The Way You Say My Name (14 page)

“And I say you’re full of shit, Morgan.” Brandon Nash stepped up on stage and gave Oakley an apologetic glance. “Sorry about that, Pastor, but only a craven coward talks trash about a dead man in front of his loved ones.” Morgan opened his mouth to speak, but Brandon beat him to the punch. “Sit down, Morgan. You’ve had your turn. You’re lucky as hell I can’t think of anything to charge you with for exposing Ben Lewis’s juvenile record. If I can find something, though, you bet your ass I will.”
That shut Morgan up and propelled him back to his seat. Brandon took the pulpit, his eyes flashing. For some reason, Brandon’s anger soothed Jamie. At least someone besides Nora and himself was outraged over Morgan’s comments. Jamie had no idea the amount of comfort and resolution Brandon’s next words were gonna bring.
Brandon spoke with obvious reluctance. “I’m not much of a public speaker. I leave all that diplomacy crap to my better half. God knows how I got elected sheriff. It certainly wasn’t for my people skills. But the fact is, I did get elected, and that put me in a unique position where Ben Lewis was concerned.” He shifted so that his hip was propped against the podium in typical Brandon Nash style. “There are two kinds of arrestees: the kind that clam up on you and go all quiet, and the kind who get made as Hel--um, heck, and raise the roof. Ben was in the second category. I got to see the worst of him, the angry, belligerent side. He was brought in on a variety of charges--all misdemeanors, I might add--and never once came in without setting the whole station on its ear. Even so, I can honestly say that I admired Ben Lewis. I may not have agreed with his views on the differences between right and wrong, but I admired the person he was inside, apart from that tough guy routine of his.”
Brandon’s blue eyes scanned the room. He settled on Jamie for just a second before moving on. “As Morgan so kindly pointed out, Ben Lewis didn’t always make the smartest choices, but no one really knows how much of that Ben did to survive. And survive he did. That’s where my admiration for Ben comes in. He wasn’t one of those people that sat down and gave up just because life dealt him a lousy hand. Was he bitter? Yeah, a little bit. But he didn’t let that bitterness or fear keep him from living a full life. He lived--and loved, from what I hear-- like there was no tomorrow.” Again, Brandon’s eyes settled on Jamie. “I can’t say for sure, but I believe if Ben Lewis were here with us right now, he’d tell those he cared about to do the same thing, to let go of what’s holding them back and move forward.” With that last bit of advice, Brandon nodded to Pastor Oakley and exited the stage.
Pastor Oakley wasn’t about to give Morgan a chance to say anything else. The minute Brandon relinquished the pulpit, Oakley reclaimed it, thanked everyone for coming, and ended the service. It took Jamie a full minute to realize people were starting to stand. He was still locked under the spell of Brandon’s words. They shamed him, made him realize he’d been hiding behind Ben, using his death as an excuse not to face his feelings for Dillon. The question now was, did he have the courage to change all that?
Dillon peered down at Jamie from where he was standing. “James? You okay?”
“Jamie.”
“Huh?”
Jamie looked up at him, blue eyes into green. “Jamie. My friends and family call me Jamie.” He lowered his voice for Dillon’s ears only. “I always loved the way you said my name.”
Dillon’s smile was the best thing Jamie had seen in a long time. “Jamie, are you ready?” He said “Jamie” like a caress.
Jamie stood up and slipped his hand into Dillon’s. “I’m ready.” And he was ready. Ready for everything he’d been denying them both.
* * *
Dillon held on to Jamie’s hand like a lifeline, afraid to let go, scarcely daring to believe that Jamie’s new-found acceptance of him was real. He wanted to get Jamie alone, to talk to him, to find out what he was thinking. Dillon led him through the sanctuary, stopping just long enough to say goodbye to Megan and to tell Jamie’s Aunt Sadie that they were leaving. Jamie had accepted Dillon’s offer of a ride home--a good sign--but Dillon needed more. He needed to know what was going on in Jamie’s head. They’d almost made it to the front doors of the church when they ran into Nora.
Her eyes were red, and her face was pinched, but Dillon could tell that the smile she gave Jamie was genuine. She took Jamie’s free hand and pulled him in for a tight hug. “Thanks for everything, Jamie.” Her eyes were filled with tears when she pulled back. “You did more for Ben than anyone ever could have. I can never repay you for making the last two years of his life so special.”

Jamie’s own eyes were wet. “He did more than that for me, Nora. He was a friend when I needed one the most.”
Nora looked down at Jamie’s hand, his fingers entwined with Dillon’s. When she glanced back up, Dillon was relieved to see nothing but approval. Nora said, “It looks like you’ve found someone else to lean on. I’m glad, honey. Ben would have wanted that.”
Jamie nodded. “I know. Oh, Brandon said you wanted to see me.”
“Yes, I do. If you have a few minutes, we can do this now.” She looked around. “Is there somewhere private we can talk?”
Dillon spoke up. “You could use the prayer room, if it’s empty.”
“That sounds good to me. I brought all the documents, just in case I ran into you tonight.” Nora sighed. “Actually, that’s not strictly true. I planned on running into you. Sort of an accidentally-on-purpose kind of thing. The sooner I get this legal stuff over and done with, the better.”
Jamie looked as confused as Dillon was. “Documents? Legal stuff? I’m not sure I understand. Brandon told me that the guy who hit Ben copped a plea.”
“He did. This isn’t about Barry Sledge, may he rot. This is about Ben’s will.”
“Ben had a will?” Jamie’s eyes went wide.
“He sure did. One thing about Ben that most people didn’t know, he was a meticulous record keeper. You’d never have known it to look at him, but he saved everything. He also had a near photographic memory. That kid never forgot anything.”
“Ben?” Dillon didn’t mean to say it, but it slipped out, anyway.
Nora didn’t seem offended. “I know. It doesn’t fit his personality, not the one he showed to the world, anyway. I think Ben saw being smart as a hindrance. Let’s face it, in his past life, the one he had before he came to Reed, intelligence wasn’t what people wanted from him.” Her jaw tightened. “Dan Morgan was only too happy to point that out, the bastard.”
Dillon wasn’t exactly a touchy feely person, but Jamie looked so helpless in the face of Nora’s anger over Morgan, he had to step in. He put his hand on Nora’s arm. “Why don’t the two of you go ahead and get this part of it over with? I bet you’ll feel better once you do.”
“You’re right, Dillon.” She reached out and patted his cheek. “You’re a sweet kid. Jamie is one lucky boy.”
Jamie said, “Nora, is it all right if Dillon comes with us? I’d like for him to hear this, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course. Why don’t the two of you lead the way, and we’ll have at it. This won’t take long, and like I said, I brought everything I needed with me. I know reading a will at what for all intents and purposes was a funeral is considered poor taste, but I just felt like I had to do this.” She looked to Jamie. “You understand, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do.” Jamie pointed down the long hall. “The prayer room is right down here.”
The three of them descended the hall and entered the prayer room, which was, thankfully, deserted. Dillon hung the “occupied” sign on the outer knob and closed the door. Nora took one of the high-backed leather chairs, leaving Jamie and Dillon to share the couch. Dillon felt Jamie’s hand slide into his again as Nora removed a manila envelope from her purse. Placing a pair of reading glasses on her slightly sloped nose, Nora pulled everything out of the envelope and shuffled through the papers until she found the one she was looking for. She scanned it for a second, then looked to Jamie and said, “Are you ready for this? Ben wrote it out himself, but he had it notarized and then filed by a lawyer, so it’s all above board.”
“I’m ready.” The pressure on Dillon’s hand increased.
“Good. I’ll just read this as it’s written, and then if you have any questions, I’ll answer them after we’re finished. It’s pretty straightforward, though, so I doubt you will.” She cleared her throat. “’ If you’re reading this, that that means I’ve bitten it. I hope being dead doesn’t suck. Anyway, my lawyer said I have to at least take a stab at making this official, so here goes. I, Benjamin Neil Lewis, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave the balance of my savings account, which at present comes to three-hundred, sixty-five dollars and fourteen cents, to my foster mother, Nora Slater. It could be less than that by the time I actually kick the ole bucket, but hey, a guy’s got expenses. Anyway, that and my arrowhead collection go to Nora. Nora, I know you’ve always liked Indian stuff, since you sort of are one. Well, half, anyway.’” Nora stopped, and Dillon could see that her hands were shaking.
Jamie stepped in. “Nora, if you need to do this later, we can.”
“No, Jamie. I appreciate the thought, but I need to get this done. I need to find my own peace over losing Ben.” She straightened out the paper and began again. “’With the exception of those two things, all my other worldly possessions--clothes, books, not that I have many of those, CD’s, my computer--all of that stuff, I leave to my friend James Winston Walker. I’m also leaving him my most prized possession, my nineteen-eighty-five Pontiac Firebird, title of which can be found in my safe deposit box down at the Reed Savings and Loan, along with various other receipts, papers, etc., etc. Nora has the key, J. There are a couple of other things in the box that I need you to take care of for me, buddy, seeing as how I’m dead and all. I trust you, though, J, and I know you’ll do the right thing. Oh, and if you scratch my car while you’re learning how to drive it, I’ll come back and haunt your ass.’”
Nora stopped, Dillon guessed, to gauge Jamie’s reaction. “How are you holding up, Jamie? Are you ready to hear the last of it?”
Dillon could feel Jamie shaking, but he was proud of the strength in Jamie’s voice when he said, “I’m good. Let’s finish it.”
“Okay, but this last part is tough, so if at any time you need me to stop, let me know.” When Jamie nodded, Nora continued. “’Okay, so now that I know my car is going to a good home, I can get on with the being dead part. Now, about my body. I’m not much for pushing up daisies, and the whole worms-feasting-on-my-dead-flesh-thing creeps me out, so I want to be cremated. What’s that lyric? ‘It’s better to burn out than fade away?’ So, set me on fire and be done with it. And Nora, stuff a few fire crackers in my pockets first, will ya? Give those morticians something to put a little excitement in their lives. Wait. My lawyer just told me that they cremate you naked. Damn. Well, in that case, Nora, there are several holes on my person where you could shove those babies. I’ll leave the choice of which orifice up to you. That having been said, that leaves only the question of what to do with my ashes. I’ve never cared too much for the thought of spending all eternity sitting in a glorified flower pot on someone’s mantel, so I ask, Nora, that you give my ashes to Jamie. Okay, J, this next part is for you. You’ve had almost as much unhappiness in your life as I’ve had, and that’s saying something, let me tell ya. I have a feeling, though, that things are gonna change for you, and soon. If I’m right, the next time you feel happy--and I mean truly, deeply, not a care in the world happy--I want you to find the most beautiful spot you can think of, and spread those jokers out. I may not like the idea of rotting in a box, but I sort of like the thought of seeping back into the dirt. You know, dust to dust, that kind of thing. Anyway, I’ve said pretty much all that I need to. Just be happy, J and Nora. I love you guys. Okay, dead guy, signing out.’”
Jamie sat in stunned silence while Nora refolded the paperwork and put it back in the envelope. Dillon wished there was something he could say, but he found himself at a loss. He squeezed Jamie’s hand, and was relieved to feel him squeeze back. At least he didn’t seem to be in shock again.
Nora pulled one more envelope form her purse, this one larger. She stood and walked over to where Jamie sat, handing it to him. “This is your copy of the will, sweetheart, along with the keys to Ben’s car, and also the deposit box key. You can pick the car--and the rest of Ben’s things--up anytime you like.”
Jamie stood and took the envelope from her. Dillon stood as well, just as Jamie said, “Nora, I can’t drive. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with that car. If you want it--”
“No, honey. Ben wanted you to have that car, and so do I. Besides,” she gave Dillon another one of her warm smiles, “I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding an instructor.” She pulled Jamie close and gave him a rocking hug, then surprised Dillon by doing the same to him. Before she pulled back she whispered, “Take care of him, Dillon. He’s a special guy.” She pulled back before Dillon could answer and said, “Okay, guys, I’m out of here. I have a date with a romance novel and a bubble bath. Just come by whenever, Jaime. There’s no rush.” Nora left without waiting for a reply.
Jamie drew in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, like he was having trouble gathering his thoughts. Finally, he said, “Wow.”
Dillon thought “wow” was a fairly appropriate statement. He slipped his arm around Jamie’s waist, leaving it loose, just in case Jamie wasn’t ready for the contact. “How do you feel about all this?”
Jamie shook his head. “I’m not sure. A part of me can’t believe Ben even had a will, let alone left all his stuff to me. But, at the same time, knowing Ben like I did, it’s exactly the kind of thing he would do. If nothing else, he’d have a will drawn up for kicks. I can’t believe he hired a lawyer, though. Not on a lark. Where would he get the money? Attorneys don’t come cheap.”
Dillon wondered the same thing. “Maybe when you open that safe deposit box, you’ll find some answers.”
Jamie nodded and leaned into Dillon’s embrace. Jamie turned so that he was facing him, and before Dillon realized what was happening, Jamie was in his arms. God, he felt good. Dillon wrapped him up tight, the warmth of Jamie’s body seeping into his skin. Dillon slid his arms up under the back of Jamie’s suit jacket, just above his waist. Jamie’s head was pressed against Dillon’s chest, so much so that Dillon barely heard him mutter, “Thanks for staying with me. I don’t think I could’ve sat through that will reading stuff without you.”
Dillon kissed the top of his head. “I told you once before, Jamie. I’m through running. I want to take care of you, to protect you.” Dillon cursed himself the minute he said it. “Damn. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I don’t think of you as the girl in our relationship, Jamie. I swear to God I don’t. I just want to take care of you, to make sure you’re safe. I’d be the same way about anyone I . . . cared about.” He tried to pull away, intent on seeing Jamie’s face, but Jamie wouldn’t let him.
“I know, Dillon. I was just angry before, mad about the whole situation. But I’m not now. I mean, I’m still mad about Ben dying, but I’m gonna stop hiding behind it. I’m ready.”
God, please let him mean what Dillon thought he meant. “Ready? What are you ready for, Jamie?”
“Ready to stop hiding behind anger and bitterness. Ready to trust you, to give you myself again. I’m ready to be with you, Dillon. Completely.”
* * *
Dillon let himself into Heath’s apartment, surprised that his feet even touched the floor. He felt lighter than he had in months. Hell, years, even. He was so stoked, he didn’t even see Heath standing in the middle of the living room until he nearly knocked him over.
“Jesus, Heath. You scared the crap out of me.” Heath just stood there, still not saying a word. Dillon waved his hand in front of Heath’s face. “Heath? You in there?”
“I have carpet.”
“Uh, yeah, Heath, you do.” Dillon was starting to get concerned. “Did you inhale a whole lot of smoke at work tonight?”
Heath shook himself. “Damn. That was scary. I thought for a minute there I was in the wrong place. I just got home from work, and instead of my stuff, I find this. Were we robbed?”
Dillon couldn’t help but smile. “No, we were Nash-ed.”
“Megan?”
“And Gale. They came before the memorial service. Don’t worry, though. They saved everything that was worth anything.”
Heath sighed. “It was damned nice of them to come and clean this place. Especially Megan. I’m surprised she didn’t have other plans. Did she, uh, go to the service alone?”
Dillon wondered if Heath could hear the jealousy in his own voice. Dillon certainly could. “Heath, it was a funeral, not the senior prom. Of course she came alone. If you care about Megan, just tell her.”
Heath ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s not that easy, Dillon. She’s too young for me. Besides, as pretty as she is, Megan will have no shortage of guys her age, all wanting to take her out.”
“Heath, you’re only five years older than she is. If you care--”
Heath waved him away. “Let it go, kid. It ain’t gonna happen. Now, I want you to come over here, sit down, and tell me what happened tonight. We had two fire calls this evening. That’s the reason I couldn’t make it to the service, by the way. We were shorthanded, so I couldn’t leave. For what it’s worth, though, I really wanted to be there to support you and James.”
“We both understood.”
“Still, I wanted to be there.” Heath walked over to the recliner and collapsed into it, motioning for Dillon to take the couch. He looked down at his clean clothes. “It’s a good thing I showered at the station. I’d be afraid to come into this place all covered with soot. It looks like a different apartment. And, knowing you, you worked just as hard as Gale and Megan did. Thanks, little brother.”
Dillon shrugged. “I live here, too. It was no big deal.”
Heath rolled his eyes. “There’s no thanking some people. Anyway, tell me what happened at the memorial.”
Dillon told him everything, sparing few details. When he got to the part about Morgan, Heath whistled. “Bet that went over well.”
“Let’s just put it this way: Brandon Nash was less than thrilled, and I wouldn’t be surprised if, from now on, Morgan finds himself being arrested for everything from littering to jaywalking.”
“That’s no less than he deserves. James and Nora must have been devastated to have all Ben’s dirty laundry aired in The First Christian Church for half of Reed to hear.”
“They both were, but in a way, I’m grateful to Morgan.”
“How so? The guy’s a total dick.”
“True, but Morgan’s speech prompted Brandon to get up and make one of his own. I’m not sure what it was, but something Bran said made Jamie change his mind about us,” Dillon then went on to tell Heath about the reading of the will, and Jamie’s decision to be with him.
“Wow. So, what now?”
“Well, after Jamie hugged me and told me that he wanted to give us another chance, I took him home. We talked on the way to his aunt’s house, and I think we were actually able to work through some things. Jamie felt guilty for moving on, but we both agree that Ben would want him to be happy. More than anything, Ben’s death has taught us that we don’t always know how much time we have left. Even so, we’re gonna take this slow. You know, date for a while.” Dillon knew he wore a goofy grin, but he couldn’t help it. One date with Jamie would be better than two weeks of torrid sex with anyone else.