Though My Heart Is Torn: The Cadence of Grace, Book 2 (16 page)

A slight gasp escaped Lonnie’s lips as she choked back her tears.

The reverend paused, and when she righted herself, he continued. “There is no pretending that deep sorrow does not lie ahead for both of these young people. Remind their hearts that time on earth is fleeting and it is not this life that will keep them, but their faith in Your Son that will hold them fast for eternity. Finally”—Reverend Gardner sighed and shifted his feet—“restore their joy. The joy that comes only from You. May You fill their hearts with Your love and peace as they heal.” His voice grew faint. “For it is the only way … there is no other way.”

With his whispered “Amen,” Gideon lifted his eyes. Lonnie was weeping. It took everything he had to keep his own tears in check. He lifted her hand and pressed his lips to the inside of her fingers.

“I would like to drive Lonnie back home. Gideon, will you please wait here for my return? We have much to discuss.”

Gideon had not realized he’d nodded until Lonnie tugged her hand from his. He started to stand.

“Please don’t,” she whispered as she rose, her eyes like wet river stones. “Please.”

He wanted to shout for her to stop, but bit his tongue as hard as he could. She stepped away and, with her back to him, squared her slender shoulders and bravely strode down the aisle. Gideon watched in dismay as she slid through the doors. With a dip of her head, she stepped from the church.

As the wagon swayed and the seat creaked, Lonnie wiped her eyes and looked at the reverend as he climbed up beside her. His face was somber. “I’m sorry it must end this way.” He let out a heavy sigh and flicked the reins. The wagon jolted forward, seat bouncing on its springs. Lonnie clung to the weathered wood.

She longed to glance over her shoulder to see if Gideon had followed them outside. Unable to resist the urge, she looked back at the open church door. She saw nothing other than the peeling paint of the empty doorframe.

“Like you said,” she whispered. Fresh tears made their way to her eyes. “There is no other way.”

Reverend Gardner nodded. Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled out a folded letter and handed it to Lonnie. “A copy of the annulment.” When she hesitated, he continued. “Since you have a child, I felt it necessary for you to have proper documentation of your marriage to Gideon.” He shook his head from side to side, indicating that the matter hung heavy on his heart. “You have done nothing wrong, Lonnie. I don’t want you to suffer for—” He fell silent, but she heard his unspoken words.

Gideon’s mistakes
. Lonnie slowly took the paper. “Thank you.”

“I will take you home to collect your things. Gideon mentioned that you will be returning to the home of Jebediah Bennett. Is that so?”

Keeping her gaze on the folded paper, she nodded. “I can’t stay here.” She would go home to Jebediah and Elsie. That was where she belonged.

With a sigh, the reverend continued. “That is what I suspected. This morning, I spoke to your aunt Sarah, and she will drive you as far as the pass. There, Mr. Bennett will meet you and escort you home.”

Lonnie’s mouth fell open. “Jebediah? Meet me … but how?”

The reverend’s small eyes found hers. “Gideon planned it. He wrote a letter to Mr. Bennett, day before yesterday—”

“Two days ago?”

Somberly, Reverend Gardner nodded. “Though Gideon was clearly clinging to hope, there must have been a part of him that wanted to take precautions.”

She had always been the sensible one. Gideon, so unruly and untamed. Yet even in these last moments, he surprised her. Lonnie gripped her apron so tight, her knuckles whitened. Though he’d tried to persuade her, deep down he must have known that she would refuse. Her heart broke afresh.

“I commissioned a young man who has recently devoted his life to the church. He—that is, Reverend McKee—has hopefully delivered the letter by now. If not this very moment. Do you feel confident that Mr. Bennett will respond?”

“Oh,” Lonnie sighed, eyes burning. “Jebediah will.” He would be there. Of that she was certain. Come rain or snowstorm, he would be waiting. She wrapped her arms around herself. Homesick.

Reverend Gardner tipped his head to the side. “Gideon said as much. He was most insistent that a familiar face and safe escort were in order. We all wanted to do whatever we could to help ease your journey home.” Kind eyes landed on Lonnie. “You have enough to worry about.”

Overwhelmed, Lonnie could hardly speak. The reverend drove on in silence. When a lone sunbeam broke through grim clouds, he lifted his face to the light. Lonnie followed his lead. She closed her eyes and savored the warmth on her skin.

When the sun disappeared back behind the gray mass of clouds, she instantly felt the chill of loneliness. Glancing sideways at the reverend, she knew she had to ask him the question that hung heavy around her heart. If she didn’t, she would always wonder. Doubting she could form the words, Lonnie moistened her lips. There was no going back. She needed to know.

“For Gideon,” she began. “And Cassie, I mean. When will he … When will they …”

The reverend slowly nodded, the understanding in his round face genuine. “I’ll bring Cassie to the church today. Though their marriage is still valid, we thought it best to verify and renew those vows. I feel it’s best to finalize what must be done and bring this to an end. It is the only way for healing to begin.”

Lonnie’s chin quivered, but she forced a nod.
“It is the only way.”
Like bark being torn from a young sapling, she would be separated from the only man she loved. When drawing breath became a struggle, she tilted her face to the tempest above.

Gideon will marry Cassie. And I will go home
.

The pain of her loss throbbed through her core. Grief stretched
itself into every limb of her body. It bound its powerful hands around her throat and draped an unwelcome weight over her lungs. Lonnie blinked, hoping the fall breeze would dry her eyes. Gideon was gone. He was no longer hers.
Oh, God
, she cried out as the black cloak of sorrow covered her heart.
Will You see me through this?

“I’ll be right back,” Lonnie told the reverend when the wagon came to a halt. “Please wait for me.”

Her movements were swift. She crossed the floor of her pa’s cabin with silent resolve. She pressed open the lean- to door and paused. Her bag, which she had packed that morning, sat like a lone soldier on the freshly made bed as if it were awaiting her orders. Lonnie moaned and stifled a fresh wave of tears. She could smell him. Looking around the crooked, worn boards of the tiny room, she could see him. She could hear him.
God, be my strength
. Lonnie slipped her wrist through the strap of her pack and tugged it toward her. Her eyes landed on Gideon’s plaid coat. Without thinking if he would need it, she stuffed it in her bag. Then, without a sound, she left the lean-to.

Every eye followed her movements, but Lonnie took no notice. All she needed was her son. All she wanted was to be free of this place. Jacob clung to her ma’s arm. Maggie kissed the top of his head as if she no longer cared what it might cost her. The little boy who mirrored his pa in nearly every way was Lonnie’s sole concern. When she reached for him, her pa stepped in her path, and Lonnie deliberately moved around him.

Her ma’s compassion-filled eyes met hers, and Lonnie forced her voice to remain steady. “I’ll take him now,” she whispered.

With a quick nod, Maggie held Jacob out. The warm, soft form of her child filled the void in Lonnie’s arm, and she held him close. Maggie kissed Lonnie’s hair, and Lonnie clutched a handful of her ma’s apron before stepping away. This was good-bye. She looked around at the faces—each one tightening her chest until she could bear it no longer. She did not scan the walls or wish farewell to the home of her childhood. Not this time. She could bear no more good-byes. Without a word, she left.

Before Reverend Gardner could help her into the wagon, she flung her pack in the back and climbed up. After she’d settled, he drove away. Sarah’s home was not far. All her life, Lonnie had walked the curving path that led to her aunt’s door, and when the small cottage came into view, Sarah’s broad smile greeted them from the doorway. A shawl the color of a robin’s breast draped her aunt’s shoulders, and Lonnie instantly felt the reassuring warmth of her loving presence.

With a pale hand, Sarah shielded her eyes as the sun broke through the clouds. Her smile was wide, but her blue eyes filled with sorrow. “Come in, come in. I’ve got a fresh pot of tea. Will you join us, Reverend Gardner?”

He shook his head. “Thank you, but I have business to attend to.” He glanced at Lonnie. “You’ll take care of that son of yours? Raise him up right?”

She bobbed her head. “I will, sir.”
And will you watch over Gideon for me?

With a tip of his black hat, Reverend Gardner flicked the reins, and his wagon jolted from its spot in the mud. The wheels turned, and the rickety wooden box swayed, bumping slowly out of sight.

Gideon sat alone in the church. Closing his eyes, he succumbed to his thoughts and the memory of the life that had brought him here.

It had been spring when he had held Cassie in a way a husband holds a wife. Spring when she had wept over the tatters of her innocence. Like the wretch he was, marrying her had been the furthest thing from his mind that reckless night beneath the stars. Yet it rushed to the front of his awareness when she demanded he make good on what he started. Or else. And the last thing Gideon had wanted was her father and brothers hunting him down.

So they had hurried off to the small church in Tuggle Gap. Reverend Brown had placed their hands together, and they swore their devotion. For weeks they had kept their marriage a secret. They knew they should tell someone, but they were both so deep in trouble, they didn’t know where to begin. With Cassie only his come nightfall, and suddenly distant at that, Gideon struggled to understand what a husband truly was.

It wasn’t a perfect situation, made clear the day Cassie threw up her hands, insisting it wasn’t working. With that fire in her eyes, she demanded her freedom. He put up no fight. She was miserable and he knew it. Together, they spoke to the circuit rider, the man who tended to court business for those who couldn’t make the journey, when he passed through. He explained what would need to be done. Caring little for his conscience, Gideon did his part. So did Cassie. Or so he’d thought. But clearly he had been wrong. For the proof never made its way into the rider’s satchel.

Gideon’s eyelids threatened to flutter open.

Like a fool, he had thought himself to be a free man. Free to smile at the other girls in the holler. Whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Free to walk Lonnie Sawyer home one moonlit night. He’d vowed he’d never marry again. But he never expected Joel’s shotgun aimed at his back.

Eli’s words haunted him.
“I should shoot you like the dog you are.”

Footsteps sounded on the church stairs, but Gideon did not turn around. Voices passed over the threshold and fell soft as feet shuffled in. Still Gideon did not lift his face. He wiped his eyes, then dried his wrist on his pants, wishing this day had never come.