The Writer (8 page)

The more I thought about
it, the more I realized that Joy lived inside her head – always
dreaming about the next adventure.

As much as she can focus
on what she is doing in the present moment, pushing it to the
maximum, the people in her life, its characters almost seemed
interchangeable. Did she truly need me or simply needed someone to
keep her life in order here? Was she really in love with me or did
she love the idea of Loving me. Most importantly, did it really
matter?

I sat back, and wondered
who Joy was in reality compared to who I thought she was. Were they
two and the same?

In the end, all that
mattered was that we were happy together, were we?

I could not remember the
last evening we had spent together alone at home. When was the last
time we had snuggled and read a book, watched TV, simply enjoyed
being together? Would married life change anything or would it
continue to leave me alone at home, while she pursued her infamous
hopes and dreams?

Would she ever really want
to settle down, have a family? Did she even want kids?

I suddenly felt my throat
close. A weight fell on my chest, and I started to
sweat.

She always took everything
as it came, followed the flow wherever it lead. Joy felt that
Destiny was guiding her every step. She had told me, not so long
ago, that she felt I was too negative, and yet, she still wanted to
marry me. Had she actually thought this through? Maybe by putting
her on the spot, I had cornered her into saying “yes.”

The urgency of the moment
needed comfort. I grabbed the phone, entered the country regional
code and called the orphanage.

“May I speak to Joy,
please? This is Ben…”

The office girl could
barely understand me, but after a few minutes, and many people
running around, they managed to find her.

“Hi Ben,” she
said.

“Hi! How are
you?”

“I’m fine. We’re fine. We
just finished eating. It’s nice to hear your voice. How are you
doing?”

“I’m okay, considering. I
had a small party last night with the neighbours. Celebrated our
Engagement, and all that…”

“That’s great,” she said.
“I decided to stay a bit longer. The Orphanage has offered me a
job, with obviously pretty much no pay, but it’s a great
experience, and I feel like I’m making a difference, being useful,
you know?”

“I see. How much longer
are you thinking?”

Silence.

“I’m not really sure just
yet. I think we’re going to play it by ear. Day by day, you
know?”

“Josh is staying
too?”

“Yeah. We’re thinking of
travelling through Europe on our way back. My parents decided to
forward me some money. They sounded quite proud of what I was doing
here for a change. So, I’m happy…”

“How quaint. How did they
react when you told them about us?”

“What do you
mean?”

“About our news… What did
they say?”

Joy was quiet. The silence
became awkward, which rarely happened between us.

“You didn’t tell them?” I
asked.

“I forgot,” she said,
“Sorry…”

“You forgot? How could you
possibly forget to mention something like this?”

“I said I was sorry… Don’t
make a big deal out of it.”

“I’m not. I can call them
and let them know. I could even drop by to say Hi…”

Joy exhaled loudly. “I’d
rather tell them myself, if you don’t mind, when the time is
right.”

“What do you mean? Are you
having doubts too?” I asked.

“You’re having doubts?”
Joy asked.

“Don’t turn the
conversation around!” I said

This was going
well.

“I shouldn’t have called.”
I said, exasperated.

“If that’s how you
feel...”

I hung up. I should not
have called. I regretted how the conversation had turned. I wish I
could erase that phone call from history, and pretend it had not
happened. Maybe that is what I would do.

Joy. My Joy. Always
running away from the truth.

In many ways, she was the
bravest coward I had ever met. She was capable of travelling around
the world on missions she created for herself, and yet, she could
not face her own emotions. State them clearly to the
world.

I looked down at my hands.
I did not know what to do. My head ached.

Her birthday passed,
quietly, without a fuss. I posted her a birthday card, promising a
gift on her return.

She did not write back. I
called twice, and each time she was away.

December crept up, and
Christmas arrived. Then, New Year’s Eve came and went. I heard
nothing of Joy.

I took up double-shifts at
work to continue to afford the apartment. I decided it might be
time to get a flat mate again, and turned the studio/office into a
small bedroom.

The flat mate was nice.
Her name was Rose, though she preferred Rosie for short. She
studied at University with me. Her parents were from a farming
region up north.

She moved in at the end of
January. Each night was quiet, calm. We watched TV, read. She was
studying communications, and had a small job at the Newspaper,
which often kept her busy during the weekends.

Alfred took an immediate
liking to Rosie, as did I; both biased by the lure of the Saturday
morning pancakes.

When April arrived, she
was off to spend Easter with her parents.

“You should come!” she
said. “Every year we have an Easter Egg hunt!” She
smiled.

Her curls ran down her
back. The sun was hitting her hair in just the right way, making it
shine.

“We could bring Alfred!
He’d get to run with my dad’s dogs! He’d have a blast!” She
continued.

I smiled, as the phone
rang.

“Hello?” she answered,
pausing for an instant.

“It’s for you…” she
said.

Rosie went back to the
balcony, where we were about to have breakfast.

“Hello?” I
said.

“Hi, it’s Joy…”

My stomach squeezed. “Oh
hi” I said, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks. Who was
that?”

“Rosie,” I
said.

I did not know what to
say. I had so many questions, but was overwhelmed by a wave of
emotions at the same time.

Why had she not bothered
to call or get into contact with me, for this many months? How
could she not have cared once about how I might feel through all of
this? I was always second to everything, and anyone.

I was annoyed.

“What do you care anyway
who she is,” I blurted out. “You haven’t called or contacted me
since September! It’s been over half a year!”

She was quiet.

“I know. I’m sorry about
that. It’s just been crazy here, Josh and I...”

“Stop...” I interrupted.
“Seriously, just stop. I really don’t want to hear it
anymore.”

It was specifically at
that moment that I realized to what extent things had changed
between us: I no longer felt the deep connection I held for her in
the past. I looked around, holding the phone to my ear. These were
all her things, her furniture.

“I should move out,” I
said.

She did not
answer.

“What did you want?” I
asked.

“Just to tell you that I’m
at Josh’s place right now, and that I’m back in town.”

I coughed.

“What do you mean, you’re
in town? When did you get here? Why are you at Josh’s place anyway,
and not here?”

Then, it dawned on
me.

“Oh,” I said. “I
see…”

“It’s not like that.” She
said. “Josh went back to Africa, after our trip, and I just came to
his apartment to get some of his stuff for him,” she
said.

“And then, what?” I
asked.

“I’m not sure,” she said,
“That’s why I called in the first place. I might just stick around
here for a while, hang out with the guys.”

I was quiet, letting all
the information sink in.

“Rosie and I might go to
her parents’ farm for Easter, so we’ll be out of the way.” I
said.

“That’s nice,” she
said.

I could not read the
emotion in her tone. Was it Relief or Disappointment?

“I was thinking of
bringing Alfred with us, so he could get a good run and some fresh
air…”

“He’ll love that. Tell him
Josh says hello…”

“Will do,” I said.
“Welcome back, I guess.”

“Thanks.”

We hung up. I sat at the
kitchen table, Alfred at my feet.

“Josh says Hello dog,” I
said.

Alfred barked
once.

Chapter 27

I called mom from Rosie’s
family house to wish her a Happy Easter. A little too enthusiast,
she invited Rosie and I over to dinner, when we got back. She said
she would have Easter Treats waiting.

Mom asked to me to pass
along her and dad’s best wishes to Rosie and her family. I could
not remember the last time she sounded so cheerful. It was almost
infuriating.

I passed on the kind
regards to Rosie and her family, and watched Alfred running along
the pastures. He had forgotten all about Josh. Why shouldn’t he
forget about him, it wasn’t as if he was thinking of Alfred every
minute of every day...? He had not visited dog in ages. If you
loved someone, you took better care of him or her. That was
obvious, and not just to me, but to Alfred.

I frowned.

“Was that your
ex-girlfriend?” Rosie asked.

“Yeah, I think so…” I
said, slightly annoyed

“Oh okay,” she said,
smiling.

I looked at
her.

She walked
away.

Chapter 28

I was awakened by Alfred’s
wet tongue all over my nose.

“What is it? Is your bowl
empty or something?”

Alfred barked.

“Has Timmy fallen down the
well?”

Alfred barked twice. He
missed Josh.

I petted the top of his
head, and started my way towards the bathroom. Pit stop
first.

Alfred barked again,
impatient.

“Fine, Dog. Food first,
then...”

Alfred ran into the lounge
barking while he spun, chasing his tail.

“Has someone been feeding
you catnip again?” I asked.

Suddenly, a shadow
detached itself from the far wall of the living room.

Startled, I turned around
and there was Josh, just standing there.

“When did you get here?” I
asked. “Why didn’t come wake us? How did you get in?”

Josh smiled. “Sorry about
that. I just wanted to see Alfred before I left.”

“Didn’t you just get
here?” I asked joking.

“I can’t stay,” he
said.

Alfred barked loudly
again, running up and down the hall.

“Interesting dog, you’ve
got there.” I laughed.

“Alfred belongs with you,”
Josh smiled.

The phone rang a few
times. Rosie picked up.

“I wouldn’t go that
far...” I said, “Let me just put some clothes on.”

Josh smiled again. “Take
care of Alfred,” he said.

I looked back. “Are
seriously already leaving again?” I asked walking away.

As I got to the bedroom,
closing the door behind me, Rosie had just hung up the
phone.

“There’s been an accident,
Ben.”

Alfred barked, and
barked.

Rosie was talking, the
world was spinning, and I blacked out.

Chapter 29

The body was flown back
home. Josh had died at the Orphanage, under a brick wall he was
trying to solidify.

The funeral was simple,
and beautiful. The song “Anchor me” played as his body was lowered
into the ground. His parents insisted on a burial, which was their
way of finally keeping him nearby.

As I looked around, the
number of people that had shown up overwhelmed me. At that moment,
I realized how many lives Josh had touched.

Would anyone remember me
when my day would come? Was I making any difference to anyone’s
life? How many people would have celebrated my life today? Those
were the selfish thoughts that came to mind, as I watched flowers
accumulate around Josh’s stone.

“Friends, we are gathered
here today to say farewell to our beloved Josh: a man blessed by
Compassion and Vision,” the priest said. “He not only became the
change he wanted to see in the world, but inspired so many to
follow in his footsteps.”

Alfred barked. It was as
though he knew Josh was gone for good.