The Witch Is Back (30 page)

How can I believe for one second that I meant anything to him? All he wanted was to control me, with the ultimate hope of getting closer to the crown
.

You can’t believe that. You know he’s more complicated than that
.

Okay, so he also wanted a good romp in the sheets
.

A feeling of sickness suddenly passed over me as the memory of having sex with Sinjin hit me like a bomb. And then the shock was replaced with fury. It was bad enough that Sinjin had ripped me away from Rand, had reversed the natural order of things for his own selfish reasons; this was the ultimate icing on the cake. He’d not only taken advantage of the situation, but he’d taken advantage of me, my heart and my body. He’d always wanted to know me as intimately as Rand had. Somehow this was the ultimate blow, making the pain inside me suddenly worse.

You’re feeling this way because the pain is still so raw
, that voice continued, driving me crazy with its need to defend Sinjin.

I’m feeling this way because I should be feeling this way! And regardless of what you think, what it comes down to is what Sinjin did wrong—he had no right to tear me away from everything I knew and loved. I can’t see past that
.

My other voice was finally silenced. Not that it mattered anyway because I was fully convinced that all my thoughts should be focused on Rand and how happy I was to be fully restored to him.

I laid my head against his chest as I listened to his heartbeat. He was so broad and warm. I just wanted to lose myself in the beauty of the moment. But I knew I couldn’t, because so many questions were cycling through my mind—there
was just so much that had happened, so much I needed to better understand.

“Rand?”

“Yes?”

“How were you able to come back and find me?” I asked, remembering the last time I’d talked with him before this whole time-travel incident had happened. I’d been in my home, Kinloch Kirk, and Plum, my cat, had just squeezed through the door. I’d gone after her and, in the process, happened to glance down at the beach just beyond the cliffs of Kinloch. What I’d witnessed there not only shocked but profoundly disturbed me. Standing on the beach had been Sinjin and the prophetess, Mercedes Berg. But observing them wasn’t the cause of the fear and angst within me. It was what Mercedes and Sinjin were in the midst of doing—an incantation. I recognized Mercedes’ preparations for the spell immediately—mainly because I’d undergone the same one with her before, when she arranged for the two of us to leave 1878 and return to modern times. Once I’d realized what they were up to—time traveling—I’d used my telekinetic abilities to reach Rand and tell him exactly what was happening. I’d begged him to find Mathilda as quickly as possible. And that was all I remembered …

He was quiet for a few seconds as he took a deep breath. “When I found Mathilda and explained what Mercedes and Sinjin were up to, she was able to harness some of Mercedes’ residual charm.”

I shook my head, already confused. “What do you mean?”

“When a charm is performed, the molecules of energy that aren’t utilized in the charm float away into the air. The farther they get from other charmed molecules, the less potent they become, eventually dissolving into nothing. Mathilda was able to weave a magical net whereby all the residual energy from Mercedes’ charm was harnessed
by Mathilda. That allowed us to return to this time and place, just as Sinjin did.”

I nodded, thinking his explanation made sense. I sighed as I recalled the visual of Mercedes on the beach with Sinjin, trying to understand why she would have ever agreed to send him back in time. Mercedes was not someone I would consider my enemy—quite the contrary. She was my advisor in all things related to my kingdom. She was also my mentor, someone who helped me in my struggle to grasp my duties as Queen of the Underworld. I had relied on her, as well as valued and trusted her.

“Why would Mercedes do this to me?” I asked.

Rand cocked his head to the side and was quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know,” he said in a harsh tone, betraying the fact that he held Mercedes responsible for everything that had happened. I couldn’t imagine she was his favorite person at the moment. “I believe Mercedes, herself, is the only person who can answer that question.”

One thing was certain—there was no way Mercedes had agreed to such a plan merely to grant Sinjin a favor. Sinjin meant nothing to her. I was fairly sure she didn’t even like him. No, there had to be another reason why she’d done what she had …

“The prophetess should never be doubted.” I heard Mathilda’s voice from the corner of the room and felt my breath cut short. How long she’d been sitting there was anyone’s guess—it was as if she’d just materialized from thin air because I was convinced Rand and I had been alone only minutes earlier. She stood up and approached us, wearing a placid smile.

“So you believe we should still trust her?” Rand asked with a frown. “On the face of it, it appears she has already teamed up with Sinjin.”

Mathilda shook her head. “The actions of the prophetess
are much more black and white, Rand,” she said softly. “The monarchy is the only priority the prophetess has. She exists only for the betterment of the Underworld society, and even though we may not comprehend her motivations, we must, nonetheless, trust in her judgment.”

“Blindly?” Rand asked, his tone betraying the fact that he disagreed.

Mathilda nodded, flashing Rand a frown as her eyes burned. “The prophetess seeks to protect the monarchy, to protect the Queen,” Mathilda finished. Hmmm, just as Mercedes existed solely to protect the kingdom, so Mathilda would always protect Mercedes.

“She has a damn funny way of showing it,” I muttered.

“And Sinjin,” Rand started, anger returning to his tone. “What do you propose we do with him?”

Mathilda’s gaze focused on something outside the window, as if she were picturing Sinjin in her mind’s eye. “The vampire should be punished.”

“Punished here and now? Or when we return to our own time?” Rand persisted.

“Return to the present?” I asked, never considering until that moment what our plan would be. “Those molecules you collected—are there more?”

Mathilda smiled up at me. “Yes, they are forever ensnared in my magical web.”

Then something occurred to me. “Would it be better to remain here?” I asked, just tossing the possibility up for consideration. “If anything, it would allow us more time to build our legions against the Lurkers.” Another thought occurred to me. “And we could nip Bella’s rebellion in the bud, stopping it before it ever got started.”

And furthermore, I thought, I would never have to die on the battlefield … which also meant I would never find Mercedes … “We have to return to the present time
because the battle with Bella has to occur, or Mercedes can never be freed from the year 1878.”

Although speculation regarding the existence of the prophetess had always been alive and well throughout the Underworld community, no one had ever laid eyes on Mercedes. Why? Simply because she was trapped in time, in 1878, reliving each day because otherwise she’d be killed off by Lurkers, according to a vision Mercedes had had.

In the war against Bella’s forces, while I lay in Rand’s arms dying, Mercedes had usurped control of my own magic, thus saving me at the same time that she brought me back to 1878. And once there, through the use of our mutual powers, we had been able to travel back to the present time, saving Mercedes from a fate at the hands of the Lurkers.

“We must return,” Mathilda said flatly, staring at Rand. “And we must bring the vampire.”

I swallowed hard at the mention of Sinjin, thoughts of hurt and disappointment returning once again, pricking me just as freshly as they had the first time.

“Sinjin should be staked,” Rand said with finality.

“No.” I heard the word leave my mouth without being aware I said it. But there was something within me that rebelled at the thought of killing Sinjin—making him pay the ultimate price for his offenses.

Rand faced me with a frown but was spared the obligation of responding when Mathilda cleared her throat, shaking her head. “We cannot condemn him as we know not what motivated him. And until we do, we must avoid making judgment.”

I said nothing more, although inside my emotions were in an uproar. Of course, I didn’t think Sinjin deserved to be killed—he hadn’t done anything that unforgivable. And as far as anyone knew, he’d acted with Mercedes’ support. No, I didn’t believe he should be put
to death for his transgressions. But I also couldn’t help my feelings of devastation, not wanting to admit that even though he’d wronged me, I was still very much in love with him. That was the unfortunate part about retaining all my most recent memories. Of course, now that love was also being mitigated with anger and distrust. But there was no point in crying over something that was never anything in the first place. No, I would shelve all the pain and the anger and move on. Even though I still stupidly loved Sinjin, I also couldn’t deny that I was deeply in love with Rand. And Rand was the right choice, the only choice.

I glanced over at Rand and smiled, reaching for his hand. He folded mine in his and smiled back down at me. I felt a shard of guilt. How could I ever have been able to love another man when Rand was my true heart’s connection? I took a deep breath and shook thoughts of Sinjin right out of my head. There was no use in focusing on him ever again, nor wasting any more of my energy. I mean, I’d already wasted more than enough of myself on Sinjin. Now I would, instead, focus on the issues at hand.

I took another deep breath, turning back to the laundry list of items to discuss. This time I glanced up at Rand. “I was able to take the shape of more than one animal when I called on my sister beast,” I started.

“You called your inner beast?” Rand reiterated as worry began to well up behind his eyes.

And so I explained it all to him, which led to a discussion about just what I was if I wasn’t a witch. And of course that conversation really led nowhere because no one had a definitive answer for me. So I just figured it would go unanswered at least for the time being.

Another mystery I was able to put to bed was how Mathilda had been able to restore my full memories to me. When we’d attempted a similar charm in 1878,
Mathilda had only been able to restore feelings rather than actual memories. The answer was that Mathilda hadn’t been the fairy then that she was now, because “one never stopped learning, and one’s magic never stopped advancing.” And that made sense. Her magic must have grown by leaps and bounds in over a century.

“I think you should rest for a bit, Jolie,” Rand suddenly announced. “You have been through a great deal and we have all the time in the world to answer your questions.”

I shook my head, feeling as if there was just so much I needed to know, not to mention the catching up I needed to do. But Rand faced me and his lips were firm. It was the expression he wore whenever he didn’t want me to argue with him.

“If you are going to attempt to help us travel back in time, you will need your strength,” Mathilda added with a nod of her silver head.

“When are we even going to attempt this?” I asked, glancing first at Rand and then at Mathilda.

Mathilda was quiet for a few moments, presumably considering the question. “We have many preparations to make ahead of time. First, we must locate the vampire.”

“Why?” Rand demanded. “He existed in the present time, before we traveled to the past, so he should continue to exist when we return.”

“It is not quite so simple,” Mathilda responded. “If he remains here, he could wreak all kinds of havoc if left unattended.” She stood up. “I grow weary and will now take my leave of you both.”

I didn’t say anything else but just nodded and watched Mathilda open the door to my little ramshackle cottage and close it behind her. Then I faced Rand, unprepared when he suddenly pulled me into his arms and kissed me. His kiss was demanding, passionate, and I met his thrusting tongue as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He pulled away from me then and stared down at me,
his expression flustered as his breathing came in quick gasps. “I need to make love to you,” he whispered.

I felt something catch inside me at his words and a fire began building. He brought his lips back to mine, kissing me as if it would make up for the multiple weeks when he must have been going out of his mind with frustration and disappointment.

I felt his hands beneath my shirt, squeezing my breasts. A groan rose up from his throat as he did so. He pushed aside my bra and found my stiffened nipples, pulling his lips from mine as he knelt and took one of my breasts in his mouth. I moaned against him just as the image of Sinjin intruded on my mind.

A shudder flashed through me.

“Rand,” I said, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. I pulled his face up from my breast and started to blush at what I was about to say to him. But there was no going back. I simply couldn’t make love to Rand when my feelings were so chaotic and up in the air. I couldn’t make love to Rand when I was still in love with Sinjin.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered.

“Can’t do this?” he repeated, his tone revealing how thrown he was by my change of demeanor. Thrown and disappointed.

“I just … It’s just too soon,” I said and adjusted my bra back in place while I smoothed my T-shirt down, refusing to glance up into Rand’s face. I was afraid of the disappointment and pain that would probably be in his eyes. Rand wasn’t an idiot. He had to know where this was coming from.

“Look at me, Jolie,” he said in a small voice. I felt my breath stop as I glanced up and caught his eyes. He gazed at me for a few seconds, as if he were trying to make sense of what I’d said. Then something made him glower and shadowed his mood and I knew he’d figured it out.

“Because of Sinjin?”

I closed my eyes at his words, hating to admit it—hating the fact that Sinjin owned a part of my heart, my soul. But it was, nevertheless, the truth. Until I could straighten out my messy emotional allegiances, I needed time to myself. I needed to retreat and heal. It wasn’t right for me to give myself to Rand, not while I wasn’t a whole person.