The Trauma of Everyday Life: A Guide to Inner Peace (29 page)

3
. John S. Strong,
The Buddha: A Short Biography
(Oxford: Oneworld, 2001), p. 70.

4
. Stephen Batchelor,
Living with the Devil
(New York: Riverhead, 2004), p. 21.

5
. Strong,
The Buddha
, p. 71.

6
. Batchelor,
Living with the Devil,
p. 19.

7
.
Ibid
., p. 18.

8
.
Ibid.,
p. 19.

9
. Karen Armstrong,
Buddha
(New York: Penguin, 2001), pp. 90–91.

10
. Miranda Shaw,
Buddhist Goddesses of India
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2006), p. 21.

11
. Bhikkhu
,
The Life of the Buddha: According to the Pali Canon
(Kandy, Sri Lanka: Buddhist Publication Society, 1972/1992), p. 27.

12
.
The Voice of the Buddha
,
The Beauty of Compassion
, Volume II, translated by Gwendolyn Bays, (Berkeley: Dharma, 1983), p. 482.

13
. Shaw,
Buddhist Goddesses of India,
p. 20.

14
.
Ibid
., p. 25.

15
. Strong,
The Buddha
, p. 72.

16
. Batchelor,
Living with the Devil,
p. 6
.

17
. Robert Stolorow,
Trauma and Human Existence: Autobiographical, Psychoanalytic, and
Philosophical Reflections
(New York: Routledge, 2007), p. 20.

18
.
Ibid.

19
.
Ibid.
, p. 16.

20
. Sherab Chödzin Kohn,
A Life of the Buddha
(Boston: Shambhala, 2009), pp. 32–33.

21
. Batchelor,
Living with the Devil,
p. 10.

22
. Lucien Stryk,
World of the Buddha
(New York: Grove Weidenfeld, 1968), p. 271.

23
. Robert Thurman,
Essential Tibetan Buddhism
(New York: HarperSanFrancisco, 1995), p. 99.

Chapter Twelve: A Relational Home

1
. Robert Stolorow,
Trauma and Human Existence: Autobiographical, Psychoanalytic, and Philosophical Reflections
(New York, Routledge, 2007), p .10.

2
. Personal communication; See Joseph LeDoux,
The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996). See also Joseph LeDoux, Lizabeth Romanski, and Andrew Xagoraris, “Indelibility of Subcortical Emotional Memories,”
Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience,
vol. 1 (July 1989): 238–43.

3
. Adam Phillips,
Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life (
London: Hamish Hamilton, 2012), p. 35.

4
.
Ibid.

5
. Helen Davey, “Wounded but Resilient: The Impact of Trauma,”
Psychology Today
, October 30, 2011.

6
.
Ibid.

7
. Robert Thurman,
Essential Tibetan Buddhism
(San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 1995), pp. 209–10.

8
. Storolowe,
Trauma and Human Existence,
p. 16.

9
.
The Blue Cliff Record,
translated by Thomas Cleary and J.C. Cleary (Boston and London: Shambhala, 2005), p. 176.

10
. Stephen Batchelor,
Living with the Devil
(New York: Riverhead, 2004), p. 55.

11
.
Ibid
., p. 574.

12
. Adam Phillips,
Winnicott
(Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1988), p. 29.

The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. To find the corresponding locations in the text of this digital version, please use the “search” function on your e-reader. Note that not all terms may be searchable.

absolutisms of daily life, 54–57, 63

Ajahn Chah, 44–45, 62, 142–43, 183–84, 185

amygdala, 148

anatman
(
anatta
), 9

anorexia, 22, 116

anxiety, 5–9, 29–30, 57, 58, 73, 91, 93–96, 99, 100, 106–7, 136, 138, 150, 155, 176–77, 199

Armstrong, Karen, 120

asceticism, 22–23, 165

Buddha and, 111–14, 116–19, 124, 125, 147, 158, 161, 172, 184

Ashva•ghosha, 70–71, 74–76

Asita (wise man), 49–50

Atisha (monk), 194

attachment, 107, 111, 123, 194

attunement and responsiveness, 38–39, 42, 43, 47, 158

awareness, 198

Baker, Deborah, 26–27

bare attention, 27–28, 44

Barendregt, Johan, 105–7

Batchelor, Stephen, 190, 191–92

being, 153

unbearable embeddedness of, 191

bliss, 37, 79, 80, 84, 193

Blue Cliff Record, 207–9

Blue Hand
,
A
(Baker), 26–27

bodhi tree, 208

body, mindfulness of, 124–25, 134, 198

brain, 148, 149, 150, 197, 210

mirror neurons in, 170

breast-feeding, 76–77, 151, 152–53

breath, 87, 88, 124, 125, 155, 198, 199

Bromberg, Philip, 72, 73–74, 150–51

Buddha, 19–23, 25–26, 28, 29, 31, 32, 33–34, 44, 46, 62, 64–80, 83–84, 85–87, 89, 94, 95, 97, 122–23, 148, 156, 158, 180, 183, 194–95, 196–99, 202, 205, 211

ascetic practices of, 111–14, 116–19, 124, 125, 147, 158, 161, 172, 184

Asita and, 49–50

awakening of, 18, 19, 20, 33, 54, 65–66, 79, 99, 100, 115, 118–21, 160–64, 168–69, 171, 182–83, 185, 187, 188, 190, 192–93, 203, 207, 208

death of, 194

delicate nature of, 51, 52, 54, 56, 69–71, 100, 109, 112, 188

demons faced by, 185–90

dissociation and, 66, 103, 108, 115, 116, 120, 21, 147, 156, 161, 162, 172, 173

dreams of, 159, 160–78, 181, 182, 183, 185, 187

early life of, 48–54, 69–70, 99–100

earth-touching gesture and, 188–89

on eradication of ignorance, 193

Fire Sermon of, 34–40, 42, 44, 45, 47, 100, 142, 209

Four Foundations of Mindfulness taught by, 123–34, 142, 143, 184, 198, 199

Four Messengers and, 48, 53

Four Noble Truths of,
see
Four Noble Truths

“going forth” of, 97, 99–121

“I am awake” statement of, 160, 161

Buddha (
cont
.)

on immoveable spot, 185–91, 208

infancy of, 48–50, 67, 69

king of Kosala and, 10, 12

Kisagotami and, 40, 41–42, 199

Lion’s Roar of, 33, 67

Mara and, 185–90

Maya and,
see
mother of

meditation and, 87–88, 108

Middle Path of, 116, 119, 127, 139, 156, 168, 194

miraculous feats of, 34

mother of, 49, 68, 80, 84, 115, 119, 121, 169, 171, 184, 193, 208

mother’s death, 17, 25, 48, 50, 54, 65–72, 74–79, 83, 99–100, 108, 115, 119, 135, 137, 166, 170, 171, 173, 184, 185, 197–98, 202–3, 209

Noble Eightfold Path of,
see
Noble Eightfold Path

no-self doctrine of, 9, 11, 123, 127, 130–31, 133

Pali Canon, 51–53, 83, 100, 112, 113–14, 123–24

and, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 83, 123, 199

permanence and, 46

as physician pulling out poisonous arrows, 22, 31, 40

sadhus and, 34–35

and Sanskrit principle of saying only what is true and pleasant, 12, 13–14

shining of, 33

Simile of the Mountain of, 180–81

Splinter of Rock Discourse of, 134–36, 138, 139, 143

Sthavara and, 189

Sujata and, 118–19, 159

trauma and, 35–37, 56–57, 65–66

trees in life of, 208–9

Upaka and, 20–21, 22, 23, 33

Yasa and, 100–107, 110, 111, 118, 123

Buddhacarita
(Ashva·ghosha), 70–71, 74–76

Buddhism, 2–18, 21, 90, 102, 179–80, 181

Tibetan, 21, 28, 68, 88, 129, 177, 193–94, 203

Zen, 8, 81, 207

Carr, Russell, 200–201, 202

cell-phone meditation, 80–84, 85–86, 87, 96, 192

children:

emotions in, 149, 151, 157

see also
infant-caregiver relationship

C.K., Louis, 23

collaborative communication, 169

compassion, 47, 88, 191, 194, 206–7

continuity, 127, 137

conversation, 117

crying, 96–97, 98, 109–10, 138

curiosity, 85–98

Dada (disciple), 31–32, 33

Dalai Lama, 4, 28, 47

death, 3, 56, 59, 105, 107, 181–85, 205–7

avoiding reality of, 179–80

Kisagotami and, 40, 41–42, 55, 60, 199

and, 59–63, 64, 65, 71, 88, 199

sudden, 1–2

delusion, 36, 47

derealization, 124–25

Desire Realm, 186

developmental trauma, 3–4, 23–26, 27, 43, 65, 72, 125, 135–36, 148, 149, 169, 197, 209

Devraha Baba, 26

Dhammapada
, 5

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
, 3

Diamond Sutra, 131

dissociation, 64–84, 86, 106, 109, 122–23, 124, 134, 148, 150, 167, 172, 199, 201, 203

Buddha and, 66, 103, 108, 115, 116, 120, 121, 147, 156, 161, 162, 172, 173

derealization, 124–25

dreams, 91–96, 109, 110, 128, 147, 158, 161

of Buddha, 159, 160–78, 181, 182, 183, 185, 187

Duchamp, Marcel, 171–72, 177

dukkha
,
see
suffering

Dylan, Bob, 47

ego, 9, 29, 31, 38, 44, 56, 79, 81, 86, 87, 90, 95, 98, 103, 107, 126, 153–54, 156–58, 198

Mara and, 186

egocentric fires, 36, 47

ego defense, 64

Eigen, Michael, 62–63, 93–94, 110, 165, 170–71, 177

Eightfold Path,
see
Noble Eightfold Path

emotions,
see
feelings and emotions

empathy, 170, 182, 191

enlightenment, 168, 182

of Buddha, 18, 19, 20, 33, 54, 65–66, 79, 99, 100, 115, 118–21, 160–64, 168–69, 171, 182–83, 185, 187, 189, 190, 192–93, 203, 207, 208

entanglement, 13–14, 15, 19

explicit (narrative) memory, 149, 150, 154, 156, 158, 162, 173

eyes and sight, 132–33

fear, 105–7, 111, 124, 126–27, 129, 137, 138, 155, 156

feelings and emotions, 122–43, 153

in children, 149, 151, 157

mindfulness of, 124, 125–28, 134, 198

unprocessed, 147

female element, 153–54, 158, 169

fight or flight, 150

fires:

egocentric, 36, 47

of trauma, 35, 36

Fire Sermon, 34–40, 42, 44, 45, 47, 100, 142, 209

Fonagy, Peter, 140–42

Forest Refuge, 104

Four Noble Truths, 2, 12, 13, 19, 26, 33, 100, 111, 160, 193, 204

First, 5, 12, 18, 26, 58, 196

Third, 18

Fourth, 18, 204

Freud, Anna, 81

Freud, Sigmund, 9, 16, 81, 87, 88, 159, 164, 198, 203

From, Isadore, 67

Gandhi, Indira, 26

Gere, Richard, 47

Ginsberg, Allen, 26–27, 111

glass, broken, 45–46, 47, 62, 142–43, 183

Goldstein, Joseph, 18, 90–91, 92, 135, 137–38

Gombrich, Richard, 37, 127

Great Embrace, 193

greed, 36, 47

grief, 206

groundlessness, 106, 111

Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life
(Shantideva), 47

hatred, 36, 47

Hoffman, Albert, 132–33

Hughes, Ted, 69

ignorance, eradication of, 193

illness, 2, 3, 22, 55, 56, 107, 184

impermanence, 45–46, 65, 83, 106, 107, 142, 193

implicit memory, 144–49, 162, 173, 177–78, 197, 201, 204

implicit relational knowing, 169–70, 173–74, 178, 180–83, 185, 188, 190–91, 193, 194, 202, 203, 211

India, 22, 31, 33

Ginsberg in, 26–27, 111

inescapable contingency, 191

infant-caregiver relationship, 23–26, 29–31, 38, 43–44, 46–47, 72, 74, 76, 77, 139–42, 149, 151–52, 154, 157, 158, 178, 182

breast-feeding and, 76–77, 151, 152–53

caretaker self and, 210

controlling-caregiving attachment in, 172

controlling-punitive strategy in, 172–73

healthy attachment in, 197

helpless and fearful parents in, 172

implicit relational knowing and, 169–70, 178

and learning to stand and walk, 67–68

intrinsic identity habit, 95

investigation, in mindfulness, 89–90, 97

joy, 79, 83, 97, 103, 114–21, 126, 129, 139, 164, 198, 207

juggling, 6–7

Kabat-Zinn, Jon, 65

karma, 40–41, 191

Karma Thinley Rinpoche, 176–77

kindness, 161, 175, 194

Kisagotami, 40, 41–42, 55, 60, 199

knowing, knowledge, 181, 193

reflective/verbal, 170

relational, 150, 169–70, 173–74, 178, 180–83, 185, 188, 190–91, 193, 194, 202, 203, 211

koans, 207–9, 211

Kornfield, Jack, 173–74

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 206

LeDoux, Joseph, 197

Loori, John Daido, 90

love, 76, 79

male element, 153–54, 158, 169

mantra, 201–2

Mara, 185–90

Maya,
see
Buddha, mother of

meditation, 3, 6, 7–8, 10, 28, 31, 44, 66, 80–81, 86–92, 95, 96, 107–8, 117, 128, 133, 136–37, 140, 153–55, 158, 181, 184, 194, 204

breath in, 87, 88, 155

Buddha and, 87–88, 108

cell-phone, 80–84, 85–86, 87, 96, 192

crying in, 96–97, 98, 109

forms of, 87

memory:

explicit (narrative), 149, 150, 154, 156, 158, 162, 173

implicit, 144–49, 162, 173, 177–78, 197, 201, 204

Middle Path, 116, 119, 127, 139, 156, 168, 194

mind, 85, 194

mindfulness of, 124, 128, 129, 134, 183

reflections of, 179–95

as relational home, 202

mindfulness, 6, 28, 31, 63, 65, 80, 86–90, 92, 95, 98, 105, 107, 120, 140, 148, 153–56, 194, 204

of the body, 124–25, 134, 198

of feelings, 124, 125–28, 134, 198

Four Foundations of, 123–34, 142, 143, 156, 184, 198, 199

of mental objects, 124, 128–29, 198

of mind, 124, 128, 129, 134, 183

relaxation and investigation in, 89–90, 97

trauma and, 149, 198

mirror neurons, 170

narrative memory, 149, 150, 154, 156, 158, 162, 173

New York Times
, 117, 132

9/11 attacks, 55

nirvana, 6, 19, 20, 185, 193

negative and positive views of, 37

samsara and, 37–38

nobility, 34

Noble Eightfold Path, 2, 163, 164, 204

Realistic View, 2–4, 204, 205, 206, 207

Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge, The
(Rilke), xiii

oceanic feeling, 87, 164

Orlovsky, Peter, 26–27

Pali Canon, 51–53, 83, 100, 112, 113–14, 123–24

Pasenadi, King, 180–81

, 59–63, 64, 65, 71, 83, 88, 123, 199

personal continuity, 127, 137

Phillips, Adam, 198–99

phobias, 105–7, 111