The Way You Say My Name (45 page)

Jamie listened as Dillon told him the story and then showed him the check. All he could think of to say was, “Damn.”
Dillon grinned. “That was my reaction, too.” Dillon took another look at the apartment. “Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do?”
“Well, there is one thing. Come with me into the bedroom.”
“What’s the matter, baby? Didn’t you get enough of me this morning?”
Jamie gave his arm a solid whack. “Since when do we have to go to the bedroom for that? As I remember, we’ve managed quite nicely in the living room, the kitchen . . .”
“The garage, the car.” Dillon laughed. “I get the point. Well, if you’re not gonna let me have my wicked way with you, what’s in the bedroom?”
Jamie grew serious. “Ben’s ashes.”
Dillon caught on. “Does that mean what I think it means?”
Jamie nodded. “Ben’s instructions were to wait until I was ready, then scatter his ashes.”
Dillon ran his fingers through Jamie’s hair. “As I remember it, Ben wanted you to wait until you were completely happy and then scatter his ashes.” Dillon used one finger to lift Jamie’s chin so that they were eye to eye. “Are you happy, Jamie? Completely, I mean?”
Jamie leaned into his touch. “Do you doubt it?”
“No, but you’ve been through so much. If you want to wait a while, until you’re sure you’re ready to say goodbye, I think even Ben would understand.”
“I’ve already said goodbye, in my heart, anyway. All that’s left now is to say goodbye in the physical sense.”
“Do you have any idea where you want to go?”
“Actually, I do.”
* * *
To say that Cain Lucas, owner of Reed’s largest junkyard/garage--and the place where Ben had bought most of the parts for his car--was surprised by Jamie’s request was putting it mildly. The three of them stood inside Cain’s immaculate shop. Cain pinned his dark eyes on Dillon, looking to him for help.
Dillon said, “Don’t look at me. This is Jamie’s show. I’m just along for the ride.”
Cain turned back to Jamie. Jamie knew Cain from the times he’d come out here with Ben, looking for parts. Jamie was a little in awe of the big man. With his long black hair and his bronze skin, Cain looked more like a Cherokee warrior than a garage owner. He was a study in beauty.
Jamie waited a tense minute while Cain made his decision. Jamie was afraid Cain would deny his request, but finally, he said, “Ben Lewis was a good customer of mine. I always try to put my customers first,” he glanced down at the urn, “no matter what the circumstances.” Cain wiped his grease-stained hands on a rag he’d pulled from the pocket of his coveralls, then pointed one long finger towards the rear of the junkyard. “The Firebirds and Camaros are in the back. Take your time.”
Jamie almost sighed with relief. “Thanks, Mr. Lucas. I appreciate it.”
Cain smiled, softening the lines of his face. “You can thank me by calling me Cain.”
Jamie thanked him again and walked outside. Dillon followed, but stopped just outside the door. “You want me to go with you?”
Jamie shook his head. “This is something I have to do by myself, I think.”
Dillon kissed him on the lips. “I’ll be waiting for you here then.”
Jamie made his way through the junkyard, dodging wrecked cars and homeless engines. It took him about ten minutes to make it to the back. He stopped in front of a car that looked to be the same make and model as Ben’s and sat on the slightly crooked hood. Holding the urn in his lap, he began to speak.
“I don’t know if you can hear me or not, Ben, but I kinda think you can. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I don’t believe it is. Anyway, I’m here to fulfill your last wish.” Jamie took a deep breath. “You asked me to release your ashes when I was completely happy. I’m not sure if it’s possible to be totally happy, not forever after, anyway, but I can honestly say that there’s nothing more in my life that I want or need.” He paused. “Okay, so that’s not true. If I could just have you back here with me, then I’d want for nothing. But that isn’t possible. You’re gone, and I’m still here.”
Jamie stopped long enough to watch a barn swallow dip and dive over the wreckage of an old Ford a few cars away. Looking back down at the urn, he said, “I’m sure you already know this, but Chad is dead. He paid for what he did to you, just like Burke Carpenter paid. Like Morgan paid.” Jamie sighed. “I don’t know if that will give you peace, but I hope so. I hope you find in death what you never had in life.”
Jamie took the lid off the urn. “By your own count, there were two things in this world you loved: me, and your car. I never could understand why you chose me out of all the guys you could have had, and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted in return. The best I can do is honor your memory. I wracked my brain to come up with the best way to do that, and all I could come up with was living my life to the fullest, enjoying each day in ways you’re no longer able to do.” Jamie grinned, “That, and I can give you a decent burial, so to speak.” He slid off the hood of the car, clutching the urn close to his body. “Knowing how much you loved that car of yours, I can’t think of a better place for you to spend eternity. Well, your ashes, anyway.” Jamie took a handful of ashes, scattering them in the slight breeze. He repeated the action until the urn was empty, then placed the container on the ground. “Goodbye, Ben. God knows I’ll never forget you.”

Jamie made it back to Dillon a few minutes later. “I’m finished. We can go if you’re ready.”
Dillon nodded and reached for his hand. “You okay?”
Jamie didn’t hesitate. “As a matter of fact, I am.” He followed Dillon back to his car. “Like I told someone else just a few minutes ago, I have everything I need.”

The End