Three Days of Rain (22 page)

“Well, didn’t your father tell you last night that Lily worked there?”

Looking everywhere but at her mother, she replied lazily. “Did he? I don’t remember.”

“Was she there?”

Focused on her fingernails, Madison was determined to keep control. “As a matter of fact she was. Nice girl.”

“Please leave her alone, Madison. She’s never done anything to you.”

“Come on, Mom. Give me a little credit. I’m not the same person I was. I’ve changed.”

Exasperated, Abby stood up finally pushing back against her daughter. “How many times have we heard that, dear?”

Madison stood to face her. “Jesus. You and Dad never could take my side. She came up to
me
yesterday. She started yelling at
me
and yet, here you are, defending
her
. Thinking I am going to do something awful to her. I guess nothing has changed.”

Abby watched her daughter stomp into the house and shook her head. Madison had always been a drama queen, had always been up to something. There was nothing they could do for her then, and Abby was sure there was nothing they could do for her now. As much as she hated to admit it, life was much simpler when Madison wasn’t around. They’d all have to wait, though, until Madison decided it was time for her to move on. It wasn’t easy having a daughter who flitted in and out whenever she pleased, but Abby had to accept it.

John turned off the mower and walked over to his wife. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing. Just Madison being Madison. You know her.”

“Yeah.” He reached over, put his arm around his wife, and kissed her on her head. “Unfortunately I do know. I just can’t figure where we went wrong.”

Grabbing his hand for comfort, Abby leaned into him. “We didn’t do anything wrong, John. She is just who she is and we have to accept that.”

“I know. You’re right. I just wish I could get through to her. She’s always been so unreachable.”

“Always. And that’s why we have to just accept her. It’s not like she’s changed from who she used to be. From the daughter we raised.”

“I hate it. I hate the fact that I’d rather her be anywhere but here. It makes me feel like a shitty father, the fact that I don’t want anything to do with my own daughter. All she does is cause drama and pain.”

Squeezing his hand for reassurance, Abby looked into her husband’s eyes and saw the torment, the sadness that lived there.

“It doesn’t make you a shitty father. It makes you a human being.”

John said nothing more. He kissed his wife on the head and started up the lawnmower again, resolved to lose himself in mundane normalcy. He refused to get caught up in Madison’s nonsense.

Abby watched as her husband walked away with his shoulders slumped. She knew exactly how he felt because she felt the same way. The difference was she’d decided not to let it steer her anymore. Madison was a grown woman. Abby was done making excuses for her.

CHAPTER 36

Jake’s first day back on the boat was uneventful, other than the fact that he dreaded seeing Madison later that night. It wasn’t easy to focus on what he needed to do in order to get through the day safely. His head swimming with dread, he finally stepped onto the dock with his stomach in a knot. His nerves were on edge and he couldn’t shake them out. Checking his watch, he realized he had some time before she’d be at his house, so he went into the locker room and changed into running clothes.

Plugging in his ear buds with his iPod on the fastest playlist he had, he stepped outside, stood for a minute in late afternoon sun, and then ran. It took him some time before he was able to fall comfortably into a rhythm but when he did, he was able to clear his mind of all the cluttered junk and focus. Everything began to stream as smooth as his stride.

Madison.

She’s coming over to talk.

What could she want? Whatever it is, it can’t be good.

Divorce papers on the table. Make her sign them.

Tell her to leave. I want nothing to do with her.

Close the door on her, for good.

Lily.

Ask her to stay. Convince her if I have to.

Build a life.

Be happy.

He kept reminding himself that he was stronger than the last time he saw Madison. Hell, he was stronger than he was three months ago. Lily had helped him find himself and he wasn’t going to let the past break him down. One day, he mused, he wouldn’t have to remind himself of that on a daily basis.

He made his way to the beach for a while before heading back to the docks. Sitting and staring into the horizon always filled him with peace. He let the sunlight and the warm breeze wash over him and he closed his eyes. He turned off the music and let the sound of the crashing waves fill his ears.

He didn’t hear Lily walk up behind him. It wasn’t until she sat next to him and blocked the sun that he opened his eyes and looked around.

She was next to him on the sand with her head turned towards the sun, soaking it in. He gently reached for her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers. A tiny smile played on her mouth. He stared at her, trying to memorize every curve of her face, every eyelash, the slope of her neck. Today she looked different. If it was possible, she looked even more beautiful than yesterday. There was a warmth pulsing off her and he wondered what was different.

Her tone was matter-of-fact when she spoke. “You should have told me.”

Knowing exactly what she was talking about, he acknowledged his mistake. “I know. I just don’t think of myself married to her. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t easy to hear coming from her. I would have understood if you had told me.”

His fingers tightened around hers. “I know.”

Shading her eyes with her free hand, she turned to him. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

Meeting her eyes, he replied, “Nothing else. You know everything.”

She continued to watch his face for a few moments. “Are you going to talk to her?”

“Yes. Tonight.”

“You better get going. We can talk tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Lily?”

She stood and dusted the sand from her clothes. “Yeah?”

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with all this. It isn’t fair.”

“I know you are. And it isn’t. But I can deal. Just talk to her and we’ll figure out the rest.”

She leaned down and kissed the top of his head before walking off. Her touch lingered, forcing him to stand and make his way back to his car. It was time for him to face this head on and finish it. He was tired of living with all the ghosts.

By the time he made it back to his truck, it was later than he thought. Madison would be at his house in less than half an hour. Though he’d mentally prepared himself for this, he wasn’t sure what kind of curveball she’d throw at him.

Once he was home and showered, it wasn’t long before there was a knock at his door. Counting backwards slowly from twenty before answering, he walked over to the door and opened it.

“Hey, handsome!”

Madison was standing there, obviously dressed to impress. Not a hair was out of place. Her face was flawless and her clothes hugged her in the places she’d wanted to highlight. Jake wasn’t impressed.

“Let’s get this over with.”

He opened the door wider so she could step in but she managed to brush against him, anyway. Rolling his eyes as he shut the door, he walked immediately over to the kitchen table and sat down. Madison walked over to the couch and sank comfortably onto the cushions.

“Love what you’ve done with the place. Certainly better than when I lived here.”

“I’ve made some changes.”

“Of course, you have. So have I.”

“How many times have I heard that?”

“Enough, I would suspect.” She stood and walked over to a picture hanging on the wall, studying it.

“What do you want, Maddie?”

“My goodness, Jake. You haven’t even offered me a drink.”

“Fine. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure. What was it we drank that first night? Whiskey?”

Lying, he replied, “I don’t remember.”

Her eyes glinted when she looked at him. “Sure you do.”

He took two glasses from the cabinet and set them on the table. He poured them each a drink. He finished his and was pouring another before she walked over to pick hers up.

She watched him over the rim of her glass and noticed the gray in his hair and the crow’s feet forming around his eyes. He sat bouncing his knees and fidgeting with a pencil and she laughed.

“Jesus, Jake. Relax.”

“I don’t want to relax. I want you to tell me what the hell you want.”

“No small talk? No catching up? No ‘where the hell have you been’?”

“Fine. Where the hell have you been?”

“Florida. I left right before, well you know. I was staying with some friends for a while, trying to get clean.”

“Trying?”

“At the time I was trying. I’m clean now. Have been for a long time. None of that AA stuff. I have a job, an apartment, and friends. I’m doing what I should’ve done right after school.”

“And what’s that?”

“Starting over. People only know the new me there. There are no funny looks, no whispers behind my back. None of that nonsense I got while I was here.”

“So you want to talk about how happy you are now? How wonderful your life is now that you’ve left me and your dead son behind?”

Madison pulled out a chair and sat across from him. She set her glass down on the table hard enough to get his attention. Running her hands through her hair, she felt she was beginning to lose control of the conversation. She wanted a different reaction and it suddenly hit her, she wasn’t going to get it, not from him.

“This isn’t going the way I’d planned.”

“Oh? And what exactly did you plan? Were you gonna stroll back into town and swoon when everyone welcomed you back with open arms?”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“You don’t have a right to tell me what or who to be. And I have every fucking right to be a dick. You fucking walked out on me, on our baby, while he was in
the hospital
. Who does that? Who walks out on their sick kid?”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

He stood so fast, his chair toppled over. “Sorry? You’re fucking sorry? Yeah, well, I don’t forgive you. You can keep your fucking sorry. Joey died
in my arms
.
I
was with him when he died. Not you. You left.”

She was shocked into stillness. She could feel the emotion pouring out of him. Emotion she hadn’t let herself feel until now. Swallowing the rest of her drink, she reached for the bottle and poured herself another.

“I didn’t know. At least not then. I thought he was going to be okay. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I found out.”

“He wasn’t okay. I buried him five days after you left. I couldn’t wait for you to come back so I buried our son without you. You didn’t even have the decency to call, to check up and see if he was all right.”

Jake was shaking with anger. Without thinking, he picked up his glass and threw it against the wall. Madison jumped and knocked over her own glass.

“Jake. What the hell? Not this shit again. Can’t we have a normal conversation without any of this crap?”

Clenching his fists, Jake turned away from her and willed himself to calm down. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel this out of control in a long time. It wasn’t a welcome feeling.

Madison, at least, knew enough from their past to leave him to himself for the moment. The last thing she wanted to do was get in his face when he was like this.

When he finally turned back to face her, he saw her broken eyes overflowing with tears. “No! No! You don’t get to cry. You don’t get to shed a fucking tear over him.”

“Stop! Look, I’m sorry. I made such a mess of everything. That’s why I am here, to apologize, to make amends. I haven’t even been to see where he’s buried.”

“And you want me to take you? Fuck you.”

“You have to forgive me.”

“Why?”

“Because...” She wasn’t able to finish her sentence. Truthfully, she couldn’t think of a good reason for anyone to forgive anything she’d ever done.

“Because?”

She whispered. “Nothing.”

“That’s right, nothing.”

He picked up a folder from the counter and threw it across the table. “I’ve been trying to get you to sign these for two years.”

Picking up the folder, she opened it and began to read. It wasn’t surprising, really. She’d have been surprised if he hadn’t filed for divorce by now.

“You want me to sign these.”

He handed her a pen. “Yes.”

“Jake, listen—”

“No, you listen. I’ve been walking around broken for two years. Two years! All because of you. I’ve finally begun to heal, and you waltz back like nothing ever happened. I want you gone. Out of my life. Have a little self-respect. Sign the damn papers and leave. Go back to Florida.”

“Jake, I’m dying.”

Stepping back, he put his hands up in front of him. “What?”

“Brain tumor. I‘ve only got a few more months. That’s why I came back. I can’t die knowing all the pain I caused is still so raw.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true. I found out a few months ago. I haven’t told my parents yet.”

“Sign the papers, Madison.”

“I will. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from.”

“I don’t care if you die on the floor right now, I’ll never forgive you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.”

“How would Lily feel if she saw this part of you? How do you know it won’t come out around her?”

“She’s different. I’m different when I’m with her.”

“People don’t change that much, Jake.”

“Oh, but you’d like people to think you have.”

“Brain cancer puts things into perspective.”

“So does love.”

Leaning back in her chair, Madison contemplated his words. “Touché.”

“Sign the papers. Please, Madison. And get out of my life.”

A fresh set of tears rolled down her face and she rolled the pen between her fingers before signing her name. Silently, she picked up her purse and walked out the door.