Ties That Bind (34 page)

Quill gave a friendly smile. “You would be surprised how welcoming they are. Liking you won't be a problem. In fact after you meet them, and they're having family gatherings all the time—playing, talking, hugging—you might want them to like you a little less.”

Skylar relaxed. Maybe she could use this situation to her advantage. Avoid rehab, stay in an Amish home for a few weeks, and leave. Maybe head for New York. “If they're so great, why'd you leave the Amish?”

“That's complicated, and I'm not free to talk about it, but I didn't want to leave. My dream was to stay and build a life with Ariana…when she was old enough.”

“My dad is pushing me to commit to stay there for six months to a year.”

He shrugged. “I've heard of worse plans—like anything that connects you and Cody.”

“My drug habit is
not
his fault. He's kind and gentle and faithful.”

“So that makes him a very likable, maybe lovable, enabler. And staying with him or running off with him causes you to empower the enabler.”

Whoever Quill was, he was sharper than most.

They sat in silence, letting the conversation sink in. The anxiety and withdrawal symptoms didn't feel as hyperreal now. The news would be shocking for months to come. And stressful. But it didn't feel nearly as bad as it had an hour ago. Quill had a reassuring way about him, a tone that said everything would be okay.

“You know,”—Quill looked across the food court—“I remember the first time I came to a mall.” He shook his head, smiling. “I mean, lots of Amish kids go to the mall really young, but not me, not even on my
rumschpringe.
I didn't step into one until after I left the Amish. I walked into the food court, and everyone was passing out free samples of food I had never eaten. I gave Chinese food a try, and I nearly threw up right there.”

Skylar laughed.

“I had a wild streak when it came to being daring on the farm or at school, but I hadn't really experienced your Englisch lifestyle. Other Amish had, but my Mamm liked tradition. My Daed not so much, but he detested shopping, so we never went to a mall. When I went into the mall stores that first time, I was shocked by the pictures of the almost-naked women in the underwear stores.”

Skylar picked up the cup and set it down hard on the table for effect. “You hadn't ever seen a picture of a woman in her underwear?”

Quill laughed hard. “Of course I had. I was Amish, not a saint. And I had four older brothers, and at least one of them hid certain magazines under a loose floorboard in the bathroom linen closet. But for those images to be out for everyone to see was shocking. People with children just walked by it, paying little attention. I wasn't sure I could stand your world.”

“Because of a woman in her underwear?”

“No, because I didn't know if I could adjust. I didn't know if these people would accept me. I was uncomfortable, and I didn't like the food, and I missed my family, friends, and the old lifestyle.”

She stopped fidgeting. “So what happened?”

“I put on my big-boy pants and adjusted. I learned a lot. I figured out that if you look just at the outside of someone's culture, it seems scary and foreign. It seems less important than your own. But if you can actually experience and accept it, it starts to feel comfortable, and eventually it feels like home. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, you're saying I have to buy different pants.”

They both laughed, and Skylar's fears continued to shrink. “If I go, will I have to dress like them?”

“I doubt they would
make
you abide by their dress code, but modest clothing would be very appreciated. That's all.”

She sipped her coffee again. “I've messed up before this, you know. Not gigantic or anything but big enough.”

“Yeah, humans do that sometimes.”

“I don't know what it is, but pills give me comfort.”

Quill didn't flinch at her statement.

Skylar shrugged. “At times I just need something that takes the edge off the pain.”

He seemed to understand what she meant. “Your family would like to help you with that. Their way of life is simple, but they live and love in a way that can be very healing. It's at least worth trying.”

“Maybe.” It would keep her out of rehab, and it would cause her dad to get rid of her bodyguard. Then she could disappear into the night.

A
round ten thirty in the morning, a driver arrived at Abram's job site, saying everyone in the family was safe but he needed to go home. Apparently the driver had spent most of the morning gathering Brenneman family members. Even though the man had said the whole family was safe, the process of being rounded up and brought home made fear nip at Abram.

This was worse than anything he'd imagined.

Daed sat on the coffee table, explaining the situation. The living room held all of Abram's siblings…except Ariana. The grimness on their faces reminded him of a gathering at a wake. His heart was beating as if it were trying to escape his chest, and a cold sweat broke out over his body. Mark was next to him on the couch, quietly helping Abram take in Daed's words, helping him absorb the shock that Ariana wasn't his twin.

Disbelief, tears, anger, and questions spilled out from all of them as they tried to process the news. Now, an hour later, they sat in silence, grieved and not knowing what else to ask…or think.

How could she not be his twin? They interacted as two people who had shared the same womb at the same time. What was she going through?

He rose. “Ariana shouldn't be out there on her own while we huddle up as if we're family and she's not.”

“She wants to be alone.” Mamm held Katie Ann, rocking her. “I think that's the least we can do for her.”

Abram grabbed his straw hat. “I'm going to find her.”

“Ya.” Mark stood. “He's right.”

Before Abram was out the door, his four brothers and two brothers-in-law were right behind him. He paused. “Let's spread out. John, you stick with Emanuel. We'll meet back here in three hours.” It was the only way they'd know if she'd returned or if one of them had brought her back home.

He went to the barn. After putting a bridle on the horse, he swung onto her back and rode without a saddle. He scoured the area, riding down Ariana's favorite paths. He went by the community phone and dialed the number to her cell. She didn't answer, and she didn't have the mailbox set up. If he couldn't find her, he would return here and try again.

Continuing on and trying to sort through his feelings, he saw the Yoder home, and he realized he'd spent the last couple of hours slowly making his way here. He needed to talk, and since he couldn't do that with Ariana, he needed to spend time with someone who would understand.

He knocked on the door, and Mrs. Yoder answered. “Abram, kumm in.” Her brows narrowed as she pointed to a chair. “You should sit. You look as if a breeze could knock you over. Is everything okay?”

Cilla rolled her wheelchair into the room. Her hazel eyes connected with his.

“You're the color of salt.” Mrs. Yoder looked him over. “And your hands are trembling.”

“I need to talk…” What was he doing? From the moment he saw the Yoder home, he realized he needed to talk to Cilla. Barbie didn't understand him, nor did she want to. But when he looked in Cilla's eyes, he saw someone who understood life in ways he could only hope to. Odd as it seemed, he hadn't realized that until now.

“Sure, to one of us? No one's here except me and Cilla.”

“I…I came here hoping to talk with Cilla…if you don't mind.”

Cilla rolled herself toward him. “She doesn't mind.” She motioned toward the back of the house. “The porch?”

Despite having spent most of his life around Cilla, he'd barely known anything about her until recently. He'd learned a lot since then. She understood pain and disappointment like few others, and she was tender yet strong. He wasn't sure he had ever looked into kinder eyes in his life. He needed that right now.

They went to the back porch, and Cilla pulled her wheelchair near the beat-up wicker chair where he sat. “What's going on?”

He told her everything, knowing she would tell no one, not even Barbie. How did he know that? He wasn't sure, but he did.

She angled her head, looking fully sympathetic. “One of the hardest parts about life is trusting that you have the strength to face reality.”

“I'm not that strong, Cilla. I know that sounds…awful and wimpy, but it's true. And I'm scared for Ari. Just sick about it.”

“I used to think I wasn't strong enough to face my future. It terrified me. But eventually I learned that I only have to face today, and that's where our loving God, faithful family, and good friends come in. Each brings something to the day that strengthens us—just enough, but who needs more than
just enough
?” She put her hand over his. “Look inside you. Do you have enough strength for today?”

He closed his eyes, searching his heart. All he could see was a frightened little boy searching for his twin. Maybe he wasn't a man at all but merely a boy in a man's body.

Cilla squeezed his hand. “What I heard you say is that, in your own way, you know she needs her family around her, and you rallied the men to search. When she is found, you intend to look her in the eyes and tell her that you don't care about the DNA connection, that she's your twin and you are hers.”

Cilla's view of him and the situation helped him breathe a bit easier. “Denki.” He put his hand over hers. “I needed to hear that.”

“Gut.” She held his hand. “You can do this, maybe not without pain or leaning on God every minute, but you can do it.”

“Ya, I…I agree. But I should go.”

“Sure. Get. You're welcome anytime, Abram. I mean that.”

“I believe you. Bye, Cilla.” He went down the porch stairs and got back on his horse. When he reached the community phone, he called Ariana's cell again, but she still didn't answer. As he was leaving the shanty, an idea came to him. Numerous times over the last couple of weeks, he'd seen Quill's number on Ariana's phone, so Abram returned to the phone and called him. Daed had said she had been near the barn trying to call Quill when she had overheard Rachel talking with the family. Maybe she was with Quill, or at the least maybe he'd heard from her.

“Hello?”

“Have you heard from Ariana?”

“No. Why?”

“If you hear from her, ask her to please return home.”

“How long has she been gone?”

“Since around seven this morning.”

“I thought…”

Abram knew what he thought. Quill had been told they wouldn't explain the situation to her until after the whole family shared dinner. “She overheard my parents talking about her with the midwife early this morning. You know Ari. She faced them and asked questions. Once they told her the truth, she went for one of her long walks.”

“Ten hours is a heck of a long walk, but I'm sure she's just clearing her head. Does Rudy know?”

“No. Only family for now.”

“If you and your brothers are out looking for her, Rudy's going to catch wind of it. Perhaps you should consider getting to him first and telling him what's going on. You may even find that Ariana is with him.”

Abram hadn't thought about Rudy. “Ya. I guess you're right.”

“I should be there in about twenty minutes.”

“After all I learned today, I can't say I'm all that thrilled with you helping to look for her.”

“Abram, this isn't my doing.”

“True enough. You're just the one who goes out of his way to get her to trust him while you're holding back secrets that will devastate her. Would you want you for a friend?” Abram hung up the phone.

Maybe he was being unfair, or maybe Quill deserved far, far more. All Abram knew was that his sister might have to leave home, and Quill had pumped her full of hope about the café for absolutely no reason.

No matter how backward or shy Abram was, Ariana helped him overcome it or cope with it. As sisters went, she was a really good one. How was he supposed to survive with her gone?

A new thought hit. How had he missed it until now? He had a twin he'd never met. Warring emotions twisted in him. She was innocent in this mess, and yet he resented that she was supposed to move into the house while Ariana was supposed to leave.

Where was God's justice?