There Is No Light in Darkness (24 page)

“Oh man,” Aubry said in between fits of laughter. “That was so wrong, yet so right.”

“Karma’s a bitch,” I smirked as I walked into my room, shutting the door behind me.

Four years ago, after our first semester of college—and after that dreadful visit to Duke University—we all went home for the holidays. I was at the mall, Christmas shopping with Becky, when we saw Cole and Sasha making out. Making. Out. I could see her tongue invading his mouth, in the middle of the mall. In plain daylight. I gagged, like literally, I gagged at the sight of them. I couldn’t believe that he would hook up with her again. That wasn’t the best part though—of course, it couldn’t just end there. As we passed them, they stopped kissing, and Sasha looked at me. A slow, sly grin spread on her face that I wanted to claw off—better yet, I wanted to shove a grenade in between her teeth.

“Hey, Blake,” she said, her voice dripping mirth. “Thanks for putting Cole back on the market. He totally rocked my world when I visited him at Duke. Oh, that’s right, you were there.”

I felt like I got punched in the chest and kicked in the gut simultaneously. I glared back and forth between her and Cole, who was missing the color from his face, and looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him. Becky grabbed my arm and said something to Sasha about being a loose slut, and we walked away. We left the mall right after the incident. I didn’t even cry. I was so mad and sad—overall, just feeling a whole mix of emotions. He wasn’t mine anymore. He could do whatever he wanted. Why Sasha, though? Why her? Why couldn’t he just turn her down and pick someone else? Then I remembered how she was all over him at the lake that day and at Duke, and I clutched my stomach. The rest of our trip Cole tried to get me alone to talk, but Becky intervened. Thank God for girl power and solidarity. We drank to that a couple of times during that break. At least I had my girl time with Becky to smile about.

After that, I made it impossible for Cole to contact me directly. Well, not really. We text messaged each other back and forth once in a while, even though I hated his guts. The loud knock on my door snapped me back to the present.

“What?” I called out.

“Open the door, please,” Cole said in a pleading tone.

“Cole, go away. I have too much homework to do, and I’m not up for your bullshit.”

“Just let me in. I won’t bother you.”

“You’re bothering me now. Go. Away.”

“Please, Blake.”

“Why don’t you walk around the building? You might find a girl willing to keep you company. Actually, I’m quite positive that you will find one.”

“Blake ... please.”

I ignored his begging, plugged in my earbuds, and blasted my music mix as loud as I could. I was rubbing my tired eyes as I looked back at the time; it was past midnight and I could barely keep my eyes open. When Alicia Keys started blaring in my ear, I groaned as I pulled the earbuds out, and tossed them on the desk. I loved Alicia Keys—I really did—but every song made me think of him. After I finished printing the paper, I got up to stretch and get water. I unlocked my door and idly wondered if Cole and Aubry were still here. When I opened my door, I found Cole sprawled across the floor directly in front of my room. I stepped over his body and tilted my head to look at him. He was sleeping. He fell asleep outside of my room. What the hell? I tiptoed to Aubry’s room and opened the door slowly.

“Aubry?” I whispered.

“Yeah?” he said.

He was sitting by his desk on the other side of the room, so I walked over to him.

“Cole is sleeping on the floor by my door,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yeah, I know. He told me he was tired, so I told him to take the couch, but he told me he was sleeping with you.” I rolled my eyes, and he continued. “I told him there was no way in hell you were going to share a bed with him. He said he couldn’t sleep under the same roof as you on separate beds. I reminded him that he did it all the time during Christmas, and he said it was hell for him.”

I felt an uncomfortable pain in my chest. “What do I do? I can’t just leave him there.”

Aubry shrugged. “I don’t know. If you wake him up, he’s going to your bed though.”

I exhaled. “Damn it.”

I turned back to my room and sighed when I looked at Cole’s sleeping body. I took a couple of deep breaths before getting on my knees beside him. I shook him as hard as I could. Shaking Cole was like moving a big bag of bricks; he barely moved, and I was using all of my body weight to wake him.

“Cole,” I started to shout as I shook him. How can he be such a heavy sleeper?

His green eyes popped open, and he sat up swiftly, banging his head against mine. We both cringed and rubbed our heads before I rolled my eyes, stood up, and walked into my room. I got into bed and watched Cole as he followed, closing and locking the door behind him. I averted my eyes as he stripped down to his boxers and settled down beside me.

“Stay on your side,” I warned as I leaned over and turned off the lamp.

His low chuckle vibrated the mattress, and I moved over as far away from him as I physically could without falling out of bed.

My ringing phone woke me up the next morning. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at the arm draped across my stomach. I gritted my teeth together a couple of times to control my temper. He thought he could just come barging into my life and flip it upside down. I threw his heavy arm off of me and got out of bed.

“Hey,” he said softly behind me.

“Hey,” I replied shortly. “I have to go. I don’t think Aubry has class until this afternoon, though.”

I walked to the bathroom with the clothes that I took out last night. Cole stepped in as soon as I finished changing. I gritted my teeth but didn’t even acknowledge him as he stood behind me when I was applying my makeup. I was in the kitchen making coffee when Zack knocked on the door to pick me up. He and I had class at the same time some days, so we carpooled. I asked him to make our bagels as I finished doing the dishes. I sat down and tried not to make a disgusted face as I watched him overload his bagel with cream cheese. I always hated when he did that. We were talking nonsense when Cole appeared in the kitchen, glaring at Zack and me. I smiled brightly at his pissed-off face.

“Why are you so happy this morning, Princess? Did you miss me sleeping next to you?” Cole smirked.

I thought you could hear my jaw hit the floor. It was that bad. I bit my lip and grabbed my bagel as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Let’s go, Z,” I said as I pulled his arm to stand up.

“He slept with you?” Zack asked with a look of confusion painted all over his face.

“He didn’t sleep with me. He just slept in my room,” I said, trying to save this morning from turning into a drama-filled battle. I hated Cole at that moment.

“You let him sleep in your bed with you?” Zack asked in a serious tone.

I threw my head back and let out a breath. “Z, are you serious right now?”

“Yes. I am dead serious right now,” he said, crossing his arms.

“Yes, he slept in the same bed as me. Nothing happened though. He slept on one side, and I slept on the other,” I said as I rubbed my forehead and Cole made a single cackling sound. Asshole.

“Hm,” Zack replied before turning to the door. He shot Cole a death glare over his shoulder. “Let’s go, babe. We’re going to be late.”

I looked at Cole and noticed his jaw tighten at Zack’s endearment. I flipped him off as I walked out and closed the door behind us. On our way to school, Zack wanted to quiz me about Cole and our history. He told me that he didn’t want Cole anywhere around me—least of all, sleeping in my apartment. He went on for a while, and I could only hear that noise the teacher in Charlie Brown made. I stared out the window while I thought about how I was going to break up with Zack on our way home from school.

When I walked through the door later that day, I spotted Cole and Aubry in the living room, playing a video game.

“Aubry, can I talk to you for a minute ... please?” I asked after I put my books in my room.

“Sure, Cowboy, can you wait 3 minutes? We’re almost done with this game,” he replied, never taking his eyes off the television.

“Why can’t you just talk to him here? I don’t mind,” Cole said as he pressed down on the controller repeatedly with his thumb.

“This is an A-B conversation, Cole,” I said with an eye roll before turning toward the kitchen.

When they were done, Aubry met me in the kitchen, and I quietly told him that I broke up with Zack but asked him not to tell Cole anything. I only wanted to warn Aubry since Zack was his friend and teammate. As for Cole, I wanted him to think I was happy with my boyfriend when he headed back to North Carolina. He didn’t need to know that I ran off yet another guy—because I couldn’t connect with any of them the way I did with him. I kept trying to tell myself that I just hadn’t found the right guy. The worst part was that I had the right guy—before I drove him away, too.

The following night, the guys went to a party. They tried to convince me to go, but I told them that Zack hated parties, and I couldn’t go without him. Aubry gave me a look, but Zack wasn’t the party type, so he wouldn’t be there. Really, it would have been a great plan—if it wasn’t for my sucky luck.

At 11:00, I heard them rush through the door and I sat up in my bed, putting my book down. Cole started shouting my name and pounding on my door shortly after. I got up and slowly shuffled my feet toward the door, praying that he wasn’t drunk. I found his green eyes glaring at me as he leaned his forearm against the doorframe. Behind him, I saw Aubry with his arms crossed over his chest with a similar flushed look on his face. Oh, shit.

“How’d it go?” I squeaked. I hoped this had nothing to do with me, even though I knew it had everything to do with me.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you broke up with Zack?” Cole demanded, narrowing his eyes.

I sighed. “Cole, that’s none of your business. What happened? Did you hurt him?”

“No. I wanted to. I was going to. If it weren’t for Aub, I might have killed that jerk.”

I ran my hands down my face before I sighed and looked at him again. “What happened?”

“He was at the party, talking to some girl. She had her hands all over him, and he was loving that shit. I confronted him about it, and he told me you broke up. I didn’t believe him. I thought he was just talking shit in front of the girl.”

“They shoved each other back and forth, knocking over everything. When I noticed, I ran up to them right before Cole swung at Zack. I told him it was true, and we got out of there,” Aubry finished in an annoyed tone.

I shook my head. Unbelievable. “You were going to punch my boyfriend for letting a girl touch him while they were talking? Are you hearing yourself? Doesn’t it remind you of someone?”

“That was different, damn it. When are you going to let that go?” Cole pleaded angrily.

“Maybe when I forget how you rocked her world when she visited you a couple of weeks after we broke up. Maybe when I get the image of you two together at that fucking party out of my head. Maybe when I stop seeing her tongue down your throat months AFTER THAT,” I snapped. He paled and took a deep breath. “You can sleep on the couch or on the floor or on Aubry’s bed. I don’t care where you sleep, but you are not sleeping in my bed tonight,” I continued.

Cole nodded his head slowly. “I’ll take the floor ... next to your bed.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “When are you going to get over that? Why don’t you call Sasha and see if her bed is unoccupied?”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Blake? I made a mistake. I was hurt. Can you stop rehashing that? I’m sorry. I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life. Fuck,” he muttered.

I turned on my heels and walked back to bed. Before I reached it, I heard a thump behind me. My heart started beating rapidly, and I looked back startled, not knowing what to expect. I definitely didn’t expect to find Cole on his knees, right behind me. When I turned my body, he hugged my lower half tightly, crushing his head against my abdomen.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked as I tried to pry his arms off of me.

“Please forgive me, Blake. Please. I swear it only happened that one time. Then at the mall she kind of—”

“Kind of what?” I interrupted. “Kind of plunged her tongue into your mouth without you noticing?”

He groaned and squeezed me tighter. “Blake, please. I was desperate for you. That was the first time I was going to see you after a while, and the last time I’d seen you, you gutted my heart for the second time. I’m sorry if I made bad calls, but I was so fucking lonely and depressed and sick without you,” he pleaded.

I sighed. “It’s fine, Cole. I forgive you. Please get off of me. You’re still sleeping on the floor though.” He let go and settled himself down next to my bed while I tucked myself in and turned off the light.

“Blake?” he whispered later when I thought he was asleep.

“What?”

“I love you ... more than you’ll ever know,” he said hoarsely.

I felt tears sting my eyes. “Go to sleep, Cole.”

Chapter Nineteen

Present