There’s A Boy in the Girl’s Bathroom (15 page)

The barber put down the scissors, but then he picked up the comb and started combing again.

I knew he shouldn’t have combed it before
, Bradley thought.
Now he just has to do it again
.

The barber sprayed some kind of smelly junk on Bradley’s head, combed his hair one last time, then unhooked the apron around Bradley’s neck.

Bradley quickly hopped off the chair before the barber could change his mind.

But the barber wasn’t through. He made Bradley stand still while he ran a small vacuum cleaner across his neck. When he finished, he offered Bradley a piece of bubble gum.

“I hate gum,” said Bradley. He never used to hate
gum. But after smelling it in the barber shop, he never wanted another piece again.

“You’ll be the most handsome boy at Colleen’s party,” his mother said as they walked outside.

“Can you drive me to school, please?” he asked.

She nodded.

Ten minutes later he jumped out of the car, ran up the steps in front of the school, and pulled on the double glass doors. They were locked. He pressed his face against the glass and looked inside. Mrs. Kemp, the janitor, was waxing the floors. He pounded on the door until she looked up.

Mrs. Kemp scowled at him as she opened the door. “What do you want, Chalkers?”

“I have to see Car—Miss Davis,” he said.

“Miss Davis is gone.”

He ducked under her arm which held open the door, and ran into the building.

“Chalkers!” she shouted after him. “I’ll call the police!”

He opened the door to Carla’s office and stepped inside. Except for the round table and chairs, the room was empty. But in his mind he heard Carla say,
Hello, Bradley. It’s a pleasure to see you today. I appreciate your coming to see me
.

Tears rolled down his face.

He noticed a large manila envelope lying on the table. He picked it up.

BRADLEY CHALKERS was written across it in big letters. Under that, in smaller letters, was the following:

“There you are!” said Mrs. Kemp as she came in after him. “If you don’t get out of here right now, I’m going to call the police.”

“Look!” he exclaimed, holding up the envelope. “She left this for me. See! We were friends. Carla and me. We were best friends.”

“You have ten seconds to leave this building,” said Mrs. Kemp. “One … two …”

He took the envelope and left.

He opened it on the playground, next to the monkey bars. Inside was the book
My Parents Didn’t Steal an Elephant
, by Uriah C. Lasso, and a letter.

Bradley’s father was leaning on his cane, on the front stoop, when Bradley came walking home. “I want to talk to you, Bradley,” he said sternly.

Bradley ran to him and hugged him, nearly knocking him over.

Bradley tried writing a letter to Carla. His father had suggested it. He crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in his wastepaper basket. He didn’t know what to say to her. The words he wanted hadn’t been invented yet.

Ronnie hopped along, singing, “doo de-doo de-doo de-doo.”

The other animals were taking another vote.

“We took another vote,” the lion told Ronnie. “We like you the best.”

“I like all of you the best too,” said Ronnie.

Bartholomew walked up to her. “I love you, Ronnie,” he said. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” said Ronnie.

“And I saved you from the quicksand too,” said Bartholomew, “so you didn’t die.”

“That’s good,” said Ronnie. “I’m very glad to hear that.”

Colleen, wearing a new red dress, anxiously waited for her guests to arrive. Except for Lori and Melinda, she hadn’t told anybody that there would be
boys
at her party.

The doorbell rang.

Her heart jumped. She hoped it would be Jeff and also hoped it wouldn’t be. She composed herself and opened the door.

It was Judy and Betty. They each gave her a present. “Ooh, what is it?” Colleen asked as she took each gift, but of course they didn’t tell her.

“Who else is coming?” asked Judy as the three girls sat and waited in the living room.

Colleen counted on her fingers, naming her guests. “Well, there’s you two, and Lori and Melinda, Karen, Amie and Dena …” She paused, then said the last two names very quickly, “andJeffandBradley.”

“Bradley?” questioned Betty. “Bradley Chalkers? Oh, no!”

Judy looked like she was about to faint.

“You didn’t say there were going to be boys at your party,” said Betty.

“Didn’t I?” Colleen asked innocently. “I thought I did.”

“I don’t think I’m allowed to go to a boy and girl party,” said Judy.

“Okay, but you already gave me my present,” said Colleen.

They decided to stay. When the bell rang again, all three girls screamed, but it was only Amie and Dena.

Amie and Dena were dressed exactly alike, right down to their shoes and socks. They were best friends and their parents often took them shopping together. They always bought the same clothes. Then, before a party, or even just before school sometimes, they’d call each other up and decide what to wear. Today it was a blue dress with white-and-yellow flowery things.

“Colleen invited boys!” Betty told them.

“Bradley Chalkers!” said Judy.

Amie and Dena looked at each other in horror. Colleen took their presents from them, before they could change their minds. Both presents were wrapped in the same purple-and-green paper.

Karen was the next to arrive. “Colleen invited boys!” everyone said to her as she stood in the doorway.

Her mouth dropped open.

“Bradley Chalkers,” said Betty.

“And the new kid,” said Amie. “Jeff Fishfood.”

Karen was very shy and quiet. If there were going to be boys at the party, she might not say one word all day.

The doorbell rang. Everyone except Karen screamed. She held a pillow in front of her face.

It was Lori and Melinda.

“Colleen invited boys!” everyone greeted them.

“Jeff Fishnose and
Bradley Chalkers,”
said Dena.

“So, we already knew that,” Lori said, as if it were no big deal to her.

“Oh, well, nobody else did,” said Judy.

The eight girls waited. They talked and laughed about how much Colleen would like her presents. They asked her what there would be to eat and what games they would play. The one thing they didn’t talk about was
boys
, though it was the only thing on each of their minds.

When Colleen told Dena there would be a three-legged race, the room turned very quiet. Each girl wondered if she would have to run it with a boy.

Colleen planned to run the three-legged race with Jeff. It didn’t occur to her that if she was partners with Jeff, another girl would have to be partners with Bradley.

It was starting to get late. A new worry slowly crept into each girl’s head.
What if the boys didn’t show up?
It suddenly seemed that the party wouldn’t be any fun at all without boys.
Where were they?

Colleen’s mother walked into the living room and counted heads. “Eight,” she said aloud. “Who’s missing?”

Nobody answered.

“Oh, the boys,” said Colleen’s mother. “Well, we can’t wait too much longer.”

Colleen looked like she was about to cry.

Where were they?

The doorbell rang at Bradley’s house.

Bradley, wearing a cone-shaped party hat, ran to the front door and flung it open. He had a wild look in his eyes.

“Hi,” said Jeff, holding Colleen’s present under his arm. “You ready?” He was wearing old, comfortable clothes. His blue jeans had a small hole above the knee.

“It’s wrapped!” Bradley exclaimed. “With a bow!”

“Wha—?” uttered Jeff.

Bradley ran back to his parents’ bedroom. “It’s got to be wrapped!” he told his mother. “With a bow!”

She cut off a piece of tape and smiled at her son. “I’m wrapping it now.”

“Okay, good!” He returned to the front door. “My mother’s wrapping it now,” he told Jeff.

He had been running around the house that way all morning as he desperately tried to get ready for the birthday party. He’d already changed his clothes six times. He didn’t know what he was supposed to wear. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know what he didn’t know!

Claudia had given him the party hat to wear. She told him he wasn’t allowed to take it off.

“They wrapped my present at the store where I got it,” Jeff said.

Bradley hardly heard him. “Are you supposed to wear torn pants?” he asked.

“What?”

He ran into the kitchen. He took a sharp knife from the drawer next to the sink and cut a hole in his pants, just above the knee.

When he returned to the front door, Jeff was standing inside the house. Claudia was with him. “Is my hat on straight?” Bradley asked his sister.

She looked him over. “It’s hard to tell,” she explained, “because your head’s crooked.”

Mrs. Chalkers came down the hall holding Colleen’s present in front of her. “See, all wrapped,” she said. “Hello, you must be Jeff. I’m Bradley’s mother.”

“Hello, Mrs. Chalkers,” said Jeff.

“It doesn’t have a bow!” Bradley shouted.

“Oh, I couldn’t find any ribbon,” said his mother.

He stared at her in disbelief. “It needs a bow!” he wailed. He turned to Jeff. “Doesn’t it need a bow?”

“No.”

“Oh, okay,” he said happily. He took the present from his mother. She kissed him and told him to have fun.

He and Jeff started out the door.

“Oh, Bradley,” said his mother, “you ripped your pants.”

“I know.” He closed the door.

They headed up the sidewalk toward Colleen’s. She lived two blocks away.

“Do you want my bow?” Jeff asked. “I can take it off.”

Bradley nervously shook his head.

“Are you all right?” Jeff asked.

“Umukum,” said Bradley. He had tried to say “I’m okay,” but his mouth didn’t work.

“You’re acting kind of strange,” said Jeff, “even for you, I mean.”

Bradley sighed and stopped walking.

“What’s the matter?” Jeff asked.

Bradley trembled. He felt the same way as when he first tried to turn in his homework. “I don’t know what to do at a birthday party,” he said, shivering.

Jeff laughed.

Bradley sat down on the curb. “I haven’t been to one in three years!”

Jeff looked impatiently up the street, then sat down next to his best friend. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he said assuringly. “Birthday parties are fun.”

“How many birthday parties have you been to?” Bradley asked.

Jeff shrugged. “A lot. What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“Okay,” said Jeff. “First take off that dumb hat!”

So, while the eight girls anxiously waited, Jeff was patiently trying to teach Bradley everything he knew about birthday parties.

Bradley watched Jeff poke his finger into the doorbell and heard it ring inside the house. Then there was a loud scream. A moment later Colleen opened the door.

“Hap-py birthd—” he sang, but stopped when Jeff elbowed him in his side.

“This is for you,” Jeff said, handing Colleen his present.

“This is for you,” said Bradley as he did the same.

“Ooh, what is it?” she asked.

“It’s a—” Bradley started, but Jeff elbowed him again, so he shut his mouth. They followed Colleen into the house.

“You’re not supposed to tell her what you got her,” Jeff whispered.

“But she asked.”

“She’s supposed to ask. But you’re not supposed to tell her. Don’t tell
anyone.”

Bradley nodded like he understood, but of course he didn’t.

“Hello, Bradley,” said Melinda.

He looked to Jeff for help.

“Hello, Melinda,” said Jeff.

“Hello, Melinda,” said Bradley.

Colleen’s mother came in and led everyone out to the backyard. A picnic table had been set up on the
patio with paper plates and cups. Bradley chose a seat and sat down.

“My, this boy must be hungry!” said Colleen’s mother.

The girls laughed.

Bradley looked around, puzzled. He was the only one sitting down. He quickly rose, bumping against the table. A paper cup fell onto the ground. As he bent down to pick it up, he knocked over his chair.

The girls were hysterical. Bradley looked around helplessly. Amie picked up the cup and Dena set the chair right.

“We don’t eat yet,” Jeff explained as Bradley made it safely away from the table. “First we have to play games.”