Thrall (43 page)

I felt my shoulders tense, and forced them to relax. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” I lied smoothly. “But you might want to know: now
you
sound a little crazy.”

Her smile hardened. “I want you to leave Coronado Prep, or I’ll find a way to out you.”

I drew in a deep breath. I didn’t want her to know exactly how frightened I was by her threat. I forced myself to sound bored. “Why are you wasting your time with me?”

“You were there when Derek died. You had something to do with Parker’s melt down... I don’t want you at my school. I don’t want you near my friends. I’m warning you. If you stick around, whatever happens next is on your head.” Amber watched me for a moment longer, then brushed past me. “Say hi to Lucas for me.” The parting curtains let in the soft light from the dance, but as soon as they swept closed I was plunged into darkness again. The space felt claustrophobic, hot and close. I needed to breathe. I turned, saw a glowing green EXIT sign, and headed straight out the door.

The silent chill of the evening hit me with a welcome shock. I breathed deep, and the cold air burned into my lungs. I leaned against the gym, needing time to clear my head.

“You have done well, child of the Guard.” Sansenoy joined me. I looked around, startled. We were alone.

“It’s just Braedyn,” I said, feeling foolish.

Sansenoy smiled, patiently. “We owe you a debt of gratitude.”

“Thanks?”

“We have been empowered to grant your request.”

I stared at him numbly, running over our last conversation for what he could be talking about. When the realization came, hot tears sprang into the corners of my eyes. “Do you mean...?” I couldn’t voice the thought. I was afraid that speaking it aloud would break this spell. To be human - to be free to love without fear or restraint - it was everything I wanted.

“If you still wish it,” Sansenoy said, his gaze steady. “The gift of humanity is yours.”

I opened my mouth to say
Yes, yes, of course I still wish it! Human me up, baby!
But a prickling thorn of a thought caught in the back of my head.

Sansenoy saw my uncertainty. “Something troubles you.”

“Ais.” I hesitated. Sansenoy watched me, content to wait for me to find the words I needed. “Could we have stopped her if... if I hadn’t been there?”
If I hadn’t been a Lilitu.

Sansenoy’s eyes clouded, he seemed to be searching something far off. “It is uncertain,” he finally answered.

“Ais said the Ancient Lilitu are reawakening.”

“Yes. Lilith’s children grow restless across the face of creation.”

“Then...” I choked on the next words. I didn’t want to say them. I wanted to let this burden pass to someone else. But Hale, Dad, Gretchen, even Thane - they were counting on me. They believed that I was crucial in this fight. I thought back to that night last week, when Ais had swept Lucas out of our house and into the darkness, as thought it meant nothing to rip him away from us. If I hadn’t been able to find him...

I realized I was hunched over, one hand clamped to my healing shoulder. Standing in the crisp moonlight, next to the grizzled human mask of an angel, the remembered pain of that night was fresh again. But fresher still was my understanding, finally, of the part I needed to play in all of this. I looked into Sansenoy’s face. “I can’t. Not yet. Not until I know we’re safe.”

Sansenoy’s eyes widened a tiny fraction. He nodded slowly. “As you wish.”

“But later...?” I heard the desperate hope in my voice.

It was Sansenoy’s turn to hesitate. “Later may be difficult. The stronger your Lilitu power grows, the greater the temptation to abuse it will become. There is a limit to the damage you can inflict on others before doing so corrupts you from within. Know that if you cross this line, there will be no mercy possible.”

I swallowed, but nodded. “I understand.” I’d learned a lot about the Lilitu storm within me over the last few weeks.
I can do this,
I thought, willing myself to believe it. Another deeper part of me seemed less sure.

Sansenoy placed his hand on my shoulder once more, in that oddly formal gesture. I felt a warmth spreading from his hand throughout my body, driving out the bitter cold that had settled over me as we’d talked. “We wish you wisdom and fortitude, Braedyn, child of the Guard. Until we meet again.”

He released me as the gym door opened behind me. I turned to see Cassie, Royal, and Lucas stumble into the cold. They spotted me, their concern melting into exasperation.

“What are you doing out here?” Cassie asked, bounding over.

I turned back to Sansenoy - but he was gone. The soccer field, blanketed in white, spread out before me. I looked down and was only faintly surprised to see no footprints other than my own marring the gleaming snow.

“We saw Amber coming through that curtain you disappeared behind,” Royal said, worried. “She looked extremely pleased with herself. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”

“I tried to tell them you could take care of yourself,” Lucas said, smiling into my eyes.

I smiled back, shaking off the unease of the previous moment. I reached for Lucas, and he draped his good arm around my back.

“Aren’t you freezing out here?” Cassie was stamping her feet and rubbing her arms.

“Yeah. Let’s go back inside.”

Cassie grabbed Royal’s hand and pulled him back toward the gym. They opened the door and darted inside. I started to follow them, but Lucas held me back. When we didn’t follow immediately, Royal and Cassie reappeared in the doorway.

“Are you coming?” Cassie asked.

Royal took one look at us and turned to Cassie. “Let’s give them a moment to mack in peace.” Royal grabbed the door and pulled it shut. Before it closed, I saw Cassie, trying hard not to laugh. Her eyes twinkled at us. When we were alone, I turned to Lucas.

“Everything okay?” He murmured, pulling me close.

“Yeah.” I stared at him, breathing in the scent of him, reveling in his touch. I couldn’t know the future, but the possibility of a normal life filled my head with delicious hope. Lucas was studying my face; his eyebrows shot up with interest.

“What’s that smile for?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you later.”

He draped an arm over my shoulders. I felt safe. I felt sure. Whatever was coming, I knew we would find the strength to face it together.