Throttle MC: A Stepbrother Romance (12 page)

A few days later, Barbara Hensley called to tell me I had gotten the job at the clinic.  Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t somehow found out my connection with the MC.  I knew it would have to come out eventually – hell, being the daughter of the president of an outlaw motorcycle club wasn’t something you could hide forever -- but I hoped that it would be after I’d had a chance to prove myself.  Barbara had seemed like a tough but fair boss, and I just had to hope that she wouldn’t hold my background against me once she had formed an opinion of my competence.

I waited for a day or two to break the news to Lon and Randi.  Randi, I knew, would be thrilled that I was planning to stick around for a while. But frankly, I was kind of afraid of my father’s reaction.  I knew he was happy enough to have me around for a visit.  He had told me more than once how good it was to see me again.  But I didn’t know if that extended to having me in Cheyenne indefinitely. 

As I tried to think about what to say to him, I realized that Lon and I hadn’t really talked at all in the weeks that I’d been there.  Sure, we’d chatted about how my car was running, and he’d asked me if I needed any money from time to time, but that was about the extent of it.  We hadn’t been consciously avoiding talking to each other, or anything.  But he certainly hadn’t been in any hurry to bring up that past – or the future, for that matter – and frankly, neither had I. It was probably about time to change that, I told myself.

It might have been easier to tell Randi and Lon together, but I decided I’d rather talk to Dad alone.  If he wasn’t happy to have me stay, I wanted to know it.  If Randi was there for the conversation, she would be nothing but screams and hugs, and my father wouldn’t have to say anything at all. And I really wanted to know whether he wanted me there. So, I waited until one morning when Randi had already left for work and Lon was out in the kitchen eating the breakfast she had prepared for him.

“Hey, Dad,” I greeted him as I grabbed the coffeepot and drained the last half cup into a mug.

“Hey, Had,” he grunted. I had inherited my morning grumpiness from him.

Sitting down at the table across from him, I took a sip of the coffee and pulled a face. “Bleah, this has been sitting too long.”

“Put some cream and sugar in it, you won’t notice the difference,” he suggested.

“Ugh.  I’d rather go without.  This is fine,” I said.  Lon’s coffee-drinking habits hadn’t changed since I was a kid.  He doctored it up so much, I was surprised he could taste the coffee at all. 

“So,” I said brightly, “What’s new?”

Lon shrugged and looked into his mug.  “Not much, baby girl.  Same shit, different day.”

We sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes.  I tried to think of something else to chat about, and Lon sipped his coffee and tried to join the living. Finally, I realized it was ridiculous to try to beat around the bush.  I should just come straight to the point.

“So, I’ve been looking around for jobs, and I just got offered one at the counseling clinic downtown.  As a receptionist,” I said.  “I start next week.”

Lon was jolted from his reverie.  “A receptionist?” he repeated.  “That’s not much of a job for a girl with a college degree.”

In spite of myself, I was hurt.  What did he expect? I was just a couple of months out of college.  But I pushed my emotions to the side. Refusing to be daunted, I replied, “Yeah, but you know, the job market is kind of tough for people my age.  Even with a college education.  This at least gets my foot in the door somewhere.”

“Uh-huh.” He looked down and took a slow sip of his coffee.  After a moment, he nodded.  “Well, I’m real happy for you, Had.”

The expression on his face said the opposite of his words, however.  Lon’s brow was creased, and he looked down at the patterns on the tablecloth instead of at me.  Part of me wanted to let it go, but I needed to know what Lon really felt about the idea of me staying.

“You don’t
sound
very happy for me,” I replied.

Lon grunted and shrugged his shoulders. “I just didn’t know you were planning on sticking around Cheyenne,” he said.

I struggled not to show any emotion. “I didn’t either, but I figured I could stay at least for a little while.  Why?” I asked.  “Don’t you want me to stick around?”

Lon looked uncomfortable.  “It ain’t that, Hadley.  It’s been real good having you back.  Truly.” He looked me in the eyes.  “But you got a lot of potential.  I don’t want you to be wasting your life here in Cheyenne.”

His words stung, even as I hoped that he was telling me the truth. “Is it wasting my life trying to have a relationship with my father?” I asked.  My voice was rising, and I knew in spite of telling myself I was going to be a calm, mature adult about this conversation, my emotions were getting the better of me. I felt like I was I was reverting back into the emotional teenager I had been – the hurt little girl who couldn’t understand why her father was sending her away.  “Is it wasting my life trying to get back some of the childhood that was taken away from me?” I was being a little dramatic, but I didn’t care. 

“Hadley, Hadley,” Lon murmured. He looked stricken.  “I tried to do what was best for you.  I was afraid you wouldn’t come to much out here, in this tiny-ass place, surrounded by the club.  I wanted something better for you.” He paused, as if he was trying to say something that was hard for him. Finally, he said gruffly, “I wanted something better for you, even if it meant that I had to lose you.”

My eyes filled with tears, but I willed myself not to cry.  Lon hated it when I cried.  It made him feel helpless and awkward, and I didn’t want to do that to him. “I know, Dad,” I replied softly.  “I know why you sent me away.  I was so angry at you back then, but I think even when I was most angry, I knew you were doing it for me. And I know that I got an education and opportunities that I might not have gotten if I’d stayed here.  But at the same time, I was miserable.  And I was alone.” I looked at him. “Would you rather have me be successful, or happy?”

He laughed sadly under his breath.  “Ideally, both,” he replied. 

I grinned. “Well, how about you let me work on that?”

He smiled back, and nodded at me.  “All right, Hadley girl. You know best what’s right for you, I guess.”

“I don’t know about that,” I admitted.  I thought about Ryker, about how much I wanted him, and about how what I wanted in that situation was probably about the worst possible thing for me. “But I do know that I have to make my own decisions.” 

And hopefully I wouldn’t screw everything up.

*        *        *

After my conversation with Lon, I was feeling a lot better about accepting the job at the clinic.  I drove through downtown Cheyenne that morning after breakfast, a travel mug of coffee in my cup holder and one of my favorite songs on the radio.  On impulse, I decided to stop in to Curl Up And Dye, where Randi worked, and share the good news with her.  Predictably, she was thrilled.

“Oh, Hadley, that is just so fantastic!” she gushed.  “Now we’ll have you here for a little while! Have you told Lon yet?”

“I just did,” I smiled as she hugged me.  She smelled like beauty products and floral perfume. 

“Well, you know you can stay with us just as long as you want,” she bubbled. “We just love having you with us!”

I thanked her, but I was already making plans in my head to move out into my own place as soon as I could afford it. Living in the same house as Ryker was just too close for comfort.

“Let me give you a beauty service to celebrate!” Randi was saying.  “What’ll it be? Haircut? Tint? Foil? Manicure?”

“Thanks, but I’ve got some errands to run this morning,” I replied.  I wasn’t sure I was up for the look that Randi would give me.  “Rain check?”

“Sure thing, hon!” Randi said brightly.  “See you back at home! And congratulations again!”

I decided to head over to Crouse’s to share my good news with Lucy. I knew she’d be thrilled that I’d gotten the job. As I walked the two short blocks to the restaurant, I thought about how good it felt to actually have people to share my news with.  I’d been on my own for so long, without friends or real family.  Being connected to people in Cheyenne filled me with a sense of warmth that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I know they say you can’t go home again. But I was beginning to wonder if “they” were wrong, after all.

The now-familiar electric beep of the front door sounded as I entered Crouse’s.  I looked up, expecting to see Lucy, as I knew this was her shift, but instead a short, petite blonde named Caitlynn was waiting tables. I waited for her to be done taking an order and approached her.

“Hi, is Lucy around? I thought she was working this morning,” I said.

Caitlynn’s brow creased. “No, I guess you haven’t heard.  Lucy’s cousin Tina just died of an overdose.  They found her last night.”

I had just finished a routine oil change and was outside of the garage having a smoke when Hadley’s car came flying into the parking lot.  Shc careened into a spot, slammed on the brakes, and was out of the car and running toward the clubhouse entrance in an instant.  The look on her face was a mixture of fury and fear. I had never seen her like this before.

“Shit,” I muttered, and followed her into the clubhouse.

“Where’s Lon?” she was calling out in a high, shaking voice when I walked through the door.  She was striding toward a couple of the club whores, the only people in sight at the bar.

“I dunno,” replied Amber, a tall, leggy brunette with sleepy eyes. “Maybe in there?” she added, pointing a lazy arm toward the back office.

“Lon’s not here,” I said, covering the space between Hadley and me in a couple of strides. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Lucy’s cousin, Tina!” she said, and now that I was close to her, I saw that tears were streaming down her cheeks. “She died of an overdose last night.  A
meth
overdose,” she added bitterly.

“Fuck,” I responded. I shook my head. It was only a matter of time before this started happening in the community. “God, Hadley, I’m so sorry.”

“You’re
sorry
!” she snapped.  “This would never have happened if it wasn’t for the club!” The last word ended in a sob as Hadley clapped a hand over her mouth. Her eyes showed sheer misery as she stared at me in desperation. 

This was no conversation to be having in front of the club whores. Not that they didn’t know or suspect what the club was into, but it wasn’t the time or the place.  “Come with me,” I said to Hadley.  I took her by the arm and led her into the small apartment at the back of the clubhouse.  It was an all-purpose studio space that we kept free for brothers who needed a crash pad for a night or two.  I opened the door, pulled her inside, and locked us in so we wouldn’t be disturbed.  The apartment hadn’t been used in a while, and it was a little musty.  I led Hadley over to a low, comfortable couch to one side of the room.  “Come on, sit down,” I said, and joined her as she sank into the cushions.

“Oh, God, Ryker, it’s so awful,” Hadley moaned.  “Lucy’s cousin was only nineteen.” She leaned forward, her head in her hands, and began to cry. I could only move closer and put my arm around her.  I held her as she sobbed softly. I didn’t say anything.  What could I say? ‘
It’s okay’
?  Ha. It damn well wasn’t fuckin’ okay.  Not at all.  An innocent girl had died, and the club was indirectly responsible.  I knew a lot of the other brothers wouldn’t see it that way.  But I sure as hell did.

I let Hadley cry, rubbing her back, and after a while she quieted.  When she had mostly stopped crying, she looked at me, her eyes red and puffy. “Ugh, God, I must look awful.  I’m sorry.” She sniffled, and looked around distractedly.  “Are there any Kleenex around?”

Wordlessly, I got up and went into the small bathroom.  I came out with a wad of toilet paper.  “Will this do?” I asked. 

She took it and noisily blew her nose.  “Thanks, Ryker,” she said softly.

I sat back down next to her. “How did you find out about Lucy’s cousin? She tell you?”

“No,” Hadley sniffled. “I went into the restaurant this morning to tell her my good news.  I just got a job as a receptionist at the counseling clinic downtown. Lucy wasn’t there. One of the other waitresses told me.”

I froze at the words. Hadley had gotten a job.  She was staying in Cheyenne, at least for a little while.  My heart leaped with stupid hope at the thought, but I angrily tamped it all down.  Hope for what?  Having Hadley around was just going to be further torture.  But even so, I was fucking glad she wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon. 

“Congrats on the job,” I murmured in what I hoped was a noncommittal tone.

Hadley laughed. The sound was short and bitter. “Thanks,” she said.

“So, you haven’t seen Lucy yet?” I asked.

“No, not yet.  I texted her, but she hasn’t answered. I didn’t want to interfere in family stuff.” She suddenly looked stricken.  “God, maybe I should have called her instead... I don’t know, I don’t know what to do!”