This Regret (58 page)

Kade walks over and hesitantly wraps his arms around Phoenix and places his face into the crook of her neck, squeezing her. “Happy birthday, gorgeous,” he whispers.

As much as I hate to see them that close, I set my feelings aside for the night and try to make the best of it. This is her night. She’s the fucking queen of my world and she gets whatever she wants tonight. In the end I know her heart is with me and in my bed she will be. Plus, after Kade came clean to her about Adric, she didn’t speak to him for weeks.
Poor Bastard.
That would kill me.

When they pull away from the hug, I lean in and kiss her on the mouth out of instinct. I need to show the world this is the love of my life and I am never giving her up to anyone. Even
if
that someone is still giving me dirty looks, like now.

She kisses me back with a smile. “What is all this? You didn’t have to throw me a party?” She kisses Tyler on the cheek as he gives her a quick hug. Then she turns back to me with a tear in her eye. “This is freakin’ awesome. I love you for doing this.”

Damn her.
I almost have to stop myself from crying. She has my heart in the palm of her hand and I’ll let her hold it for as long as she’s willing.

“I love you,” I whisper against her mouth. “Now go enjoy our family and the overflowing buckets chicken.” I place my lips to her ear as she turns away. “Just save some for everyone else.” She slaps me and joins our friends by the food.

Damn!
I love it when she’s rough.

There’s a table set up with drinks, food and my personal favorite, cupcakes. There is no party involving Phoenix without cupcakes.
Dammit, now I have to adjust myself from the growing erection in my jeans.
Cupcakes have changed my life. Soft music is playing from the stereo I brought up earlier. In the corner, is the same blanket we made love on, with Adric’s guitar resting on it exactly as it was that night. What she doesn’t know, is I have a little surprise for her. One that I have been working on for a few weeks now, with the help of Zoe. I’m not very romantic so I have no idea how this will go. I will probably make a fool of myself, but I’d do it over and over for her.

I turn on the white rope lights I set up around the ledge of the building and smile to myself when I notice Phoenix grinning at Jen, Zoe and Luna. Seeing her happy makes me happy. Now she has a little light to chow down on that chicken leg. I love her more than she loves that damn chicken.
Damn, that’s a lot.

“Hey, bro.” Tyler comes to stand next to me. “Let me know when to grab the gift and I’ll bring it up.”

I pat him on the back and give him a hug. I owe so much to this person for helping me out. Tyler is one of the best people I know. I will never forget that. “Thanks, man. You can bring it up in about ten minutes. I’m about to check with Zoe.”

I pull Zoe away from the girls and over to a quiet area out of Phoenix’s earshot. “Are you ready, tail?”

She laughs and places a hand on my shoulder. “Of course I am. Don’t be nervous, big guy. You will do great.” She smiles; a real genuine smile and not her usual smart-ass one. She must really know how much this means to me. I love this little girl as if she were my little sister. She has a good heart under all that sass.

Jen notices me and Zoe walk over to the blanket, so she turns off the stereo and guides Phoenix over to sit in front of me as I reach for the guitar. Zoe takes a seat next to me, bouncing with excitement. She takes a second to scowl at Kade from across the roof though. I'm not sure what that’s about. They seem to have this love hate relationship that is more hate than love.

Phoenix laughs nervously and looks around as everyone joins us on the blanket. “What is all this?” She looks back at Jen and Luna who are staring at her with huge grins. “Stop looking at me!” She laughs. “I hate all the attention on me.”

I swing the strap of the guitar over my neck and set my eyes on hers. “You’re the only place my attention has been since I laid eyes on you four months ago. You’re my life now; the very air that I breathe,” I say seriously, stunning her silent.

Her eyes start watering and she takes on an admiring look as I start strumming away at the guitar, playing one of her all-time favorite songs.
Linger
by The Cranberries.

She watches me with a smile before everyone starts laughing. She used to play this song so much, she wore out the damn disc, driving me and Adric crazy. The other surprise is . . .

“If you, if you could return . . .” Zoe sings the lyrics to the song, silencing everyone’s laughter.

The girl’s voice is stunning and beautiful. We practiced this song for days straight along with another one of her favorites. The last song though, will be the toughest. My surprise for the one thing she dreams of. The one thing that will melt her heart forever; the ultimate unexpected.

Phoenix transitions to her knees as she reaches for Zoe’s hand and squeezes it. She looks back and forth between me and Zoe with tears in her eyes and I know that in this moment, we made her proud. That makes me the happiest man on the planet.

I even see a little something in Kade’s eyes as he sits down in the back and stares out into the sky. There’s just something peaceful about this night and everyone being together.

Tyler comes creeping up behind Phoenix and sits next to Jen with Phoenix’s gift behind his back. She’s so into the music that she doesn’t even notice. She just keeps her eyes straight ahead, watching us.

I give my guy a head nod as I notice him pull Jen into his lap. Those two aren’t fooling anyone. They’ll both cave in soon. He whispers something in her ear and they both laugh, forgetting the moment for a second.
Good for you bro. You deserve a good woman.

Everyone whistles at the end of the first song and Zoe stands up giving a playful bow. I nudge her in the side and she sits back down next to me with a huge smile as I instantly start on the next song we practiced.
Don’t Speak
by No Doubt.

Again, Zoe sings the lyrics causing Phoenix to get all teary eyed and zoned in on our performance. Seeing her reaction to this has me so nervous, my fingers are starting to shake. I have no idea if I can pull this next song off. It’s way out of my league. I plan to give her gift to her first. Then we’ll see if I make a fool of myself.

Phoenix

___________

I can hardly keep the tears from flowing as I watch my baby sister and the love of my life playing my favorite songs from my childhood. Zoe probably has never even heard these songs in her entire life, yet here she is singing them for everyone. The gesture simply amazes me. I had no idea she was this talented.

Her passion reminds me so much of Adric, it’s hard to keep my emotions in check. I could just close my eyes and stay like this forever; here with them, and my closest friends. I’m in complete awe of them both. This is a birthday I’ll never forget.

As soon as the song starts dying out, Kellan stands and nods his head at someone behind me. He kisses me on the cheek as he plays the last of the melody. “I have something for you,” he whispers. “Close your eyes.”

Trying to keep from freaking out with excitement, I close my eyes and wait patiently. My heart is pounding so fast, it almost hurts. He always does this to me. He works me up like no one else in this world has the ability to do.

I feel both of Kellan’s hands cup my face before his lips press against mine. He pulls away and a few seconds later he says, “Open your eyes.”

I throw a hand over my mouth to hold back the small sob as I look down in front of me to see a guitar almost exactly like his and Adric’s; except this one is finished with silver and blue, Adric’s favorite colors. Kellan has been teaching me to play guitar lately, but I would have never expected this.
It’s amazing
.

Tears blur my vision as I throw my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine. Our eyes meet and my heart melts all over again for this man. Every day feels like the first, even though I have known him for years. “It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me. This is so beautiful. Now I really need to step my game up and keep up with you and Zoe.”

He kisses me softly and rubs his thumb over my bottom lip. Then he pulls the silver chain with a guitar pick on it from his neck and slides it over my head. It must be the necklace I saw him wearing that day at the park. It’s almost exactly like River’s.

“This is a necklace Adric gave me about ten years ago when I started practicing guitar with him. I kept losing my picks so he gave it to me as a joke. I want you to have it.” He holds the pick between his fingers and rubs it. “
You
are the best gift anyone has ever given me. I love you with everything in me and I promise on my life and my very last breath, that I will protect you and love you every day for the rest of my life. Not a second has gone by that I haven’t pictured you in my arms. To be honest,” he starts backing away and messing with his guitar as if he’s about to play again, “I can’t live without you.”

I start following him wondering what he’s doing, until I hear it.

Holy shit!

My heart jumps into my throat and my legs shake as Kellan drops down on one knee and starts singing the one song I always said I’d want a man to sing to me before proposing. Having Kellan singing it for me, is the best thing that could ever happen.

Your Guardian Angel
by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus…

His eyes stare into mine the whole time he sings me the song. My heart melts with every note. His voice is smooth as silk and rough at all the right places.

“I can show you I’ll be the one . . .”

I feel a hand on my back, supporting me as I stare down at Kellan with blurry eyes. His love weakens me; brings me to my knees at all the right times. He
is
and always
will
be the best part of me; the one thing I will never let go of. I can’t believe he chose this song.
What is he trying to do to me?

Letting go of the guitar while still singing the lyrics, he reaches into his pocket and pulls something out. He looks into my eyes and grabs my left hand. We just stare into
each other’s eyes until he sings the last note and it turns into humming. I can’t even see through all the tears.

“Phoenix Anne Winters, I love you more than my own life; more than anything this world has to offer me. Just the thought of losing you rips my heart right out of my chest. You will forever be the part of me that keeps me breathing. The reason for my whole existence is to make you happy. Without you, I am nothing but an empty man.” He scoots closer on his knees and pulls me down so we’re both on our knees, face to face.

Oh my god! He isn’t! Is he?

“Marry me, Phoenix. Marry me and I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. Making you happy is what makes me happy. I want you all day and every day. I want you as my wife. No other woman will ever be able to take your place. You are
it
for me.”

Holding my hand up, he slips a beautiful diamond ring onto the tip of my finger, before sliding it all the way on. It’s a large round, yellow diamond that sits perfectly in the center of my finger below the knuckle. The yellow stone is wrapped and nestled in a band of white diamonds that twists outward from each side, enclosing my finger. The setting raises up and around the center diamond, slightly lifting it. It is stunning and by the clarity, expensive. I love that he knows me so well he went with a yellow diamond instead of white. I've always been different than the average person in taste. I look into his eyes and see his are full of tears as well. “Be my wife,” he asks.

Nodding my head, I smile and scream, “Yes!” He pulls us both to our feet and pulls the guitar strap off from around his neck, passing it over to Tyler. I try to look down at the ring as he kisses my hand, but my eyes are so blurry, I can’t see a thing.

I feel Kellan’s lips press against mine before he pulls away and yells, “Fuck yeah! This woman is going to be my wife!” He pulls me back in for a kiss and then we’re broken apart by all of our friends congratulating us and checking out the beauty of Kellan’s promise on my finger.

The feeling is so overwhelming I can’t stop the steady tear flow. The feeling is surreal. Phoenix Haze. I guess some dreams do come true, as cheesy as it sounds.

Tyler slaps Kellan on the back before they give each other a man hug and the girls are all tugging me in different directions.

Through all the hugging and excitement, I notice Kade and Luna off to the side having a little discussion. It looks as if he’s trying to kiss her ear, but she pushes him away and gives him a dirty look. They don’t seem too thrilled with the news. Not that I expect Kade to be.

I’m not sure what’s going on with them two, but ever since I caught them kissing at work and Luna stormed off mad, they’ve been fighting since. Kade is definitely a hard one to tame. I have a feeling Luna is as well.

Zoning back into the celebration, I pull away from the girls and walk over to stand behind my future husband. I wrap my arms around his waist and he turns around, wrapping his arms around me. His touch still gets me weak in the knees. “I love you. Tonight was beautiful. It’s everything I could have ever asked for. Thank you, Kellan.”