Then She Fled Me (26 page)

“...
As I heard the sweet lark sing In the clear air of the day
...”

“
There! You see?
”
she said triumphantly.

His grey eyes were cold again.

“
Don
’
t run away with rosy dreams of a spectacular comeback, will you, Sarah?
”
he observed dryly.

She made a small, impatient movement, tossing back her black hair.

“
I
’
m not a fool,
”
she said.
“
If you say you can never play professionally again, I believe you. I can understand that you need more than mere facility to play in public, but that
’
s no reason why you should abandon the piano altogether. Surely there is pleasure for you in making music, just as there is for me in singing?
”

He looked at her oddly.

“
You think there might be?
”

“
Well, unless what you really care about is just the applause, and I don
’
t think you
’
re like that, Adrian.
”

He smiled reluctantly.

“
You
’
re very severe. No, I don
’
t think I
’
m like that, either.
”

She leaned across the piano and touched him shyly.
“
For me, and people like me, you would bring a great deal of pleasure,
”
she said.
“
You mustn
’
t despise the amateur.
”

“
Have I given you that impression?
”

“
Not exactly. But I
’
ve always felt that you would rather not play at all than descend to amateur status yourself, and I think that
’
s a—a denial of a gift.
”

There was a little silence, then he said gently:

“
How do you know these things?
”

“
I thought everyone knew,
”
she replied simply.

He looked tired, but the strain had gone from his face.
“
Everyone
’
s not as wise as you, Sarah,
”
he said.
“
I
’
ll consider your advice.
”

Kathy came running into the room, her cheeks pink, her eyes shining.

“
I heard you,
”
she cried.
“
Oh, Adrian, it
’
s wonderful!
“
You
’
ll play again after all
...
it makes me want to cry
...
we will have given you back to music, and
—”

“
Be quiet, Kathy,
”
said Sarah sharply.

“
Sarah!
”
said Kathy and looked as if she had been slapped.

“
Spare me the rhapsodies, they
’
re quite misplaced,
”
Adrian said and got up and left the room. It was the first time he had ever spoken to her without gentleness.

Kathy looked as if she was about to cry.

“
What
’
s the matter with you both?
”
she said.
“
I heard him playing—it was wonderful. I suppose you just don
’
t understand about music, but we should encourage him, we should coax him back to his
career.”

“
Oh,
Kathy,
”
said Sarah a little helplessly,
“
one doesn
’
t coax someone of Adrian
’
s ability into a mushy state of self deception.
”

“
Mushy—Adrian mushy!
”

“
No, he
’
s not, that
’
s the whole point. He
’
ll never be good enough to play again in public, that
’
s all.
”

“
How would you know?
”

“
He
knows and that
’
s sufficient. But I
’
d just got him round to the idea that that was no reason why he should refuse to play at all, when you had to come bursting in all dewy-eyed and rapturous.
”

The tears gathered on Kathy
’
s lashes.

“
I don
’
t know what you mean,
”
she said.
“
Of course I was excited—it sounded like a miracle. You couldn
’
t be expected to understand a musician as I would, but why do you have to interfere? Why do you always have to inter
fere
?
”

“
I don
’
t think I do that.
”

“
Yes, you do. You try to manage all our lives, me and Joe, and now Adrian. Just because father left you Dun Rury it doesn
’
t give you the right to arrange my affairs.
”

“
Sarah
’
s pointed face looked suddenly a little pinched.

“
I don
’
t want to manage your affairs, Kathy,
”
she said.
“
You and Joe—well, we all thought you would have him in the end—so did poor Joe—but that
’
s got nothing to do with this. Oh, darling, why are we quarrelling? We never quarrel.
”
She put her arms round her sister and tried to draw her close, but Kathy pushed her away.

“
It was you who started the whole thing, telling me to be quiet in front of Adrian, both of you shutting me out when I
’
m the one person in this house who can really understand what his accident has meant to him.
”

“
All right, Kathy,
”
Sarah said wearily.
“
Perhaps he will explain it to you better than I can. I
’
m sorry if I hurt your feelings.
”

She went quietly from the room, and a few minutes later Adrian saw her from the nursery window running with that now familiar urgency down the snowy drive and out through the gates.

She returned late, troubled about her quarrel with Kathy, but she found her sister sewing by the snug fire, and she lifted a smiling face and said in her usual gentle tones:

“
I was silly, Sarah. Adrian has explained to me. I spent a lovely afternoon in the nursery.
”

Sarah came to the fire and stood warming her frozen fingers.

“
Kathy
—”
she said uncertainly, but Kathy raised her head again and her eyes were soft and untroubled.

“
I
’
ve said I was silly, Sarah,
”
she said.
“
And I
’
m sorry I was cross. I wish the snow would go. We
’
re all cooped up here too much together.
”

But the snow still lay, and a few days later the stable roof collapsed.

“
I felt it would,
”
said Sarah gloomily, surveying the damage.
“
That means a new roof before I
’
m ready to pay for it.
”

With Nolan and the garden boy
’
s help she managed to patch up the hole and stuff it with straw to keep the worst of the cold out, but it was only the beginning of a series of small disasters. Frozen pipes, choked gutters and an ominous crack in the east wall of the house.

“
Oh, well,
”
Sarah said, shrugging off the responsibilities she could not meet,
“
i
t will all have to wait till the summer.
”

“
How long is it since anything was done to the house?
”
Adrian asked.

“
I don
’
t know. Long before Father
’
s death. He never bothered much the last years. He said the place would stand for ever.
”

“
Have you any idea of how touch it would cost to put things in order?
”

“
No. An awful lot, Uncle B. says. More than I shall ever have.
”

“
Yet you hang on?
”

“
Yes, I hang on,
”
she said, and her face wore the old crusading look.
“
I shall hang on if it falls down about my ears.
”

“
I believe you would,
”
he said and smiled.

Adrian took his usual morning stroll while his rooms were being done, and sometimes Kathy joined him, charming in a knitted
scarlet hood and gloves to match, slipping a hand through his arm and quoting verse.

“
It
’
s like a fairy-tale, isn
’
t it?
”
she would say, surveying the frozen countryside with the glistening mountains dipping down to the lough.
“
It
’
s like Hans Andersen, or that poem of Keats, or the music you played me from the third act of
La Boheme
.”

“
Yes, it
’
s beautiful,
”
he said, smiling indulgently at her flights of fancy.
“
But, like many beautiful things,
it
has its drawbacks.
”

“
What has its drawbacks?
”
asked Sarah, appearing from the yard with a shovel.

“
Beauty,
”
he replied with a grin, enjoying her surprised expression.

“
Has beauty drawbacks?
”
she asked, looking puzzled.

“
It can have, but actually we were talking about the snow.
”

“
Oh, the snow! Well, yes, that
’
s certainly having its drawbacks. What a good thing Miss Dearlove isn
’
t still with us. She
’
d have found a tiny frozen leprechaun clinging to an icicle.
”

Kathy giggled.

“
Still,
”
she said,
“
I was just saying it does look fairy-like with the mountains all wrapped in snow. What
’
s that song from
The Immortal Hour,
Adrian?
‘
How beautiful they are, the lordly ones who dwell in the hills, the hollow hills..
.’
”
Sarah leaned on her shovel, and sang softly:

“
‘
How beautiful he is, the Flinty One
...
’ ”

Kathy looked a little shocked, but Adrian grinned.

“
If you
’
re not careful, one of these days I
’
ll come out of the hollow hills and eat you up,
”
he said, and she darted away, brandishing her shovel.

“That was rather rude,” Kathy said to her later. “You oughtn’t to have let him know what we used to call him in private. He might be hurt.”

Sarah grinned.

“Have a sense of humor, darling,” she said, “Adrian doesn’t mind.”

Kathy stuck out her underlip like a child.

“
You don’t know. And we called him the Flinty One before we knew he wasn’t really. I wouldn’t like him to misunderstand.”

“Oh, Kathy!” Sarah dropped a kiss on her sister’s head and ran away
.