The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (35 page)

  
              This time I didn't look back. I kept going.

  
              I ran.

  
              I ran straight to my room and locked the door behind me not even noticing Josie was there. “Ella?” she looked up at me. I dropped my books on the floor and fell down on my bed bursting into tears. Josie didn't say a word. She just lay down next to me, wrapping her arms around me for comfort while I cried on her shoulder.

  
              I never knew how much this would hurt. I felt like I ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I felt cold and deserted. I didn't understand what was happening to me. All I knew was that I wanted it to stop. I never wanted to feel this way again.

Weeks past and I had yet to run into Tristan. While I was thankful at the same time I was still sad. I thought not seeing him would be easier, but I still felt like a small part of me was missing by his absence. I kept my head held high though and showed no signs of grief. I would not let him drag me down or make me feel guilty. I shut my heart off so I couldn't get hurt again. I've become the ice queen he told me I was and I was fine with that.

  
              Jack and I had gotten close again over the next few weeks. I think with Tristan out of the picture Jack felt he didn't have to compete for my attention. I enjoyed Jack's company and was happy for the distraction.

  
              Halloween was only two weeks away and the sorority was having a big party that Josie insisted I must go to. I hadn't spent much time there since the fight with Tristan. I wasn't too keen on the idea of going to the party since I heard that's where Tristan was spending most of his time now. According to Josie he temporarily moved into the fraternity house to give me my space. I told her to tell him if he really wanted to give me space he would have left the state. Not wanting to start a fight she ignored my comment and told me I should go to the party anyway. Show Tristan I was over him. “Easier said than done,” I thought.

  
              I dropped the issue and moved on to more important things, like what I was going to wear for my date with Jack next week. I scavenged through my closet trying to find something causal but cute, somewhat sexy, but not skanky. “Wow, what was I thinking when I bought this?” I said, pulling out a mini, red leather skirt.

  
              “That's mine,” Josie frowned.

  
              “Oh,” I said, putting the skirt back in the closet.

  
              “What are you doing?” she asked curiously.

  
              “Trying to figure out what to wear for my date with Jack.”

  
              “Oh,” she said, a little disappointed. “I thought your date wasn't until next weekend?”

  
              “It's not, but you know how I like to be prepared.”

  
              “Yeah, I guess.”

  
              “Okay seriously Josie, what's with the sourpuss face?”

  
              “Nothing,” she sighed, playing with her pleated skirt.

  
              “Jo Jo,” I said, using her brother's nickname.

  
              She pouted, hating when I did that. “I just wish it was Tristan and not Jack you were going on a date with.”

  
              “Josie, we've been over this,” I said, letting out a sigh of frustration. “Hello, I thought you were going to be more supportive.”

  
              “I get that Tristan was a dick and I know how much he hurt you, but Jack, really?”

  
              “What's wrong with Jack?”

  
              “He just gives me this creepy vibe,” she shivered.

  
              “Well then it's a good thing you're not the one dating him,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

  
              She rolled her eyes at me and got up. “Whateve’, I'm going to the house tonight. You coming?”

  
              “No,” I said and she took off without another word. I closed the closet door annoyed with Josie for bringing up Tristan. I was finally starting to move on, to feel whole again, and then she had to mention him. Now I was angry, angry at Josie for making me think of him and angry for feeling a twinge of guilt and longing to see him again. No! I shook my head. She was not going to do this to me. I was not going to let him win by making me feel again. I went to put on my jacket then changed my mind. I opted for a sweatshirt instead. I thought a nice long walk would help clear my head.

  
              I was right, it did the trick. By the time I got back to my room I was feeling much better. I got out my work and studied until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer.

In the morning I met Jack downstairs and he handed me a coffee as we walked to our first class together. This was becoming our normal routine. We met downstairs and traded off every other week to buy coffee for each other. “Good morning,” he smiled.

  
              “Morning,” I replied, taking a cautious sip of the very hot coffee he handed me.

  
              “So, any ideas of where you want to go this weekend?” he asked, referring to our date.

  
              “I'd thought I'd leave that up to you.”

  
              “Alright, I think I can come up with something,” he smiled again, making me blush.

   
              We continued on our way taking in the fresh morning air. “Ella?” I froze, thinking I was imaging things. That was until I saw him. After weeks of nothing, he was finally here, right in front me. “Ella?” he said again. He looked wrecked, like he hadn't slept in weeks. I just stood there and stared at him. He had dark circles under his eyes, his skin paler than ever, almost sunken in. No, I was not going to feel sorry for him. I told myself to stay strong and continued on my way to class with Jack. I ignored him and walked right past.

 
              “Ella wait! Will you at least talk to me? You owe me that much!”

  
              I stopped. “I'm sorry Jack. Can you give me a minute?” I asked with guilty eyes. Jack nodded. I took a deep breath and walked over to Tristan. “What do you want, Tristan?” I asked in a huff.

  
              “To talk...come with me.” He held out his hand.

  
              “No,” I stood firm. “You want to talk, do it here, now.”

  
              “I rather some place private,” he said, glaring over my shoulder at Jack.

  
              “No and you have five minutes,” I said, trying to stay strong.

  
              “That's not enough time.”

  
              “Then I'm sorry but that's all I got,” I said, not able to look him in the eye.

  
              “Okay, okay,” he sighed, sensing my agitation. “How are you?”

  
              “Really?” I asked, annoyed, looking at my watch and getting ready to walk away.

  
              “Ella I...” he reached for me but I jerked away. “I'm sorry for the way I acted, the things I said and did. I didn't mean any of it. If I could take it all back I would. Except when I told you I loved you. That I meant. I would never take that back.” He looked at me with his deep, dark blue eyes, and I almost gave in.

  
              I quickly looked away knowing if I looked into those eyes any longer, there would be no going back. “Tristan look, you rejected me and I was –”

  
              “Hurt,” he filled in the last word for me. “Now you know how it feels,” he spat.

  
              “Oh, so that was the plan all along? You were pissed because I rejected you and you thought you'd get back at me by doing the same thing?” I scowled, no longer feeling sorry for him.

  
              “No, that's not it,” he said, reaching for me again.

  
              I pulled away, afraid of what I would feel if he touched me. “Then what?” I was ready for this conversation to end.

  
              “Ella I –”

  
              I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want to hear it. “Tristan, I'm done. I can't do this anymore,” I said, shaking my head hoping I wouldn't cry.

  
              He took a step closer and I took one back.

  
              I took a risk and peered into his eyes. He looked as if he was about to cry and no way could I bear to watch him. I had to end this once and for all. Whatever was or would have been is now done. “Goodbye Tristan,” I said, taking one last look before walking away for good.

  
              He didn't try to stop me or call after me this time. And I didn't look back to see if he was still there. “You okay?” Jack asked.

  
              “Fine, thanks,” I said, forcing a smile through my pain and followed Jack to class not looking back.

By the end of the week I was happy it was the weekend. Tonight was my date with Jack. Although I wasn't exactly excited, I was thankful for something normal. I was getting ready for my date when Josie walked into the room. “Hey, Ella.”

  
              “So, I saw Tristan last night,” she started. She knew he was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but she continued anyways. “He wasn't looking so good.” I did my best to ignore her. “Ella, I think you should talk to him.”

  
              “Ha,” I laughed sarcastically.

  
              “I was talking to Billy and they said they never saw him like this. He's drinking all the time, different girls every night.”

  
              “He sounds perfectly fine to me.”

  
              “Ella,” she started to protest.

  
              “Look Josie, there was never anything between Tristan and I in the first place. So what he does now is none of my concern. I could care less.”

  
              “Don't act like you don't care when I know you do,” she said, crossing her arms.

  
              “Josie, I don't have time for this. I have to get ready,” I said, returning to the mirror to finish applying my makeup. I watched her reflection. I knew she was tempted to say something but decided to drop it. I finished getting ready for my date with Jack.

  
              Before I left, Josie decided to have one last word. “I hope you know what you are doing, because the Ella I know wouldn't be so quick to dismiss someone she cared about. Especially someone who needed her help.”

  
              “The only thing Tristan needs is an AA meeting and a trip to the free clinic, which I'm sure any of his brothers can provide a number for,” I said, closing the door behind me, hoping she got the hint, and would finally drop the whole Tristan thing.

  
              I ventured down the hall to Jack's room and knocked on the door. He opened it almost immediately and slid his way out through a tiny opening. “You know, I've never seen your room before,” I said, hand on the doorknob, ready to open it when Jack yanked my hand away.

  
              “Trust me. You don't want to go in there. My roommate is a real slob, it's a mess.”

  
              “Oh c'mon, I'm sure it's nothing. Besides I know what it's like to live with a slob. I'm sure there isn’t anything I haven't seen before.”

  
              I reached for the door again, but he stopped me. There was urgency in his grip that tightened slowly around my wrist. “Maybe later. We have to get going. Besides you did see it already,” he said, dropping my hand. I looked at Jack confused and rubbed my sore wrist. “The first weekend you were here,” he said reminding me. I didn't push the subject. Clearly there was something that he didn't want me to see.

  
              Down in the lobby on our way out, I ran into Tristan, literally. He was surrounded by girls and stumbling all over the place. When he bumped into me and saw me with Jack, he looked as though I had just stabbed him in the heart. I tried to pay him no mind and kept moving forward.

  
              “Tristan, you coming?” I heard one of the girls call. I took a quick peek over my shoulder at him standing there, watching me. Josie was right, he was looking bad, worse than I expected.

  
              Our eyes caught for a second and I quickly looked away, inching myself closer to Jack for warmth. I couldn't tell whether it was the cold air or Tristan's dead stare that sent chills down my spine. I shivered and Jack wrapped his arm around me pulling me closer to him.