The Unexpected Occurrence of Thaddeus Hobble (14 page)

Against the backdrop of empty existence dangled Darren, Stuart, Jim and Anthony too, like wet knickers on a whirligig – fit only for Reaping Icon's games. He had come from them, and now controlled them. He grabbed Peter now and tossed him along his timeline, fiddling and toying wherever he so wished.

All women were extinct. Even so, David seemed overly eager to enter into a homosexual relationship with me.

‘Needs must,' he quipped, casually unbuttoning his shirt. I was not ready. Still in my mind were the women, mostly agreeable, who had since perished. I surveyed the listless grey sea ahead of us. Mankind was now arid, though Nature had neglected to notice. It went on regardless of humanity's latest problem, all other female species surviving intact. I had a girlfriend in the old world, before all the women went. We'd never had sex, but I knew I wasn't gay – I just
knew
.

I looked over at David's exposed, hairless chest as he sat himself down on the rock. It was not unpleasant and I'd seen it before – he'd always been my best mate. Even after I found out he was gay in sixth form, we remained close friends. His sexuality had never troubled me because I felt so secure in my own. I fancied women, and I'd always wanted to have sex with women. This, of course, had never happened for me because my girlfriend Lucy had been quite shy. I was shy too, in a way, and just hadn't seized the opportunity. Now that the virus had wiped her and her fellow females out, I would never get the opportunity to have heterosexual intercourse.

‘I can't do it,' I told David, turning and walking away. He got up and rushed to me, taking my hand and yanking it to stop me in my tracks.

‘If you want to lose your virginity, then why not lose it with me?' he said quite sensibly. He had a point. ‘Your only other option is a bloody animal or something.'

I didn't want to have to do that. I looked again at his chest, keeping away from his eyes. They had always been my friend's eyes, not my lover's. Would one session of sex, just to get it out of the way, really make him my lover? Would it even be proper sex? I didn't know anything about gay sex – I hadn't a clue. To be honest, I hadn't a clue about straight sex either. The whole spectrum of sex had eluded me. I knew David had done it before, because he always told me about his conquests. He oozed confidence and experience. It didn't trouble me to hear the details of his exploits, and I wasn't sickened by the two men thing. My mother didn't like it, though, and she'd always encouraged me to stay away from David and “his ilk”, as she put it. Well, she was gone with the rest of them now. Really, it seemed as though only David and I remained in the whole of the world. It could have been the case this warm summer evening as we stood alone together on the beach.

‘I'm not sure I
can
have gay sex, let alone with you,' I uttered.

‘Why not?' he asked me straight out.

‘I don't know.'

‘Well I'm not going to force you, but the offer is there.' I looked back at his face and he was smiling warmly. He wasn't an unattractive man by any means – not that I could really tell if a man was attractive or not. I found women attractive. David's smooth chest – at least, it looked smooth – was just like a woman's, except he had no breasts. He did have nipples though, and these were probably the next best thing. I was never a breast man anyway. I felt myself compelled to feel his chest to see if it really was as smooth as it looked. Instinctively, though awkwardly, I moved the hand David was holding towards his chest. He brought it the final few inches, pressing it against his heartbeat. I felt a rush of pain down my spine, my mind filled with Lucy and her beautiful jet-black hair. But, she was gone now and David was right here in front of me.

I pulled my hand off his chest and stayed still, several thoughts now dashing through my mind. Was I averse to what could happen between the two of us because it was with another man, or because he was doing the chasing? With Lucy, the thrill had been in her seeming reluctance and my pursuing of her. It had spurred me on, made me desperate to be with her. Now, here with David, it was a completely different circumstance. He stepped closer to me and, as though he was leaning in for a kiss, just gave me a friendly hug. I was strangely disappointed for a flash, wishing he
had
kissed me. Why hadn't he kissed me? As he pulled away, his arms still around me, I lost all control of myself and kissed him on the lips. Now it was his turn to step back from me.

‘Do you want this or not?' he asked.

‘Do I have a choice?'

‘There is always a choice with intimacy, nobody can force you into anything.'

I wasn't sure what other choice there was left to me, but my body seemed to be making the decision as I got that shortness of breath before an erection. I tried to conceal it, turning away from him as my penis hardened in my trousers. It was very difficult to hide, and David stepped up close to put his hand down there. I jolted him, which he didn't find surprising.

‘I'm uneasy,' I told him. ‘I've never been inclined towards this sort of thing.'

‘I will always be here for you, you are my best friend and always will be,' he replied. Maybe that was the problem? That this offer would always be there made me less inclined to seize the opportunity now. I'd always thought Lucy would be there, and hadn't rushed with her. Perhaps David would not always be here after all? To seize the day, to do this with him today whilst my emotions were so high and so penetrating, would be to make that crucial step I had not yet taken in life. Why put it off any longer? There was nothing stopping me now.

I had never felt these urges before, and yet I had never felt repulsion from the idea. Of course I had given it thought, I must have with David speaking about his experiences, but I hadn't desired to partake. Then again, why were there these barriers – these separations and labels – making what I wanted from life different from what David wanted? We were just the same, just human beings here on Earth together right now at this very moment in time. I thought again of all the women who'd been wiped out, and wondered if I should even allow myself to seek happiness. Suicide had become very common since the extinction; some men just couldn't cope. I didn't want to die, especially by my own hand. It seemed monstrous for that to be my legacy in the face of this challenge now facing us as a species. I not only wanted to live, but
needed
to live for all those who had been wiped out. Could I come to represent all the women who had perished by the cruel hand of a freak virus? Would becoming gay bring me closer to this aim? Such a thought in itself disturbed me. People couldn't just become gay, David was proof of that. I'd witnessed his entire life side by side with my own as he struggled to be accepted because of his born sexuality. I quite clearly realised he would never have chosen that. Now, here he was in a world without women, and he didn't seem to mind. Well, he was always good at hiding things so maybe he was concealing his true feelings on the matter. He certainly seemed to have been hiding his true feelings for me all these years.

‘You would not choose to be gay,' I told him.

‘Nor would you,' he replied.

‘Under normal circumstances,' I mumbled to myself. He had heard me, but did not reply. I was confused why he had even suggested we get together, unless he had seen in me some hint of homosexuality throughout our long friendship. And this was the most confusing angle of all, the fact that we had been such close friends all this time. Was my love as a friend for him muddying the situation? Perhaps my erection just now was a hazy overspill of our deep companionship, and not sexual lust. We had certainly been close all our lives and were both letting ourselves get carried away as emotions ran high. The sheer devastation of what had befallen humankind was difficult to fully absorb. It seemed like a sick practical joke from a higher being, or punishment for unknown crimes. I certainly felt responsible somehow, like I had personally killed every single one of the billions of women who had suffered and died as the virus had spread across the globe. If I was personally to blame, was it then a test to see how I would cope? Was David, in front of me now with his offer of sexual fulfilment, some kind of snake tempting me to take the apple? It did feel like I
would
experience sexual fulfilment, and this was the worrying point. No matter which way I looked at and analysed it in my mind, intimacy on any level with David did not seem wrong – it was the logical step, the absolute right thing to do. But, there was that niggle at the back of my mind that kept whispering “No”. The whisper – that faintest of voices struggling to be heard in the incessant cacophony of screeching that was my mind – could easily have been the last residual sound of Lucy as she faded ever more from this sorry excuse for a world. No, Nature was still glorious and rich in all its diversity; it was humanity that was the sorrow here.

* * *

‘It's a shame it took the death of every woman on Earth to bring us together, but I'm glad it did,' David whispered to me as we lay there naked. His hand rested on my chest and his leg was wrapped around mine. ‘I always loved you as more than a friend,' he said, his entire being melting on me in such bliss. To this, I could not reply. I didn't know how to. The sex itself had been passionate and not altogether unenjoyable, but I just couldn't stop thinking about Lucy and women in general. I felt I had somehow wronged both them and David, and moved away from him to sit up on the side of the bed. ‘What's the matter?' he asked comfortingly, placing his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shrug it off, but didn't want to upset him. Somehow I owed him; I'd toyed with his emotions, fulfilled his desire and played him like I cared. I did and I didn't care. In the midst of the passion, as he let me bury myself deep into his moist body, I loved him and cared so much. I could still smell that wet odour. Now, I just didn't know.

‘I just don't know what to do anymore,' I told him in all honesty. I owed him that much. ‘The world is such a mess.'

‘There's nothing we can do about it,' he replied, caressing my back with his stubbly chubby chin. There were no opposite sexes now – just men, just David and me. One of his stubbly spikes caught me sharply and I flinched. ‘Sorry,' he whispered, his head coming to rest on my shoulder as he ran his hand through my hair, ‘my darling.'

I couldn't cope with this and leapt up away from him, bolting out of the room. He didn't follow as I darted into the bathroom and locked the door, desperate to get in the shower.

* * *

Later on he came downstairs as I was on the sofa watching TV. Not many programmes ran now, except for repeats. The news did, however, and was about scientists setting in motion the manufacturing of human babies. They had failed to find a cure for the virus, so I wasn't holding my breath about this latest endeavour. The grotesque mutants they might create didn't bear thinking about. I switched channels as David sat down in the armchair across from me. I kept my eyes fixed on the screen as the Prime Minister delivered one of his numerous speeches on yet another news bulletin: ‘This is a divine sign from God,' he went on as he held the Chancellor of the Exchequer's hand, ‘being gay is the right thing. For too long we have been a secular nation. Now, as we all question the devastation that has hit the human race and seek answers for our loss, there may be some good to come out of the horror.'

I was wracked with guilt, like I'd cheated on Lucy. To me she was still alive, and at this moment in time she always would be. I got that terrible ache in the pit of my stomach, an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and dread. David got up and came to sit next to me. He could see I was stiff and uneasy in his presence; strong in my mind was the intimacy we had just shared. The passion had kicked in, we had just lost ourselves and gone with it. Now, I wasn't so sure it was what I wanted.

‘You okay?' he asked gently, taking hold of my hand. I thought about pulling away, but by the time I'd thought about it too much time had passed to do so. ‘Look, I know this isn't ideal, but it's all we have right now. Let's make the most of it.'

I switched the TV off and turned to him. He was so sincere, so warm. I thought about how warm his body had been in bed; the sweat lubricating as our bodies pressed together. ‘You're right,' I whispered, almost not wanting him to hear me. I didn't feel gay – I didn't feel like any sexual orientation – I just wanted to feel myself. There was a sense that I'd never truly felt or been myself yet in life, and now I wondered if this was the turning point in finding out who I really was. The doorbell rang. It never rang these days. Nobody called around anymore. David and I looked at each other, he looking like he wished to prolong this moment with me for as long as possible. The doorbell rang again. He waited, still staring at me but now with a creased brow. I got up and walked into the hallway to the front door. Opening it, I was greeted by a large gathering of people. One man held a film camera in my face whilst another stood just to his side with a boom mic. Then, a beautiful young woman in a short glittery red dress stepped forward and began speaking directly into the camera:

‘And here we are with the man himself, as we reveal the experiment to him and bring him back from under hypnosis.'

‘I, I,' I stuttered, gawping at the woman. A woman, alive! It was unreal and yet completely natural and right at the same time. ‘What's going on?'

‘Uterus,' she replied, and instantly I felt my head split like an axe had sliced it open. I could remember everything, this was just a reality TV show that I had agreed to be hypnotised on. How foolish I had been. All the women of Earth weren't dead at all, it was all a cheap trick for entertainment that I'd been paid to partake in. It wasn't real at all. I could feel my flaccid, curled penis throbbing with torture in my pants. I had had sex with David – that was real. Lucy! She was alive. I wished I could just slit my own throat right that second, but I didn't have the guts. All I had was the shame to smile into the camera and wonder why I'd ever agreed to take part in this in the first place.