Time for Grace (8 page)

S
arah wasn’t sure she could talk with Jim Dillon about this crisis of faith she found herself mired in. She wasn’t even sure why she’d blurted out the truth to Kip just now. Maybe because from the moment she’d met him, she’d found Kip easier to talk to than anyone she’d ever known. And because somehow she’d known he wouldn’t judge her for her lack of faith.

She was relieved that he’d understood and that he’d been as honest as his pastor had been in that first sermon she’d heard him preach. Kip didn’t have an answer for her questions either but at least he hadn’t pretended to and spit out meaningless platitudes like an out-of-control change machine.

Sitting there with the drone of the plane’s big engines humming in her ears and the fluffy white clouds drifting by, Sarah almost felt at peace. And she could almost believe all was well with her life.

And with time to think, she now wondered if Kip hadn’t actually given her one of the answers she sought. Because of Grace’s illness she’d needed the help of Angel Flight East. And she’d moved away from a community where she hadn’t ever really belonged. Kip had helped her find a charming affordable apartment in a lovely area along with a wonderful job she already loved. Because of Kip and Joy she would have all her furniture and had been able to bring along more of her own belongings than she’d dared hope.

And Monday morning, Grace would have a life-saving surgery done by a world-renowned surgeon. After that it would be clear sailing for her. Grace would gain more weight and finally come home to be with her. So maybe all that was evidence that God was working in her life and using what seemed like a bad thing for the good.

If Grace made it through the surgery, maybe some of this nightmare
would
make sense. Still, it hardly seemed fair to a tiny baby to be forced to begin life with such an uphill battle to fight just so her mother lived and worked where God, for some unknown reason, wanted her.

Frustrated, Sarah stared out the cockpit window at God’s vast creation, determined to pray for her child. But though she said the words, begging God’s blessing on Dr. Prentice and, of course, on Grace, she felt none of the peace that prayer had once given her. The sad truth was she had once believed He listened, but now Sarah just wasn’t sure.

Several hours later, Sarah walked back out of her bedroom and looked around her apartment. It was perfect. Exactly the way she’d pictured it before she’d gotten practical and began editing out the larger pieces of her furniture as not feasible to move.

“This is the last of it,” Kip said as he came in with a second item she was reluctant to set up. Grace’s crib. It was still in its box like the matching combination dresser and dressing table had been before Miriam and her husband Gary insisted they put it together. She could hear them behind her, kibitzing over which pieces needed assembling next.

“Just lean it there. I’ll drag it into the bedroom later,” she told him.

Kip leaned away from the box a little and looked at the picture on the front. “Why don’t we put it together? Then you’ll have it ready and be able to visualize her where she belongs.”

She bit her lip, unsure. She really hadn’t wanted to set up either of the pieces until Grace was ready to come home.

“Sarah,” Kip said gently, “there’s no such thing as tempting fate. There’s no such thing as fate, bad luck or good luck. There’s just life. And God’s grace to get us through it.”

She huffed out a breath. “I know. I guess I’m just anxious about Monday.”

“What happens Monday?” Miriam asked from the doorway of the bedroom.

Sarah turned. “Oh, I’m sorry. With all the hubbub over getting all this moved up here I forgot to tell you. Dr. Prentice called my cell phone just before we took off for home. He’s scheduled Grace’s surgery for Monday.”

“That’s wonderful. It means our girl’s getting stronger!” Miriam exclaimed, but Sarah guessed some of her anxiety must have shown because Miriam’s smile faded. “Now, Sarah, it’s going to be all right. I just know it is. Still, you shouldn’t go through this alone. The problem is, I can’t take off if you do. That would mean finding two subs for the day and our list of available subs is pretty short right now.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing things on my own a long time. I’m used to it.”

Miriam frowned. “Well, you shouldn’t have to be. Pastor Jim leaves tomorrow afternoon for the East Coast Pastors’ Conference. Suppose I give one of his assistant pastors a call.”

Over the years Sarah had learned that the only thing worse than doing things on her own was doing them with the support of strangers. It always made her feel awkward and more lonely than just alone. “I’d rather you didn’t. I don’t really know any of them.”

Miriam’s worried frown suddenly changed back to a smile when she looked over at Kip who’d begun opening the crib’s packaging. “Kip, why don’t you take off and wait with Sarah?”

“Miriam, Kip probably has work,” Sarah protested.

Miriam propped her hands on her narrow hips. “Nonsense. There’s no point in being a partner in a business if you can’t make your own hours.”

Sarah’s cheeks felt as if they’d caught fire when Kip glared at his sister in obvious displeasure. She whirled to face Miriam again. “Kip’s done more than enough, Miriam. I told you, I’m used to being on my own. I’ll be fine.” She nearly said she preferred it that way but that would be a bald-faced lie. She
could
do it. Had
done
it all her life but the truth was she was sick to death of going it alone.

“No. It’s fine, Sarah,” she heard Kip say behind her. She pivoted to face him, surprised to find him looking at her with tenderness. “I’d really like to be there. What time did Prentice say you needed to get there? Six was the time of the surgery, right?”

She nodded. “About five or five-thirty. But really, you don’t need to do this.”

“Sarah, public transportation doesn’t start up till five. The train doesn’t get to our station till six and you need to be in the city before that. I’ll pick you up at quarter to five. That way, you can have lots of time with her before surgery.”

“Kip, are you sure? I could stay downtown tomorrow night. I don’t want you doing this because your sister embarrassed you into it.”

He grinned. “I haven’t let my sister embarrass me into doing anything since the first grade.”

“Oh, not this again,” Miriam all but wailed.

Kip grinned. “Ah ah ah. We’ll let Sarah judge,” Kip said, the smile in his voice making it plain that he enjoyed teasing his sister. “You see, I asked for a superhero lunch-box and Mom bought me one but it was a
girl
hero. Miriam talked me into carrying it so I wouldn’t hurt Mom’s feelings. I
never
lived it down.”

Caught up in the sibling banter, Sarah crossed her arms and leaned against the back of the sofa pretending to consider Kip’s childhood plight. She looked from one to the other then shook her head. “Miriam, for shame.”

Kip bowed comically. “I thank you, my lady.” Then he pointed at his sister. “Judged guilty by the fair Sarah.”

“I’ve been telling her for years it’s fear of getting a woman like one of his sisters that keeps the man single,” Gray shouted from the bedroom. “Kip, drag that crib on in here and we’ll get it set up. Shouldn’t those pizzas you two ordered be ready about now,
darling.
”

“Don’t
darling
me, you traitor,” Miriam retorted over her shoulder. “And, yes, they should be. Sarah, are you sure you want to feed all of these guys? A moving van may have been cheaper.”

Sarah smiled and sighed happily. Kip was so lucky. He had the nicest family. “I’m very sure,” she said and went to find her purse.

Monday dawned rainy and cold, making Sarah more than simply grateful for the lift into the city. She already stood waiting for Kip under the overhang at the front of the garage when he pulled in. When she climbed into the passenger seat and sat next to him, Kip handed her a coffee. “Heavy on the cream and light on the sugar,” he told her.

Though he was careful not to let their fingers touch, he’d still remembered her preference. The thought warmed her though she told herself it meant nothing. Kip was just a nice man. A friend. Nothing more.

“Oh, bless you,” she said and took a sip of the sharp creamy brew. “I swear I’m chilled to the bone.”

“What are you going to do when winter gets here, on the twenty-second, woman?” Kip teased with a lazy half smile.

“If it’s this cold, I’m going to shake and shiver like I did last year, but I’ll love every minute of it. Last winter I arrived straight from Doctal in the middle of a snowstorm. What an initiation back into the States! I loved it. Will we get a lot here?”

Kip shrugged. “Some winters it seems to snow a few inches once a week just to be annoying. Then other winters we get socked with a couple of big ones. Those pretty much shut everything down for a few hours—at most a day. Those are the fun ones. It winds up that everyone has extra time on their hands because they can’t go anywhere. But that makes time for snowball fights. Building snowmen. And sledding. If I know one’s going to hit, I try to stay at one of my sisters’ houses and borrow the kids for a few hours.” He laughed. “An adult just can’t play in the snow without kids along or we look demented!”

Sarah nodded and smiled but inside she was heartily confused. She sipped her coffee and slid a sideways glance at Kip. According to Miriam, he said marriage and kids weren’t for him. That he was sick of them and women because he’d grown up in a house overflowing with both. But he couldn’t seem to turn down an appeal for help involving them either. If he wasn’t ferrying a sick child to a needed hospital, he was coaching a team, mentoring a troubled boy or babysitting for his nieces and nephews.

It made no sense.

She and Kip arrived at the hospital by five and rushed up to the neonatal intensive care unit so she could squeeze in every last minute with Grace. At the entrance to the scrubbing room Sarah stopped when Kip said, “I’ll meet you in the green room. I think it’s down the hall and around the corner.”

The thought struck her that Kip should spend time with Grace, too. She wouldn’t be at CHOP at all were it not for his generosity. “Do you want to come in with me?”

Kip smiled. “Yeah, if it’s allowed. She sort of stole my heart the day I flew her here.”

“I noticed,” Sarah told him and smiled, too, in spite of her nerves. The first of the nurses she’d met, Leslie Washington, was back with Grace. Sarah knocked on the window and motioned to Kip. Leslie nodded her permission with a wide smile.

They scrubbed up, donned the sterile gowns and made their way to Grace’s corner of the NICU. Just as before, Kip didn’t look at her child with horror but with wonder as he bent over Grace. “I can’t believe how tiny she is yet every part of her is so perfectly formed already. Look at those tiny nails! And I swear she’s gained weight!”

“She was two pounds this morning,” Grace’s nurse, Leslie said. “She’s doing so good!”

“You hear that, Amazing Gracie,” Kip said, making Sarah smile at the nickname that just seemed to pop out of his mouth. “You’ll be home in your own pretty crib before you know it. This time next year your mama’s going to have her hands full with you cruising all over the place.”

“From your lips to God’s ears,” Leslie said. “You know, I have an idea.” She pursed her lips. “You wait right there,” she ordered then rushed away. A few minutes later she was back and as she approached them she grabbed a rocking chair. “Sit, mama. It’s time you held this baby of yours.”

Terror struck Sarah’s heart. Because of the ventilator she’d never been allowed to hold Grace. Was she being given this opportunity because Leslie thought after surgery it might be too late because Grace would be gone? But she sat, not wanting to put Leslie in the position of saying something so difficult. Leslie lifted Grace from the warming bed and settled her on Sarah’s thighs. She covered her and left them alone for a little while.

It seemed only minutes had gone by when she returned to say it was time for Grace to be prepped for surgery. She let Sarah continue to hold her while she took off the ever-present cap and booties that helped her retain warmth. “Okay. We need to go now,” she said, clearly understanding how difficult this was.

Kip nodded. “Mind if I pray for her?” he asked. “I promise to keep it short.”

Sarah blinked back tears as her throat closed up, dreading the moment she would hand her child over for surgery. And she didn’t know what to say to Kip. Would God listen to his prayers when He always seemed to turn a deaf ear to hers? She rubbed fingertips over Grace’s downy hair. It was worth a try. There was everything to gain.

“Please,” she whispered, looking up at him as she held her precious baby cradled on her lap. “Maybe He’ll listen to you.”

Kip could hear Sarah’s doubt and her desperation. He went down on one knee and he cupped his hand carefully around Grace’s head where it rested just above Sarah’s knees. Leslie Washington must have heard the quiet desperation in Sarah’s voice because her hand moved to Sarah’s shoulder and her other covered Grace’s chest.

“So so tiny, you are,” he whispered to Grace. “But so amazingly made. We place her in the palm of Your hand, Lord Jesus. Her mother and I pray You will guide Doctor Prentice’s skilled hands and the hands and minds of all those involved today. We beg Your intercession so that she’ll prosper and grow into a healthy little girl, continuing to be the joy of her mama’s world and a testament to Your greatness. Amen.”