The Witch Is Back (32 page)

“Why did you do it, Sinjin?” I demanded, my voice hollow.

“Do what, love?” he asked as he continued to eye me with that look of amusement. There was no trace of pleasure, however, in the depths of his eyes. There was no trace of anything, actually.

“Spare us both the lies,” I spat back. “I know what you did but I want to know why you did it.”

“I have nothing to confess,” he said resolutely, before his eyes turned hard as he studied me. “Perhaps you would care to tell me where you have been the past day and a half?” His voice was angry as he inquired, as if I were the perpetrator, the one who’d broken our bond.

I shook my head. Two could play at this game. “Answer the damn question.”

He glanced at me with surprise showing through his gaze, as if he hadn’t expected such vitriol, as if my anger was unwarranted. Then his eyes narrowed. “You seem different.”

“
Different
is a good word for it,” I said crossly. “Or another good way to describe it is that every memory I’ve ever had has finally been restored to me.” His eyes widened only a fraction; if I hadn’t been paying attention, I might not even have noticed. “Including the one when Rand first walked into my store two years ago.”

Sinjin nodded as if he weren’t alarmed by the news in the least, but he seemed to be struggling to appear indifferent. By now, I knew him well enough to know that he was anything but indifferent. How could he be when the control he sought so intensely was now dripping through his fingers like water? “And your current memories?”

“I have those too.”

He chuckled without humor. “I should say Randall has matured into quite the warlock, do you not agree?”

I shook my head—I wouldn’t be derailed. “Stop beating around the bush, Sinjin. You owe me the truth.”

“The truth about what?” he demanded, suddenly dropping the charade of civility. He took a step closer to me until we were separated by nothing more than two inches. I could feel the chill of his body seeping into my bones.

“I want to know why you manipulated time to meet me before Rand did,” I said fervently.

He shrugged. “Is it not obvious?”

“Say it.”

He shrugged again, acting like this wasn’t a big deal, like I had no reason to question him. “I merely wanted to meet you before Randall had the opportunity.”

“To what end?”

He didn’t respond right away, but smiled at me lazily. “That would be giving away my hand, love.”

That was when I lost any patience I might have had. “You are a son of a bitch, Sinjin,” I seethed and started to pivot on my toes and walk to my car. It was useless even talking to him—he’d never admit to anything. I didn’t know why I had bothered to come here in the first place; it was a huge mistake.

“What difference does any of this make now, poppet?” he asked. I stopped walking and turned around to face him. “Your memories have been returned to you and you have a lovely life to look forward to with the warlock.”

I shook my head, pain burning through me at his words. He was just so … cold. Tears began to flood my eyes, but I forced them back.

I would not cry. I would
not
cry.
I would not cry!

“Do you really think it’s that simple?” I managed to squeak out. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. “Maybe you’ve been alive for too long and you’ve forgotten what it is to feel; or maybe you’re an absolute cold, manipulative fuckwad …”

Sinjin’s icy chuckle interrupted me. I glanced at him furiously, watching him shake his head as he laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. Just as quickly as he started laughing, he stopped and stared at me through hardened eyes. “You think I cannot feel?” he demanded.

I took a deep breath but wasn’t about to back down now. “I don’t think you understand what it is to be human.”

“Human? What will it take for you to understand that I am not human?”

“It’s beginning to dawn on me,” I grumbled.

“My humanity died the day I died,” he snapped and his eyes were glowing red, incensed and angry. “But that does not mean I cannot feel.”

That was when I lost it. A hurricane was building inside me that had finally gotten the thumbs-up to wage as much destruction as possible. I could feel the tears I was trying so hard to restrain suddenly come busting forward. Trying to avoid making a total ass of myself, I turned away from him and started walking toward my car, seeking nothing more than escape. I had to get away from him.

I should have known better. I should have known Sinjin would never allow me to retreat when I most wanted to. No, he got some sort of sick pleasure out of making me uncomfortable. So I wasn’t surprised when I suddenly walked headlong into his chest and felt his hands grab my upper arms.

“I feel,” he whispered, gravely. I made the mistake of glancing up into his face, which was so angelically
beautiful—even if it hid a monster. He remained a creature of the dark that preyed on the weak not only for his sustenance, but to dehumanize them.

“You feel nothing,” I said, narrowing my eyes and glaring at him. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but at this point I didn’t care.

His eyes were white.

His hold on my arms tightened as he gazed down at me. There was a curious expression on his face that I’d never seen before, something that seemed pensive, haunted, maybe even pained. “Look into my eyes and tell me again I do not feel anything,” he demanded.

I swallowed hard and glared at him. “You manipulated me. You wanted nothing more than to exploit me so you could control the monarchy.” I swallowed down a lump of regret and closed my eyes, willing my tears to subside. I opened them and found his gaze still riveted on mine. “You never cared about me. And the worst part of the whole stupid thing is that I thought we were friends, Sinjin. I thought you cared enough about me as a friend to never even consider doing everything you did.”

“No,” he started and emphatically shook his head.

“Don’t belittle me, Sinjin, it’s too late,” I said, trying to free myself from his grasp. He refused to release me.

“I am not belittling you,” he started but I wouldn’t listen to him.

My eyes burned as I glowered at him. “I know you now for exactly what you are and I … I hate you.”

For the first time ever, I saw a look of shock on Sinjin’s face. He dropped my arms and I stepped away from him. He said nothing more. And there really wasn’t anything more I either needed or wanted to say, so I started for my car. The tears were pouring from my eyes, and I felt like I needed to throw up.

“Did you think I would allow you to leave on that note?” he asked and I felt the coldness of his body right behind me. He gripped my arms again and yanked me around until I was facing him. I felt the air catch in my throat because there was just something … off about him. It took me a few seconds to recognize the expression in his eyes as desperation. That was when it struck me—Sinjin knew everything he had worked so hard for was about to fall through the proverbial cracks.

But I didn’t care. I refused to care.

“Let go of me,” I seethed.

“Jolie, you do not understand,” he said, his tone unequivocal, as his grip on my arms tightened. “You do not understand my reasons for what I did.”

I shook my head and tried to extricate myself from his grasp, but his hands were like manacles. “You aren’t going to talk yourself out of this one, Sinjin,” I spat at him. “I know you for what you are, what you’ve been all along. I was just too stupid to pay attention even when you warned me yourself.” I laughed incredulously. “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”

“Allow me to explain,” he began.

“I’m not about to listen to you try to make this into something it isn’t and never was.” I took a deep breath, and when it appeared he had no intention of releasing me, I decided to pull rank on him. “As your Queen, I demand you release me.”

He gritted his teeth and said nothing.

“I order you to release me,” I repeated, realizing this errand had been a total waste of time. Sinjin would never admit the truth. If I were lucky enough to even get an explanation out of him, it would be biased, spun to make him out to be the good guy. I’d completely wasted my time.

“Is this how it will be between us, then?” he demanded, his fangs suddenly growing longer.

I held my chin up high and nodded. “Yes, Sinjin, this is how it will be between us. I am your sovereign and you are my subject.” I never relished saying anything more than I did those words.

Sinjin said nothing but nodded and released me. I rubbed the blood back into my arms and caught my breath as I stared at him. There was one more piece of business we needed to discuss. And I wasn’t about to back down now. “As your Queen, I order you to return with me to the present time—the time before Mercedes sent you back here.”

He swallowed hard. “And how will you execute that without the prophetess?”

I smiled. “I have my ways.”

He remained silent for a few seconds, just staring at me with an expression that defied description. It was like he was holding back—whatever words were on the tip of his tongue were stifled by his mouth.

“And when will our journey begin?” He glanced at the sky. “Dawn is near.”

I nodded and hoped Rand and Mathilda would be ready. “Tonight.”

“Very well.”

“I want your word, Sinjin,” I said. “I want your word that you won’t skip out on your responsibilities and you’ll show up tonight at my house as soon as the sun goes down.”

He eyed me forlornly but then simply nodded. “You have my word.”

I wasn’t sure why, because I shouldn’t have trusted Sinjin even remotely, considering the facts, but I believed him.

Figuring my mission was accomplished, I exhaled a pent-up breath and turned on my toes, heading for the Jetta.

“Everything that happened, every decision I made was to protect you,” he said to my back.

I stopped walking and turned around to face him. “I would think you’d respect me enough not to feed me such a line of bullshit.”

Sinjin’s face was unreadable. “That is the truth. I never wanted to control or manipulate you. I merely acted as my role as sentry dictated. I was, am, and forever will be your protector.”

And that was when all the anger and sadness hit me with the force of a truck. “You never wanted to manipulate me?” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Then why the hell did you make me fall in love with you and why the … fuck did you sleep with me?” I shook my head, hating the reminder.

Sinjin’s expression didn’t change. “Both events were logical outcomes of our closeness.”

I shook my head. “Logical outcomes? Listen to how cold that sounds.” I took a deep breath. “Sinjin, I wish you would just admit the truth for once and stop acting like I’m stupid.”

“I am telling you the truth,” he answered, his voice sounding suddenly tight.

“Please, Sinjin,” I said, my voice cracking. “I’m not an idiot, contrary to what you obviously believe.” Then I started for the car again.

“Whatever you think of my motivations is not true,” he called out after me. “Everything I did was for you …”

But I didn’t stop; I didn’t even falter.

When I returned home, it was still dark. I probably had two hours of night left, and then the sun would crawl into her rightful place in the sky and I’d have one day left of what I now considered the present time. Was I worried about returning to the future? Yes, of course. As much as I trusted in Rand’s and Mathilda’s powers, abilities, and knowledge, there would always exist that undercurrent of doubt. That was just human nature.

When I pulled into my garage and turned the car off, I found myself zoning out again—as if I couldn’t motivate myself to unbuckle my seat belt, open the door, and make my way into my house. I just felt exhausted, but at the same time adrenaline was pumping through me. Why? Because of Sinjin. I just had a sea of emotions roaring through me—anger and betrayal and, as much as it pained me to admit it, love. But all in all, seeing him had been good for me because it had, in a way, granted me closure. Even though he hadn’t satisfactorily explained the reasons he’d manipulated both time and me, it didn’t even matter, at this point. Maybe there was just a part of me that needed him to know I was completely aware of everything that had happened and there was no way I’d let him get away with it. And now that he knew, I felt like I could lick my wounds and heal. I could return to the future and be the Queen I needed to be.
And what was even more important, I could be the woman Rand needed me to be.

Sinjin, without even realizing it, had allowed me to get on with my life.

Jolie
.

It was Rand’s voice in my head.

I am so glad to hear your voice
, I thought in response, feeling an overwhelming sense of warmth suffusing me. Rand was the one man whom I could openly trust, the one man who would never harm me. And it was his face that I pictured now and his face that I suddenly yearned to see.

I know you wanted some alone-time but I could feel that your mind was awake so I just wanted to make sure you were all right
.

I felt myself beam. Rand had the ability to send mental mind feelers, as he called them, to see when I was awake and asleep. But that wasn’t what made me all gushy inside. It was just nice to know that there was someone out there who genuinely cared about me, who wanted to ensure I was safe. Someone who sincerely loved me …