Authors: Lane Hayes
“You are killing me.”
Jake’s grin was devilish and very satisfied. “Good. Don’t worry. We’ll get there. Hands on the bars.”
I wiggled seductively and arched my back. When Jake groaned, I smiled to myself until I was silenced by the first push of his lube-coated finger inside me. I gripped the rungs tighter and waited for my body to adjust before moving to indicate I was good.
“Fuck, you are so hot.” Jake added a second finger and twisted them to brush against my prostate. Pleasure overrode any bit of lingering discomfort, making me wild for more.
“I’m ready, Jake. Just do it. Fuck me.”
The telltale sounds of a condom being unwrapped were followed closely by the feel of his thick cock at my hole. I breathed deeply, willing my body to relax as he pushed inside me inch by inch. My knuckles were white on the bars as I struggled to relax and accommodate his girth. When he was finally inside me with his hands resting gently on my hips, I leaned back, wordlessly requesting him to move. He complied, setting a slow pace. I heard him whisper soothingly, telling me how beautiful I was, how sexy,
how much he wanted me, needed me. Nothing earth-shattering, and yet because the words came from Jake, I knew he meant them. I believed every compliment, from the sweetly romantic to the outrageously obscene. When he started to get a little raunchy, telling my how tight and hot I was, I went wild. I wanted hard and fast. Now.
I bucked back into his pelvis hard. He whooshed out a breath of surprise and took the hint. His fingers closed over mine on the iron bars as he leaned over and snapped his hips forward, fucking me with long sure strokes. I could feel his heat and sweat cover me, bathing us in a sensual veil. His mouth was on my neck, and I instinctively tilted my head to the side to capture his lips in a kiss while he drove into me relentlessly.
“Baby you’re so hot, so… oh God, I don’t wanna come yet.” He rested his forehead between my shoulder blades and urged me to move down and lay on my stomach. Once I was flat, he snaked his left leg around mine and turned us so we lay on our sides. The tempo slowed as he arranged me in his arms with his right elbow pillowing my head. He lifted my left knee to give him the extra momentum he needed to plunge inside me. When his left hand drifted to my cock, I knew I wouldn’t last. The wanton position left me decadently sprawled open while my lover stroked my aching flesh and fucked into me sweetly.
“Jake, I’m gonna come.” I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, hoping to stave off the inevitable a moment longer, but it was no use. I fell apart, quaking in his arms. He never stopped his steady rhythm. He milked my cock with sure fingers as his hips moved. Then he wrapped his arms around my chest and quickened his pace as his orgasm approached. He shook with the force of it, clutching at me as he came apart.
“Fuck.” He buried his face in my shoulder and kissed my neck.
“Hmm, yeah.”
We lay there for a moment, trying to catch our breath. I couldn’t move if I’d wanted to, and yet I felt weightless. There was beauty in the fragile balance of being grounded but unfettered, which made me feel strangely emotional and connected to him in a way that went well beyond our joined bodies.
“Bran, I….”
I turned to look in his eyes and was immediately overwhelmed by his transparent adoration. I offered him a small smile, but I couldn’t manage anything more. I was suddenly afraid. It was the oddest combination, like being given a set of wings you’re too frightened to use. I sought to reassure him, because he looked as baffled as me, but I had no words of wisdom. I’d never felt anything like this before. Ever. Was this what love was?
S
EPTEMBER
IN
LA was torturous for kids going back to school or shop owners like me who marked inventory loosely by holidays. The temperature outside screamed summer, but the calendar said otherwise. Halloween-inspired goodies had begun arriving in earnest. As much as I adored the holidays, it didn’t seem possible another frenzied shopping season was about to commence.
I glanced down at Mack, lying next to the register. He looked the exact opposite of frenzied. It was getting harder to ignore my part-time mascot had slowed down considerably. I didn’t make a big deal about the changes I’d noticed over the summer months. Jake had to be as cognizant of Mack’s growing lethargy as me. We hadn’t discussed it, but I was beginning to worry.
A walk to get coffee from the corner shop had Mack clamoring excitedly to exit the store and make a beeline for the great outdoors. Halfway into the one-block walk, he slowed drastically, and by the time we returned, I was literally dragging him. If he’d been a small dog, I probably would have picked him up and carried him the rest of the way to put both of us out our misery. When we finally made it back, he retired to the office to sleep. For hours. He liked the cool quiet of the back room, and though he didn’t mind occasional visitors, he preferred his solitude.
One afternoon I dropped Mack at the house after work and went to the market to pick up a few things for dinner. I let myself in through the kitchen door to deposit the groceries rather than coming through the front as usual. I was greeted with silence. At first I thought he was sulking. Mack was used to being included and occasionally let us know we’d disappointed him by ignoring us for a few minutes as punishment. When I called his name a third time and he still hadn’t responded, I pushed aside the bag I was unloading and went to investigate with my heart in my throat.
Please let him be okay
, I prayed. I rounded the corner to the living room and came to an abrupt stop. Mack was lying on the hardwood floor. I couldn’t hear his breathing over the crazy beating of my heart. I swallowed hard and called his name again. The slightest twitch of his ear made me gasp with relief. I got on my hands and knees and crawled to his side, setting a tentative hand on his snout. He lifted his head and started wagging his tail like a madman. I laughed aloud and petted him, showering him with praise, telling him how clever and smart he was.
“All right then. You’re good, and now I’m running behind. I’m going to make dinner. You wanna come help?” I stood, brushing yellow dog fur from my navy linen trousers.
Mack’s tail wagged with more vigor as if to say Yes! but when he tried to stand, he struggled to get his hind legs under him. He slipped and fell to a sitting position before righting himself and trying again. My pulse spiked through the roof. I stood motionless, wondering what to do before making a mad dash to the bedroom. I was back at his side a moment later with the dreaded Paw Peds. Jake might not approve, but I didn’t care. My heart couldn’t take the stress. I sat on the floor with him, chatting mindlessly while I fastened each shoe to a paw. He didn’t object as long as I talked and petted him.
Jake found us in the same spot when he let himself in half an hour later. I’d given him the key midsummer, telling him it was a good idea since Mack spent so much time with me. I knew that was a partial truth, but I wasn’t ready to explore any deeper meanings.
“What are you guys doing on the floor?”
He set his duffle bag in the entry hall and flashed a brilliant smile. He smelled delicious: soap, a hint of cologne, and peppermint gum. His presence soothed my nerves. I felt oddly vulnerable in a way that had nothing to do with him standing over me with his hands on his hips.
“Bran, the booties? Come on, babe, those are—hey, what’s the matter?”
Jake cocked his head to the right and brushed his thumb against my cheek before sinking on one knee beside me. His brow was wrinkled in concern. Mack’s tail began a rhythmic thump on the hardwood floor. Jake gave his dog a smile and petted his head but kept his shrewd gaze on me.
“Bran?”
“It’s noth—” I began dismissively but stopped. The strain of a long day, coupled with worry, had worn my last nerve. I was usually so talented at playing the part of the cheery, lively guy quick with a witty quip when things got a little tense, but I couldn’t dredge up the strength required for the role.
“What is it? Did something hap—”
To my utter horror, and probably Jake’s too, I burst into tears. I was not a crier. As theatrical as I’d been accused of being on occasion, waterworks displays were not my thing. I certainly got teary-eyed but rarely allowed myself to give in to a full release. I felt Jake’s strong arms around me and let myself be held and coddled until I got my emotions under control. He ran a gentle hand along my spine and kissed my head repeatedly. I hiccupped once and leaned into him, running my fingers in Mack’s fur. When he tilted my chin wordlessly, asking me to look at him and explain, I let my shoulders fall in defeat. It sounded stupid now. I didn’t feel like sharing.
“I’m just worried. That’s all.”
“I know.”
“He’s going deaf, isn’t he? He sleeps all the time. He still has an appetite but other than eating and sleeping, he doesn’t want to do much anymore. And when he had trouble getting up a little while ago, it was the last straw. I know you don’t like the Paw Peds but—” I hung my head, shaking it slightly.
Jake didn’t answer me right away, but I knew it was because he didn’t trust himself to do so. His voice was low and heavy with emotion when he finally spoke.
“Yeah, it makes sense.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Bran, he’s old, but he’s happy. I can’t protect you or me from the reality of life.”
“I wish he had more energy, and I wish—”
“Shh. Take what he has to offer. There’s no other choice. He’ll never be young again, and hey, neither will we.”
“How can you be so nonchalant about it? It must kill you to see him so lethargic. I’ve known him six months, and it’s only in the past few weeks I’ve noticed this crazy slowdown. I’m trying to be rational about it, but it’s wearing me out to act like I’m going to be okay without him when—”
Jake pulled me back into his embrace and silenced me with a hard kiss on the mouth. “Stop! It’s going to suck. As in it will be one of the worst days ever. But baby, now that we’ve acknowledged it out loud, let’s leave it alone. Okay?”
I nodded into his chest, too overcome to speak. He was right. This was a strange conversation for me. Fretting about future events was as foreign to me as taking a trip down memory lane. It made me feel unsure of my footing and of myself. I didn’t like it at all.
B
Y
LATE
September, Christmas and Hanukah knickknacks began to trickle in with my regular shipments. Lorenzo picked up a seriously ugly ornament one of our more tasteful manufacturers had packed in a box of autumn pillowcases.
“What do you think this is exactly? It looks like Santa is riding a broomstick. Maybe they’re going for a holiday blend. This would be so much more interesting if Santa were riding a—”
“Lo! Keep it clean.” I nodded meaningfully toward a few customers lingering around the sofa in the middle of the store.
“Oops. I’ll move these to the back room and check on the old man,” Lorenzo volunteered, taking the tacky ornament and the box with him.
Mack had been particularly lazy that day, rousing himself only for a treat. He wasn’t interested in socializing at all. The store was so busy, I let him be. He’d come out when he wanted. I picked up my lip balm and dabbed some on while I ran a list of to-dos through my head. A smartly dressed older woman smiled at me, indicating she had a question. I smiled in return and bustled around the counter, stopping suddenly when Lorenzo screamed my name. I barely had the presence of mind to anxiously tell my customer I’d be right back before I sprinted to the office.
“B-Bran, he’s….”
I crouched next to Mack and put a shaky hand on his nose. It was warm. His eyes fluttered open, and I swear I could have fainted with relief.
“Hey there, baby. You okay? Lo was making a big fuss, wasn’t he?” I licked my lips nervously and looked up at Lorenzo. “What hap—”
“I’m so sor-sorry. He collapsed. He stood and then he just couldn’t stand, and I didn’t… I freaked. I….”
“It’s okay. You did the right thing.” I straightened and gave Lo a panicky look. “Go help those ladies in the front while Lizzy deals with Mrs. Hirschfield. I’m going to sit with him for a minute.”
Lorenzo quickly composed himself as I knelt at Mack’s side again. I tilted my head, suddenly aware things weren’t okay after all. The cement under him was wet. Very wet. I gulped hard when I realized he was lying in a puddle of urine. My heartbeat quickened and my palms were damp. Don’t panic, I cautioned myself. Think. Jake was working. I could text him and call the station, but I couldn’t wait for him. I had to get Mack to the vet on my own. I took a shaky breath and petted his head soothingly.
“Okay, big guy. I’ll take care of you.”
I called the fire station to leave a message for Jake. Then I texted him before calling the vet to let them know I was on my way. With Lorenzo’s help, I got Mack in my car. He didn’t fuss or need a treat to be persuaded to climb in. He simply didn’t have the energy. Lizzy ran to my car as I was about to pull away. Tears were coursing down her pretty face.