward, as though he were trying to close the distance between us. “She can’t stop grumbling about the fact that you’re ignoring us. She’s better when she’s fed.”

“You too,” I said. “I noticed.”

“No,” he said, laughing. “I mean when her desires are being met. Right now it’s whatever you’re not getting her. She said she’s paid.”

“She did,” I said. I lifted my wrist to show him the leather cuff I was wearing.

“Then just give her what she wants,” he said. “For my sake.”

I nodded. It was as though we were a team.

“I’ve been preoccupied,” I said. “My … friend died.”

“I heard,” Reza said. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” I said. I should have gotten up to leave, but somehow I wanted to stay. The playfulness of sitting with him was now gone and replaced by a more serious air between us, but it made me feel closer to him. I looked at him, and though I felt sad, I smiled.

“Good, I knew that we’d get along,” he said smiling sweetly back at me.

“I still don’t know that,” I said.

“But you like me, right?” he said. “What does your gut tell you?”

I sized him up. His eyes were warm. He was smiling. His arms were crossed, but not defensive.
Guarded.
But I did kind of like him.

“You don’t look like someone who cares if I like you,” I said. “Besides, what does it matter?”

“It’s much more pleasant when people like each other,” Reza said.

“I wouldn’t know.”

It was his turn to size me up. I allowed him to get a good look at me. I was used to being sized up.

“You’re not very Human,” he said. “And I hear you’re a little bit in love with that planet.”

“I’m not likable. I’m not Human. What am I, then?” I asked.

Strange. I’d known him for barely any time at all but it seemed as if I’d known him my whole life. Everything about him, the way his eyes half shut when he smiled. The way he chewed on his lower lip. The length of his fingernails. All of it was familiar to me.

He was so different from Caleb and from Els. Caleb was soft, fragile. Els was so put together. But Reza was open and wore all of his emotions on his sleeve, and he was solid and strong. It seemed as though nothing could push him down, as though nothing could rattle him.

“I don’t know.
Alien.
You have the walk of a Loor, the laugh of a Hort, and the smile of a Per,” he finally said.

“The smile of a Per?” I asked. Maybe he was insulting me. But he wasn’t. He was being playful again. I relaxed.

“Well, they don’t smile do they?” he said. “And you are the least Human of all the Humans I’ve ever met.”

“Humans aren’t very nice anyway,” I said. “Nobody likes them…”

“Us,” he interjected. “Us. Me, you, the others, out here. That’s us.”

I did not want to belong to that “us.” But I nodded.

“Us,” I said. I could not deny that I was Human.

“All that is changing, now. We’ll be more than just a species that roams or an isolationist planet. We’ll be more settled and less unknown. People don’t like the unknown. The Earth Imperium Alliance is set to integrate with the Children of Earth colonies and welcome Humans who roam. Humanity could expand. Things should be better for us out here.”

“Integration?” I asked.

“You’re one of the colonists, I heard,” he said. “What was your colony?”

“My destination was Beta Granade,” I said.

“The fifth colony,” Reza said. “Yes, one of my friends was to lead the integration at that colony. But he didn’t make it.”

“Well, I didn’t get there,” I said. “And no one is at Beta Granade. The colony ship meant to go there, my colony ship, the
Prairie Rose
, exploded.”

“I can assure you that there is a colony there,” Reza said. “Otherwise Brother Blue would not have listed it as one of our colonies.”

“No. You are mistaken,” I said.

“We were on our way there, to help with changing over of the infrastructure of those colonies to get them up to Imperium standards.”

“That’s impossible,” I said. “Brother Blue never wanted his colonies mixing with the aliens or wanderers other than for remote trades.”

“Brother Blue is the architect of the plan,” Reza said. “He’s the one who negotiated the treaty with the Imperium and formed the Earth Imperium Alliance.”

Brother Blue was no longer just a cult leader on the fringe. He had all of Earth at his disposal. Things snapped into place. He’d known. He’d known that the Imperium was coming, and then he’d sold out the
Prairie Rose
for his benefit.