Throttle MC: A Stepbrother Romance (15 page)

I walked into the clinic about twenty minutes before my shift was scheduled to start, and found Barbara on the phone in her office.  As I stood in the threshold, she put up one finger, signaling for me to wait as she finished the call.

“Yes, I think that will work out best,” she said into the receiver.  “Let’s try to meet to talk about it further next week. All right.  Yes.  Thanks. Bye.” She hung up the receiver and motioned me in.  “Hadley, come in.  Did you need to see me about something?”

I swallowed and sat down in one of the chairs across from her.  This was going to be harder than I thought.  I liked and respected Barbara, and up until today, I would have liked to think she respected me, too.  I hated to imagine what she was going to think of me after this. I took a deep breath. 
Well, may as well get it over with
.

“I came to tell you I have to put in my notice.  I’m going to be leaving town in a few weeks.” Barbara’s shocked expression made a cold lump of ice form in my stomach.  The rest of my planned speech came out in a rush. “I know this is sudden, and I’m so sorry.  I swear I didn’t know when I took the job that I’d have to do this.  I’ll stay on as long as it takes for you to find a replacement, of course.”

I exhaled and looked at her expectantly. I had been bracing myself to face the brunt of her anger.  After all, I had only been working there a little over a month.  It was only logical that she would be upset.  What I was doing was completely unprofessional and irresponsible.  But instead of anger, she sat back in her chair and gave me a look that was both kind and concerned.

“You haven’t been yourself the last week or so, Hadley.  Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she said softly.

The gentleness of her voice was the first gesture of real kindness I’d had from anyone since before Tina’s funeral.  I’d been holding myself at such a remove from everyone that it took me by surprise, and I felt myself choking up.

“It’s just...” God, where to begin?  Well, there was no harm telling her my secret, now that I was quitting.  My voice started to hitch, and I swallowed a couple of times to keep from crying.  “I... my father...”

“Your father is the president of The Throttle,” she finished for me.  At my astonished look, she smiled a little and cocked her head at me.  “What? Did you think I didn’t know?”

“But...” I stammered. “I mean, I just assumed... I mean.  Oh, God.  I assumed because you hired me that you didn’t make the connection.  And I was going to tell, you – honestly, I was. I just...”

She nodded.  “I know.  I’m sure you figured you had no chance getting a job here if people knew your background.  But I prefer to judge people on their own merits.”

“Did you know when I came in for the interview?” I asked timidly.

She smiled again. “Oh, yes.  I admit I was intrigued. For the daughter of a motorcycle club member, your résumé was certainly atypical.  I wanted to see for myself what you were like.  And what can I say? You impressed me with your attitude and the way you present yourself.  Nothing in the application required you to disclose who your father was, after all.”

 “I suppose so,” I said doubtfully. I was having trouble wrapping my head around all this.  Barbara had known all along?

“So... what’s this about you leaving us?” she prompted gently.

How much should I tell her
? Weirdly, I hadn’t thought through this part.  I had assumed she’d be so angry at me that I wouldn’t have a chance to explain anything. But she was being so kind to me, and I had had so few people to confide in, that I found myself telling her the truth. “I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago, for the cousin of a friend of mine.  The cousin died of a meth overdose.” My voice was trembling slightly, and I fought to control it.  “The thing is, I know that The Throttle is bringing meth into the community. And it’s just so awful.  I feel like it’s my fault, somehow.” Barbara opened her mouth to respond, but I shook my head. “I know, I know it’s not really my fault.  But it’s my dad who’s the club president.  I tried talking to him about it, but...” I shook my head.

“He was not very receptive,” she suggested.

“He totally shut me down.” I laughed drily.  “And he was furious with me for trying to interfere.  And the thing is, I just can’t stay here and watch things get worse, knowing there’s nothing I can do.” I looked at her. “I hadn’t been back here in so long. I thought maybe it could be home for me. But now... I know it’s not going to work.  I have to leave.”

“Hadley,” Barbara stopped me. “There isn’t nothing you can do. Yes, you’re right, you can’t change your father.  You can’t take on the whole club by yourself.  But wouldn’t you be of more help staying here and helping us with our substance abuse clients, instead of leaving?”

“But I’m just a receptionist.  Anyone can do that job,” I argued.

“Maybe right now,” she conceded.  “But you do have a degree in psychology.  And you speak Spanish.  There’s no reason you couldn’t go back to school for some additional training in substance abuse counseling. Believe me, the clinic could use you.”

Something clicked inside me when she said this. In a way, it made so much sense.  Substance abuse counseling... it was a path.  A direction.  A way to do something, to make something of my life.  And in another life, I might have jumped at the chance.  But I knew I couldn’t bear it.  To be working tirelessly day after day to stem the tide of a wave of illness and addiction that the club had helped to create.  Knowing there was no way I could win that losing battle. 

And there was another reason.  I knew I couldn’t stay here and be around Ryker anymore.  I couldn’t play the role of the stepsister, pining in secret for the one person I knew I could never have.

“I can’t, Barbara.” I shook my head. “Thank you, but I just... I can’t stay here.  I’m sorry.” 

Barbara held up a finger to stop me. “Hadley.  Just think about it.  I know you feel like Cheyenne isn’t the place for you.  But maybe it’s exactly where you need to be.”  She sat up straight and put her hands flat on her desk.  “I’m going to ignore your resignation for now.  Take a week to think about it.  If you still want to leave, then fine.  Agreed?”

What could I say? I sighed and nodded.  “Okay.  Agreed. But I’m not going to change my mind.  I’m sorry.”

Hadley broke the news to Lon that she was leaving town at Cooper’s.  She came into the garage, pulled him aside, and said a few sentences to him.  Then she turned, gave me a brief, sad look, and left.

Lon said nothing in reply to whatever she said to him.  He watched her go without a word.  Then he walked out of the garage toward the back office, shut the door, and didn’t come back out for the rest of the afternoon.

I didn’t find out what it was she’d said to him until later that evening.  I had gone over to the house to get the last of my shit out of the downstairs apartment when I heard Randi’s footsteps on the stairs. She tapped on the door and came in. “Oh, Ryker, have you heard? Hadley’s leaving.”

My stomach lurched at the news. Part of me had wondered whether this might be coming, but I hadn’t wanted to think about it, so I didn’t.  Now it was here. It was over.

“Yeah?” I said blandly.  “That’s too bad.”

Hell, it was probably better this way. It wasn’t like we had any sort of future together, anyway. This was just ripping the band-aid off.  Good for her for doing it. Hadley would make it anywhere she went, I knew.  She had everything going for her: she was smart, sexy as hell, and tough.  She’d be better off somewhere else. Away from the club. Away from Cheyenne.

Away from me.

It didn’t matter at all that I didn’t fucking want her to go.

“I just can’t believe it,” Randi was saying. “I thought she liked her job. I thought she was happy here.  Seemed like maybe she was planning to stay around for a while.”  She wandered into my old living room and tiredly sat down on the last remaining chair, a lonely kitchen stool. “Do you have any idea why she’s leaving?” she asked.

“How the hell would I know?” I replied gruffly.

“You two have gotten close.” Randi was looking at me closely. “I know you have.  You can try to deny it, but you’re not fooling anyone.  Least of all me. Are you really telling me you didn’t know she was planning to leave?”

“I had no idea, Ma.” This had started to feel like an interrogation. I had to shut it down. “I have barely talked to her in weeks, anyway. Look, I’m sorry, but I’m kind of in a hurry to get this done and get outta here...”

“Ryker,” she cut me off. I looked at her, annoyance clearly written on my face. “You’ve been acting kind of strangely lately, Ryke.  Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Jesus Christ, Ma, you’re acting like I’m in the third grade.  No, there is nothing I want to tell you.  Leave it.”  This was getting fucking weird as hell.

She sat a moment in silence, and then slowly, a grin spread across her face.  “Okay, so you don’t wanna talk. No problem.” She put her hands up in a surrendering motion, got up off the stool and wandered to the door.  “Good luck packing up the rest of your stuff, honey,” she said as she walked out.  “And don’t forget to clean up in here before you lock up. I reserve the right to withhold your damage deposit.”

I chuckled with relief. “Sure thing, Ma.”  Thank Christ
that
conversation was over. Turning back to the rest of my boxes, I dug in to my work and focused my attention on getting Hadley Cooper out of my mind for good.

A few days after I had told Lon and Randi I was leaving, a soft knock on my closed bedroom door, interrupting my reading.  I was right in the middle of a chick lit novel that I had checked out from the library.  I had been hoping it would take my mind off things.  Instead, it had served to keep reminding me of how messed up my own damn life was.  Too bad my life wasn’t funny enough to make into a book. It sure was complicated enough.

As I looked up to see who had knocked, Randi poked her head into the room. “Hey, Hadley. Can I come in for just a minute?”

“Sure, of course.” I put down my novel and motioned for her to come in.  “Uh, sit anywhere,” I said, motioning to the array of half-filled boxes and suitcases that littered my room.  “Sorry it’s not very organized in here.”

“No problem,” Randi replied.  She sat down on the edge of my bed.  “So,” she began, “Looks like you’re making some progress packing.”

“Yeah. I was just taking a little break.” It was amazing how much stuff I had accumulated in the short time I had been here.  Considering that I had arrived with only a large duffel bag that fit easily into the trunk of my car, I couldn’t figure out where the rest of it had come from.

“You made any firm plans yet?” she asked.

“Not really,” I admitted.  “I thought I’d go to Denver. I have some money saved up from working at the clinic, so that should buy me some time to find an apartment and look for a job.  I’ve applied online at a couple of places, so maybe one of those will pan out.”

“You know we’re all really gonna miss you, Hadley,” she said suddenly.

I let out a short laugh. “Not everyone,” I retorted.  When I looked at Randi her eyes were glistening, and I felt bad for being so short with her. “I’m sorry, Randi,” I said, my tone softening. “I really appreciate you letting me stay with you so long.  You’ve been great.  Really.  But I think Dad will be glad to get rid of me. He’s barely said a word to me lately.”

“What’s happened between you two?” she asked.  “I’ve been trying to get him to tell me, but he won’t say anything.”

“Just an argument,” I said, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure how much Randi knew about the club’s business, but it wasn’t my place to tell her.  I didn’t want to be responsible for stirring up any conflict in their marriage.  “But it’s not gonna be resolved.  And I can feel that he doesn’t want me around anymore.”

“Oh, honey, that’s not true. He
does
want you to stay.  But you know Lon. He just doesn’t know how to say it.” She grabbed one of my hands in hers.  “But I do. 
Please
, honey. Stay in Cheyenne.  We all want you to. 
All
of us,” she said, looking me significantly in the eyes. 

I wasn’t sure what she meant by that.  Why was she saying “all” instead of “both”? Figuring she meant The Throttle, I put it out of my mind.  “I... I just can’t.” I shook my head.  “I’m sorry.  This just isn’t the place for me.  I thought it was, but it isn’t.”

“Honey, what are you running away from?”

Randi’s question startled me.  “Nothing!” I said, a little too loudly.  Then, realizing I must have sounded angrier than I meant to, took a deep breath and continued. “Really, Randi. It’s nothing.  I just realized Cheyenne isn’t where I was meant to be.  I just need to start my life somewhere else.”

“Is it Ryker?”

I froze. 

Holy shit. Oh God
.  What did she know? What did she suspect? What could I say? I had to say something.  I couldn’t let the silence continue to grow, incriminating me with every second as she stared at me pointedly with her piercing eyes.