Thin Girls Don't Eat Cake (26 page)

Olivia’s car screeched into the driveway around eleven on Sunday morning and came to a halt millimetres from Cole’s front veranda. From the sitting room window, he watched as she flung open the door and dashed up the front stairs like a blonde tornado.

Geez, she was only ten minutes late; it wasn’t like the world was going to end. But knowing Olivia, she’d be having a stress attack about it. She was so anal about punctuality, he was finding. Not that he minded. He couldn’t stand people who constantly turned up late either. It was one of a number of things he’d found out they had in common which had been something of a surprise to him given she was such a contradiction in terms. How was it even possible to adore troll dolls yet think garden gnomes were creepy? Those ones painted in football team colours were a bloody crack up.

Smiling to himself at the quirkiness of this wonderful girl he’d gotten himself involved with, Cole went to answer the door.

Olivia was panting but her face lit up when he bent to gently peck her lips.

“Sorry I’m late. The dog threw up on the rug. Again. Do you realise how hard it is to get spew from between the pile of a shag pile rug?” She flung her hands in the air as if to demonstrate the difficulty of the situation.

Cole didn’t want to think about it. “Next time we have sex in front of the fire, you can be on the bottom.”

“Next time? Who said anything about a next time? I have carpet burns on my knees from last night; I’ll have you know. If there’s to be any next times, it’ll be in the comfort of a nice soft bed.”

“Party pooper.” Cole gave a chuckle.

“Weirdo,” Olivia countered.

Cole turned to the hallstand, picking up his car keys, a picnic basket and a violet coloured glittered box that looked as if it had been decorated by a five year old in art class. A very reluctant five year old.

“Is that Phoebe’s box?”

Cole could see the amusement in Olivia’s eyes. “Don’t take the piss. If I’d had my way, Phoebs would have been kept in one of those tasteful karri wood boxes with a brass lock but she wouldn’t have it. So I made this one for her. I tried my best. Craft has never been my forte.”

“Obviously. Did Phoebe see the box before she passed away?”

“Yes and her reaction was the same as yours. I was going to paint hearts on it but she said she’d rather die than be stuck in a box with love hearts over it. So she ended up supervising while I decorated this one.”

“She had a sense of humour, then, that daughter of yours?”

“Crazy kid.” He walked to the door. “Ready?”

“Yep. I thought we might take my car. I’m shocking at giving directions. It’s better if I follow my own nose rather than pointing yours.”

“Okay by me,” Cole replied. He pulled the front door shut and they headed for the car.

Olivia flipped the rear door for Cole to dump his gear and ran around to the driver’s side. By the time she reached it, Cole had already buckled himself into the passenger seat. She ducked her head and got into the car, swallowing a snort, which he was pretty sure, was because of him.

“You look like a giant sitting on a toadstool,” she said.

“I feel like one. This is the smallest car I’ve ever been in. How the hell do you fit your groceries in?”

“Told you. I don’t cook. Therefore, there is no need for groceries.”

“Right. Is this place where we’re going to far?” His knees were around his neck and his body was practically bent double. He didn’t know if he could sit in that position for more than a couple of minutes. He was positive he’d be unable to get out of the car when they got there.

“Put the seat back if you like. It’ll give you more leg room.”

“I already did.”

Olivia giggled. “Oh well. It’s only a couple of minutes away. Think you can survive?”

“I hope so. But next time we’re going in my car. This is like sitting inside a Legomobile.”

Olivia turned the keys and the ignition began to purr. “Let’s get going then.”

*****

Two or three kilometres out of town, Olivia made a sharp left turn that threw Cole’s head against the passenger window. She began to drive down a red gravel track.

Well, it was more of a bumping motion. The crown of Cole’s head was so close to the roof of the car, he thought he was going to go flying through the sunroof at one point.

“Where are we going?” He was intrigued. He’d blithely driven up the highway passing the gravel road on numerous occasions but had never noticed it before. There were so many places in town he hadn’t had a chance to explore yet, many of them he was sure only locals would know of. Hopefully, Olivia would agree to be his guide on another occasion. They were getting along pretty well. And despite her insistence that she wanted to take the relationship slow, Cole knew she was becoming attached to him, as he was to her. He could see it in her eyes every time they met. There was a certain brightness that hadn’t been there before.

“Told you. It’s a surprise. I was considering blindfolding you but I heard you were afraid of the dark.” She suppressed a smirk. Damn girl seemed to be doing a lot of that today.

“Have you been talking to Adelaide?”

“Only via text.”

“Which is plenty enough.” Cole reached over and put a hand on Olivia’s knee, squeezing it hard on the muscle. “What else did she say?”

“Ouch. I don’t think that’s any of your business. And torturing me isn’t going to make any difference.”

“I could withhold privileges.”

Not that he would. A minute without his hands on her was like a lifetime. Didn’t hurt to string her along, though.

Olivia swiped his hand away. “Two can play that game, Anderson.”

She swung the car into a clearing and switched the ignition off. “We’re here.”

Cole looked around him. He assumed she knew what she was doing ‘cause so far, this place was nothing to write home about. Pretty ordinary, in fact. A bunch of eucalypt trees, a few yellow bushy things and a signpost labelled ‘Little Bangor Pool’ that pointed to a track leading somewhere he couldn’t see.

“I know it doesn’t look much,” Olivia said, “but our destination is a minute or so down that track. And as you can see, it’s not exactly suited to cars.”

Cole nodded. Didn’t look like it was suited much to people either but he’d trust her. If Olivia said she knew the perfect spot to lay Phoebe to rest, then that’s what he was going to see a minute or so down that track.

By the time Cole had unwound his body and reached the back of the car, Olivia had already unpacked. She had the picnic basket hooked over her arm and had tossed a red chequered blanket in on top of the food.

“Sure you don’t want me to carry that?” Cole asked.

“I’m good. You look after that precious cargo.” She indicated the box that held Phoebe’s ashes.

As Cole followed Olivia down the narrow track, she chattered away telling him how much she thought he’d love this spot, how she used to come here with her parents when she was younger and about the spectacular scenery. She spent a good five minutes extolling its virtues, or she could have been trying to take his mind off things. Cheeky minx. She must have known this was like the final goodbye for him, that Phoebe was going to be gone forever after he cast her ashes to the wind. Which was a lot healthier than keeping them in a box on the bedside table like he’d been doing. That was bordering on weird; even he knew that.

The track turned a corner and opened into a clearing with trees framing a vista like Cole had never seen before.

Holy cow.

Even with the incessant chatter, Olivia had managed to undersell the sheer beauty of the place. It took his breath away.

Cole looked to where Olivia stood beside him, grinning.

“Great, huh?”

“I’ve never seen anything like it.”

A sheer cliff face made entirely of boulders smooth from thousands of years of water running over them stretched as high as the eye could see. The water cascaded into a lake — of the brightest emerald green — surrounded by native bush on three sides and rocks where they now stood. There was a viewing platform made of timber and someone had carved a set of steps into the rock to form seating areas at the side of the pool, so you could sit or dive or whatever. He could imagine Phoebe there, plunging into that water or crawling from it to lie like a mermaid on the rocks. She’d always loved water.

A hand came to rest on his arm. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect. Phoebe would have adored this place and I know she’s going to love being here for eternity.”

“I knew you’d like it. It was one of my favourite places as a kid. I still like it now, though I don’t get the chance to come here often.”

Cole knew how that felt. Life tended to get in the way. “We’ll have to rectify that — once a year on Phoebe’s birthday, at least.”

Olivia gave him a gentle smile. It was like the whole world shone in her eyes, like she understood everything he’d gone through and was still going through. “I think at least twice a year. Half-birthdays are the best.”

What the hell was she on about?

“You know, every six months you have a half birthday? Don’t you do that?”

“Can’t say I’ve heard of it.”

“Hmph. Must be another one of those things Mum made up so we could have family time. She does that a lot.”

“Might be a good tradition to continue.” Cole picked up the box of ashes and began to scan the surroundings. “Right. Let’s get this thing done then.”

“Any ideas where?”

He pointed to the place where the waterfall cascaded into the pool. “There. That looks like the place.”

“Great.”

He opened the backpack he’d bought and pulled out a small portable CD player. It was old and covered in paint splatters but it would do the trick. And it was the only thing in his house that still ran on batteries. Essential if you were in the middle of nowhere.

“What’s that for?”

“Mood music. Phoebs asked me to play it.”

“Oh. Right. Well, you carry the ashes and I’ll carry the ‘boom box’.” Olivia tittered, hoisting the thing onto her shoulder. “God, I feel like I should be wearing tiny underpants and prancing around in a rap video showing my bellybutton.”

Cole gave a faint smile. “Interesting thought.”

Leaving the picnic gear for later, they clambered over the rocks until they came to a large flat splay where Cole sat down. Olivia sat beside him, putting the CD player on the rock beside her.

Cole gripped the box. This was it. The time was right, the setting was perfect but now that he was here, he didn’t know if he was ready.

“Do you want to be alone?”

“No. I like it that you’re here. Stay.”

He sat for a moment longer, staring at the box.

“Do you want me to do it?” Olivia’s voice was soft, comforting.

“No. It’s fine. Press play.”

Olivia did as he asked. The air around them was filled with the sound of Norah Jones singing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow.’

Cole stood. He lifted the lid of the box and walked as close to the water as he could go without actually being in the water. A lump, like a baseball, choked in his throat. He felt as if his heart would break in two but it was too late because it already had. Raising his arm, he threw the ashes to the breeze watching as they fluttered and landed in the emerald splashes of the waterfall.

He sank to the ground, his head collapsing on his knees, his hands gripping it as if it would explode. Then he wept.

He wept until there were no more tears.

“How can I tell him now?”

Mum and I were standing in the pram section of Babies R Us. We were looking at prams — clearly — but we weren’t getting very far towards purchasing one because Mum was insistent that it was bad luck to purchase a stroller before the baby was born. Along with not eating strawberries in case the baby was born with a birthmark and avoiding looking at animals in case the baby ended up looking like a monkey or some such, my mother had taken on every superstition in the book. She’d even stopped wearing heels for fear it would give the baby weak ankles. And as for not opening boxes… boy, she was taking it to the limit.

Mum picked up a cute pink grow suit and examined the stitching. “You have to tell him, darling. He’s your boyfriend and this is your baby. He has a right to know that if he continues in a relationship with you, his life is going to change in a couple of months.”

I knew she was right of course, but since the day at Little Bangor Pool, I’d been reluctant to tell Cole about my adoption agreement with Mum. He’d been so distraught over Phoebe. How could I lump another baby girl on him? How would that make him feel? I know he’d said he wasn’t fussed when I’d explained my childbearing situation and I loved him for the fact that he was able to accept me warts and all. But this was an entirely different kettle of fish. Being around a newly born baby and being asked to care for it would have to bring back memories he didn’t want to have.

“I can’t tell him. Not yet.”

Mum had wandered further down the aisle and stopped in front of a display of beds. “Time’s a running out. What do you think of that cot? Isn’t it adorable?”

“It’s sweet. I like the detailing on the ends. What if I tell Cole and he runs for the hills?”

“Then it wasn’t meant to be. But if you don’t tell him and he turns up at your house one day to find you changing the nappy of a child that looks remarkably like you, then what? He’s going to be a lot more upset. Especially since he was willing to accept that you can’t have children.”

Another fair point.

“I s’pose I don’t want to have to choose between him and the baby.”

“It will never come to that.”

“How do you know?”

“I know; that’s all. Cole’s not that sort of man. Tell him. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

Mum turned away, suddenly distracted by a display of snow globes, nightlights and other decorating items essential for a baby’s bedroom but not before I saw a twinkle in her eye, the type of twinkle that usually got me worried.

She took a porcelain snow globe containing a merry-go-round from the shelf and wound it a couple of times. The tiny striped canopy inside the glass ball began to rotate. The tune of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ filtered through tiny holes in the base. “I might get this one. It would look lovely on that chest of drawers we bought.”

Oh God. I couldn’t listen. All I could think of was Cole sitting on the rocks, sobbing.

“Put it back, Mum.”

“Why?”

“Put it back.”

“It would be so soothing for the baby.”

“No.”

“But why?”

“Choose something else. Now.”

It would be bad enough if Cole stepped into the house, found me with a baby and decided he wanted nothing to do with a child that wasn’t his. He’d never speak to me again if I let my mother put that snow globe into the baby’s room.

*****

Late the next afternoon, after I’d watched the final busload of tourists pull away from Death By Cupcake and Mrs Tanner had collected her dog, I stood with the keys to my shop poised against the lock. I’d been thinking about what Mum had said the entire night. I knew I had to tell Cole and that I was being a sook about owning up to it but it seemed to me that Mum knew something I didn’t know. Either that or she was up to something. She’d burst through the door like the world was going to end earlier on in the day. Her face had been so twisted with tears, I’d thought she was having a miscarriage and made her sit on the stool out the back while I called the ambulance. It was only after they arrived she informed me — well, us — it was an attack of hormones and she was worried for my future if I didn’t break the news to Cole ASAP. Apparently my stars were only aligned for news breaking of any kind for the rest of the week, so time was of the essence.

Honestly, she’d have been better off being worried about her future right about then. I wanted to strangle her for frightening me that way. I don’t think the ambulance people were overly impressed either. But that had been one in a string of crazy events that had me questioning my mother’s sanity. She had also rung twice to ask if I’d spoken to Cole yet and became quite hysterical when I told her I hadn’t plucked up the courage. I was taken aback by her abruptness, to tell the truth. Mum had been on about avoiding stress for weeks. She didn’t want the baby to come out ‘all angry’. Yet, there she was blasting me for not giving Cole the heads up about the baby.

So, when you thought about it, I had no choice but to take the bull by the horns. If I didn’t, Mum was going to begin a fifteen-minute vigil and I couldn’t handle that.

Digging up my courage, I stepped off the kerb and headed for Cole’s.

“He’s not here, love,” Shannon-down-from-Perth told me as I opened the door. “Have you come for your bit of cake?”

“Not today, thanks Shannon.” And who’d have thought there’d ever be a day when I’d be turning down cake? The last six months had seen so many changes in my life but that one was the most amazing. “Is Cole coming back?”

“He said he had some stuff to take care of at home. Won’t be in till the morning when that reporter’s coming.”

The Today Tonight people liked to keep up with Cole’s antics in his little cake shop. He could always be relied upon to provide a feel-good story in the sea of rising petrol prices, how to spot a meth lab in your neighbourhood and which school was the best pathway to get your kid into university. Plus, I think the fact that he was supremely hot was good for their ratings.

None of that was helping me though. I pulled my phone out of my pocket.

It took a minute before my phone chirruped in reply.

Ever since the day at the pool Cole had changed too. It was only subtle and I’m fairly sure not everyone would have noticed but he was bursting with something. It was like he’d started on a new course, not taken up dancing — which he hadn’t by the way. He was taking the piss again.

This was perfect. I hadn’t wanted to break the baby news in the middle of the shop. Being alone would make it easier. At least I hoped it would. Quickly I typed my answer.

Within five minutes — give or take, because I had to stop the car once because I was so nervy I almost ran Jane down as she crossed the road with Jim — I pulled into Cole’s drive. He was sitting on the front steps looking very pleased with himself and rather handsome. His hair was mussed the way I liked it and his shoulders filled out the checked shirt he was wearing that was just the right side of cool. He’d forgotten to do the last two buttons up, so I could see the faint trail of hair that led down his torso and into his jeans.

Oh Lord.

I couldn’t look. I had to have my wits about me and that view was something of a distraction.

I walked up the steps and sat beside him. “Anderson.”

“Merrifield. You look gorgeous today.” I probably didn’t — one of my earlier clients had cocked his leg on me and there was a large stain on the side of my trousers — but it was nice of him to say so.

“Thanks. You don’t look too bad, yourself.”

He reached over and squeezed my knee. Damn, I hated it when he did that.

“So are we going to sit here complimenting each other or are you going to tell me the reason for this impromptu visit — apart from wanting my body like crazy of course.” He let out a chuckle.

“I do not want your body!”

He threw a disbelieving look at what was clearly a lie.

“All right, I do but that’s not the reason I’m here.”

“Pity.” He moved closer, snaking his hand so it cupped my shoulder. He pulled me nearer. I could feel the warmth in his side and the firm muscles of his thigh. “Am I going to like this reason? Or is this one of those talks?”

“Oh shit no! God! I... I.”

“
Yeeesss
?”

I had the distinct feeling he was enjoying my discomfort. His eyes were twinkling a tad more cheekily than normal. I swallowed and blurted it out. Everything. The baby, the adoption, the fact that I’d understand if he wanted to end our relationship and the reason I’d been too chicken to tell him sooner.

“I love you. And I’m not saying that to influence you in any way; I wanted you to know it’s why I’ve found it so hard to tell you about the baby. I was afraid you’d break up with me and I love you and I don’t want that to happen.”

Cole went silent. He removed his arm from around my body and leant back against the heels of his hands. He looked off into the distance.

“Right.”

Crap. This couldn’t be happening again. He was going to dump me. I’d stuffed up the best thing I’d ever had because I was too weak to tell the truth. Shit. Bum and bugger.

Then he began to speak. “If we’re being honest, I guess I should tell you I already knew.”

“Pardon?”

“I already knew.”

“Knew what? That I was in love with you?”

It figured. I’d never been good at keeping my emotions to myself. I probably had some sign written across my forehead.

“Yeah. That too.”

Call me dim but I had no idea what he was on about. What was I missing?

“I knew you were in love with me because I’m in love with you. I have been for ages. It’s been sneaking up on me slowly and I can’t pinpoint the moment I realised but it’s true. I love you and I don’t want to be without you.”

I could feel that goofy smile spreading across my face but it was tempered with worry. “So what’s the rest? You said —‘that, too.”

“I knew about the baby. The adoption, I mean.”

“How?”

“Before I answer that — and risk you having a meltdown — I think you should come with me.”

Cole got up, dusting the bum of his jeans. Then he held out his hand and helped me up. Then he led me into the house. I had no idea what was happening or where we were going. I was so confused but I followed along because I couldn’t think of another way to get to the bottom of it. We took the stairs two at a time — great for him, not so easy for me with him grasping my hand like we’d been super-glued together in a prank — and came to a stop on the landing.

“I’ve found a use for the secret room.” He was panting. But then so was I, we’d dashed up those stairs so fast; I’d nearly stripped the carpet from them.

“Go on. Go in.” He indicated the door, open a crack.

Reaching across, I pulled the heavy timber door open. I stepped into the room, looking around me. Someone had been busy. Very busy, indeed.

The space I’d loved so much as a child had been redecorated in girlie hues of pink and mauve. The dollhouse had been revamped and the bookshelves painted and filled with every possible toy and book a little girl could want. Chequered and floral bunting swagged the picture rails. A clothes rack filled with dress ups stood under the window next to an old fashioned rocking horse with a chocolate brown mane and a pair of red leather reins. There was even a rocking chair.

The thing that brought tears to my eyes, though, was the oak writing desk. Cole had had it refurbished and painted crisp white. A colourful blotter protected its surface and a tin of pencils and pens sat next to a writing pad as if they were waiting for someone to sit there.

What the hell was going on? Phoebe was gone. We’d thrown her ashes into Little Bangor Pool. Surely, Cole wasn’t suffering from some delusion that she was going to walk through the door and sit at that desk to do her homework? Because he’d misplaced a few of the spanners from his toolshed if that were the case.

“It’s beautiful… but… Phoebe’s never coming back. You do know that, don’t you?”

Cole gave me a quizzical look. He looked around the room and began to laugh. A great, loud, guttural guffaw of a laugh. “Is there any other woman in the world who could see the signs and yet get it so totally wrong other than you?”

I didn’t have to give him my baffled stare. I think he got it.

“Your mother told me about you adopting her baby.”

“So?”

“She seems to be suffering from the misconception that you and I are meant for each other. Must be the pregnancy hormones but she thinks we should get married and then the baby will have two parents. I tried to set her straight but she wouldn’t have it. She was pretty insistent.”

It was official. I was going to kill my mother when I left here. That was after I killed Cole, of course. The cheek of him. Saying we weren’t meant for each other.