Tilt (66 page)

Mrs. C.:
No kidding. I’m not sure how

I feel about it, either. And it’s coming.

I notice Mikayla hovering silently

on the far side of the doorway.

Mom:
So Mikayla’s still set on keeping

the baby? What about the father?

Mrs. C.:
Dylan wants nothing to do

with the baby or Mikayla. Yes, she’s

determined to raise the baby on her

own. Although she won’t really be

doing that, will she? She’ll start

Nevada Virtual Academy in January,

so she will be able to graduate. But

after that . . . she has no concrete

ideas about what to do after that.

Mikayla backs away from the door,

and I’m the only one who has seen her.

Mrs. C.:
Harley says your ex is getting

married. Is that a good or bad thing?

Mom:
Good, I guess. I didn’t care

much for Cassandra at first. But

overall, I think she’s been a plus for

Steve. Not that I’d care, except

Harley’s relationship with him has

improved. Can you believe they

invited me to the wedding? I wouldn’t

even consider it, except Harley insists

I come, to see her in her dress.

She looks over at me and winks.

I just keep peeling potatoes.

Mom lowers her voice, but not

enough so we can’t hear.
How’s Jace?

Mrs. C.:
Working a lot. Trying to

avoid decisions. Confrontations.

It’s been pretty tense around here.

She doesn’t elaborate and I wonder

if she would if Bri and I weren’t here.

Mrs. C.:
What about you? Still dating

that doctor?
Total subject change.

Mom:
Actually, yes. In fact . . .
She looks

at me again.
He’s escorting me to Steve’s

wedding. And I just invited him to join

us for Thanksgiving at Marissa’s. Mom

and Dad will be there, so I’m kind of

introducing him to the family. Is that okay?

The question was to me. I shrug.

“If he makes you happy, I’m happy.”

Brianna

Is She Happy?

I swear, Harley used to be

the happiest person ever.

Always smiling. Always joking.

Never worrying about

what

the next day might bring.

Now, she’s so serious,

not nearly as much fun.

And though she says nothing

has happened

to change her, I know that

nothing is named Lucas.

Yet when I asked her if she’s

in love with him, much

to my

surprise, she said not really.

So why does she need to be

with him all the time? Why

does she choose him over her

best friend?

Mikayla

Sometimes You Choose, You Lose

Maybe that’s just the way of things.

I mean, forever, I was a winner.

Popular.

Ace boyfriend.

Great grades.

Decent home.

On my way. Today, I am a loser.

Lost friends.

Lost boyfriend.

Declining grades.

Declining home life,

with parents who can’t get along.

Most of it came from bad choices.

Wrong friends.

Wrong boyfriend.

Wrong night,

wrong time of the month

not to insist on a condom.

I can’t fix my parents, of course.

But I can rethink becoming a parent myself.

I Suppose, Sooner or Later

Pretty much everyone who is on

their way hits a dead end at some

point. Has to backtrack. Detour.

Choose an alternate route.

But how many people nose into

a brick wall and have to stay

there, no foreseeable way out?

Because that’s where I am now.

I can see no way out for nineteen

years, give or take. I’m not quite

eighteen myself yet. How can I

dedicate more years to my baby

than I have experienced? I’m not

afraid of changing diapers or losing

sleep for late-night feedings. I’m scared

I don’t have the tools to teach her

what she needs to know. I’m scared

I won’t be able to give her necessary

things. I’m scared of messing her up

because I’m pretty messed up myself.

Still, Every Day

With her inside me, growing

into a real baby, becoming

more and more human,

makes her more and more

my child. Every time she