Tilt (42 page)

of not staring up at her boobs, which

she’s totally hanging over the top of him.

Okay, That’s a Pisser

But things get worse immediately.

Ty:
Eating ribs, same as you.

Kristy:
Are you coming tomorrow?

Dylan, shrugging:
Not sure yet.

Me: “Coming tomorrow where?”

Dylan, face flaring red:
Tahoe.

Ty:
There’s a barbecue and kegger.

Kristy:
At Camp Rich. Didn’t you know?

Me, giving Dylan the evil eye. “No.”

Dylan, lying:
Thought I told you.

Me: “I’m going to Vegas tomorrow.”

Ty:
Too bad. Should be killer.

Kristy:
But Dylan could come, right?

Seething

That’s what I am, and it shows.

“Dylan can do whatever he wants.”

Hissed with enough venom

for Ty to tell Kristy,
We should go.

Her smile says way too much.

Hope we see you tomorrow.

Dylan is a sharp-toothed rat,

in a trap.
Yeah, well, we’ll see.

Ty and Kristy take off and I stand.

“Will you please take me home?”

Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mention

it because I didn’t plan to go.

Whatever. “Don’t lie to me, Dylan.

God, that’s one thing I can’t take.”

Suddenly, he’s angry.
The universe

does not revolve around you, you know.

“I know. Obviously, it revolves

around you. Can we go now?”

We Don’t Speak

Most of the way home. It’s a very

long half hour, simmering silently.

As we turn up the road to my house,

Dylan is the first one to speak.

I won’t go tomorrow, okay?

I should have told you, but I knew

you’d get mad that Kristy invited

me. I swear, I don’t know what’s

up with that girl. It’s like she knows . . .

“You didn’t tell her! You didn’t

tell anyone, right?” What would I

do if people found out? Or will they?

I haven’t told anyone.
He pauses,

thinking.
Does this mean you’ve

decided to have the abortion?

“Dr. Ortega made an appointment with

the clinic for next Friday after school.

But that doesn’t mean I will keep it.”

I think you should, but you know

how I feel. I’ll take you, if you want.

God, Mik, I just want everything back

like it was. I love you so much. . . .

He makes the sharp turn into our

driveway.
I hate it when we fight.

“Me, too.” I’m sick of all the arguing

going on around here. No need to

mention my parents, though. “And

I love you, too. And I’ll call you

from Vegas, okay?” He parks, comes

around to open my door, and when

I get out, he kisses me so sweetly

I can barely remember why I was so

angry. Oh yeah, Kristy. “I really don’t

want you to go to the party. Okay?”

He promises he won’t, but something

in his voice makes me worry that he will.

I Try Not to Stress

About that as I let myself into

our totally dark house. No one

home? Surely Dad can’t still be

working? I turn on lots of lights,

leave them burning as I get ready

for bed, thinking about nasally

bitches and sharp-toothed rats.

Ack! Maybe he’s right. Terminating

would make everything go back

like it was. Dylan and I would

be the perfect couple again.

We would graduate high school,

head off to college together and

without major complications.

Perfect. Except. Except there

is something growing inside me.

And while I’d love to believe it’s

a blob of cells, not a life or a soul,

that is bullshit. Dylan can choose

whomever. I choose to let my baby

live.

As I Lie in Bed

Waiting for sleep to come

I know I have made the right

decision. It’s only the first

of many more to come.

How—and when—do I out

myself, confess to Dad,

my grandparents,

my friends?

Do I stay in school?

If I do, for how long?

Should I move to a charter

or some other special

program?

Will I keep my baby?

How can I support it?

Would Mom and Dad help?

Would Dylan? I don’t

think he would.

But is adoption the answer?

After carrying it

for nine months, feeling

it grow inside me,

becoming more and more

a part of me,

could I give my baby away?

Dylan

More and More

I realize that keeping

a relationship alive isn’t an

easy thing. It takes more than

love,

more than great sex.

It takes seeing eye to eye

on pretty much everything.

Not difficult, when it

is

a laundry list of small

things you need to agree

on—what movie to see

or radio station to listen to.

But something as major as

a

pregnancy, unplanned and