Three Days of Rain (23 page)

Finally free of her, Jake allowed himself to crack. With shaky hands, he picked up the papers and read her signature over and over until it began to sink in. He’d figured he’d be happy that it was finally over. Instead, he felt even more lost than ever.

CHAPTER 37

Madison drove up to her parents’ house and sat in the driveway. She didn’t want them to see her like this. She hadn’t stopped crying since she left Jake’s house. She knew she’d probably deserved every cruel word he’d spoken but it didn’t make the cracks in her heart any smaller.

Not sure why she thought there might be a different outcome, she leaned her head back on the seat. The moon was full and the wind had picked up. A summer storm was threatening the night sky. Closing her eyes to the uncomfortable, dull headache that threatened to overtake her, she focused on her breathing. She knew it was only a matter of time before the pain would become so unbearable that she wouldn’t be able to walk. But still she sat. Reliving the day.

When the passenger door opened, she didn’t look over. Instead, she smelled the familiar aftershave her father had been using ever since she could remember.

“Hey, Dad.”

“What are you doing sitting out here in the dark?”

“Trying to forget.”

“Didn’t go so well today, did it?”

“You knew it wouldn’t.”

“So did you, sweetie. I don’t understand. What was so pressing that you had to talk to him? Why couldn’t you just let it lie?”

It was then she opened her eyes and looked at her father. vzyl He was getting old. There was no longer any brown in his hair, just a shiny mop of silver. The wrinkles around his eyes had deepened. She reached out and touched his face.

“I signed the papers.”

“What papers?”

“Jake had divorce papers waiting for me.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, that.”

“So that’s why you made such a big stink? To sign divorce papers?”

“Yes. No.”

“I don’t understand, sweetie. Help me understand.”

Eyes shut against the pain in her head; she rubbed her hands over her face. “Aw shit, Dad.”

“Maddie, you’re my daughter and I love you, but you have to stop this. You have to stop hurting people.”

“You don’t think I know that? That’s why I came back. To make it right. I just can’t seem to do anything right. I just make it worse.”

“Why now? Why make amends now?”

“Dad, listen. There’s something I’m going to tell you and I don’t want you to get all weird on me. Just let me tell you what I came to say and then we can move on. Deal?”

John looked at his daughter and noticed that she’d aged more than she should have over those past two years. The drugs didn’t help, but the lines on her face were too deep, the ash in her skin too gray, and the pain in her eyes too intense.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was getting headaches, really bad migraines. Every time I got them, they’d get worse, you know? So I went to the doctor. We tried meds and stuff but nothing worked. He sent me for some tests.”

“And?”

“And, well, I have a tumor pressing on some lobe in my brain.”

Silence filled the car as John felt the air rush out of his lungs. “What?”

“A tumor. Inoperable. Fatal. So I came here to make everything all better. Part of my own twelve-step, I’m-gonna-be-dead-soon, plan.”

When she laughed, John felt sick to his stomach. How could she joke about something like that? Why hadn’t she told them before? Every bone in his body shook. Every hair stood on end. Pain like he’d never felt before permeated every inch of his heart. Guilt wracked his nerves, and he punched the dashboard. Madison jumped.

“That was pretty much Jake’s reaction.”

“You told him?”

“Yeah. He called me a liar and kicked me out of his house. Nice, right?”

“How can you make jokes?”

She couldn’t stand to watch the tears fall from her father’s eyes so she looked quickly away.

“Not much else to do, Dad. Karma’s a bitch, huh?”

“Son of a bitch, Madison! This isn’t one of your jokes. This isn’t one of your games. You’re telling me you’re going to die, and there is nothing anyone can do about it?”

“That about sums it up. Look, I’ve had time to process this. Though I haven’t quite come to terms with it, I’ve been dealing with it. I’ve had second and third opinions.”

“What about treatment options?”

“They’d buy me a month or two, tops. And I’d be sick the whole time. I don’t want that. Dad, look, I’m fine. I didn’t handle coming back well. I should have done things differently. But that’s me. An A-Plus screw up. Take it or leave it.”

“We have to tell your mother.”

“I was hoping you could tell her.”

“No. You need to have this conversation with her. No running away. No leaving. You will talk to her, to us. We will make plans, we will help you.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“I don’t give a shit what you think you need. Damn it, Madison. When are you going to grow up and think about someone other than yourself?”

“It’s easier this way. If I don’t care about what other people think, then I don’t have to feel bad when I hurt them. And I will hurt them. I always do.”

“It’s never too late to change.”

“For me it is.”

“No. It isn’t.”

She fought against the pain. When she started shaking, John reached over and held her. She let go and collapsed against him, feeling the comfort of her father’s love.

He barely heard her whisper, “I’m so scared.”

Stroking her hair, he heard his own voice crack. “I know, honey. I’m scared too.”

As the rain began to fall, Madison pulled away. “Is Mom asleep?”

“Yeah, I think she is.”

“Should we wake her up?”

“No. Let her sleep. You and I can hang on till morning.”

“It sounds silly, but would you make me some hot chocolate?”

“Sure. C’mon.”

He walked around the car and opened the door for his daughter. With their arms around each other, they walked into the house ready to face whatever life was going to hand them.

CHAPTER 38

Lily woke late the next morning full of nerves. Her appointment with Dr. Garmen was in a couple hours and Uncle Billy was taking her. She wasn’t sure what to expect, she wasn’t sure how she felt about all of this. She just wanted confirmation. She wanted to know she wasn’t reading the tests wrong. She wanted to know everything would be all right. She wanted to talk to Jake but knew she couldn’t until after the appointment, when she knew for sure there was something more to talk about. Then she would go from there.

After she showered and dressed, she made her way to the kitchen where Billy had made a full breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and orange juice. He was moving through the small kitchen like he was on fire. He was just as nervous as she was.

“Good morning.”

Caught off guard, he almost dropped the plate of bacon. “Hey. How are you feeling? You ready for the appointment? I know it isn’t till noon but I figured if we get there a little early, maybe he’d see you sooner. I made breakfast. You should eat something. You look so pale.”

His energy was both reassuring and nerve wracking.

She sighed. “Sure. That sounds like a good idea.”

She sat at the table. He pushed a plate full of food in front of her and told her to eat up. She did as she was told, despite the protests from her stomach. Today was not the day she needed Billy to freak out, even though she appreciated the sentiment. No, what she needed was calm.

“Hey Billy. You’re making me more nervous than I already am. Why don’t you sit down and eat with me?”

Smiling gently, he grabbed another plate and filled it up before sitting across from her.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, actually. Surprisingly well.”

She watched him carefully as she chewed. His hands were shaking and beads of sweat formed at his temples. His eyes darted around the room.

“You okay?”

“Huh? What? Me? Yeah. I’m good. Nervous as hell but I’m okay. Never had to deal with baby stuff before. Never had any of my own, you know.”

“I do know. It’s gonna be okay. No matter what happens today, no matter what the doctor says, it’s all gonna be okay.”

He finally settled his eyes on hers. “Jesus, look at me. I’m acting like a fool and here you are all grown up, so calm. I should take my cue from you, you know. I can’t believe what a wonderful woman you’ve turned into. God, I remember when you were just a baby.”

Lily placed her hand on his. “Billy. I promise. It will all work out. Here, let me clean up here. You go get ready. We’ll have to leave soon if we’re gonna be early.”

“I just hope Jake knows what he’s got.”

She didn’t say anything, just smiled before clearing the table.

She was finishing up the last of the dishes when Billy walked in.

“You ready?”

Frozen with fear, nausea threatening to overwhelm her, she swallowed it down and straightened her shoulders. “Yup. Let me get my purse.”

Her head buzzed with what-ifs and unanswered questions. She wasn’t following the advice she’d given Billy. Eyes closed, she took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before turning to face her uncle.

“Let’s go.”

The ride to the doctor’s office was quiet. Neither knew exactly what to say to the other. Billy didn’t want to make her any more nervous than she already was and she didn’t want to worry him.

They checked in twenty minutes early and sat in the waiting room until her name was called.

“I’ll be right here if you need me kiddo.”

“Thanks. I’ll be back in a jiff.”

She walked stiffly through the door with the nurse and Billy proceeded to wring his hands raw.

The nurse smiled softly and handed her a cup. “I’m going to need a sample. The bathroom is down the hall and to the left. You can just bring it into room number four when you’re finished. I’ll wait there for you.”

“Okay.” Lily took the cup and walked into the bathroom. She met the nurse in her room when she finished.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. I’ll go take this to the lab while you get undressed. The gown is on the table. Dr. Garmen and I will be back in a few minutes.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem, sweetie. Don’t worry. Dr. Garmen is the best.”

Lily undressed and lay down on the table. After a few moments, a small knock on the door pulled her out of herself.

“Come in.”

“Hello, Lily. I am Dr. Garmen.”

“Hi.”

“So it says you’re here because you think you might be pregnant.”

“Right.”

“Have you taken any home pregnancy tests?”

“Yes. Three.”

“And they were all positive?”

“Yes.”

“Well, they are pretty spot-on nowadays. I don’t see why they wouldn’t be correct in your case, but we’ll check anyway. How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness? Tired?”

“Some sickness and I have been feeling pretty tired lately.”

“When was your last period?”

“About two months ago.”

“Two months? Are you usually regular?”

“Like clockwork.”

“While we’re waiting for the test to confirm it, let’ see what we have here. Lie back.” Dr. Garmen felt her stomach for a bit before asking, “Does this hurt?”

“No. Just feels weird. I have a bit of a stomach ache.”

“That’s normal.”

Tears began to stream down the side of Lily’s face.

“But before we get ahead of ourselves, I’d like to take an ultrasound. Do you know what that is?”

She nodded tightly.

“Okay. You hang tight. I’ll be right back with the machine and we’ll see what’s going on.”

“All right.”

He placed his hand on hers before walking out of the room. When he returned, the nurse that had helped her earlier was pushing in the ultrasound machine.

Settling onto his stool, the doctor looked at her. “The test is positive, Lily.

“I’m going to use the machine to take a look at the baby. Okay? It won’t hurt but the gel might be cold.”

He opened her gown to reveal her stomach. She inhaled sharply as the cold gel touched her skin. She heard a few beeps and clicks before she felt the wand roll across her belly. All she heard were weird swooshing sounds. She closed her eyes as she focused on them.

“Lily, your baby looks just fine. From what we can tell, probably no more than six weeks.”

The first time she and Jake slept together.

Eyes flying open, she jerked her head towards the monitor. The doctor laughed when she squinted at what she saw.

Tracing his finger across the monitor, he said, “Your baby is here. Right now it’s really tiny, maybe about an inch, inch and a half.”

“Is that sound the heartbeat?”

“No. It’s too early to hear the heartbeat. That’s just the sound the machine makes. Your heartbeat, your breath sounds.”

“So it’s definitely in there? I’m definitely pregnant?”

“Yup. Measuring at six weeks on the button.”

Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, God.” More tears flowed as the nurse handed her a tissue.

Sitting back, Dr. Garmen contemplated her for a moment. “I take it this wasn’t a planned pregnancy.”

“No. It wasn’t planned.”

“Well, there are a few options to consider. You have some time to make those decisions.”

Before she thought about it, she answered, “No. I’m keeping it.”

“You’re sure? Like I said, you have time.”

“I’m sure. Thank you.” Suddenly, that much of this was clear. She was going to keep the baby.

“All right then. I would recommend you come back in another six weeks to check on the baby’s progress. Here’s a prescription for some vitamins. Be sure to stay away from raw fish, alcohol, cigarettes...”

“I don’t smoke.”

“Well, then that’s something you don’t have to worry about.” He smiled as he handed her the script.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Call me if you have any questions. Congratulations, Lily.”

Dr. Garmen walked out behind the nurse and left Lily to dress. When she walked out into the waiting room, Billy stood. He didn’t need to ask, the answer was etched on her face.

“Let’s go home.”

She said nothing, just nodded in agreement and allowed him to steer her out of the office.