Authors: Leanne Davis
His arms tightened around her. “Complicated and gross works. Slow works too.”
“Should we go join everyone?”
He nodded. She stood up and he followed, only to grab her just before the door. He took her face between his hands. “I love you. Slow or not. My feelings are real.”
He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her softly. She only stopped when the peal of girlish squeals came from behind them. They quickly separated only to find Olivia, Ally and Kylie shrieking as they covered their eyes in the hallway. At the sound of their piercing screams and squeals, Vickie and Gretchen came out of another room. They scanned the hallway before glancing at each other. Then, much to Tracy’s shock, they also covered their eyes and screamed, “Gross!” in high-pitched tones.
Only when Vickie peeked through her fingers and smiled before flipping Tracy off, did Tracy’s heart finally relax. Vickie stuck her tongue out, gathering the girls around her as they all started chanting, “Tracy and Donny, sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G…”
She hid her face in her hands, but eventually smiled back when Vickie caught her eye again as she chanted. Maybe she wouldn’t lose her family after all. They still loved her. And it didn’t even seem to matter that, for once, she was not behaving perfectly.
“YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS ON THE line.”
Donny grabbed the phone when Zelda called through his open door before she returned to the accounts she was meticulously balancing. He snagged the receiver with one hand while continuing to type with the other. He was slammed. And still broke. After meeting with his accountant this morning, the forecast was: it would take another two years before he could get out of his current financial hole, pay his parents back, and get to a place where he could start earning a profit again. Of course, that was providing business stayed good and he continued to work the grueling hours he had been working for the last two years. He didn’t know for sure if he could make it happen, but intended to try his damnedest to succeed. He did not want to lose his house or business or have to declare bankruptcy. And he’d work his fingers to the bones before taking the easy way out.
Vickie’s demands weren’t any help, of course. But Tracy wasn’t really sympathetic to his complaints. Her comments were along the lines of
you play, you pay
. Still, even after a year since divorcing her, and settling a large portion of his formerly decent income with her, she still called Donny with miscellaneous demands. Last week, she wanted him to foot the bill on half a condo, and justified it by saying she needed it when Julia came over. He hung up, then called her back and offered to pay for half an apartment. He capped it with a price limit, and said it had to be within reason.
Vickie was back from Washington D.C. for only four months. She spent over a year there, and to date, her sobriety anniversary was the same date as when she and Donny decided to separate. He was proud of her and told her often. He showed it by allowing her increased visits with Julia. Julia stayed overnight with Vickie at least once a week. Once fully allowed
not
to be there for Julia, Vickie was surprisingly involved with her care now. She wasn’t the most natural mother, but she could definitely hold her own and she was happy with the increased visitation. It made Donny content to know his daughter wasn’t abandoned by her own mother.
Tracy refused to cross the line of becoming mother to Julia. She was good, as always, with her and loved her just as much as always, but she hung back too. She made it clear she was not ever stepping in as her surrogate mother. That was Vickie’s job.
It complicated things besides the three kids, and a not always sane, rational, or unbratty ex-wife. Tracy’s need for independence kept her focused on what she wanted from him. She worked insane hours, and so did he. The girls had constant scheduling conflicts and they sometimes didn’t see each other for days.
Ally and Kylie eventually became full on teenagers, but only recently ceased squealing, “Gross!” whenever they happened to catch Donny smooching with their mother. He never did more than peck her cheek or lips in front of them.
What they and no one else knew or saw was that he finally got Tracy all to himself. Somehow, they managed to find times to express their intimacy, and even if it came with a lot of hassle, waiting, and chaos, all their patience was worth it. Tracy was right; grownup dating was pretty hot too. There was so much anticipation. And arguing that actually had a purpose and resulted in change, even if it were a compromise. There was no more crazy, however, and no more pointless drama.
He held the phone to his ear. “What’s up? You have to cancel tonight?” Dinner with his parents. They were shocked, to say the least, at hearing who his next girlfriend was. They finally came around and understood, but only after seeing Tracy and him together and not imagining what should have been, but accepting what actually was.
“No. Maybe. I need to talk to you.” He dropped the file he was perusing and grabbed the receiver with more force.
“What’s wrong?” Tracy never sounded upset unless she was. “The girls okay?”
“Yes. For now.”
His stomach cramped.
No.
What could have her sounding so twisted in knots? “What is it, babe?”
She let a breath out into the phone. “They found him.”
“Him? Who?”
“Micah.”
Donny froze. He literally quit moving.
Micah?
Donny hadn’t thought seriously about him for two years. Three, since they last saw him. Micah fucking McKinley.
“Where are you?”
“Work.”
“I’ll be right there.”
“No. I have an important meeting.”
He sighed. They were always busy. Not even enough time to commiserate over Micah fucking McKinley. “What happened?”
“A detective called me. Micah…” her voice cracked. He braced himself, waiting to hear Micah died somehow. “They found him, Donny. They found him and brought him back to the state to be formally charged. Micah is back.”
“Holy shit. I’m speechless. Where was he? How was he found?”
“Someone recognized him. He was in Las Vegas, of all places, working as a card dealer. It doesn’t seem like he lived very well. He stole a lot of money, and spent it on me.”
“Doesn’t make up for what he did.”
“I know. I’m not sure what to feel. I never thought I’d see him again. He’s there in jail, and asked to see me. Should I?”
Donny leaned his head on the arm support by his desk. “I want to tell you no. But I think maybe, you should.”
“What should I tell the kids?”
“The truth, like you always do. All badass you. You just tell them and let them decide if they want to see him.”
She inhaled sharply. “Thank you. I’m so glad I have you by my side.”
“I’m glad to be there. But you’d be okay even if I weren’t.”
Silence followed his pronouncement. “I wasn’t okay after Micah left. I was lost. I had no sense of myself outside of us. I like having that now. I love that you let me have that. I love how I feel being us.”
He sat back down, forgetting Micah fucking McKinley for a moment. Lulled by her words, he turned his chair so Zelda couldn’t see him. “I love how everything feels with you.”
“Donny?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you come with me? To the police station? I know it can’t be easy for you, but I think I need to see him. I was married to him for twelve years. I share kids with him. I just need to do that.”
“I know. Of course, I will. Just tell me when.”
“Tonight. After work. I don’t want to draw it out.”
“Should we meet at your place first?”
“Yes. Six o’clock?”
“Sure.”
****
She didn’t know how she could find the courage to do this if Donny didn’t come with her. They stood before the small, one-story police station that housed Calliston’s undersized police force. Her stomach felt like worms were squirming around in it. Donny held her hand, squeezing it as she stopped before the front door. She could see their reflection in the glass. They were a handsome couple. He was tall and business neat, while she, looked also neat in her own blazer and slacks. Her hair was pulled back. Her makeup was subtle and classy, and her heels, low and appropriate. She was nothing like the woman Micah left, although she missed that woman sometimes. The stay-at-home mom, with the pretty house on the lake. She was happy. For many years, she was very happy building a home and family for her husband and kids. She never dreamed she’d become the woman she was today. A woman with her own career, and condo, and boyfriend. A woman whose almost high school-aged kids were as much her friends as they were her daughters.
She missed the days when they crawled around her feet, and their toys lay scattered all over the house. She missed having her entire day be about taking care of them. Or their big, toothy smiles and the way they watched her like she was the queen of the entire planet, because at age two, three, four, and five… she
was
to them.
There were a lot of good days before
the
bad one. There was no chance she would have ever become this new Tracy if not for Micah’s abandonment.
Donny suddenly stopped and spun her towards him. “I want to marry you. I’ve waited three years for the entire world to get over the shock of us being together. And for your kids to be old enough to deal with it, and mine to make sense of it. I’ve divorced your sister and sunk half my living into appeasing everyone’s surprise as well as my own guilt. I have paid the penance for a mistake I rushed into with Vickie. But it’s you I love. It’s you I want to come home to and make a life with. Micah McKinley left you, but I never will. You have me until the day I die. And I want you until the day you do. I know this isn’t the time or place… but before you take that step into your past, I want you to know that I want to be part of your future.”
She closed her eyes. His face was clear and loomed in her mind. She could see Micah’s dark eyes. And Donny’s. She could see herself as a young, excited bride. There wasn’t one thing shameful or doubtful when she stood at the altar to marry Micah. She knew, with complete conviction, she was marrying the right man. She remembered his face the day Ally was born. She remembered his panic the day Kylie fell against the coffee table and cut her head open. She remembered the hopes and dreams of first love and marriage and building a new family. She remembered how it felt to fall off the top of the world when it all ended. She remembered betrayal, and distrust and helplessness. She remembered feeling like a fool.
She also remembered finding love again. New love. Different love. But a love just as hopeful.
“Tracy?”
Donny’s tone was soft and unsure. He was waiting for her and wanted her. He was right there, in front of her. Ready to work for her, with her, and accept whatever she needed. He was more like her kids’ father than the one who abandoned them.
“I would have stuck by him.”
“What?”
“If Micah had just gone to prison, and taken his punishment, I would have waited for him. Through it all. Every single day of it, I would have stayed by his side. I would have visited him in jail and been the first to give him a second chance when he got out. He didn’t have to leave. I could have accepted it. I would have dealt with it. I would have loved him still.”
Donny reached out and put his hands under her arms. She felt like she was about to fall over. “I know you would have.”
He didn’t ask the obvious: what did this have to do with him? Or them? His gaze was apprehensive.
“The thing is: he didn’t want that. He didn’t want my devotion. He didn’t want a second chance. He threw away my love. He broke my heart. And he broke me.”
“I know. And you don’t want to go through that again with another marriage.”
Her eyes filled with tears. He lifted his hands to her face and wiped them with his thumbs. “Don’t cry. It’s okay. Really. I’m with you, Tracy, no matter what.”
She reached up and tucked her hands over his, shaking her head and taking both their hands with her. “I know you are. What I mean is, I know you wouldn’t do that to me. If it had been you in those circumstances, you’d have gone to prison, taken your punishment and returned to me. You would never have done anything to break me. All you’d do is put me back together and then step back and live your life
with
me. You would never leave me or hurt me if you could help it. I know that as much as I know my own name. And I love you, Donny Lindstrom, so yes, I will marry you.”
He didn’t move. Had he heard her? His face was blank, his eyes huge. “Did you just say yes?”
She nearly started jumping around, despite her heels. Her heart was beating erratically and her head was spinning. “Yes!”
He suddenly dropped his hands to her waist, lifted her up and planted his mouth over hers. “I’ll get you a ring, a huge one.”
“No,” she grabbed his hand. His big, capable, domineering, tender hand and covered it with her own. “I don’t need you or any other man getting me things. Getting me
more
. Just be with me. Stay with me. Live with me and for me instead of trying to give me things that I can damn well give to myself.”
He finally set her back on her feet. “Are you ready to go in? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this here. It’s just… I don’t know. I didn’t want you going in there to get sucked into all the pain he caused you,” he finished, but appeared in obvious distress.
She shook her head. “It was kind of perfect. Why not in front of the police station? After everything we’ve gone through, how can anything between us go wrong? I don’t need to go in there. For him to… what? Say he’s sorry? That he can’t fix it. Or recriminate me for moving on? I don’t want to hear his excuses or his apologies, or even if he has no apologies. I simply don’t need to hear it. Micah is not my problem, not anymore. He’s my past. He owns a chunk of my life, but not my future. Not even this moment. My girls can decide what they want to do. They are old enough. He is their father. They have an obligation to him. I do not, because he’s not my husband anymore. He’s not even my friend. He’s just part of my history. But you? You are my future.”
He simply took her hand, pulling her away from the police station. He took her home to have dinner with his parents, his daughter, her daughters and they celebrated their engagement with the people who loved and supported them the most.