There’s A Boy in the Girl’s Bathroom (11 page)
Read There’s A Boy in the Girl’s Bathroom Online
Authors: Louis Sachar
“But what if I keep ripping it up?” he asked.
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think I wanted to rip it up, today.”
“The main thing is that you did it. And you learned some things by doing it, didn’t you?”
“What ‘of’ means,” said Bradley.
“What ‘of’ means?” Carla repeated.
“Times,” said Bradley.
She stared at him, baffled. “Oh, right!” she said, as it all suddenly connected for her. “Okay, so even though you ripped up your homework, you still remember
what you learned. You didn’t rip up your memory. And when Mrs. Ebbel gives the next arithmetic test, you’ll know how to answer the questions.”
“If they don’t change the rules,” said Bradley.
“What rules?”
“Like, what if they decide to make
of
mean subtraction?”
“They won’t change the rules,” Carla assured him, “whoever
they
are.”
“But what if I rip up my test, too?” he asked.
Carla looked at him as if he was being silly. “Has Mrs. Ebbel given you any homework for tomorrow?” she asked.
“Tomorrow’s Saturday.”
“Okay, for Monday?”
“No, we never have homework over the weekend.” He spoke like an expert, like he’d been doing homework for years. “But we have a book report due next week. Only …”
“Only what?”
“I don’t have a book. And Mrs. Wilcott won’t let me check out any from the library.”
“Well, let’s see,” said Carla. “Do you think you might know somebody else who might let you borrow a book? Think hard now.”
Bradley looked around at all the books in her office. “May I borrow one of yours?” he asked. “Please. I won’t scribble in it.”
Carla walked around the table, then picked out a book from a stack on top of one of her bookcases. “It’s my favorite,” she said as she gave it to Bradley.
He read the title and laughed.
My Parents Didn’t Steal an Elephant
, by Uriah C. Lasso.
He opened to page one and read the first sentence.
I hate tomato juice.
He thought that was a funny sentence to start a book. He continued reading.
Every morning, Aunt Ruth gives me a glass of tomato juice, and every morning I tell her I hate it. “Fine, Dumpling,” she always says, “don’t drink it.”
She calls me Dumpling. Uncle Boris calls me Corn Flake. They’re crazy. One of these days I’m afraid they’re going to try to eat me.
He glanced up at Carla, then returned to the book.
My parents are in jail. They got arrested for stealing an elephant from the circus. Only they didn’t do it. If they stole an elephant I’d know about it, wouldn’t I? I mean, if your parents stole an elephant, don’t you think you’d know about it?
I think the elephant just ran away. Her master was always mean to her. He whipped her and made her do stupid tricks. My parents used to complain about that a lot. That’s why everybody thinks they stole her.
So, anyway, that’s why I have to live with my crazy Aunt Ruth and Uncle Boris. If you ask me, they belong in the circus. They’re crazy!
Uncle Boris always smokes a cigar. It just hangs out of the corner of his mouth. Whenever he kisses my aunt, he
swings the cigar out of the way with his tongue, and kisses her out of the side of his mouth.
I bet you think Aunt Ruth doesn’t like it when he kisses her that way. Wrong. She always laughs when he does it. Sometimes she smokes a cigar, too. I told you they were crazy.
Look! He even smokes his cigar while he’s drinking tomato juice.
The bell rang. Bradley was amazed by how quickly the time had passed. “Do you want to have lunch together again?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. I’m having lunch with the president of the school board,” said Carla. “I’d much rather eat lunch with you.”
He didn’t mind too much. At least he had her book to read.
They shook hands, then he walked back to class. He placed the hall pass back on the hook and took his seat.
He knew he’d write a good book report because he had such a good book to read.
I just hope I don’t rip it up
.
.
“Whatcha doin’, Bradley?” asked Ronnie.
“He’s
reading,”
Bartholomew replied nastily. “He says he doesn’t want to be
disturbed
. He thinks he’s too good for us now that he does his homework.”
“Oh, be quiet and let him read if that’s what he wants to do,” said Ronnie.
“Thanks, Ronnie,” said Bradley. “I knew you’d understand.”
“I knew you’d understand,”
mimicked Bartholomew.
Ronnie understood. She knew about Carla.
Bradley returned to his book.
Uncle Boris and Aunt Ruth are married. I bet you thought you already knew that, except you’re not as smart as you think you are. They were my uncle and aunt even before they got married. Uncle Boris is my mother’s brother and Aunt Ruth is my father’s sister. They didn’t even know each other until my parents got arrested for stealing the elephant. Then they both came here to
take care of me
. Hah! They fell in love and got married a week later. It was sickening! You’re lucky you weren’t here.
I’ve been cheated out of an aunt and an uncle. If they had each married somebody else, then I’d have two aunts and two uncles. Now I only have one aunt and
one uncle. I wonder what happened to the aunt and uncle I don’t have. I wonder if they married each other, too.
Bradley looked up. He tried to make sense out of that last paragraph. It made him think. A lot of parts in the book made him think. That was one of the things he liked about it. It made him think about his father, too. About why the man who shot him wasn’t in jail.
There was a knock on the door. His mother entered holding a piece of paper. “Oh, you’re reading,” she said. “That’s good.”
“It’s a good book,” he replied.
“I just got this letter from the Concerned Parents Organization,” she said. “There’s going to be some sort of meeting about Miss Davis, your counselor.”
Bradley’s heart fluttered.
“It says if I have any complaints I should come to the meeting.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think I have any complaints. She seems to be helping you. Do you have any complaints?”
“Oh, no! He doesn’t have any complaints.” Claudia laughed, coming in behind her mother. “He’s in
love
with her. I heard him say it to his animals.”
“What?” Bradley exclaimed in a very high voice.
Claudia snickered. “Look, Mom, he’s blushing! That proves he loves her.”
Bradley wished he could crawl under his bed and hide.
“It doesn’t prove anything,” said Mrs. Chalkers. “Quit teasing your brother.”
“Where’d you get the book, Bradley?” Claudia asked, like she already knew the answer.
His heart was beating very fast. “Carla gave it to me.”
“Carla
gave it to him,” Claudia repeated.
“Well, I don’t care where he got the book,” said Mrs. Chalkers. “I’m just happy to see he’s reading it.”
“The only reason he’s reading is because he’s in love with his teacher,” said Claudia.
“She’s not my teacher, she’s my counselor,” said Bradley.
Claudia roared with laughter. His mother laughed, too, but she quickly covered her mouth.
“I didn’t say I was in love with her!” Bradley insisted. “We were just talking about my counselor, not my teacher, that’s all!”
“Are you going to let him marry her, Mom?” asked Claudia.
Mrs. Chalkers smiled. “Well, I don’t know. She seems like a very lovely girl.”
Bradley felt like he was going to die. His sister was hysterical.
“So you don’t have any complaints about Miss Davis?” his mother asked seriously, getting back to the letter.
“She’s okay,” he said without emotion.
Claudia snickered.
“Well, then, I won’t go to the meeting,” said his
mother. “C’mon, let’s leave your brother alone.”
“The Concerned Parents Organization never likes anything,” said Claudia. “They’re always causing trouble at my school, too. They want to turn kids into robots.”
Bradley watched his sister and mother walk out of his room and shut the door behind them.
He lay down on his bed. His face was on fire. “So, I love her? What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing,” said Ronnie. “They just don’t understand about love.”
The door opened again. Claudia stuck her face inside and said, “If the Concerned Parents Organization ever found out Carla kissed you, she’d be fired for sure!”
.
Bradley paid close attention as Mrs. Ebbel taught arithmetic. He nodded his head every time she said something that he already knew. Once he almost raised his hand to answer a question, but he lost his nerve. Somebody else gave the answer he would have given.
I knew it
, he thought as he nodded his head.
He had spent recess in the library reading
My Parents Didn’t Steal an Elephant
by Uriah C. Lasso. When he was leaving the library, Mrs. Wilcott stopped him and said, “You were reading, weren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Good for you, Bradley! Good for you!”
He smiled now as he remembered it.
It’s because of Carla’s book
, he thought. The book was his lucky charm. As long as he had it with him, it seemed like nothing could go wrong.
His black eye was all gone too.
When the bell rang for lunch, he put his arithmetic book away, took out his lucky book, and walked to Mrs. Ebbel’s desk. “May I please borrow the hall pass?” he asked.
She let him have it. He knew she would. He was holding the magic book.
He walked to Carla’s office. Just as he was raising his fist to knock, she opened the door. “Bradley, what a pleasant surprise!”
“You want to have lunch together?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to go to the principal’s office.”
“What’s the matter? Did you get in trouble?” he joked.
She didn’t laugh at his joke. She shrugged her shoulders, then headed toward the principal’s office.
Maybe she really did get in trouble
, Bradley thought as he watched her go.
It’s probably because she doesn’t believe in rules. She must have broken one without knowing it. I should have warned her
. But he wasn’t too worried. He couldn’t imagine anything bad ever happening to Carla.
He walked through the auditorium and outside to the playground. He sat down on the steps outside the auditorium and ate his lunch. At least he had her book with him. That was almost as good as eating lunch with her.
He didn’t read while he ate. He was afraid he might accidentally spill food on the book even if there were no such things as accidents.
Colleen Verigold walked by.
“Hello, Colleen!” he called to her.
She stopped and looked at him oddly, then walked away without returning his hello.
Bradley didn’t mind. He had said hello to Colleen because he knew Carla would appreciate it. He felt
Carla was watching over him. And it didn’t matter that Colleen didn’t say hello back, because in his heart he heard Carla say,
Hello, Bradley. It’s a pleasure to see you today
.
He finished eating, then opened the book.
Guess what they’ve done now? They wallpapered the garage. I told you they were crazy! Whoever heard of anybody putting wallpaper on the walls of a garage? Purple paper with yellow polka dots!
I don’t even know how they got in there. The garage has been locked shut for months. The lock was broken or something so nobody could get in.
At least I’m glad they finally got it open. It was beginning to smell pretty bad. You could smell it from the driveway. Now it just smells like paste.
I can’t wait until my parents get home and put an end to all this craziness. Their trial is next week. They have to be found innocent.
I mean, if they stole an elephant I’d know about it, wouldn’t I? Where could you hide an elephant?
“Look, he’s reading,” said Robbie.
“I didn’t know he knew how to read,” laughed Curtis.
Bradley looked up. He was surrounded by Jeff and his gang.
“He can’t read,” said Brian. “He just looks at the pictures!”
They all laughed.
“Whatcha readin’?” asked Russell.
Bradley closed the book and slowly stood on the concrete steps.
“Chicken Chalkers,” said Dan.
Andy bounced a basketball.
Bradley glanced behind him. Doug was blocking the door to the auditorium. “What’s the matter, Brad-ley?” he asked.
“Hey, Chalkers, what’s the name of your book?” asked Robbie.
He looked at his book, then stared defiantly at Robbie.
“Let me see it,” said Robbie.
Bradley clutched it against his chest. No matter what, he wasn’t going to let them harm Carla’s book.
“Aw, c’mon, Bradley, be a pal,” said Robbie. “I just want to see it.”
Curtis chuckled.
Robbie stepped up toward him. “You can’t read anyway,” he said. “Give it to me and I’ll read it to you.” He reached out and rested his hand on the book.
Bradley jerked it away.
“Uh-oh, I think he’s getting angry,” said Brian.
“I just want to see it,” said Robbie. Again, he reached for the book.
Bradley held it under his left arm and against his chest. He made his right hand into a fist.
Robbie backed away. “Jeff,” he called.
“C’mon, Jeff, teach him a lesson,” said Dan.
Jeff stepped between Andy and Russell.
“All right!” said Curtis.
“Hold on,” said Andy. “Let’m get off the steps.”
The boys backed up. Bradley, clutching his book, walked down the concrete steps to where Jeff was waiting.
