Theirs (2 page)

Chapter
Two

The Hardest Part Is
Coming

After
Lilly had gotten a trunk load of supplies, she headed over to Riley’s house.
She’d gotten the balls to call him when she’d gotten to her parents’ cabin, and
he’d invited her over for dinner.
Tallin
would be
there, and even though she’d known these men her entire life, seeing them again
after three years made this whole situation feel so strange.

The
truth was she didn’t know what to say, and even though she’d have to figure
that out pretty damn fast given that she would be seeing them shortly,
everything in her seemed like it was at a standstill.

Even
though the weather forecast hadn’t called for snow for a couple more days,
there was a light flurry blowing in the air, covering the ground, and making
the visibility sketchy ten feet in front of her. The higher she drove into the
mountains, the more ominous the sky appeared, and the more her nerves rose with
the idea that she’d be seeing her guys again. She just wished they were in
different circumstances.

Finally
seeing Riley’s massive cabin up ahead, she breathed a content, yet apprehensive
sigh. It had been so long since she’d been up here, since she’d seen him. But
seeing the cabin brought back so many wonderful feelings that she couldn’t help
but smile at the memories that played through her mind.

She
pulled into the driveway and parked next to
Tallin’s
truck, her heart beating hard and fast and her palms sweating. He had an emblem
and insignia of the Marines on the back of his truck, and as she tightened and
loosened her hands on the steering wheel, she thought about what she would say
to them.

Knowing
the boys planned on making dinner and wanting to contribute something, she
grabbed the bottle of red wine she’d picked up at the store. As she made her
way toward the door, the wind picked up and blew snow in her direction. She
picked up her pace and got to the front door, breathing heavily not because
she’d rushed or because of the weather, but because she was so damn nervous.

Once
she reached the porch, it shielded her slightly from the weather onslaught.
Although she could have just walked right in, knowing they wouldn’t have cared,
she hadn’t seen them for three years, and the thought of just bursting into
Riley’s home seemed obtrusive.

She
took hold of the icy brass knocker in the center of the rustic wood door and
brought it down. It took a few seconds, but then the door was opened, and
there, standing in the entryway, was
Tallin
. Standing
at six and a half feet tall, his big, imposing frame had her craning her head
back to look him in the face. His dark hair was short, his blue eyes a contrast
to his golden skin and dark colored hair. His expression was stony at first,
but it was as if seeing her had changed that to one of happiness.

“Lilly,”
he said her name in that steely, deep voice, one that had a shiver racing up
her spine. He broke into a smile, all straight and white teeth,
his
tattoos peeking out from under the collar of his shirt.

He
reached out and pulled her inside, and the heat and scent of him slammed into
her. When the door shut she was left standing there, so close to him, knowing
that she should feel guilty for being happy to see him given the circumstances,
but not able to help how good it felt to see him.

“Damn,
it’s so good to see you, especially because of…” He didn’t finish, but she knew
what he was going to say, knew he was going to mention Christian.

He
pulled her again him and wrapped his massive arms around her. She rested her
head on the center of his chest, closed her eyes, and just absorbed how good it
felt to be held by him.

“God,
I missed you, Lilly.”

His
voice was deep and rough, a husky timbre as she heard him inhale against her
hair. She could have cried right then and there from the sound of his voice
alone, but a spark of willpower gave her the strength she needed to carry on.

“I
missed you, too.”

They
stayed in that embrace for a suspended moment. They broke away, and
Tallin
moved back, just staring at her.

“What?”
She laughed at the expression that crossed his face. His dark hair was
disheveled, and he regarded her solemnly with his forest green eyes.

“Nothing.
I just really missed you.”

She
smiled, not about to let herself get wrapped up in her emotions. She was
already feeling stretched and worn down with the feelings bombarding her over
Christian’s death. Letting herself cry now would only mean she wouldn’t be able
to stop.

“I
missed you, too,
Tallin
.” She glanced around the
grand foyer. “Something smells delicious. Riley’s cooking, I take it?”

“Yeah,
he wanted to make tonight nice for the reunion, even if it’s not a happy
get-together.”

Tallin
sounded so torn, something she
rarely saw from him. He’d always been the strong, alpha friend, the bad boy
that didn’t let his emotions be known. Right now he wasn’t trying to hide how
much he was hurting.

She
took her coat off, hung it up, and followed
Tallin
into the kitchen. Once in the big, open room,
Tallin
leaned against the wall, crossing his big arms over his chest while watching
her. She drew her gaze to Riley, whose back was to her as he worked at the
stove. It was clear he was unaware they were standing there. He turned around,
his blond hair cut close to his scalp. His thin glasses made him seem scholarly
and intellectual, both of which were true.

She
couldn’t stop her smile at seeing him again after so long.

He
grabbed some ingredients off the counter, his gaze momentarily flickering to
her and then back down. His head snapped up a second later, the emotion on his
face clear as he stared at her.

“Lilly,”
he said her name softly, his voice deep.

She
smiled and looked between the two men she loved so much, her chest seizing when
memory after memory tore through her. It was just like old times, except
Christian wasn’t sitting at the table with a beer in his hand telling his corny
jokes. That was all it took for her emotions to strangle her—finally seeing
their faces, being back in Burkett, and not caring if they saw her breakdown.

She
couldn’t hold back any longer, not as she glanced between them and then at the
empty table, wishing Christian was there, smiling at her. She hunched over, the
pain coursing through her, stealing everything from her. The tears spilled over
as she finally let the grief she felt for Christian wash through her.

Riley
and
Tallin
were by her in the next instant, wrapping
their arms around her and saying soft things, but she couldn’t hear them,
didn’t understand their words over the beating of her heart and the pain that
encompassed every part of her.

Strong,
heavy sobs wracked her, and if it weren’t for them holding her up, she would
have fallen to her knees, let her feelings take her down.

“Sweetheart.
Please don’t cry, Lilly. It breaks my heart,” Riley whispered against her hair.

She
let them lead her out to the living room and onto the couch.
Tallin
handed her a box of tissues as he sat down next to
her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close to his big,
hard body. She wiped her tears away. Riley moved beside her and sat down next
to her.

Lilly
had wiped her tears, but she continued to cry, a torrent, a physical show of
her emotions.

“It’s
okay, sweetheart,” Riley said, rubbing her hand that rested on her thigh. “Let
it out.” He sounded in pain, and when she looked at him she saw the worry on
his face as he watched her.

 
Her chest heaved as she squeezed her eyes shut
and tried to calm herself in front of the two most important men in her life.

“It’s
okay to cry, Lilly. We’re here and not going anywhere,”
Tallin
said, his hand on her back, big, steady, warm.

She nodded, but didn’t want to
break down in front of them. She looked down at where Riley’s hand rested on
hers. She brought her gaze back to his face, his brows drawn together with
concern and sadness. She looked into those amber-colored irises and saw love
and kindness reflected back, understanding and compassion. She turned and
looked at
Tallin
, his jaw set tight as he tried not
to show his emotions.

“I’m
going to miss him so much.” She lowered her head to stare at the ground for a
second before squeezing her eyes shut again. Hot tears tracked down her cheeks.

“We
all will, sweetheart. We have to get through this. Christian wouldn’t have
wanted us to cry over him. He would have wanted us to stick together, to keep
each other strong.”

She
nodded more to herself than at what Riley had said. She knew he spoke the
truth, but she didn’t know if she would be able to let her grief pass.

“Let
her get it out, Riley,”
Tallin
said and started
rubbing her back.

“I
didn’t even get to see him before he passed away.” She choked up on the last
few words. She clenched her hands into fists, curling her fingers into her
palms. She was so angry with herself for not being able to hold it together,
especially in front of Riley and
Tallin
.

“Don’t
beat yourself up, Lilly,” Riley said and grabbed her hand in his, giving it a
squeeze. “We didn’t get to see him before he passed either. It was weeks since
the last time we saw him. I talked to him a week ago, but it seems like forever
ago now.”

“It’s
true. I haven’t seen him since last month, and I haven’t talked to him in a
couple of weeks.” The pain in
Tallin’s
voice was evident.

She
stared into
Tallin’s
face, finally seeing a sliver of
sadness break his otherwise steely composure.

“He’d
been working in Silver Spring for the last week on some big construction
contract. He was actually on his way home. We were all going to get together
since it had been so long.” Riley shook his head, stopping for a second. “He
was ten miles from his place when he ran over some black ice and went into a
ravine.”

Lilly
placed her hand over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut. She’d known what had happened,
but hearing it from Riley, from one of the men she loved so much, that knew
Christian the way she did, was so hard. More tears came, but she got control of
herself, knowing she needed to be strong. Despite the fact she didn’t want to
envision it, Lilly couldn’t help but could picture the whole horrific accident
in her mind.

“He
must have been so scared,” she whispered. She tried to push the thoughts away,
but they were like a broken record, playing over and over again.
Tallin
brought her closer, and she rested her head against
his chest.

“The
way he crashed made his death instant,”
Tallin
said
softly, but it didn’t make her feel any better.

Even
though the pain was indescribable, she was glad Riley and
Tallin
weren’t keeping this from her. She wanted to know the details, wanted to know
how one of her best friends had left this world.

Call
it sick or dark, but she needed to know.

“I’m
glad he didn’t suffer.” She pulled away and turned to look into Riley’s eyes,
knowing he would have been one of the first people to be at the scene.

“We
are, too, sweetheart.” Riley smiled softly, sadly. Riley reached a hand out and
brushed away one of her tears.

“Things
will be okay, Lilly.”
Tallin
continued to rub her
back in slow and gentle, but sure strokes

“I
don’t think anything will ever be okay,
Tallin
.”

Tallin
embraced her again and kissed the
top of her head. “I hope that’s not true.”

She
didn’t want it to be true, but right now life seemed pretty meaningless, even
with Riley and
Tallin
beside her.

Chapter
Three

Saying Goodbye

This
was a special kind of pain, the kind that had someone wishing they were numb,
that the world would just open up and swollen them whole. That’s how Lilly
felt. She wanted nothing to be everything, wanted to be able to turn off her
emotions, to turn off everything in her so this wasn’t a reality, so this
wasn’t the cold, hard truth.

Standing
under the awning at Christian’s gravesite, she wished she could see him once
more, to talk to him, tell him she loved him. The calling hours had been closed
casket because of the accident, of the damage he’d suffered. Thinking about
that had her heart hurting, had her feeling like she was on the cusp of passing
out.

My poor, sweet Christian.

Riley
stood on her left,
Tallin
on her right. Both men framed
her, their arms wrapped around her body, giving her support and love. She
wished her parents had been able to fly out, but with her mother breaking her
ankle and not being able to travel, and her father not wanting to leave her,
they couldn’t be here to say goodbye to their pseudo-son. The storm would have
also made it impossible for them to fly not the closest airport by Burkett. She
knew they wished they could have been here.

The
air was frigid, the storm quickly approaching, sooner than had been predicted.
It was like the weather was angry and mourning the loss of Christian, as well.

She
stared at his coffin and wrapped her wool coat more tightly around herself.
Tallin
and Riley must have felt her movement, or maybe
they’d been watching her, because a second later they were moving even closer
to her, their arms wrapping more tightly around her body. She was grateful for
their big bodies blocking the cold, keeping her stable. Even their heat
couldn’t get rid of the piercing cold that spread throughout her body at the
thought of Christian lying in that algid box all alone.

As
the words were being said about his life, the passages reflecting on life in
general, she couldn’t help but zone out as her mind thought of everything else.

Last
night she’d cried until she’d fallen asleep on Riley’s couch, both of her two
guys sleeping right beside her, holding her, giving her their strength even as
she slept.

Her
eyes felt swollen and red, and her muscles were so sore from the way she shook
from crying, that her entire body ached. She was thankful she had Riley and
Tallin
. They were her rocks.

She
reached out, grabbed Riley’s hand, and leaned her head against
Tallin’s
arm. Placed on top of the casket was a bundle of
red roses, their color startling compared to the single white lily she had
placed next to
them.
Seeing that single white flower
brought back so many memories that they threatened to choke her.

A
lily had been the first flower Christian had ever given her. They had been
going to their freshman homecoming dance, her three boys being her dates. They
had each given her a flower.
Tallin
had given her a
pink rose, Riley a yellow tulip, and Christian a white lily because he thought
it was funny that she’d been named after a flower. She still had those three
flowers, now dried and wilted, hanging upside down on her bedroom wall.

She
smiled, remembering his handsome face as he had offered her the flower, his
dark auburn hair disheveled in a way that let everyone know he didn’t care what
he looked like. Even though she loved those wonderful memories, they hurt her
tremendously.

As
the priest finished the sermon and said his final words, she stared up at
Tallin
. His eyes were set, hard, and his jaw was clenched.
Even though she knew how upset and devastated he was over this tragedy, the
hard-willed bad boy in him refused to show any weakness. She looked over at
Riley, his expression actually showing his hurt even though no tears fell. The
doctor in him, that caring and compassionate person he was, couldn’t help but
express the loss of someone so important.

She
squeezed Riley’s hand tighter and slipped her arm through the crook of
Tallin’s
. As she watched the coffin slowly sink into the
earth, she knew that from this day forward, she would forever be changed.

****

Reality Sucks

Lilly
sat on the couch in Riley’s living room, friends and family mingling as they
spoke softly, sharing remembrances of Christian. Classic rock played throughout
the room, Christian’s favorite. After the funeral, everyone gathered at Riley’s
place since it had the extra room. Everyone was reminiscing about Christian,
even though sadness filled every vacant spot. She sat in one of the chairs and
stared out the big picture window from across the room. The sky was a dark
shade of gray as the snow steadily fell to the ground in thick flakes.

Ava,
Christian’s younger sister, stood by the window, her auburn hair so much like
her brother's. Ava was only twenty, ten years younger than her brother, but
they had been close. Lilly got up with her red plastic cup in hand, filled with
fruit punch someone had poured for her, which she now found flavorless. She
stopped in front of the window, just staring out as the snow continued its
thick descent to the ground. After a moment of silence, Lilly reached out and
grabbed Ava’s hand. The young girl’s fingers were cold when she gripped them
tightly. They didn’t speak for several moments, and when she felt the small
squeeze Ava gave her hand, she knew that even though Ava had to be devastated,
she would somehow pull through. She did, after all, have her brother’s
unyielding strength.

“What
am I going to do?” Ava whispered.

Lilly
glanced over at Ava, the freckles covering her cheeks a startling contrast to
her porcelain-colored skin. Ava’s features were so much like Christian’s that
it made Lilly’s breath halt. Ava's blue eyes were bright and moist, but Lilly
could tell the girl hadn’t shed any tears yet.

“We
were supposed to go to Steamboat in the summer. He told me they had the most
beautiful hiking trails.”

“Oh,
honey.” Lilly embraced Ava, the girl finally crying as her slender body shook
from the force of her emotions. “I’m so sorry. You have to stay strong,
though.” Grief overtook her, and with fat tears falling down her cheeks, Lilly
pulled Ava away.

“I
can’t. It hurts too
bad
,” Ava said, her voice pained.

Lilly’s
heart was breaking, and she couldn’t stop her own tears from falling. “I know,
but you know how your brother would have scoffed over us crying. You know how
stubborn he was, demanding that we smile because it uses less muscles.”

The
corner of Ava’s lips lifted slightly, and Lilly brushed a tear away from her
cheek. Even though she told Ava to be strong, Lilly really was a hypocrite
because she was weak, so very weak that it took so much effort to even breathe
in this moment. She didn’t know what to do either, but she felt something
inside of her grow stronger at seeing Christian’s baby sister crying. Ava had
the same startling color of blue eyes as Christian, and it broke Lilly’s heart
more because if she zoned everything out it was almost as if she were looking
into his. She couldn’t show weakness in front of her. No, she needed to be
strong so that Ava could draw strength from her, so that she could know life
wasn’t over.

“It’s
going to be painful, but that’s how you know you’re alive.” Lilly brushed a
strand of stray hair from Ava’s forehead, quoting one of Christian’s many
sayings and knowing the young girl had recognized it.

“The
first time he told me that, Collin Spencer had just broken up with me. I had
been acting like a madwoman, crying and snapping at everyone. He had sat me
down and told me that exact statement. I had been so pissed at him, telling him
to shove it up his ass.” Ava started to laugh, but soon that became a hard sob.
“I wish I never told him that,” Ava said, sounding heartbroken.

Lilly
remembered when, years ago, Collin Spencer, Ava’s first real boyfriend whom she
had loved, had broken up with her. Christian had told her how crazed his sister
was acting, crying nonstop, yelling at everyone. Lilly had told him she was an
emotional teenager and had just had her heart broken. He had wanted to strangle
Collin. Being the devoted big brother he was, he’d felt the need to protect his
baby sister. That was Christian, always so caring, dedicated, loyal, and
loving.

“Christian
had laughed about that actually.”

Ava
looked into her face, her cheeks streaked with her drying tears as she sniffed.

“Really?”

“Of
course. You know how Christian was. He laughed about stuff like that.” Lilly
could tell by the way Ava’s shoulders slightly relaxed that since her brother’s
death, she had done nothing but think about every fight they’d had and every
detrimental thing she had ever said. Marie, Christian’s mother, stepped up next
to her daughter, the woman having the same auburn hair and blue eyes as her
children. Marie’s eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, and even though Marie
smiled and feigned strength, Lilly couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for
her.

Lilly
had spoken with Marie earlier, both of them talking about Christian as a child
and about how rambunctious he had been. They had shared memories and tears for
the man Christian had been. That had been a hard conversation for Lilly, but
she was glad she had been able to talk about them.

Marie
pulled her daughter into an embrace, but after a few seconds led Ava over to
Michael, Christian and Ava’s father.

Lilly
looked at the three of them, their family torn apart and each trying to keep
the pieces together. It was heart-wrenching to witness and something Lilly
couldn’t handle. She turned away and leaned against the window frame, taking a
drink of her flavorless punch as she continued to stare at the snowfall.

“You
can’t truly know life until you’ve accepted death.”

Lilly
didn’t need to turn and see who spoke in that deep tone. Riley was right next
to her, his words spearing into her heart and clenching it in pain.

“You
and your elucidations. You were like Christian in that sense.”

She
felt his hand rub up and down her back.

“It’s
true though.”

“I
know.” And she did know that, even if it was a hard thing to come to terms
with. “Everything happens for a reason. Isn’t that what Christian always said?”
She turned and stared into Riley’s eyes, seeing the dark circles that lay under
them and the haunted expression he held. She lifted her hand and cupped his
cheek. “I love you, Riley. I want you to know that since you never know what
life has in store.”

“Don’t
say stuff like that.”

She
couldn’t help the sad smile that tilted her lips. “What? Don’t say that I love
you?” She knew what he had been referring to, but she could see that a little
teasing would be therapeutic. He shook his head and breathed out, his
expression hard still. She dropped her hand and looked back out the window.

“Don’t
start talking about death.”

“Why
not? Isn’t it all around us?” The words that came out of her mouth were barren
of any kind of emotion. Death surrounded her, and that seemed to be all she
could think about.

“What
happened to Christian was a fucking tragedy, an accident, but you will
not
let death encompass you.”

She
turned with a small amount of surprise as she stared at him. Riley rarely
swore, a true testament to the pain he was really feeling. “How can I not think
about death? Anyone of us could die at the drop of a hat. I didn’t even get to
tell Christian how much he meant to me. I won’t make that mistake again, not
with you,
Tallin
, or anyone else for that matter.”
She heard the determination in her own voice and wondered where it had come
from.

He
breathed out as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “It just breaks my
heart seeing you in so much pain.”

His
gaze locked with hers for a suspended moment before he leaned in and kissed the
top of her head. “I love you, too, Lilly, so damn much.” He walked away, his
head down, his movements unhurried.

As
he walked into the kitchen, her eyes moved over the room. She took in all the
blackness, all the sadness and grief despite the appearance of happiness. She
saw
Tallin
sitting on the stairs, his red cup in his
hand, his firearms braced on his thighs. He watched her intently. She smiled
softly at him, realizing
Tallin
hadn’t spoken more
than two words since last night. The funeral had been hard on all of them, but
staring into
Tallin’s
dark eyes, she knew he was
taking it hard even though he tried to appear strong.

She
pushed away from the window frame and walked toward him, stopping briefly to
gaze at the posters that were set up on easels around the room. The posters had
various pictures of Christian’s life glued to them, ranging from infancy to
adulthood. She stopped scanning the room and examined a picture that she knew
was recent, knew this because it was similar to the one Christian had sent to
her via text just a week ago. That had been their last conversation.