The Wraiths of Will and Pleasure (53 page)

‘Terez was a mess when I found him,’ Flick said. ‘He’d been partially incepted. Ulaume and I managed to complete the process, but it wasn’t exactly a roaring success, hence the reports you’ve received, I expect. You do know about Ulaume, I take it?’

Pellaz smiled. ‘Yes. You and he are the last two hara I would ever have expected to end up together.’

‘We met at your old home,’ Flick said. ‘I was trying to fulfil my promise to you, and Ulaume had just been drawn there, following your spirit, or a vision of your spirit. He felt the exact moment when you died, you know. He lived it with you.’

Pellaz raised his brows in surprise. ‘Are you sure?’

‘As sure as I can be. Anyway, the cable farm was just ruins. Everyone was dead.’ This wasn’t the whole truth, of course, but Flick had decided to be economical with facts for the time being. He wasn’t sure how much Pellaz knew.

Pellaz nodded. ‘The old world has gone. We have to expect and accept that. I, more than any har, can’t go back.’

‘Ulaume would like to see you,’ Flick said. ‘Whatever happened between you in the past, it affected him greatly. I think it changed him. For the better. Don’t judge him on past experience.’

‘I don’t,’ Pell said. ‘Once I did, and if I’d run across him, I’d probably have thrown him into a pit and never let him out, but I know better now. Ulaume was as much a product of his inception, and his tribe, as… well,
that
affects everyhar. Also, I know that you wouldn’t be with him if he was as soulless as I once thought.’

‘We lived at the Richards house for a time, then the Uigenna chased us out.’

‘I should have sent help, but I didn’t know about your situation then, Flick. My reinvented life was all so new. I hope you understand.’

‘Why should you have cared? You had become Tigron and your world was suddenly a lot bigger than it ever was before. Ulaume and I were just a small part of your past. Don’t feel guilty about it.’

‘But Terez… Perhaps we – that is, the Gelaming – could have helped him more, changed the outcome. I haven’t cast him off as much as I like to think, obviously.’

He doesn’t know about Mima,
Flick thought. He would have to be careful. He mustn’t let that slip out. ‘Don’t you mind being pushed around by Thiede?’

Pellaz picked up a sandwich from where Flick had laid them out on greaseproof paper. ‘I let you keep the
sedu
because I knew I could always use him to find you, when I wanted to.’

‘I should have realised that. Stupid of me.’ Flick hesitated. ‘You’re not going to answer my last question, are you?’

Pellaz bit into the sandwich, chewed thoughtfully. ‘No. I’m surrounded by hara who fawn all over me, but I always knew that some from my past would resent what I’d become. Some from my present do too, come to think of it.’

‘Don’t misinterpret my words,’ Flick said. ‘I’m not envious of you. Given the choice, I’d rather have my life than yours.’

Pellaz smiled. ‘Well, one of the reasons I’m Tigron is because I think it’s worth the price. I’m not bewailing my lot, Flick. I’m privileged and I enjoy it. Most of the time.’

‘Just the few awkward glitches from the past, eh?’ Flick bit hungrily into his sandwich.

‘Seel misses you,’ Pellaz said.

Flick nearly choked, but managed to swallow before spraying the Tigron with food. His laughter was genuine. ‘Is that what he says?’

‘He thinks you were…
influenced
to leave Saltrock.’

‘I was. I heard a few home truths, that’s all. It was the best thing.’ He wondered how long the conversation would go on before one of them said Cal’s name.

‘You know how it seems to me?’ Flick said. ‘Some hara in the world seek power, others don’t. You and Seel fall into the former category, Cal and I the latter.’ There, it was said. ‘It was perhaps the biggest thing we had in common for a while.’

‘Cal and you?’ Pellaz said.

‘Yes. We had a…
thing
for a while in Saltrock. Didn’t Seel tell you about us?’

Pellaz shook his head.

It would have been so easy to descend into Ulaume mode and turn the knife. The idea held great appeal, but Flick could see the har he had once known looking out of that beautiful face beside him, and just couldn’t bring himself to do it. ‘He loves you so much,’ he said softly. ‘I have never seen anyhar so much in love.’

Pellaz turned away. ‘Some call it obsession.’

‘They can call it what they like, but I believe it’s something that transcends death and distance. It’s not over, Pell. It never will be.’

Pellaz nodded, and Flick saw his throat convulse. He imagined the Tigron had swallowed tears so many times he could do it without thinking now.

‘Thanks,’ Pellaz said in a husky voice. He stared at Flick unflinchingly. ‘Did he really do it, Flick? Seel said you were there…’

‘Yes, he did it,’ Flick replied. ‘None of us can wipe that fact out, I’m afraid. I saw Cal come out of the Nayati. I never told Seel, but I knew Orien was dead long before anyhar else. I just couldn’t bring myself to speak of it. I felt soiled, responsible…’ He sighed. ‘It doesn’t matter now.’

‘Seel always suspected that, you know.’

‘I thought he did. We weren’t close enough to discuss it, Pell. I was just Seel’s convenient servant.’

‘It’s sad you think that way.’

‘He virtually kidnapped me in Galhea.’

‘He did that for me. He knows it was… unwise.’

‘And now he has a new family. As do you, I’ve heard.’

Pell pulled a sour face. ‘Now that’s another story, believe me. Thiede tricked me into it, although… It’s a
long
story.’

‘Tell me, I’m interested.’

Pell didn’t speak for a few moments. Then he said, ‘I could
show
you.’

‘I’m not coming to Immanion. Please don’t make an issue of it.’

Pellaz laughed. ‘No, I didn’t mean that. I can see you fit comfortably into this landscape. I meant this.’ He put down his sandwich and reached to take Flick’s face in his hands.

Flick tried to pull away. ‘No.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Pellaz said. ‘I won’t pry. I just want to show you what happened.’

To Pellaz, the sharing of breath was an efficient method of transferring information. Perhaps he was aware of what his living physical self could do to a har, and perhaps he took satisfaction in that, but while Flick wilted in drifts of perfumed essence, he merely told a story. He showed Flick a summer night in a town called Ferelithia, and a brief encounter with a har named Caeru. This was before Pellaz had ever seen Immanion. That night was magical, a turning point: it was the night Pell and Caeru conceived a pearl. And Pellaz just walked away from it into his big new life. Turned his back. When Caeru turned up in Immanion, some time later, Thiede had declared Pellaz should take him as a consort and proclaim their son his heir. Simple. Only Pellaz was too tangled up inside about Cal, dying for love in a slow painful way, and in Caeru he saw only a whipping post, because every time he saw Caeru’s face, he remembered the one he had loved and lost.

If Pellaz had wanted to dredge Flick’s mind for facts in return, he could easily have done so, but he didn’t. When he drew away, Flick fell backwards and hit his head sharply on the rock behind him. He felt nauseous from more than the just the impact.

Pellaz touched the back of Flick’s head and a blast of heat surged into Flick’s skull. Then it didn’t hurt any more. ‘Sorry,’ Pellaz said. ‘I should have warned you.’

‘That’s some story,’ Flick said inadequately.

‘That’s part of why I don’t judge Ulaume now,’ Pellaz said. ‘We all have our dark sides.’

‘A consort you despise and a broken heart. And you tell me it’s worth being Tigron?’ His lips were still numb.

‘Yes, it’s still worth it. I will achieve great things. I won’t waste what’s been given to me.’

‘The sacrificial king for all hara on earth.’

‘If you like. I used to be like you, but I’m not any more. I can’t be.’

Flick wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that. ‘And you’re here just for the sake of old acquaintance?’

Pellaz raised his knees and rested his cheek upon them, gazing at Flick steadily. ‘I’m here because I wanted to talk to you, to somehar who isn’t part of what I am now. I’m here because of who and what you are, Flick. I know, in you, I’ll find refreshing honesty, something simple and straight forward, something clean.’

‘Is that a compliment?’

‘I don’t know. Is it?’

‘You are very powerful and you can have what you want,’ Flick said. ‘Maybe you’re looking for a confessional priest.’

Pellaz laughed. ‘There’s an idea! I’m enjoying this. I knew I would.’

‘This is bizarre. I feel we should know one another, and my memory tells me we do, but we don’t at all.’

‘I know. But we can remedy that.’

‘Will you see Ulaume?’

Pellaz considered. ‘I don’t think so. I sense neediness in him. He wants something from me. You don’t.’

‘That puts me in a position.’

‘That’s a pity.’

Flick was already wondering whether he’d be able to tell Ulaume about this, and then, of course, there was Mima. Part of him wanted to tell Pellaz about Mima, because he knew how close they’d once been. Would he feel the same way about her as he did about Terez, if he knew she’d undergone a kind of inception? If Pellaz were anyhar but the Tigron, perhaps it would be safe to tell, but Flick knew the repercussions could be dreadful. They could ruin his life in Roselane.

‘Can we do this sometimes?’ Pellaz asked. ‘Just talk?’

‘Do I have a choice?’ Flick snapped, hearing Ulaume in his voice.

Pellaz was silent for a while. ‘I’d prefer to talk with you only if you wanted it.’

‘I don’t know. There’s Lor to consider. If I keep our meeting secrets, he’d sense I was hiding something, and I don’t want to threaten our relationship. If I told him, he’d want to meet you too.’

‘But what do you want?’

Flick considered, and it didn’t take very long. He knew what he wanted, but managed to stop himself saying it. ‘It’d be difficult, Pell. Of course I want to meet with the Tigron of Immanion in private. What har wouldn’t? And of course I want to talk to an old friend. But…’ He realised, ultimately, that it was Mima and Lileem, and knowledge of the Kamagrian, which stood between them, not Ulaume. If he continued to see Pellaz, whether secretly or not, he’d end up knowing about the Roselane.

‘You have secrets, I know,’ Pellaz said. ‘See how good a friend I was, not looking at them? Are they that bad, Flick?’

‘No,’ Flick answered. ‘One day… I’m sure that one day…’ He couldn’t think what to say. There might never be a time when Wraeththu could know about the Kamagrian.

‘If you don’t want to talk about what happened with you and Cal, you don’t have to.’

‘I don’t think it would do you any good.

‘Now you sound like Thiede,’ Pellaz said. He stood up. ‘I will find you sometimes. We’ll make no arrangements. And if you need me…’

‘How?’ Flick asked.

‘I would be breaking every code of Gelaming law if I told you,’ he said, ‘because some of our technology, if you can call it that, is not for the everyhar. That is all I’ll say.’

He went to the lip of the rock ledge and uttered a piercing whistle. The
sedim
were not that far away. Perhaps they’d been eavesdropping. It dawned on Flick what Pellaz had meant. Astral. He was a means to contact Immanion any time, if Flick could only work out how. Vaysh had put restraints on the beast. Would Pellaz now remove them? He dared not ask, sensing his question would not be answered. It was up to him to work it out, if he ever had need to.

Then, there was another possibility.

Flick stood up and joined Pellaz at the edge of the rock. They watched the
sedim
come towards them. ‘Did you help us on the ocean when the Gelaming came for us?’ Flick asked. ‘Did you hear a call?’

Pellaz nodded. ‘A har in your company called upon me, but I had established a link with you, in any case. I was keeping an eye on things after what happened in Galhea. I sent out a troupe of hara to escort you to your destination, but the Roselane hid you from them. A pity. That would have avoided the unpleasant experience at sea.’

Flick laughed. ‘I never realised! We ran from the wrong hara.’

‘Well, you had no way of knowing, so I can hardly blame you. Thiede sent hara out to look for you because he sensed a secret. Seel’s and my fault, probably. Still, it was best you avoided capture. No doubt if you hadn’t, you’d be set up as somehar’s consort somewhere now, doing Thiede’s work.’

‘Like Seel?’

Pellaz gave Flick a considered glance, but did not respond to the remark. ‘You have some powerful friends. You don’t really need my help, certainly not now. Jaddayoth is spawning some interesting hara, as you are spawning interesting ideas about gods. We must talk of this some time.’