The Truth She Knew (13 page)

“
Are you telling me you’re the outcast?” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“
That’s kind of funny considering I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs, or screw around. Maybe I should start, since that’s what they think anyway.” I laughed.

“
Don’t do any of those things because of them—do it because that’s what you want to try.”

“
Mr. Farren, are you suggesting I pick up smoking, or worse?” I giggled.

Walker shook his head and laughed as he led me to a huge oak tree and sat down against its trunk. I situated myself between his legs and leaned into him.

“
I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” I kissed his cheek and put my head on his shoulder.

“
Me too, I just worry about things when you go back home.”

“
That makes two of us, but I have to go back tomorrow. I have morning classes and then work from noon to five, though, so at least I’ll have somewhere to go.”

“
I’ll meet you after work then. I have a short shift at the pool tomorrow so I’ll spend time with Mom and then meet you around five.”

“
You don’t have to, Walker. I know you have other things to do.”

“
I want to see you, Lace. I need to hold you, even if it’s only for a few minutes.”

“
Okay,” I replied as I snuggled into him.

The night was clear with the unspoken hint of promise. I finally had someone in my life who loved me, I might not be demon-possessed, and there was hope for Mama to get help. Maybe God did speak to me sometimes after all.

My heart raced as I pulled into my driveway. I’d tried taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth, but it didn’t help. My palms were sweaty and stuck to the steering wheel.

I grabbed my handbag and walked up the porch stairs. I tried to still my trembling hands by shaking them out. One, two, three. I turned the doorknob, plastered a smile on my face, and walked into the house.

“
Hi, Mama,” I said as I closed the door behind me.

“
Hi, honey.”

That was a good sign. I approached her and kissed her cheek.

“
How are you?”

“
Good, much better the last couple of days.”

“
Really? That’s great, Mama!”

“
Did you have fun at Joss’s?”

“
Yeah, Tammy stayed too.”

“
That sounds fun.”

“
I need to finish some homework for tomorrow and get ready for work,” I said. I paused to make sure she didn’t want anything else.

Mama appeared okay, though, almost like nothing had happened a few days ago. I should’ve known better, but I’d take any good from Mama that I could. It didn’t come very often.

I grabbed the stack of clean clothes she’d left for me at the top of the stairs and slowly made my way downstairs and to my room. I couldn’t see over the stack of the clothes, so I made my way toward my dresser by memory. I laid the clothes on top, but they landed in a heap on the floor. Confused, I glanced around.

My dresser was gone and so was my bed. My clothes laid scattered on my floor and every piece of furniture was gone. Only a sleeping bag and pillow were left. I began to shake, thinking about sleeping on the floor. Part of our house was underground and giant spiders appeared in the family room and my bedroom. I was terrified of them and everyone knew it. They weren’t little tiny spiders, either—they were large and they jumped. Mama called them wolf spiders. Now, with no furniture, I would be on the floor for them to crawl on.

I ran out of the room and up the stairs.

“
Mama! Where’s my furniture?” I couldn’t control the fear in my voice.

“
I sold it. If you want to stay with your friends for two or three days at a time, you don’t need furniture anymore. I prayed about it and God told me your demons are too attached to worldly possessions. I only did what was right for your healing.”

“
What? Are you serious? Mama, you’re teasing, right? You sold my bed and dresser? Why? I don’t understand.”

“
I just told you. Apparently you don’t think family is important enough to come home to.”

“
That’s not true at all. Just because I spent a few days with friends doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here. Mama, I’m on the floor now with the spiders.”

“
Guess you’ll learn to kill them then, won’t you?”

At that moment, the front door opened and Krissy walked in.

“
Hi, Mama,” she gushed as she ran over and crawled onto her lap like she was three.

My mouth dropped open. Krissy hadn’t been home for almost six months. She lived on campus at college and didn’t make it home often. I had no idea she was coming.

“
How’s my angel?” Mama asked as she hugged Krissy.

“
Good. I’ve missed you so much, though. I love college, but it can’t take your place.” Krissy giggled as she hopped out of Mama’s lap and got comfortable on the couch. She hadn’t even glanced at me.

“
Don’t you have classes, Krissy?” I asked her. “What are you doing home on a Thursday morning?”

“
Well, I hear you’ve caused a lot of trouble for Mama, and that’s why I’m here for a few days, to make sure she’s okay. I’m going to talk to her first and then I’ll be downstairs to speak to you.”

The color drained from my face as I realized what Krissy had said. Mama had called her to come home, which meant that Krissy hadn’t gotten the real story.

The story Mama told was usually twisted. It was always someone else hurting Mama, not her shoving me or pinning Patsy to the floor. If she ever did share any of that with Krissy, she’d put a spin on it so she’d be the victim, and Krissy was worse than I was about believing it. She never questioned anything—she fell for every word out of Mama’s mouth.

I turned and made my way downstairs as calmly as possible. I went into my bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the water. Then I puked up every bit of the breakfast that Walker and I had cooked together.

I flushed the toilet and washed my face. I leaned my forehead against the mirror, closed my eyes, and thought about the last few days with Walker and his family; my time with Susan, Linda, the meals together, and the sound of everyone’s laughter. I could almost imagine Walker’s arms around me, his soft kisses, and when he whispered
I love you muches, and muches, and muches
.

My stomach calmed as I remembered that Walker and his family weren’t the only ones who knew what was going on at home—Joss knew, too. As long as I could get out of the house, I now had safe places to go.

Regardless if I was or wasn’t demon-possessed, what Mama did wasn’t right. I hadn’t done anything wrong. No demon had acted out through me and made her take my furniture. All my friends who still lived at home spent days at someone else’s house. We were in college, for God’s sake.

I stopped and giggled as I realized my thought process. Mama’s behavior wasn’t okay or normal.
We
weren’t fucking normal. Before I could stop, the giggles turned into choked tears once again, but behind the tears, for the first time in my life, a small glimmer of hope appeared.

I had almost forgotten Krissy was home until she appeared in my room about an hour later, leaning against my bedroom wall.

“
Guess your chat with Mama went well?” I said. “I’d offer you a place to sit, but as you can see, I have no furniture.” I crossed my arms in front of me and leaned against the opposite wall.

“
I heard you pushed Mama.”

“
Is that what she told you? You’re never here, but you believe anything she says. And what did she say about Patsy? Did she mention that she pinned her down on the floor and held a butcher knife to her throat? Threatened to kill her?”

“
Yes, Lacey, she did. Patsy realizes Mama gets depressed and she still said those horrible things to her. She asked for it.”

My mouth hung open. I thought I’d been prepared for anything Krissy was going to say, but she blindsided me.

“
I’m sorry, what?” I snapped.

“
You don’t know, do you? I’m not surprised. Mama can’t trust you with anything. I don’t blame her,” she spat.

I wanted to slap the smug expression off her face and into next month.

“
What, Krissy? What’s so important that Patsy asked to have a knife pulled on her?”

“
You’re so stupid, Lacey. Mama told Patsy she remembered her uncle raping her and Patsy said she deserved it. That’s why Mama got so pissed. Patsy deserved it.”

I stared at her, stunned. Mama hadn’t said anything about her uncle or being raped. As awful as it was, Mama still didn’t have the right to treat Patsy that way. But then again, I’m not sure how I’d react if someone close to me said I deserved to be raped. I might beat the hell out of them too.

“
Yeah, I thought so,” Krissy said.

“
I had no idea. That’s horrible. How old was Mama?”

“
Sixteen. She said he reeked of alcohol and came into her bedroom one night, placed a pillow over her face, and raped her.”

We were both processing this information not only as Mama’s daughters, but as women, thinking about what that must have been like. The horror of being hurt by someone you loved, by family, and not being able to stop it.

The silence weighed heavy in the air between us.

“
I do worry about her, Krissy. It’s different since you left. You’re not around very much so you don’t see the fights.” I tugged at the string hanging from the hem of my T-shirt.

“
It sounds like it, but you can’t push her.”

I’d forgotten the real reason Krissy was here. Mama had said I’d pushed her instead of the other way around.

I hesitated while I considered telling Krissy what had actually happened, but it wouldn’t change anything. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. I couldn’t get past the fact that Mama had been raped and the awful things Patsy had said to her.

“
If you hurt Mama again, I’m going to call the cops and press charges against you,” Krissy said and smirked.

What the hell? Was I ever going to stop being surprised by what came out of her mouth? I wanted her to leave and get out of my empty bedroom, and the only way for that to happen was to give her what she wanted. I was trapped, and if I tried to defend myself, Mama would start casting demons out of me. Krissy wouldn’t acknowledge the truth even if it were a poisonous snake that had sunk its fangs into her.

Mama had got me. She’d won, and all I wanted was to go to work and get out of this hell hole.

“
I understand,” I said. And I did. I understood too well. I was considered the outcast of the family, the crazy one.

Krissy stared at me for another moment before she left my room and went back upstairs.

I searched the rubble on my bedroom floor and found my tote bag. I stuffed it with some clothes in case I found myself unable to come home again. I carefully laid my books for class on top of the clothes so nothing would appear suspicious. At least I could hide it in my car and be more prepared than I was last time.

I headed for the shower and got ready for work. I was once again grateful for my job. It was so much more than a paycheck.

The store was busy, and I welcomed the distraction. The time passed faster than I’d hoped, and I dreaded going home to not only Mama but Krissy as well. Mama surrounded herself with believers, which left me alone. It wouldn’t matter if I tried to talk to Krissy and Patsy about mental illness. They believed whatever Mama told them.

My break arrived and I clocked out, grabbed my purse, and walked down the mall to Wyatt’s Café to meet Emma. We’d missed our regular lunch meeting earlier in the week and had rescheduled. I had so much to fill her in on; there was no way I could do it in an hour. I found her waiting for me at the restaurant door.

“
Hi!” Emma said and hugged me.

“
Hey,” I said and hugged her back. “How are you?” I grinned.

“
Good, just the same ol’ thing with classes. I’ve come to realize that you truly have to love taking care of people to be a nurse or doctor. I’m studying some really gross stuff!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Emma had a big heart and was genuine in everything she said and did.

“
What about you? Are you still dating Walker?”

I couldn’t stop the huge smile even if I’d wanted to.

“
That says it all. You lit up like a Christmas tree! Lacey Anne, are you in
love
?”

My laugh filled the busy restaurant.

“
Emma, I really need to master my poker face when we’re together.”

“
You go right ahead, I can read you no matter what expression’s on your face.”

“
Am I that easy?” I asked.

“
Sometimes, but I’m familiar with you and
all
your moods.”

We grabbed our food and found a booth in the corner of the restaurant. I’d hoped for a bit of privacy, but it wasn’t going to happen.

“
Okay, now that we’re settled, fill me in,” Emma said between bites.

“
Things are great. He’s so good to me. I’ve met his mom and brother too. Actually, I spent the weekend with them.”

Emma’s fork clattered to the floor as she stared at me with her mouth open.

“
I’m sorry, you did what?”

I handed Emma my spoon to eat with.

“
It wasn’t like that at all, so you can close your mouth.”

“
Are you sleeping with him? Do you love him? Oh my God, are you using protection? Are you on the pill?”