The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure (59 page)

Pellaz stood with his back to Flick; his shoulders slumped. When he spoke, he sounded like the young har Flick had known in Saltrock. ‘How do I be good, Flick? How do I put this behind me and be the Tigron everyhar wants me to be? When will his ghost stop tormenting and torturing me? How could Thiede let me find that place and enter it? He knew what would happen.’

‘It’s Thiede you should be mad at, not yourself,’ Flick said. ‘Pell, it’s wrong. Thiede is playing with you all. What’s his motive?’

Pellaz shook his head and said nothing. His hair hid his face.

‘What interest did he have in me?’

Pellaz raised his head. ‘You?’

‘When he sent Gelaming after us in Megalithica. What was the real reason for that?’

‘Who cares?’ Pellaz said coldly. ‘You’re here. You’re free. I could almost hate you for it.’

‘You’re in danger of becoming as insane as Cal is,’ Flick said. ‘Give in to it, Pell. Become your pain. Be like him. End up in a gutter and Rue can dance on your bones. It’d be easy. Trust me.’

Pellaz stared at him for long seconds. ‘Make it go away,’ he said at last.

‘Only you can do that,’ Flick said. ‘Pell, things have got to change. Everything is stale and stagnant and – well, just bad. Cal is very sick. I think he always has been. I was wrong to say what I did to you when we first met up again. He
is
obsessed with you, and it’s obvious he can never be part of your life again. You
must
let it go. It’s for the best that Thiede has him locked up. You did need to see him for yourself. Much as I hate to say it, Thiede did the right thing in engineering that. Now, you have seen, and you must put it behind you.’

‘He is my life.’

‘He’s an insane murderer!’ Flick said, more harshly than he intended. ‘I’m sorry. That’s not exactly how I feel about it. I can’t hate Cal, because he’s so ill, but neither can I forget the day that Orien died. I can still smell the blood, Pell, if I think hard enough about it.’

‘You don’t know him like I do,’ Pellaz said, clearly avoiding further disclosures about that incident. ‘He can be healed. I know it. Part of the reason he’s so sick is because of what happened to me. How can I blame him for hating me? He went mad for nothing.’

Flick paused a moment. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘Don’t think I haven’t considered that myself. Of course, you also have to wonder whether he’s always been that way. His life with you was just a respite. There’s no point dwelling on it. Now is the time for change.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, Pell, but there’s something I want to say. I’m sorry I have to say it now, but perhaps that’s part of what needs to be.’

‘What?’

‘I can’t keep seeing you like this. If you want my friendship, it has to be honest and in the open.’

‘So you’re abandoning me too?’

‘No. Listen to me. Your brother is in Shilalama. He lives with us. I can’t go on with this deceit. There’s too much of it.’

Pellaz uttered a cold laugh of disbelief. ‘You’re saying this to me now? You think I care about these things after what I’ve just been through?’

‘No, of course you don’t care, but you should start to. If you want to start putting things right in your life, begin here. It’d be a small start perhaps, but a meaningful one.’

Pellaz shook his head vigorously. ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘I can’t be bothered with all the emotional fallout, the explanations, apologies, justifications…. I’m too tired and beaten to deal with it.’

‘Then let me fix it so you don’t have to,’ Flick said quickly, sensing a hint of capitulation on Pell’s part. ‘Let me speak to Terez, and to Ulaume.’ He hesitated. ‘I may have to speak to some high-ranking hara in Shilalama too. I want to be honest, Pell. Cal made a liar of me once. I won’t let it happen again. There are some important things you should know about this place, things that maybe Thiede already knows about and doesn’t want you to be aware of, or maybe things that even Thiede doesn’t know. It has nothing to do with Cal, or intrigues, or court scandals, or petty rivalries, but a lot to do with being a responsible ruler of Wraeththu. Do you hear me? Do you hear what I’m saying?’

‘I showed you my true self,’ Pellaz said. ‘I showed you the dark, the rotten, the human bits that still lurk inside. Don’t think I’m like this at home, Flick. I trusted you. Don’t throw it back in my face.’

‘I’m not. A good Tigron would be a good listener. Have you gone deaf?’ Flick thought that maybe he had gone too far with that.

Pellaz regarded him with narrowed eyes. ‘I need allies,’ he said. ‘Will I find that in my brother, in Ulaume? Will I find that in Shilalama?’

‘By Aru, yes!’ Flick said, not sure himself if that was the truth. ‘At least, meet your brother. If Thiede has decided Terez has no place in your life, perhaps it’s time you made your own decision about it.’

After a pause, Pellaz said, ‘Very well. Now tell me what it is I need to know about Shilalama.’ He had managed to pull himself together and draw the mask of Tigron over his face. He no longer appeared confused or upset. He was a har used to having his questions answered.

‘I need to speak to certain individuals first,’ Flick said. ‘You’ll have to trust me on that.’

‘There is nothing Thiede doesn’t know.’

‘Maybe there isn’t. But there are certainly things of which you are unaware.’

Pellaz sighed deeply and nodded. ‘I will accept what you say and I will meet them. That is all. I can make no other promises. Remember that Ulaume has a bad reputation, and Terez, apparently, has earned one. I’m not sure it would be in my best interest to present them as friends, let alone relatives, in Terez’s case.’

‘You slept with him every night of your life until you left home,’ Flick said softly. ‘Why do we have to abandon those whom we loved as humans, especially if they are har too? If you cannot forget Cal, how can you forget Terez… or Mima for that matter? ’

‘What has Mima to do with this?’ Pellaz said. ‘Is she… is she still alive?’

Flick stared at him for some moments. He shouldn’t tell: he knew he shouldn’t. He was risking everything. ‘Yes,’ he said at last.

‘You found her,’ Pellaz murmured, ‘when you went back to my home. You found her, didn’t you?’ His voice rose, and he grabbed hold of Flick’s shoulders, his fingers digging painfully into the flesh. ‘Who else? Who else, Flick?’

‘Let me go!’ Flick said. ‘No one else. The others were dead, apart from Dorado, who was taken by the Uigenna.’

Pellaz released him. ‘Why haven’t you told me this before?’

Flick rubbed his bruised flesh. ‘You didn’t give me space! You just dismissed that little task you made me swear to carry out. Remember? You’ve known that Terez is har for months, but you’ve never asked me about him. You didn’t care.’

‘Did my brothers save Mima from the Uigenna?’

‘No. She saved herself.’ He hesitated. ‘Pell, you should hear it from her, not me. It’s an… extraordinary story.’

‘What do you mean? How can I?’

‘She lives with us too.’

Pellaz uttered a wordless sound and turned his back on Flick. It seemed as if he couldn’t believe what he’d heard.

‘Come back home with me,’ Flick said. ‘Now.’

Pellaz did not turn to face him again for some moments. When he did, the mask was in place. ‘Yes, I will, although I cannot stay long.’

Flick could barely trust that Pellaz had decided to co-operate. He whistled for Astral at once, and the
sedu
came running with Peridot at his side. Before they mounted up, Flick said, ‘You might have to keep this meeting secret. You don’t know how much I’m risking.’

Pellaz laughed coldly. ‘You should know I’m good at keeping secrets,’ he said.

As they rode back down the moonlit valleys, Flick was thinking about whether he’d have to return to the festival and find his friends, or whether they’d already have gone home. He wondered how he should handle the situation. If he just sprang Pellaz on them without warning, no doubt a messy, emotional scene would ensue: the last thing Pellaz wanted. It might drive him away again immediately. But, as usual, Flick found he could not make plans, because even before they reached Shilalama, two horses came galloping madly towards them, bearing Ulaume and Mima in a distraught state.

Flick uttered a low curse and directed a request at Astral to halt. He dismounted, sensing trouble, and not just the obvious.

‘Flick!’ Mima cried, throwing herself from her horse. Her attention was fixed directly on Flick. She didn’t notice anything else.

‘What is it?’ he asked.

‘Something terrible!’ Mima exclaimed. ‘Where were you? Why did you leave? Lileem… Oh Aru, the worst has happened!’

‘Hush!’ Flick said. He took hold of her shoulders and glanced beyond her to Ulaume who was still seated on his horse. Ulaume was staring at Pellaz, and his expression was unreadable.

‘Flick, what can we do?’ Mima said, her face pressed against his shoulder.

‘Tell me,’ he said. ‘What has Lileem done?’

Mima raised her head. At the same moment, Pellaz jumped down from Peridot and said, ‘Terez?’

Mima stiffened in Flick’s hold. She gazed into his eyes as if afraid to look away.

‘Yes,’ Flick murmured. ‘I was bringing Pell to you.’

‘How?’ she asked. ‘How?’

Flick turned to Pellaz. ‘This is not Terez, this is Mima.’

Pellaz stared at her, as he might stare at a wonder of the world. ‘Mima?’ he said.

She stepped away from Flick and returned Pell’s stare. She looked dazed. ‘Are you real? Has Lileem sent you?’

He frowned. ‘Who? No. Mima, I can’t believe this. You look…’ He shook his head.

‘I am har,’ she said. ‘That is how I look.’

‘That’s impossible.’

‘No, it’s not. I’m your sister and you rose from the dead. The Cevarros are capable of anything.’ She laughed uncertainly. ‘How are we supposed to do this? This is a big reunion. There should be trumpets or something.’

‘Did Terez do this to you?’

‘No,’ Mima said. She turned to Flick. ‘I can’t deal with this now. You don’t know what’s happened.’

‘Then tell me,’ Flick said.

‘Lileem and Terez – I think they took aruna together. They disappeared. I think it’s like the otherlanes. I’m not sure. They’ve just gone. We need to get them back.’ She looked at her brother. ‘Is this why you’re here? Can you help us?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Pellaz said, ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about. Mima, you look marvellous.’

‘Thanks, so do you.’ She appealed to Flick. ‘What do we do? Should we tell Kaa? I just don’t know.’

‘Is this what you were trying to tell me?’ Pellaz said to Flick. ‘About Mima, a woman becoming har?’

‘Flick, what are we going to do?’ Mima said.

‘Be quiet, both of you,’ Flick said. ‘One thing at a time.’ He looked up for Ulaume, seeking support, but Ulaume had gone. There was no time to think about that. ‘We can’t do anything about Lileem and Terez immediately. We don’t know what’s happened. You might be worrying over nothing.’

‘I found their clothes,’ Mima said. ‘There was a big light, and we saw them, just for a second, then they just weren’t there. Where are they?’

‘I don’t know,’ Flick said. He felt as if he was about to disappear from reality himself and wondered how the universe expected him to deal with two such momentous situations at once. ‘We need to talk. Mima, Pell wanted to meet you and Terez. He needs to know the truth.’

‘Where do we begin?’ Mima said. ‘I feel like I’m going to wake up from this crazy dream any moment.’

‘We all feel like that,’ Flick said. ‘And I hope Pell can help us. But first he needs to know what’s going on.’

‘Can we tell the Tigron?’ Mima asked, as if Pellaz wasn’t standing there listening to them.

‘Probably not,’ Flick said. ‘At least Kaa and her kind wouldn’t want us too. But he’s family, Mima. Haven’t you always said that’s important?’

She nodded and addressed Pellaz, who’d had the grace to remain quiet since Flick had asked him to. ‘I’m having difficulty accepting this is really you, but then after what I’ve seen tonight anything is possible.’

‘I have never dared think about you,’ Pellaz said. ‘This is as disorientating to me as it is to you. I’m glad to see you, Mima. This is a gift I’d never have expected.’

She grinned, rather crookedly. ‘My brothers are adept at disappearing and reappearing in unbelievable circumstances. I only hope Terez keeps up the tradition.’

Ulaume realised he had to accept that whatever hideous situation you can think of, fate will always devise something worse. It was clear to him now that Flick had been seeing Pellaz-har-Aralis, Tigron of Immanion, in secret and that this was why he’d lost interest in their chesna-bond. Who could blame him? Pellaz: beautiful, alive and as distant as a star. He’d been a friend of Flick’s once, and obviously still was: perhaps more than a friend. The Tigron’s only memories of Ulaume, however, would be of a Kakkahaar whore who had once tried to strangle him with his hair. But how could Flick do this? How had he kept it so quiet?

It’s bizarre,
Ulaume thought, as he went to consume two bottles of Lileem’s wine in the yard at home,
you think you know a har, but you really don’t at all. How can the nicest har in the world turn out to be more deceitful, cunning and sly than the most irredeemable of Kakkahaar?