The Valkyrie (22 page)

“Hello Freya,
this is Glory from Unit 401 just returning your call.” Glory said
in her no nonsense voice.

“Good afternoon
Glory. I haven’t seen you in Valhalla for what feels like an age. I
was just ringing as I have been invited to a blasted tea party in
Olympus this afternoon and I don’t bloody want to go. I have
already conveyed my apologies to Hera but I was wondering whether
you could report back to me tomorrow on anything interesting that
occurred. I am assuming correctly that you will be attending?”
Freya asked.

“I shall be
there yes, and of course that’s no problem. We really should catch
up over the Second Korean War too. I’ve already sent you the
reports and had briefings with Thor and Ares but it may interest
you to discuss what’s going on in further detail face to face.”

“Let’s just
stick to the gossip from the tea party eh?” Freya put the phone
down.

Glory shook her
head and then went downstairs to join in on all the strategy fun.
She came into the kitchen to find Honour cutting out little figures
and Bea gluing faces to them. Liberty was finishing up on a
to-scale model of Hera’s drawing room complete with furniture and
soft furnishings. It was very impressive. Glory walked over to the
fridge and took out another jug of ambrosia and put it on the table
and then she got four glasses from the cupboard that had ‘Sensible
Stuff’ written on it.

“Right girls
today we face one of the biggest days we have yet faced in this
unit’s noble history. Consider this a day of prohibition: no
alcohol or drugs consumed are to be in any way whatsoever. We all
need to bring our a-game. Thank you very much for your help this
morning in constructing this brilliant scenario planning model. Bea
please could you follow the mortal news channels this afternoon as
their governments will start making official statements once South
Korea officially declares war. Pay specific attention to Japan,
China, Australia, India, Pakistan, Britain, Germany, France,
Canada, Brazil, Russia and America. The EU will probably release a
statement too. If you could please produce some form of information
document summarising everyone’s positions that would be great.
Honour please can you keep on top of the movement of nuclear
weapons and any significant changes to operations on military bases
the world over. I’ll need you to get on the dog and bone if
anything starts veering off plan this early in the war. If you
could also write a summary document of some sort that would be
great, I appreciate the help of both of you in keeping this war
ticking over.” Glory said pouring Bea and Honour a glass of
ambrosia each. “Thank you.”

Bea and Honour
both nodded in assent and left the kitchen for Honour’s room.
Honour had set up a mini control station near the bay window the
day before. It had four televisions all tuned into satellite news
channels across the world. Bea sat down in front of them with her
newly issued Valhalla laptop and began drafting the report on
mortal governments in real time. Honour pulled out her laptop from
under a pile of clothes and began hacking the Pentagon to monitor
US air bases before checking off everyone else on her list. It was
a smooth operation. Glory came bounding upstairs.

“I’m sorry guys
I forgot to mention that you should show your faces in Valhalla
this evening. Our recent poor attendance was noted by Freya on the
phone this morning. If you could have those documents ready for 6pm
and have them couriered over to all the war gods world over please.
Please stamp them from Freya and not from the Unit. I’m sure Hermes
will be obliging for a small fee which you can expense. Oh and yes
Honour could you make sure the invites for the hen do go out today
as well. I wrote them all last night when I was smashed if you
wouldn’t mind checking them quickly too. I’m awfully sorry to
lumber this all on you in one day. You both can have tomorrow off
and me and Liberty will pick up the slack considering that we’re
both on a jolly this afternoon.” Glory said before rushing back
down stairs.

“She’s a bit of
a whirlwind this morning.” Bea said whilst watching the official
North Korean broadcast.

“I think she
maybe sobering up. I haven’t seen that in an age. I wonder what's
gotten into her?” Honour mused, breaking security codes left, right
and centre.

“It’s probably
more like who’s gotten into her this morning.” Bea laughed to
herself. She turned and looked at Honour who had also started to
giggle like a schoolgirl.

“Oh Bea you are
wicked.” Honour was none the wiser.

***

Glory sprang
back into the kitchen. Liberty wondered where this new found
enthusiasm for the job had come from. Glory was a bloody good
Valkyrie, she was unequivocally the best there was, but with this
war she was being exceedingly thorough. A nasty little truth
entered Liberty’s head ‘because it’s the last mortal war’. Did
Glory know this? Not that Liberty could ask her as she might have
done a month ago. Liberty had always thought that Glory was as
wasted as a Valkyrie as she was herself. They both used the job as
a way to shy away from having any real obligations. Liberty always
knew that Glory was a war goddess at heart; she was one de facto
anyway having taking responsibility for running her mother’s
dominions and picking up Freya’s slack. If it hadn’t been for
Glory, Liberty was sure that Freya would have been sacked by
now.

“I love what
you’ve done with the damask on that miniature sofa.” Glory
said.

“You are
remarkably cheerful. Whatever has got into you this morning?”
Liberty asked.

“I’ve had a lot
of ambrosia and I’m starting to sober up, hence the cheerful
demeanour.” Glory picked up the little figure that represented
Aphrodite.

“I can’t
remember the last time you were fully sober. Are you naturally
jovial then?”

“Oh yes, very
much so.” Glory chugged away at more ambrosia. “We have to be on
best behaviour on Olympus so I thought I’d stop drinking for a
little bit. I get a little jolly hockey sticks, but there’s still
an undercurrent of cynicism there. I’m much more subtle than I
normally am.”

“Gosh you’re
thoroughly charming aren’t you? Well this is a terrifying
development.” Liberty paused before getting back to business. “So I
spoke with Hera and I’ve written down the list of attendees and my
goodness it’s going to be a tough crowd so perhaps ‘Charming Glory’
is the order of the day.”

“Alright, could
you pass me the guest list please?” Glory said as Liberty handed it
over. Glory whistled. “Boy this is a nightmare, maybe we should
just be shrinking violets. There are enough huge personalities here
who will talk over everyone. They’ve invited your mother, and mine
I’ve noticed. Well she won’t be attending.”

“My mother is
going to stop by on her way. I said we’d give her a lift. I’m happy
to drive.” Liberty said.

***

It was 2.30pm
when the doorbell rang. Asia was standing at the door in a mink
stole and a powder blue dress with matching jacket, shoes and
pillbox hat. She looked sharp. Glory opened the door as Liberty was
upstairs perfecting her war paint.

“Hello Asia,
would you like to come in?” Glory asked.

“Hello Glory.
How are you today?” Asia said as she walked into the hallway and
peaked into the living room. “Goodness are these all those
outrageous dresses I’ve heard so much about. Did you know that Hera
tried to pick my outfit for me? There’s no way on this earth she
was getting away with that for my only child’s wedding. Such
impertinence. Judging by these I made the right decision.”

“Mine’s not too
bad. Thankfully it’s lacking in taffeta.”

“Well that’s a
small mercy.”

“Liberty said
she wouldn’t be a minute.”

“That’s
alright, I am a little earlier than agreed. You look nice Glory
dear. Very cute but also sort of sensible. Like a librarian with a
past.” Asia turned around and saw Liberty walking down the stairs.
“You look lovely sweetheart, now let’s go and get this over and
done with. Glory, your mother isn’t coming is she?”

“No she is
unable to make it.” Glory said putting her jacket on.

“Thank goodness
for that.” Asia said winking. She had never been a fan of
Britannia’s. Asia knew full well that Glory had done her in but she
wasn’t going to say it out loud. That was the last thing Hera
needed to know today.

“Alright let’s
go then.” Liberty said jiggling her car keys in her hand.

Hera’s drawing room was like walking into
Herodotus’s Who’s Who of goddesses. Titans and Olympians to the
left, dryads, sylphs, nereids, oceanids and every other nymph under
the sun to right. There were quite a few faces that Glory
recognised from her various escapades over the centuries and there
were a couple of Asgardians dotted around. She’d have to spend a
few hours dodging Sigyn and her knitting stories. Glory felt bad
for Liberty, she was the one who was going to have to talk and
smile at everyone, Glory could slink away into a corner. Liberty
and Asia were being swept up into the babble of conversation.
Liberty was putting on her best happy face. Glory suspected that
she’d disobeyed her ban on drugs and popped a handful of Xanax.
Glory slunk away from the cloud of congratulations that surrounded
Liberty and went over to the table and poured herself a cup of
ambrosian tea. She noted that the tea had been arranged like a
buffet rather than being served to them, how barbaric. She took her
tea and found her corner to watch from. She was doing quite well
for twenty minutes making small talk with a very pleasant meadow
nymph when Aphrodite walked into the room. Glory looked out through
the window and could see Ares gesturing wildly to her to get out,
but it was too late now, she was in the cage with the tiger and the
tiger was hungry for blood. Glory took her sunglasses off and put
them in her handbag.

“Hera, what a
lovely arrangement you have here.” Glory said as she walked past.
She had never been so grateful to see Hera in her life. That was
something she never would have thought possible.

“Thank you.”
Hera said, most graciously. She could sometimes tolerate her
husband’s bastards for a short time if they were as amenable as
this Glory girl appeared to be.

“What lovely
china you have. It’s far superior to my mother’s collection of
Wedgewood.” It wasn’t superior in the slightest but Glory knew that
the longer she had Hera's attention the longer she could avoid
Aphrodite. Aphrodite knew better than to suffer Hera’s wrath for
ruining her lovely tea party.

“Yes it is
rather nice isn’t it?” Hera was enjoying being praised for her
domestic prowess.

“It’s such a
delicate pattern and it complements the damask of the curtains very
well. Did they model Versailles after this room?” Glory asked. She
had found Hera’s sweet spot.

“Why yes they
did. It is so nice to come across a young person with an interest
in rococo soft furnishings.” Hera was charmed by Glory; she had
momentarily forgotten that she was one of her husband’s many
illegitimates. “So you’re the girl that Ares talks about.”

“Oh I doubt
that he says much.” Glory was aware that she was beginning to sound
like the humble heroine of a Jane Austen novel, but hey if it was
working. Aphrodite was standing next to the ambrosia cake looking
sour. Looking sour was difficult for a goddess of beauty and yet
Aphrodite was managing it marvellously

“Quite on the
contrary, he talks a great deal about you.” Hera led Glory into the
open room and away from her safe corner. Hera liked that Glory
dressed conservatively. Glory reminded her of Princess Diana. Hera
liked Princess Diana, the poor woman was frightfully put upon by
that awful husband of hers. “Do you play the pianoforte?”

“A little, but
very ill.” Glory was fully plagiarising Elizabeth Bennett’s
character now.

“I’m sure we
would be delighted if you played for us.” Hera gestured towards the
piano. No son of hers was going to marry a girl with no
accomplishments. Well she was actually just quite pleased that he
wanted to get married to anyone that wasn’t the already married
Aphrodite.

“Well I suppose
I could.” Glory wandered bemusedly to the piano and sat down hoping
the blasted thing was tuned. She looked out of the window again and
saw that Ares was still there but now he had been joined by Apollo,
Eros, Hermes and Dionysius. It was as if they could smell a large
congregation of females nearby and couldn’t help themselves but try
and get a closer look. They were all standing there waving at her
like goons. It took everything she had to not flip the bird. Well
Apollo wasn’t waving, he just looked concerned. It was miracle that
in her druggy fog this morning she had decided to be sober today.
If she hadn’t have been she knew she’d have been doing a cantabile
version of
Sexual Healing
, she was desperately fighting the
impulse to do it when sober even though she knew it would have been
disastrous. Instead she played a lovely little tune that she’d
heard on the radio that morning when she was in the bath soaking
the sex away. The tune carried itself out of the window and down
through Olympus. The boys stopped their waving and their arms fell
to their sides. Not one of them had known that Glory was musically
gifted and they were all mesmerised by the majesty of it.

Hera came over
once Glory had stopped playing. “I thought you said that you could
only play a little that was delightful.”

“Well I’m out
of practice. We don’t have room for a piano at our house so it’s
been quite some years since I’ve played properly. It’s a nice tune
isn’t it?”

“It was
lovely.” Hera said. Aphrodite was still pacing around the room.
“Would you like another cup of ambrosian tea? I shall go and fetch
you one. Please play us another melody. That was most
enchanting.”