Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me (8 page)

JESSICA: Right.

RODNEY: Plus, by the time we got to high school . . . you were a pretty popular girl, and when we went out I would say you weren’t as popular.

JESSICA: Yeah . . . I . . . absolutely.

RODNEY: And I remember that [when we went out] I maybe I had this sense that . . . you know, “Okay, this girl is supercute, it’s only a matter of time before this is going to end.” I distinctly remember now that during those two weeks we were going out . . . walking through [the junior high] with the really cool guys in our grade and them being like, “Aren’t you going out with that girl Jessica?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And one of them said, “She’s a kind of cute,” or whatever they would have said. I remember that I was superpsyched that the cool guys in our school were noticing that I was going out with you . . . but also being aware that, deep down, some giant mechanism was starting to click into place. You know what I mean?

JESSICA: Yes, I do.

RODNEY: And by the time, you know, the spring rolls around and you had starting going out with Leo Perelli, this really cool guy, it was like . . . painful. Inevitable. Like there was this brief window that someone like me, you know . . . had a chance. You know. And then [the window] closed.

JESSICA: Oh my God. So funny.

RODNEY: So what kind of memories do you have after junior high school?

JESSICA: Sam and I hung out and we were friends, but after [junior high school] we mainly drifted apart and I don’t remember seeing her so much in high school. But I remember seeing you throughout high school [because we were in the same alternative school program]. Ummm . . . and I remember seeing you and being very aware of you, which is kind of odd because you would think I would be more aware of your sister, and we were BFF forever when we were younger.

RODNEY: How do you remember? I mean, like . . .

JESSICA: And and and [
stammers
] honestly—and I am being honest because we are doing the interview, so don’t be repeating all this information—but honestly, I think, like, I always had a little crush on you, like in high school.

RODNEY: Really.

JESSICA: And, you know, and even after that.

RODNEY: But . . . why would you [
laughs
] . . .

JESSICA: Yeah [
laughs
].

RODNEY: But why would you also . . . that’s a hard thing for me to process. It’s hard for me to process what you said, so I need to change the subject.

JESSICA: Let me ask you a question. It’s off topic.

RODNEY: Okay, that’s no problem.

JESSICA: Did you test the recording first?

RODNEY: No. It’s blinking red and I tested it before, so I am praying.

JESSICA: Okay, I was just wondering, because I can tell you now that there is
no
chance that I can do this interview again [
giggles
].

RODNEY: [
Laughs
]

JESSICA: No, this is a one-shot deal.

RODNEY: I am sure . . . I understand.

JESSICA: Okay.

RODNEY: Umm, I was gonna . . . How is that true [that you had a crush on me] but yet you don’t remember anything about us going out in eighth grade?

JESSICA: Ummmm, let me think. . . . I don’t know. You, like . . . even if it’s someone you are not looking at in a romantic way. Even if . . . even . . . I don’t know . . . even if you should have looked at that person like that . . . Does that make any sense?

RODNEY: Yeah.

JESSICA: Okay, so something like that.

RODNEY: Yeah . . . the reason I remember all this stuff so well is that it made a strong impression on me at the time. You know, it makes an impression when you think about it a lot. I guess . . . ummm . . . you were like my supercrush. You were the first hard-core crush I had, and like the one that . . . like I remember most of my interactions with you. I had a big crush on you throughout high school. Does that surprise you?

JESSICA: No [
laughs
]. It didn’t—doesn’t surprise me.

RODNEY: Did anyone tell you that?

JESSICA: No.

RODNEY: No one ever told you that?

JESSICA: No.

RODNEY: Because I talked about it a lot. I talked about it all the time. If you just called up any of my friends and said, “Who did Rodney Rothman have a big crush on in high school?,” they would say . . .

JESSICA: [
Laughs
] Right. Umm . . . it wasn’t that.

RODNEY: I don’t think I was the only one. A lot of guys had a crush on you. Was that something that you are aware of?

JESSICA: Oh my God [
pauses
]. Ummm . . . yeah. I mean . . . let’s say that I am somewhat crushable [
giggles
].

RODNEY: [
Laughs
] That’s something you walk around knowing?

JESSICA: Yeah. If it was about dating boys, that wasn’t something I was too worried about. I like to flirt.

RODNEY: Right right right.

JESSICA: It comes somewhat naturally.

RODNEY: Yeah, I think that’s . . . I think that’s part of why, you know . . . like why I like you or why I had a crush on you, rather than the other five hundred people we were growing up with, is that . . . yeah, like there was something even when we were like twelve or thirteen years old. There was something going on that I didn’t fully comprehend, but I knew it was kind of awesome. Ya know? [
Giggles
] And that I wanted to be around it. Ya know what I mean? It was like a flirtatiousness or sexiness. Now it seems gross to think of a thirteen-year-old like this, but I guess . . .

JESSICA: [
Laughs
] Yeah.

RODNEY: And then we graduated. I remember seeing you occasionally after high school. I remember lots of painful interactions with you. Because every time I see you I basically go back [to that age] when I met you. It doesn’t really matter how old I am. Like I saw you when I was twenty-six, and I felt like a twelve-year-old all night, you know?

[
Long pause
]

JESSICA: That sounds nice [
laughs
].

RODNEY: It’s a [
giggles, pauses
] ummm . . . do you remember seeing me since college at all?

JESSICA: Yeah, I remember. I remember you seemed the same, like, you know, I feel like I see you, I don’t think that you are that different than when you were twelve.

RODNEY: [
Laughs
]

JESSICA: And that is a compliment.

RODNEY: Well, here’s a question. So you were like a really a big part of my life, like growing up for me. But I was clearly not that for you. So who was that for you?

JESSICA: Well . . . a couple of people. But definitely the defining person in growing up was Leo. Absolutely. It was a constant something for us, drawing us back together. But my first one would be [
giggles
] Jon Nelson.

RODNEY: [
Giggles
] Oh no. Okay, rank the following people in terms of who you were most into.

JESSICA: Okay, go for it.

RODNEY: Me, Nick Bogaty, Jon Nelson, Jeff Harris. Let’s go with those four.

JESSICA: It would be Jon, you, Jeff, and Frank.

RODNEY: Frank?

JESSICA: Wait. No, no, no wait.

RODNEY: Now I have to worry about Frank? Who’s Frank?

JESSICA: Wait, didn’t you? You said Frank. I didn’t make that up.

RODNEY: I don’t know who Frank is. Who’s Frank?

JESSICA: Didn’t you have a friend Frank?

RODNEY: No [
laughs
].

JESSICA: Oh my God. I swear you said Frank. Okay, who are the people again? Okay, so it’s Jon, you, Nick, Jeff.

RODNEY: Oh really?

JESSICA: Yeah.

RODNEY: I feel like you are telling me that because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.

JESSICA: [
Pauses
] I would never do that. I . . . no way. I am totally being honest.

RODNEY: [
Pauses
] Ummmmm . . .

JESSICA: I am a terrible liar.

RODNEY: You could be lying now.

JESSICA: I really enjoy telling the truth. You know, there are people you daydream about, uhh, about kissing . . . and there are people you don’t daydream about kissing.

RODNEY: Right . . . that makes sense. Ummm . . . so . . . [
laughs, stammers
]

JESSICA: Don’t ask me the next question.

RODNEY: Okay, so . . . have you ever been dumped?

JESSICA: Noooooo.

RODNEY: Really.

JESSICA: I have never been dumped.

RODNEY: Really.

JESSICA: I am the first one out if I don’t think it’s going to work, and my psychic says that the fear of being hurt prevents that from happening. Soooo [
laughs
].

RODNEY: Your psychic says that?

JESSICA: I can’t believe I am saying some of this shit. Yeah. That’s what she said yesterday. You know when it’s not going to work and you are better off bowing out. I am not very persistent, but I like men who are.

RODNEY: I haven’t been dumped either.

JESSICA: Reallllly?

RODNEY: Yeah, certainly not since college.

JESSICA: [
Stammers
]. Really?

RODNEY: Don’t sound so surprised.

JESSICA: But don’t you wonder if all the times [you’ve dumped] other people . . . somehow it’s going to come back one day? Because I am. I am really afraid [
laughs
].

RODNEY: More I worry about, like, maybe my sense of what is working is screwed up and I am pulling the rip cord on good . . . on some things that could work. If I knew how to make them work . . . you know?

JESSICA: Oh yeah . . . yeah. I know that feeling too. Yup. Maybe you would like the number of my psychic?

RODNEY: Yeah, maybe I would.

JESSICA: She may clear up some issues . . . underlying issues that you are not aware of.

RODNEY: She may just tell me the same thing that she told you.

JESSICA: [
Giggles
] She can’t tell us the same thing.

RODNEY: Well what about now? Do you have a boyfriend now?

JESSICA: Nope. I just had a breakup about, ummm . . . three weeks ago.

RODNEY: What was that all about?

JESSICA: We dated for about four years on and off. On and off and on and off and finally this. I think we are finally broken up for good. He’s a wonderful person and I love him very much.

RODNEY: I also just broke up with someone about three or four weeks ago.

JESSICA: Really. How long were you guys together for?

RODNEY: Not very long . . . about three or four months. It was kind of . . . it was kind of . . . sort of intense for that period. But she was in New York.

JESSICA: She was in New York for all of the time?

RODNEY: She was in Brooklyn, and I met someone in L.A. and was hanging out with them a little . . . like not dating them or anything . . . like just seeing them at parties or getting a drink every now and again, and I was kind of interested . . . and I felt I had to choose between . . .

JESSICA: So then you guys split up then.

RODNEY: Yeah, it was . . . we split up, but it was . . . I don’t know. It was not a good scene.

JESSICA: What happened to the girl that was in L.A.?

RODNEY: Well, we hung out a little bit. It was cool. It was also kind of a little weird [
stammers
]. It was just like . . . it was kind of pretty low-key. But [then] I had to go away for a few months for a job.

JESSICA: Do you want to be married?

RODNEY: I do, actually. I am kind of into it.

JESSICA: How much on a scale of one to ten?

RODNEY: [
Laughs
] Ummm, gosh. I don’t know, like seven or eight . . . I wanna be, like, in a relationship that is like a good marriage. I don’t necessarily need a label, but I wouldn’t necessarily be against it. What about you?

JESSICA: I don’t need a label either. But, yeah, I am definitely into it. I am at about ten.

RODNEY: Really.

JESSICA: Absolutely. Uh-hmm. But I also really want children. And there’s a little more pressure for me to get started.

RODNEY: Right.

JESSICA: Yeah [
stammers
], I am absolutely at a ten. But I have come this far, so I will wait until it’s right, you know? But yeah, I am at a ten. [
Pauses
] It’s funny revealing so many things in my life [to you].