Then Comes Marriage (26 page)

Derek puts his lips to my neck and I twist, arms going around him. I pull him onto me and kiss him hard, tasting myself on his lips.
 

“Rachel,” he moans, lowering himself on me. I run my nails up through his hair, inhaling deep. My breasts crush against him. I take his chin in my hand and turn his face up so I can kiss him again.
 

I kiss him tenderly, wanting him to know how much he means to me. I kiss him slowly, never wanting this to end. I hold him tight against me, heart beating in sync with his, and wish I could kiss away the pain that he holds onto, the pain that’s buried so deep inside he doesn’t know how to let it go.
 

We don’t stop kissing as me moves between my legs. The tip of his dick presses against me. He melts to me, groaning with lust.
 

“I fucking want you,” he growls.

“And I need you.” I lift my hips and he pushes inside. I cry out in pleasure, and his cock fills me perfectly. He thrusts in, holds himself there for a second, then pulls out so he can push back in again. He continues to kiss me until I can’t breathe. I turn my head, gasping for air as another orgasm takes over. I bend my knees and dig my nails into the flesh on his back.
 

Only a moment later, Derek’s breathing quickens. He buries his head into my neck as he comes. Propped up on his elbows, he lets out a deep breath then kisses me again. Keeping my legs wrapped around him, we both collapse onto the bed, panting. Derek slides out and rolls us over, pulling me onto his chest. He reaches for my discarded towel at the foot of the bed. I wipe myself clean and toss the towel on the ground.

He runs his fingers along the curve of my hip and kisses my forehead. We stay like that for several minutes, unmoving and not talking. The wind and the rain continue on, relentless, but right here, in this little room in the dark, everything is standing still. I listen to Derek’s heartbeat slow down, absentmindedly running my fingers along his chest.
 

“I should have pulled out,” Derek says. “I didn’t think about it.”
 

“I didn’t either,” I say since the thought hadn’t occurred to me either. “I have an IUD, so as long as you don’t have any diseases, we’re good.”
 

“IUD?”

“Yeah, that little birth control thing they shove inside your uterus.”
 

“That sounds painful.”
 

“It is, well was,” I say with a laugh. “Do you have any diseases I should know of?”
 

“Syphilis,” he answers without missing a beat. “And a raging case of gonorrhea. You’ll want to get those taken care of. The rash itches like you wouldn’t believe.”
 

“That is not funny!”
 

Derek laughs. “I don’t have anything. We have to get physicals for work once a year. I was given a clean bill at my last one.”
 

“You’ll be happy to know I am too. I actually had myself tested after I found out my fiancé was cheating. And that’s probably like the worst thing to bring up when we’re still naked and cuddling.”
 

“You can talk about anything and I’ll be okay with it right now,” Derek says. “Can I ask you something personal?”
 

“We’re past personal. Ask away.”
 

“How did you do it? How did you not let that break you? I mean, finding out you’ve been cheated on just months before your wedding would fuck up a lot of people. I know you said that things weren’t all that great between you, but still…how did you get out okay?”
 

I can’t see his expression through the dark, but I know he’s asking not just for me, but for himself. Because he went through something awful too and he wasn’t able to come out alive.
 

“I didn’t want to be bitter,” I say carefully. “I’ve seen what a lifetime of bitterness does to a person, how holding onto shit you can’t control ruins you. I didn’t want to let him do that to me. And as angry as I was, I had to find the good in it, because no matter what, there’s good in everything—well, I mean with the exception of like really horrible things—and we just have to look hard to find it. My relationship ended horribly and Travis was an ass on more than one occasion, but it wasn’t bad the whole time.”

“I’m not following…how can you find good in that?”

I take his hand in mine, lacing my fingers through his. “I met you.” As the words leave my mouth, I’m hit with emotion. Derek was supposed to be a rebound, a sexy fling to pass the time on the island. I had it in my head that he would be the spring break hookup I never had, and I’d leave here sexually satisfied and missing only the memory of his dick.
 

But we didn’t succumb to our lust until right now, and it wasn’t due to lack of opportunity. It was out of respect, and you don’t respect a fling in a way that means you avoid hooking up. That kinda voids the whole “fling” thing, right?
 

I don’t love Derek, not at this moment. But I can’t deny I have feelings for him, and that those feelings are pretty intense.
 

In a matter of days, we’re both going home to very different parts of the country. I’m still trying to figure shit out and a relationship is the last thing my rather conflicted head needs.
 

But what about my heart? My stupid, forever-hopeful heart, telling me that it’s possible to find the right person at the worst time.

Chapter Eighteen

Derek

Somewhere in the night, the power came back, kicking on the air and cooling off the room. Both of us fell asleep quickly, worn out from everything that happened. I slept until dawn before waking, and I’m still awake and unable to fall back asleep.
 

Though this time around, I can’t blame insomnia. Next to me, naked and cuddled up close, is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. I don’t want to get up and get out of this bed. I don’t want to leave this crappy motel room and go back to the resort.
 

And I sure as hell don’t want to go back to Dallas.

Angst builds in me when I think about saying goodbye to Rachel, knowing that the last time I ever see her is near.
 

It doesn’t have to end. Not forever, right? Though if we pursued things, how would it work? I know lots of people are in long distance relationships, but will it work for us? Does Rachel even want a relationship with me? My heart beats for her, and for the first time since I found out that Ben wasn’t my son, I feel hope.
 

Being with Rachel doesn’t just make me happy. Being with Rachel makes me a better person. I think back to her words about not wanting to be bitter, about not wanting to shut down her heart.
 

That’s exactly what I did.
 

I got dealt a bad hand and let it ruin me. I closed everyone else out and stopped caring about myself. I got careless when it came to my own life, and that put others at risk. I couldn’t see it then, but I do now. And it’s all thanks to her.

I pull the sheet up over her shoulders and wrap my arm around her. In her sleep, she snuggles in closer. Her eyes flutter open and she mumbles my name.

“Go back to sleep,” I urge and give her a soft kiss. She nods and closes her eyes. I let my own eyes fall shut, and drift back to sleep, waking two hours later to the mattress sinking down. “Sorry,” Rachel whispers. She’s wearing her sundress and her hair is pulled up into a ponytail. Her freckles are darker from being in the sun for the last few days. “I was trying not to wake you up. This bed is so wobbly and the mattress is really squishy. I thought it was comfortable though. But I think I’d find even an air mattress comfy if I snuggle on it with you.”
 

I stick my arm out from under the blankets and pull her in, kissing her forehead. Rachel sticks her feet under the covers and moves close next to me. It’s like her body was made to fit with mine. Having her cuddled to me is perfect, and it’s like I found the last piece of the puzzle when I didn’t know it was missing.
 

I never believed all that talk about things needing to fall apart so they can be put back together, but right here in this dumpy motel nestled off the backroads in Maui, things seem pretty damn perfect.
 

“When is our check-out time?” Rachel asks.

“Eleven. But we can leave sooner if you want.”
 

She rolls over so that she’s facing me, and wraps her arms around me. “I was kinda hoping we could stay here for just a bit longer.” She bites her lip and smiles, bending her leg up and hooking it around me. “And by that I mean I want to have sex again.”
 

I can’t help but laugh at her bluntness. “I think that can be arranged,” I say, advancing on top of her. One kiss is all it takes, and I’m ready for her again. I put myself between her legs. She runs her hands down my back and grabs my ass.
 

“I forgot you were still naked,” she whispers in my ear. “Talk about a good surprise.” She turns her mouth in and nips my skin. Fuck, she is hot. Her hands travel up my body and she pushes me away from her and down on the mattress.

“What are you doing?” I blurt, already missing her skin against mine.

She throws the blankets off me and takes my cock in her hand. “Returning the favor,” she says coyly and moves down.

Fuck.
“If that’s what you…you want.” I let out a moan as she works. I watch her, tension and pleasure building until I’m about ready to come. Then I reach down and stop her, bringing her up, and moving on top. I kiss her neck while pulling up the hem of her dress.
 

She’s not wearing underwear and is as hot as I am. I rub her clit, heightening her desire, then bring my hand up and position myself between her again. Rachel pushes me away again—hard. She flips me over onto the mattress and climbs on top, guiding my cock inside with her hand.

It doesn’t take long for either of us to climax.
 

“You’re sure your birth control is, uh, effective?” I ask, cringing at how the words zap the romance out of the moment, and I curse myself for not bringing condoms. But that is life, right? And there’s nothing romantic about worrying over a pregnancy. My chest tightens at the thought of Rachel calling me a month or two from now to tell me she’s pregnant. I don’t want to go through that again.
 

Not having a baby, because I
do
want to be a father. But the doubt. We’re not a couple. She has no obligation to be exclusive with me. And questioning her while she deals with pregnancy symptoms is a dick thing to do.
 

But fool me once…

Rachel reaches for a washcloth and lays next to me. “Yeah, I think so. I mean, it’s always worked before.” She winces at her words. “Crap, sorry again. Talking about being with other people…hello foot, meet mouth.”
 

“I’m not going to imagine you with other people—well, maybe another woman—but I’m not oblivious to the fact that you’re an adult who can sleep with whoever she wants. Plus, you
were
engaged…”
 

“Hah, right,” she snorts. “My sex life before wasn’t all that great, which makes sense in hindsight since that douchebag was getting it elsewhere.” She shakes her head. “But enough about that…”
 

I push her hair out of her eyes and bring her against me, kissing the top of her head. If I was lucky enough to have her accept my marriage proposal, I’d never even think about straying. Her ex-fiancé is a fucking idiot.
 

Is his loss my gain? Can Rachel and I make something out of this? I’m not afraid of much, but asking her how she feels, if she thinks there’s something between us, terrifies me.
 

“I’m starving,” Rachel says and gets out of bed. I stretch out, then get up too, needing to use the bathroom. I join her at the little table, eating the last of the banana bread and water.

“I suppose we should set off in search of food,” I say. “Before we run out and it turns into a
Lord of the Flies
situation.”
 

Rachel laughs, and I realize that it’s one of the best sounds in the whole world. There is no way I’m letting her go.
 

~*~

“You have seven voicemails from your mom,” Rachel says, holding my phone. We’re nearing the hotel and finally have cell service again.

“Seriously?”
 

“Yup. And at least a dozen texts. A few from your sister too. All asking where are you. The last one is from your mom saying she’s calling the Maui police to file a missing person report.”
 

“It hasn’t even been long enough to file. I should call her back, I guess.”
 

“Yes, call her now. I think it’s cute she worries about you.”
 

“Cute?” I question. “You mean annoying as fuck? I’m an adult, and I’m a cop. I don’t need to check in with her all the time.”
 

“Now that I’m back at home, my dad makes me let him know when I’m leaving and then when I get to my destination. And you’re right…it is annoying. It makes me wonder if I’ll be this anxious when I have my own kids to worry about.”
 

“You will be,” I say without thinking. Because I was. I still am, even though Ben has been out of my life for a year and isn’t mine. “I would assume, I mean.”
 

“Yeah. And I’m guessing the fact that you were in a bad accident when you were a kid only ups the worry for your mom.”
 

“Oh, it does,” I say. “Even still.” I take the phone from Rachel and call my mom. She answers on the first ring and scolds me like I’m a child for not telling her where I was last night during the storm. Her mood turns really fast when she learns I was with Rachel. My mom, aunt, and cousins are going horseback riding and won’t be back to the resort until tonight. I hang up and turn to Rachel.

“I know I said we should go rappelling today, but do you want to postpone it until tomorrow?”
 

Tomorrow. My last day. My flight leaves in the morning but I don’t bring that up. Not yet. She knows, and will remember eventually. But right now the promise of tomorrow is all we have. You don’t know what might happen, after all. I want to slow down time and savor every minute, ever second with Rachel.