The Truth She Knew (25 page)

“
What?” I grabbed Walker’s hand.

“
Lace, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” He pulled me to him and kissed me.

“
I love you, Walker,” I said, my voice breaking.

“
I love you muches and muches and muches more than that. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks when you come down to see me, okay?” His voice sounded strong, but his face couldn’t hide his emotions.

I nodded as the man in the air force uniform made his way to our side of the room. He tapped the guys on the back and rounded the last few of them toward the stairs.

Walker kissed me one more time and then walked backward, as though trying to burn the image of us into his mind forever. His eyes searched each of our faces. As hard as he tried to hide it, fear flickered across his face. He was terrified he wouldn’t see Susan again. He lifted his hand in an attempted wave as he joined the group of men. Then he mouthed
I love you
and turned his back to us.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I took Susan’s hand. We stood in silence as the group ascended the stairs and out of sight. Walker had just left with my heart.

No one said a word as we walked out of the hotel and got back into the car for the ride home. I couldn’t stop the tears as I huddled in the backseat. I didn’t want to make a scene, but I couldn’t stop. When we got back to Walker’s house, I went into his bedroom and closed the door. I didn’t come out again until the next afternoon.

*   *   *

I woke to the patter of rain against Walker’s window. I reached for him and found his side of the bed cold and empty. I grabbed his pillow and inhaled his scent. The tears returned as I closed my eyes and imagined his strong arms around me, his kisses on my neck, and his hands on my body.

I wiped my tears away and sat on the side of the bed. If there was such a thing as an emotional hangover, I had one. I rubbed my eyes, desperate to eliminate the burn. My stomach flipped at the thought of Walker being hundreds of miles away.

I put my robe on and entered the empty kitchen. Susan wasn’t up yet, so I poured myself a cup of cold coffee left over from earlier in the morning. I heated it in the microwave and wandered into the living room. I curled up under the blanket and sipped my coffee. I had just snuggled with Walker under this blanket yesterday and now he was gone.

I stared at my ring and thought about our promises. I couldn’t change the fact that Walker had left for the air force, but I’d given him my word that I would take care of Susan and Garrett. I couldn’t sit here on the couch and feel sorry for myself. The world was still moving forward and I needed to move with it.

I took another sip of my coffee and placed it on the end table. Then I flung the blanket off and headed for the shower.

The hot water soothed my burning eyes as the steam filled the small bathroom. I stood under the water and made myself focus on the day ahead. I needed to make sure I was strong for Susan, and I wanted to take Garrett to a movie. I had to go back to work in a few days and I wanted to spend some time with him.

Out of everyone, I figured Garrett struggled the most. Not only had his brother gone off to boot camp, but he was left here watching his mom die.

After Susan left us, Garrett would stay with his Aunt Linda, and nothing would ever be the same for him. I understood why Walker did it, but Garrett was only thirteen and he probably couldn’t grasp that Walker was trying to take care of him.

Thirty minutes later, I was ready to face the world and found Susan in the kitchen. She smiled as I joined her at the table, but her face was paler than normal.

I reached for her hand and squeezed it.

“
How are you?” I asked.

“
I’m alright,” she whispered.

“
You don’t have to be strong for me, Susan. I realize you’re not okay. Hell, I’m not okay,” I said, laughing.

“
I’m glad you’re here, Lacey.”

“
Me too,” I said.

“
I . . . I’m afraid I won’t see him again,” she said as tears spilled down her cheeks.

“
We’ll visit him in a few weeks. Hang on to that,” I said and took her hand.

I sat helplessly as her tears spilled over.

“
I’m not getting better. No matter what I tell myself, I know I don’t have long.”

I bit my lip as I lost the battle against my own tears.

“
Well, you can’t. I haven’t had you in my life long enough.”

We smiled in an attempt to stop the tears and the fear that ate away at us.

“
I know you’ll take good care of my sons. I have no doubt in my mind that you and Walker will be okay. I worry about Garrett, though.”

“
I just assumed that Walker had talked to you about everything. He’s going to try and get stationed in Little Rock so we can see Garrett several times a month.”

“
What Walker doesn’t understand is that he now belongs to the military, and he doesn’t get to make those decisions.”

“
What?” I gasped.

“
I couldn’t say anything before he left. He’s holding onto those hopes of staying close, but there’s no guarantee that he’ll end up in Little Rock. He has to go wherever they tell him to, and once you’re married to him the military will own you too. You’ll go where he goes.”

I shook my head as she continued to tell me that our plans were no longer our own. Our plans to be near Garrett might not work out. I might not be near my friends anymore, either. I would leave the only place I’d ever lived. I could deal with an hour-long drive, but not another state. I couldn’t leave everyone.

“
I’m sorry, Lacey. We’ll just have to wait to find out what happens. They might work with him, but we won’t get that information until after boot camp. I just wanted you to understand there was a chance that plans might change.”

“
This situation sucks worse every time I turn around.”

“
It sure does.”

I was grateful that the rest of my afternoon was filled with an action-packed movie, popcorn, and the arcade with Garrett. Neither one of us brought up Walker or how much we wished he hadn’t left. We didn’t need to. We both clung to the moments together. Everyone was standing on shifting sand, and we didn’t know if it would hold or slide out from under our feet without any notice.

Other than attending classes, I stayed close to Susan and Garrett for a few more days. I knew that my excuses of staying with Emma and Joss were wearing thin with Mama and I would have to return home soon, but I wasn’t ready to leave.

My time with Susan, Garrett, and Linda was spent at their house where we could answer the phone. We jumped every time it rang in hopes that it might be Walker calling. I had no idea how often he would be able to call, and if he only got one call, I realized it would be to his mom and I would have to wait.

It was also time for me to go back to work. I couldn’t hide from Mama or my life any longer. I hugged Susan and Garrett goodbye and promised I’d be back as soon as I could.

I stood for a moment in the driveway and stared at Walker’s car. It had been in the same place since he left.

“
Hey, Susan,” I said as I stuck my head back in the house. “Do you care if I take Walker’s car? I’d like to get a battery for it while he’s gone.”

“
That’s a good idea, Lacey. Thank you for taking care of that.”

I closed the door behind me and settled myself in his car. I closed my eyes and remembered our first date and the drive to the lake. Walker’s cologne filled his car, and for a moment he sat next to me and held my hand.

He had parked the car facing down the hill for the days he needed to let it roll to get it started. I appreciated his planning as I tried to start the car and was met with nothing. I held in the clutch and released the brake. It began moving down the hill, and within seconds I popped the clutch and the car came to life. I turned on the headlights and pulled out of his driveway.

I shivered and blasted the heat as I drove to the nearest shop and purchased a new battery. Now I wouldn’t worry about driving Walker’s car and getting stuck somewhere as the weather got colder.

A few hours later, I pulled into the parking lot at work, clocked in, and headed to the children’s department. Becky greeted me with a big hug as we chatted across the aisle and caught up on all the gossip that had happened while I’d been gone.

“
It looks like you have some juicy news yourself,” she said, pointing to my ring. I’d been so wrapped up in my own world that I’d forgotten that no one at work had heard the news.

“
Yeah,” I smiled. “He proposed the night of his going-away party.”

“
Have you set a date yet?”

“
No, we decided he should get through boot camp and get stationed first.” I left out the part about wanting to get married before Susan left us.

“
That’s a good idea, hon. Life changes a lot when the military enters it.”

“
I’ve heard,” I said, sighing.

Becky finished her shift and left me alone. I straightened up the clothes racks and changed the sale signs. It was a quiet evening and I kept thinking about Walker and wondering how he was.

I jumped when the phone rang. We had older phones in the store and they bellowed with an obnoxious ring. I made my way through the clothing racks to the register.

“
Children’s department, this is Lacey.”

“
I love you and I miss you so fucking bad I can’t stand it.”

“
Walker! Oh my God, I love you too. How are you?”

“
Tired and I hurt, but I’m doing okay. I can’t say I like Texas much, either. I hope I don’t get stationed here.”

“
Have they told you anything yet about where you’re going next?”

“
No, I’m not sure when we find out, but I’ve requested Little Rock and told them that Mom’s sick.”

“
Maybe that’ll help if they know what’s going on.”

“
How’s Garrett?”

“
He’s okay. He’s really sad. I’ve been staying at your house since you left, but I’m going home tonight.” My voice fell as I finished my sentence.

“
Be careful, Lace. I don’t trust your mom to not blow up again.”

“
I can go to Emma or Joss’s house if I need to. I’ll be fine.” I didn’t really believe that, but he didn’t need to worry about anything else.

“
I have to go, baby.”

“
Already? We just got on the phone!”

“
Yeah, I know. I love you. I’ll see you soon so let’s just focus on that, okay?”

“
Okay. I’ve already got the time off work, too.”

“
Good, and we can talk about setting a date. I gotta go.”

The phone disconnected before I was able to respond. He wasn’t kidding when he said he had to go.

I replaced the phone in the cradle and frowned. He was getting insistent about setting a date. I wanted to wait a while, but we weren’t dealing with ordinary circumstances. We were moving fast and I couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t have proposed at all if Susan wasn’t sick and his life wasn’t taking a huge turn in a different direction.

I brushed the thought aside as I counted my register and finished work for the evening.

I barely remembered the drive home. My thoughts stayed with Walker. I brushed away the thought that I was heading in the wrong direction and I should be driving to his house instead.

I parked his car in my regular spot and let myself into a house that wasn’t my home anymore.

Mama and Patsy were watching TV. Neither one of them acknowledged me as I went straight to the kitchen and made a sandwich. After all these years of wanting to be invisible, I had accomplished it, at least for tonight. I was okay with that. I grabbed my dinner and purse and headed downstairs without saying a word.

I flipped the light switch on and groaned. The yellow walls mocked me as I set my purse on the floor. I leaned against the wall as I finished my sandwich. I debated whether to shake my sleeping bag out and vacuum my floor or not, but fear won over. I would continue my bedtime ritual before I joined the creatures of the dark and slept on the floor. I sighed as I realized that I held the power of the vacuum and sucked their lives right down the tube.

I snuggled into my sleeping bag and stared at the phone. The few nights that Walker and I had been apart, we’d talked on the phone before going to sleep. Emptiness settled over me like a wet blanket as I drifted off to sleep.

*   *   *

I woke to Mama’s voice the next morning. That was an understatement: she was yelling at the top of her lungs. I hopped out of my sleeping bag, slipped on my shoes, and ran upstairs.

“
What? Mama, what’s the matter?”

“
What the hell is parked in my carport?”

Shit.
I’d forgotten to mention that I had Walker’s car. I guess I’d enjoyed being invisible more than I should’ve last night.

“
It’s Walker’s car, Mama. I replaced the car battery for him yesterday.”

“
You can’t just drive his car around, Lacey. It’s not yours.”

“
I know, Mama. I’m taking it back today. I was trying to help him and Susan was all.”

“
Damn right you’re taking it back today, and I’d better not see it here again. You have a car, one Patsy and I bought you, and I’d better see you driving it next time.”

“
Okay.”

“
Get back downstairs, I don’t want to see your face,” Mama said.

“
I have to get ready for work anyway,” I muttered.

Mama didn’t say another word as I went back downstairs. I hadn’t missed her yelling at me or being woken up to her threats.

I would stick it out for a few nights and see if it smoothed things over.