The Ultimate Stonemage: A Modest Autobiography (30 page)

I said, “That is not so. It spends its days swimming in the sea, and so we know, in its heart, it is a fish, not a dog.”

He said, “Ah, such amusing folly. Can you not see that its love of swimming is the very thing that makes it fishlike. Since it is not a fishlike fish, it follows that it must be a fishlike dog. Moreover, some months back I had the opportunity to taste the meat of a seal which a merchant had brought here for the emperor’s table. I dine with him at least once a month, you know. I was struck by the fact that the meat tasted nothing like fish, but in many ways quite similar to dog. Do not feel ashamed, however, for you could not have known these things.”

I said, “If the meat of the seal tastes like dog, then it shows that its taste is one of the doglike aspects to its fishy nature. It is, therefore, a doglike fish, and you are wrong. Nevertheless, I must say I find your arguments delightful, and childlike in their simple naivety. I will be sure to report them to the emperor for his amusement, for I dine with him at least three times every week.”

The other courtiers around gave a chuckle there, for they saw Lambic Staid had met his match in me. But instead of being done with the discussion, as he should have, he started to chide me, saying I did not know what I said, and I knew nothing about the true nature of the seal, and so on.

Well, I started to get angry. I said, “Who are you, a man who lives thousands of miles from the ocean, to talk to me about seals? I have seen a thousand seals in my life. I have hunted them in boats, I have eaten them for dinner, and I even kept one as a pet for a time. Do not tell me they are dogs, for they are fish, as any fool can tell you.”

He said, “You bluster thus, but you cannot prove it.”

I said, “Indeed I can, for there is one sure way to know the nature of a creature, and that is to observe the company it keeps. If you place a seal among fish, they will swim together in the most cordial and agreeable manner. But place a seal among dogs and they will quarrel. The seal will bite at the dogs, and the dogs will bite at the seals, until, at length, the seal lies in pieces, or else, if it is a fierce seal, the dogs do.”

He said, “You do not know this. The story is clearly fabulous.”

I said, “No, it is true, and I have won many bets on such contests.” Then I said, “A seal is not a dog and can no more live peacefully among dogs than a foolish old hypocrite with eight tweaks on his comb can live among wise and worthy courtiers.”

The other courtiers roared with laughter at my sharp retort, but old Lambic was furious.

He said, “You will apologize for those words, or, as I stand here, you will risk the emperor’s displeasure.”

I said, “And you will leave my table or risk mine.”

He did not know where to turn then, so he picked up his plate of stew and threw it into my lap, whereupon I jumped to my feet and snatched the comb out of his hair. Then, on a sudden impulse, I took from my belt one of the inferior combs I had won in my wager over the
Pulsiter, and I stuck it in his hair in place of his old comb.

“There,” I said, “I have demoted you for your rudeness. Now, take that back to the emperor, if you will.” Then I pushed him and kicked him until he was out of the Courtiers’ Hall.

All the other courtiers gathered around me then, and said how excellent and just it was that I had treated Lambic in this way, and how he had deserved this punishment for many years.

When the anger had left me, though, I thought to myself, “What have I done? Treating that courtier so may have been a very dangerous act, and although the man is a fool, he is vindictive and might find some way to turn the emperor against me.”

I need not have worried though, for later I heard exactly what had happened.
Lambic Staid had stormed straight back to the emperor and told him everything I had done, showing him the new comb I had given him. He thought, by repeating what I had said and telling the emperor how I had treated one of his courtiers, he would make the emperor angry at me.

Instead, however, the emperor was amused and entertained by the incident, because he knew this courtier had a habit of being too proud and officious. The
emperor said, “This man Yreth is as bold in his debating as he is in his hunting.”

Then he had me brought before him, and he told me to return Lambic’s comb, which I did, after taking back the comb I had given to Lambic in its place.

Lambic said, “Is there to be no further punishment for this man, emperor?”

The emperor said, “No. Be at peace, you two. The matter is at an end.”

Lambic was furious at this, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he merely nodded and smiled at the emperor, as if all was new tulips in his garden. I knew, though, he was secretly angry. Later on he came to me in a corridor and said, in a very spiteful tone, “You got off too lightly there, that is certain, but I swear by the emperor’s name that I will be avenged against you.”

I said, “Be counselled by me and drop your plans, for I swear by God’s name that any actions you take against me will bring about your own undoing.”

He scoffed at my words, but as you will soon see, I had spoken prophetically.

When the
luma
was complete, a special celebration was organized within the palace. Fine foods were laid out in the courtyard, and all the courtiers and the Imperial Family were allowed there. They stared in amazement at the
luma
and said it was the most wonderful thing they had ever seen, especially when viewed from below like this. Until now, you see, many of them had not been allowed into the courtyard, and had seen only the upper part of the
luma
over the palace walls.

After everyone was well fed, the emperor ascended the
luma
with me at his side, and a number of the most prominent courtiers following on behind. We reached the first stage, and the emperor stopped there to look down and to wave to the people below. Then we went up to the next stage, and he stopped again to wave. Even though this stage was twice the height of the first, he showed absolutely no fear, and he walked back and forth balancing on the edge for a time before continuing up.

Finally we reached the summit. I stopped short of the pivot, of course, but I told the emperor to go on without me if he wished. He did this and peered over the edge, accompanied by a number of his important courtiers.

He stood there for a short time, then he walked back to me. He said, “Ah, you have done a fine job for me there. What a height that is!” But it was clear to me he was secretly disappointed, for otherwise why would he have stayed there for so short a time?

The emperor politely asked me a number of questions about the
luma
and the details of its construction. Most of the other courtiers were gathered around to hear what was said.

I said, “Its structure is simple enough,” then I winked and said, “although it also has its secrets.”

Now, as I talked with the emperor, Lambic Staid remained upon the edge of the precipice along with
Vepilla, a young Imperial Bearer who held a great admiration for Lambic and tried to ape his manner.

Lambic said, in a loud voice, “What do you say, Vepilla? I do not think this new
luma
is such a wondrous thing.”

“No,” said Vepilla. “It is tall, but it is not as frightening as it might be. And I fancy the quality of the construction does not even wet the stick.”

“What is worse,” said Lambic, “this new
luma
fails to move the soul in the way the original did. But really, what can you expect of this simple man Yreth. After all he knows nothing about spiritual matters.”

“They say he will build cathedrals next,” said Vepilla.

“If I were the emperor,” said Lambic, “the work I have seen here would give me cause to think twice on that score.”

As I have said, he spoke in a loud voice, for he hoped the emperor would hear his words and I would be discredited. Still, the emperor was very courteous, and he pretended not to hear, talking to me instead.

Suddenly, to my enormous surprise and pleasure, the edge of the
luma
gave way, and Lambic and Vepilla were sent plunging to the ground.

The emperor gave a cry and said, “Oh! What is this? The
luma
is breaking apart!”

“No,” I said, “it is not breaking apart. Watch and you will see the edge rise up again.”

So he watched, and the edge slowly rose up again, and as it did so, I explained how I had placed a trick latch inside, so such catastrophic events as we had just witnessed might occur from time to time.

The emperor reacted very strangely to the news. First he grew pale as if he would faint, for he realized the danger he had been in just moments before. Then he became angry, and I thought for a moment that he would have me killed on the spot. However, that emotion too soon faded from his features, and it was replaced by a look of the utmost joy and spiritual fulfilment.

“You have done it!” he said. “You have regained for me the trepidation I felt on my first ascent of my
luma
. Oh, my dear Yreth! How can I thank you enough! I must try it once more, this time with the full knowledge of this peak’s danger.”

Then he walked to the edge again, together with one or two of the braver courtiers and they looked nervously over the edge, down upon the bodies of Lambic Staid and Vepilla so far below. When they came back, they all appeared very frightened and exhilarated.

You can see, then, my prophecy to Lambic Staid was not merely an idle threat but was rather the product of my close relationship with God, for it had pleased Him, in His omniscient wisdom, to toss Lambic Staid from the
luma
even as the old fool was trying to discredit me with his critical words. And what a bitter irony it was for Lambic Staid that his own death should have astonished the emperor so, raising my reputation to new heights.

A Ninth Section Of The Eleventh Part

In Which I Briefly Describe The Passage Of Many Years

After my triumph with the
luma
, the
emperor was overflowing with gratitude to me, and he insisted I complete the cathedrals without delay, for he knew it was my dearest wish to build them. He put hundreds of slaves and myrmidons under my command to help with the task.

I worked at great speed, but even then it took me five years to complete the three great buildings. When they were finished, they were the wonder of the land.

There is much I could tell about the years I spent building the cathedrals, as well as the years which followed. I remained in the emperor’s service, as his principal stonemage, his dearest friend, and eventually his treasurer. All told, I served him for almost eighteen years, and in that time I built many other wonderful buildings and had numerous exciting adventures.

The events of my life during those years would make a tale of unsurpassed excellence, for there were many brave fights and battles, incredible accomplishments, astonishing travels, and passionate romances.

Still, I think I will not tell those tales here, for I fear they would take up a great many pages, whereas I am growing tired of all this writing and anxious to come to the real meat of my story. And besides, I did not say I would set out my whole life in this book, so if I choose to tell of some parts and not of others, you can have little reason to complain, even if some of the parts I leave out are more interesting than the parts I put in.

Moreover, it strikes me now that my adventures during those eighteen years were of such exceptional interest that I would be a fool to throw them all into just one book. Instead, I would do much better to wait a year or two, and, if the interest is still there, perhaps I will write a second book, describing those fascinating years, for you may be sure they were so rich in event they easily merit a book of their own, and might even be made into two books, or even twenty books, although the events then described would be of a more minute and trivial nature, describing the various walks I took, and the conversations I had, and the meals I ate, and so on.

Let us take those years as dealt with, then.

Now, you will remember
Pandrick, the boy I had trained with the leather glove. Well, he had grew into manhood, and became a skilled general, and (thanks to my training) he was much favoured by the emperor for his wit and manners. You would think Pandrick would be grateful to me for opening the happy gates of fortune to him, but this was not the case and he held a stubborn and deep-seated grudge against me. As the emperor grew older and more feeble, Pandrick assumed more power, and—spoilt child!—he resolved to kill me.

While the weather was turning stormy in the Imperial City, I heard news that the birds were singing in Cyprus. This was because
King Bellay was now dead, meaning the bounty which had been on my head was lifted.

Clearly, the time had come to leave Saskatoon and return at last to
Cyprus, and so I bade farewell to all my closest friends. They wept like children to hear I was leaving, and said I was the finest fellow they had ever known.

Moreover, my dear friend
Bitian Teppel, who had become a prominent courtier by that point, as well as attaining great fame as an artist (thanks to my favourable recommendations to the emperor), said to me, “I swore I would be your friend for all eternity, and therefore I must accompany you on your travels.”

I said, “You have already given me an eternity’s worth of your splendid friendship. I declare your promise is fully satisfied.”

He would hear none of this though, and he insisted he must come with me. Since none of my reasoning would shake him, I was obliged to accept
Bitian Teppel as my travelling companion.

As for the emperor, he did not fully understand my meaning at first when I told him the sad news, for he had become simple in his mind and could not conceive of me being absent from his court. At length, though, his ears seemed to hear my words true, and he said, “If you are off to catch me another
Pulsiter, you will need some money for your purse. Go to my treasury, and take any trinket that strikes your fancy. Do it right away, though, or I will send a sharp arrow through your heart, you rogue.”

Faced with such a threat, you may be sure I went to the treasury at that very moment! I chose a gift for myself which I considered worthy of my talents and long service to the emperor, then, with the assistance of twenty of the treasury guards, I loaded the gift into various sturdy boxes.

The following night,
Bitian and I made a discreet departure from
Saskatoon. I carried my wealth on fifteen large ox-wagons. These were principally loaded with gold coins, expensive clothes, and treasures of all kind. I also had a chest as high as your knee and filled with gemstones, all of them large and of the highest quality. I had earned a portion of this great wealth through my building work. The rest was the magnanimous gift the emperor had given me.

We made our way overland across the wild plains, a journey of many weeks, until we reached the
Hesperian Mountains. More weeks passed as we wound through the mountain paths and tunnels. It was long distance, surely, but my heart was so light with thoughts of
Cyprus I was not fatigued in the least, and rode or walked with a song constantly on my lips.

At last, we arrived at
Great Tasker. My old ship, the
Moray
, was waiting there in the harbour, together with most of the original crew and all twelve of the original myrmidons, who, as you will remember, I had placed upon the ship to guard it when it sailed from Quebec.

(Actually, for many years I had assumed the ship had been lost at sea, for it did not arrive at Great Tasker. However, during my travels in the emperor’s service among the wild lands of the utmost south, I was led, as if by a divine hand, to the very place where the ship was stranded! I knew from this divine intervention that the
Moray
, which had brought me to America, was destined someday to take me home again. I saw to it the ship was always well maintained and ready to sail with just a few days’ notice.)

When all my treasure was loaded aboard, we set sail to the west, following the route to Cyprus that had been explained to me so many years before by the ghost of
Saint Elifax. As the land diminished behind us, I bade farewell to the
Saskatoon Empire, knowing my eye would never again behold its lovely walls and towers. Unless I choose to return there one day.