Therapy (38 page)

“Good luck,” he says, and I smile for the first time all day. New beginnings are ahead.

I flip open my laptop and check my Facebook messages. Nothing. No surprise there. I’ve been messaging Jessica on and off over the past months, holding out hope that she’ll reply, but she never does. I don’t know why I keep trying. I miss her, I guess. I want to be in her life in some way and I hesitate to push her, but I refuse to give up completely. The little icon by her name turns green.

She’s online.

I take a deep breath and a chance...

Jace Collins:
Hi, stranger.

I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Ten minutes pass and the little flicker of optimism I felt begins to dim.

Jessica Alexander:
Hi.

She replied! I say a silent “thank you” to myself and reply with a huge smile on my face.

Jace Collins:
I’m so glad to hear back from you. It’s been a while.

Jessica Alexander:
Yeah, it has. How are you?

Jace Collins:
I’m okay. Lots of change lately, but it’s good change. I took some time off work and my new practice opens next week. I’m excited about it.

Jessica Alexander:
That’s wonderful! I’m sorry about the split with Victoria. I saw some posts about it.

Jace Collins:
No, it’s fine. I’m more than okay with it. How are you doing? I see you’re in school. I’m proud of you.

Jessica Alexander:
Well, all that matters is that you’re happy. I’m glad you’re okay. Yes, school. Hmmmm... That was a huge step. Some days are better than others. School isn’t something that I’ve ever really enjoyed, but college is different. There are some things I’ve grown to like. It’s just daunting when I think about how long I have to go before I get to stand in front of a classroom and teach. But I keep focusing on how important that day is to me, no matter how long it takes.

Jace Collins:
You’ll be an amazing teacher. How is your mom? I saw the pics of you two. That is such an enormous step for you. She looks really well.

Jessica Alexander:
She’s good. She’s been out of the Jones Substance Abuse Corrections Facility for about a month now. We are attending joint counseling sessions to work through our issues from the past. It’s not easy.

Jace Collins:
Jess…

Jessica Alexander:
Yeah?

Jace Collins:
I miss you. This is nice. Thanks for replying.

Jessica Alexander:
I miss you too. Things are just complicated for me right now. I’m sorry about not responding before. I hope you can understand. I’m still trying to cope with my past and the person I never want to be again.

Jace Collins:
I know, and I do understand. It may be too much too soon, but when you’re in town next time to see your mom, could we grab some lunch or something? Just to talk. Friends? I’m not asking for anything more than a lunch date. No pressure. Just two friends getting to know each other again.

This time she doesn’t reply immediately. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. I’m an idiot. Why couldn’t I have just enjoyed the moment and let it be? But down deep I know why. I want her in my life and I’m prepared to fight for it this time.

My messenger dings.

Jessica Alexander:
Sure, I guess we could do that. I’ll be there this Saturday for the day. What time and where?

I’m reading the message over for the second time, feeling like I’m in high school all over again. My heart beats hard in my chest; I feel like I just scored a date for prom. My fingers fly across the keyboard as I type out a cool, simple message.

Jace Collins:
How about noon down at Marina Café?

Jessica Alexander:
That works. I’ll see you then. Make sure you order me a Vanilla Coke

I love that she’s being lighthearted and joking.

Jace Collins:
Done deal. See you then Jess, and thanks.

Jessica Alexander:

I log off and exhale. I have a lunch date with Jess. It’s just lunch between friends, but I’m so damn excited that I can hardly contain myself. The smile on my face feels like it may be permanently plastered there.

I’m sitting in the outdoor seating area, looking out over the water. The weather is perfect—not too hot, not too cool—but I’m so damn nervous that I can feel sweat forming on my forehead. A waitress brings over the Vanilla Coke I ordered for Jess and a Stella beer for me. I need to chill and a beer will help relax me a bit. I check my watch for the hundredth time just before I see her from the corner of my eye. I look up and smile, facing her for the first time in over a year.

So. Beautiful.

Jess. She’s here, with me. The reality of it is strange, but the feeling I get while looking at her punches me right square in the face. I love this woman. No amount of time, heartache, or bullshit has changed it and it never will. I love her and somehow, someway I will get her back. I don’t care what I have to do to make her mine again. She looks happy and strong, like the Jessica I always knew was hiding under all that pain and suffering. She shines like a star. My pride for her swells; she beat the hardest battle a human being ever fights—a battle of the mind. Even though she struggles daily, I can clearly see that she’s doing it by herself, for herself, and she never needed to be fixed by anyone else. She’s done an amazing job of that all on her own.

“Hey,” she says. Her tentative smile warms me from within, and the thought crosses my mind that inside I’ve felt cold for a long time.

The moment is awkward for both of us. I feel like I should say something charming or witty, but I don’t.

To hell with it.

It’s time to have some courage and take a risk. There’s nothing left for me to lose and if I don’t try now, I’ll always regret it. No more passing up the important moments in life; small moments like this one are what I’ve failed to embrace in the past.

I take a few steps toward her and reach out to hug the living shit out of her. She gasps and starts to giggle as she hugs me back; I laugh right along with her. This feels so incredible. Right.

This is my Jess. Always has been, always will be.

“Hi,” I whisper as I inhale the fruity scent of her thick hair.

“Hi back.”

I slowly release her from my bear hug and she’s smiling, really smiling. No more of that unsure, nervous smile, no. This is the most perfect smile a girl could ever smile.

“Sorry, I just went with my gut. I couldn’t help myself,” I tell her, trying to contain the excitement exploding inside my heart.

“It’s okay, but only because you’ve got my Vanilla Coke waiting for me,” she says, gesturing toward the table.

We both laugh and I pull out her chair for her before I sit down myself.

“You look good, Jess, real good.”

She blushes a little and tries to keep a straight face.

“Janice says I should say ‘thank you.’ I’m still working on the accepting compliments thing. So, thank you, Jace. You look nice yourself.”

Beads of condensation drip down from her glass as she takes a drink. Every gesture, every movement she makes has my complete attention. The curve of her neck, the bend of her elbow, and the way her hair rests on her shoulders...I take it all in, memorizing it, savoring it. After not seeing her for so long, I just can’t look away. I wouldn’t want to.

“So, have you decided what subject you want to teach yet?” I ask her, wanting to keep the conversation flowing.

“I’m thinking of English or Language Arts. I’d really love to be a swim coach too. I don’t know, though. I have a long way to go.” She looks out across the water and rests her chin on the heel of her hand. A calmness settles around her, one that I’ve never seen before, and I observe the moment silently, in awe of the girl before me. “I love it out here. It’s really beautiful,” she sighs.

“Yeah, it really is,” I say, my eyes never looking away from her.

She glances up at me, and the blush from before flares up again, even pinker than the last time.

“Stop it, Jace. You’re gonna embarrass me,” she responds shyly.

“What? I was just agreeing with you.”

“Uh huh.” She grins and swirls her straw around in her drink before taking a sip.

“I bought a little house on this lake, you know?”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “You did?”

“Yep, I moved in a couple days ago. I still have boxes everywhere, though. I hate unpacking.”

She’s grinning from ear to ear.

“That’s fantastic! Well, you shouldn’t be here with me. You should be unpacking. Your practice opens next week too. You have tons to do. I don’t want to take up your time.”

I shake my head at her. “Jess, it’s fine. I’ll work on it this afternoon. Trust me, unpacking is something that I can procrastinate on for a long time.”

She’s contemplating her response as I look on, and I can see the exact moment when she makes up her mind.

“I can help you, then. I’m here all day. I already spent the morning with Mom. I bet we could knock it all out today. Then you wouldn’t have to worry with it next week.”

Jess...in my house. Us...together all day. Yes and yes.

“Are you sure? I certainly won’t turn that offer down.”

She claps once as if she’s just won a dispute.

“It’s a deal, then. Let’s eat and get to it, Mr. Collins. I’ll just follow you over in my car when we leave here,” she states.

“I hope you’re up for some work because there are tons of boxes that I haven’t unpacked yet.”

“If you unpack as well as you swim, I know we’ve got our work cut out for us,” she quips with a wicked grin, “but I’m up for it.”

Damn, I love this girl.