The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) (5 page)

Bryan nodded.

“
I
need call my sister. Winnie.
”

Bryan smiled at her name. I
squinted at him.

“
What?
”
he asked.

“
Do
you know who Winnie is?
”
I
asked.

He shook his head.
“
I swear, I don
’
t.
”

“
You
read all those messages,
”
I
said and shook my head.

I could only imagine what kind of
messages were stored in my phone.

I opened my text messages to Winnie
and stared.

What would I say?

If I tried to be cool about texting
her for a place to stay, she
’
d
know something was up. Or she
’
d
tell me she was too busy. If I made it sound serious, she
’
d cancel her plans and then I
’
d be in the motherly care of Winnie.
I
’
d have to hear her preach
to me all night, and I
’
d
resent that a stripper was giving me life advice. But it was my sister and I
loved her. I needed her.

Tomorrow.

I could brave one night in my car.

Plus, by the time I packed it up
and decided where to go, half the night would be gone.

“
Listen,
AJ,
”
Bryan said.

I jumped. I had forgotten was
standing there.

“
What?
”
I asked.

“
I
don
’
t know what the deal
is,
”
he said.
“
And it
’
s not my business. At all.
”

“
You
’
re right, it
’
s not,
”
I said.

Bryan put a hand up, signaling
defeat. But he didn
’
t stop
talking. As much as I wanted him to stop talking, I kind of didn
’
t.

“
I
live alone,
”
Bryan said.
“
I have a pull out couch... I
’
m sure you
’
ll have everything figured out
soon, but if you need a place to sleep for the night, I won
’
t bother you at all.
”

“
Yeah,
right,
”
I said.
“
You
’
re offering me a ticket to your place. So you can be
the savior...
Hey, AJ, I brought you your cell phone and gave you a place
stay... how about a quick BJ...
you
’
re
a pig.
”

“
I
didn
’
t...
”

“
Save
it,
”
I said.

“
Wow.
You have something wrong with you.
”

I gasped.

Did he really just say that?

Did a guy really just stand up to
me like that?

“
What
did you say?
”
I asked.

“
It
doesn
’
t even matter,
”
Bryan said. He reached into his
pocket and took out a ripped piece of paper. He handed it to me, but I didn
’
t take it. She opened his hand
and let it fall to the floor.
“
That
’
s my address. In case you change
your mind or something. Have a good night, AJ.
”

Bryan turned and left, punching the
door open as he did. I watched the way the door flew open and it impressed me.
There were times when I needed two hands to push that door open and Bryan just
punched it open.

That was strong.

That was hot.

I looked at the piece of paper on
the ground and picked it up. Sure enough, his address was scribbled on it.

Did I have to be that mean?

Yeah, maybe.

I touched his handwriting and suddenly
realized that he had it planned. Asking me to his apartment was something he
considered before bringing me my cell phone. That meant he wasn
’
t just being nice in a desperate
moment. I mean, seeing me outside my apartment, boxes at my feet, looking
flustered, he wasn
’
t just
being a nice guy and offering me a place to stay.

He wanted me there.

Tonight.

I slid the paper into my back
pocket.

It was nice to feel wanted once in
a while. Certainly a change from feeling used.

(7)

Bryan drove and shook his head. He
couldn
’
t stop shaking his
head. Nothing went according to the dumb plan that had been concocted into his
mind. Maybe his sister had made him watch too many love stories when he was a
kid. Maybe he just believed in something that wasn
’
t really there. But somewhere in his mind -
somewhere not too far away at all - he saw himself helping AJ and her needing
him.

It was obvious she was messed up.

It seemed like a string of bad luck
or shitty timing.

And when that happened, it was
always best to ride the wave out with someone.

The more Bryan thought about how he
acted, how he must have looked, the more he felt foolish. In the comfort of his
own car, in the darkness of the night, he could feel his cheeks turning six
shades of red.

But there was nothing Bryan could
do about it then. What was done was done. What was said was said. And AJ had
his address. There was no taking it back.

Bryan took a deep breath and caught
the slight whiff of vomit. He gripped the steering wheel.

“
Fucking
Jeff,
”
he growled.

All he wanted was to get home. To
end the night. To have the sun come up tomorrow and hit a reset button. His
phone on the passenger seat lit up and when he looked, he took the wheel with
him. The split second jerk made the car swerve, but luckily Bryan kept control.

He saw the name on the screen and
it made him angry.

He knew it was the standard
midnight drunk text.

I miss you.

Bryan shook his head.

She didn
’
t miss him. Nobody missed him.

Not even AJ.

Not that she pertained to or meant
anything to his present time.

The quick sound of a siren broke up
Bryan
’
s thoughts. He looked
into the rearview mirror and when he saw the flashing lights he sighed. As he
pulled over, he hoped the police car would speed around him.

It didn
’
t.

The officer that came to the window
had a chip on his shoulder, maybe because he had to work the overnight shift.
He harassed Bryan, shining his flashlight into Bryan
’
s eyes and car. He put his head into the car and
sniffed around, wanting to know how much Bryan had been drinking. Of course
Bryan didn
’
t sip a drop of
alcohol but when the officer smelled vomit, he asked Bryan to get out of the
car. Twenty annoying minutes later, the officer listened to Bryan
’
s story about Jeff and had a
good laugh. He made sure everything was clear with Bryan
’
s license, registration, and anything else needed to
waste time. The bottom line was that the officer couldn
’
t do a damn thing to Bryan. Bryan stayed calm and
when he climbed back in the car, he nodded to the officer. He touched the
steering wheel and was ready to drive when the officer grabbed his shoulder.

“
Don
’
t forget your seatbelt,
”
he said.
“
Hate to see you get a ticket.
”

Bryan grabbed the seatbelt and the
officer walked away.

As Bryan pulled away, he had to
keep himself calm and collected. He didn
’
t
want to be one of those idiot criminals that sped away from a cop only to be
pulled over again. A minute later, the cop car sped by him.

When Bryan finally got into his
apartment he considered collapsing right there on the floor. But that would
have been uncomfortable and he needed a change of clothes. He needed to rid the
night from his body and his mind.

His cell phone beeped again.

Another text message.

Maybe I shouldn
’
t be alive.

“
Fuck,
”
Bryan said.

That
’
s
how she did it.

That
’
s
how she did it every damn time.

She
’
d
start subtle and sweet... something about missing Bryan. Something about loving
him. When that didn
’
t work,
then she
’
d resort to her
threats of suicide. They normally didn
’
t
bother Bryan, but the longer they continued the more he wondered if she would
actually try something.

He text her back, against his own
will.

Don
’
t talk like that, Chloe. Let it
go.

Bryan knew that wouldn
’
t ease a thing. But at least he
acknowledged her existence. That
’
s
what she wanted right? How long had it been? At least a month now. Bryan took a
deep breath in the apartment and nodded. Her smell was finally gone. Almost
everything about her was finally gone. Except that she wouldn
’
t leave him alone, when she was
drunk.

Kind of like how their relationship
functioned.

Bryan
’
s
phone rang a minute or so later and he took the call.

“
Go
to sleep,
”
he said.

“
Well,
hello to you too,
”
Chloe
said.

Her voice sounded drunk but she
held herself together. She was the definition of a hot mess. She was any
college guy
’
s dream, because
she drank, she flirted, she fucked, and she went home. Something Bryan found
out once... but then he went back for more. Chloe liked the attention, enjoyed
some of the benefits of a relationship, but never quite understood that being
in a relationship meant sleeping with other people - guy or girl - was wrong.

“
What
do you want?
”

“
You
sound upset,
”
Chloe said.
“
Did something happen?
”

“
No.
Yeah. No.
”

“
Are
you in trouble?
”

“
Not
as much as you sound,
”
Bryan said.
“
Drinking?
”

“
Just
a glass of wine.
”

“
How
big was the glass?
”

Chloe giggled.
“
I love when you joke.
”

Bryan felt his nerves pinching.
There was still a kind of cuteness about her voice that got to him. The only
time he ever heard that voice was when they were in bed. That
’
s when she seemed most happy and
calm.

Then again, she enjoyed being in
bed with a lot of people.

“
What
happened?
”
Chloe asked.

“
Nothing.
Jeff got drunk and threw up. I had to carry him home...
”

Why am I telling her this?

Bryan stopped there.

“
Good
old Jeff,
”
Chloe said.

“
What
do you want? For real, Chloe.
”

“
Just
to hear your voice. I miss it. You. Your voice. Your...
”

“
Stop
it,
”
Bryan said.
“
You
’
re drunk, Chloe. It
’
s
late and I
’
m tired.
”

“
Do
you miss me at all? I mean, it wasn
’
t
always terrible. I wasn
’
t
always such a fuck up, was I?
”

Bryan heard her voice cracking. He
swallowed. She was always so desperate and vulnerable. She had no wall, no
barrier. Her emotions were for the taking and each one always seemed to end
with her taking her clothes off, looking for the few minutes of attention and
comfort from someone else. Bryan could have grabbed at the those emotions. Told
Chloe she wasn
’
t a fuck up,
not at all. That she was beautiful, smart, blah, blah.

But what would that do?

She
’
d
beg him then...

“
You
know what you did,
”
Bryan
said.
“
You have to live
with it. Not me.
”

“
Do
you still love me?
”

“
No.
”

Bryan wasn
’
t sure if it was a complete lie or not.

“
Did
you ever love me?
”

“
I
’
m not answering that. Go to
sleep, Chloe.
”

“
I
’
m scared,
”
Chloe whispered.
“
The
way I feel...
”

She started to cry.

Bryan didn
’
t know how to help a crying person over the phone.
Not that being in person with Chloe would have been any better. He closed his
eyes and could see it happening... him touching her, helping her. She would
then look at him, looking feeble yet beautiful. She
’
d climb her way on top of him. Kiss him. Once. Kiss
his neck. Lower her body to his.

Fuck.

“
Just
go to sleep,
”
Bryan said.
“
I have to go.
”

“
Don
’
t leave me,
”
Chloe said.

“
Chloe...
”

Bryan felt himself slipping. He was
ready to tell her he
’
d come
over. Just for a minute. He could help her to bed and let her fall asleep. If
she was drunk enough, she
’
d
pass right out.

Then Bryan heard another voice.

A man
’
s
voice.

“
Chloe...?
”

Chloe gasped.

Bryan
’
s
lip curled.
“
Who is that?
”

“
That
’
s... uh...
”

“
Are
you kidding me?
”
Bryan
yelled.
“
You fucked some
guy and then called me? You
’
re
at his place, aren
’
t you?
Some random guy...
”

“
Not
random,
”
Chloe said.
“
He
’
s...
”

“
You
’
re a...
”

Whore.

Bitch.

Slut.

Bryan couldn
’
t do it. He couldn
’
t
muster it up to say it.

“
Goodbye,
”
Bryan whispered.

He hung up the phone and threw it
to his table. He touched his face and then ran his fingers through his hair.

Maybe it was better this way.

Alone.

Maybe it was a good thing that AJ
hadn
’
t decided to come
over.