The Tragedy of Loving Jamie Clarke (2 page)

~3~

                     I’m the last one in class, a first for me, and as the door slams shut behind me the entire class turns to see the straggler. I can almost hear their thoughts as their mouths drop and their eyes wander towards the metal bars around my neck.
Loser. I didn’t know Quasimodo went to our school. Oh look its Robocop.
I smile apologetically at Mrs. Honor and rush to the back of the room. I slide into the seat closest to the window.

 “Good morning class and welcome to another exciting year of learning,” Mrs. Honor begins her lesson.

I am very excited about getting into her English class. Everyone who is an avid reader or hopeful writer is. Mrs. Honor, a former editor, knows what it would take to make it as an author in today’s publishing market. I am sure her first piece of advice to me would be to finish writing my book, something I am planning to do actually.

Mrs. Honor stomps around the front of the room like an elephant. Her rotund form force the last two buttons of her blouse to bulge forward revealing the top seam of her floral skirt. Her disheveled hair flops as she enthusiastically speaks about her goals for the year.

               “You’re going to read some of the
best literary works ever
written. From Dickens to Tolstoy, you will learn what literature is truly about…” Mrs. Honor’s voice trails off as the handsome boy from the parking lot enters the room.

No wonder Amber called him dreamy! He smiles briefly and as he moves into the room his charcoal hair flops above his eyes that are so blue they could have come straight from the Atlantic.

              “Can I help you?” Mrs. Honor asks the gorgeous boy
in the black
tee shirt and blue jeans.

“Is this Mrs. Honor’s English class?” He asks.

              “It is. And you are?”

              “Jamie Clarke,” Jamie says entering the room and handing Mrs. Honor an official form of some kind and as he does the boy’s gaze catches mine and I shiver.

He smiles at me but, because I’m the world’s most awkward person when it comes to guys, I’m staring at him blankly and half expect drool to dribble down the side of my chin. Now a few of my classmates turn to look at me too. He must be staring at my brace. I might as well wear a sign that says, “Look at me and my hunchback!” Hanna Tillman giggles and points while whispering something inaudible to Michael McDonwell. They’re obviously making fun of me.

                     “Ah Mr. Clarke, welcome. You’re late,” says Mrs. Honor as she hands him back the form.

                     “I know. Sorry, I was late for registration; there was this incident with the directions and my ability to follow them. And well, long story short I almost ended up in the middle of the Atlantic,” Jamie says.

I try to hold it in but out comes a giggle, which gives me another glance from Jamie. My heart thumps and I begin to sweat. I am still staring at him and now it’s just creepy. I quickly bow my head and pretend to be devoted to my notes, which of course are blank.

“Well, take a seat,” Mrs. Honor commands.

He strides toward me grinning and I swear I can hear a church choir singing behind him. I pat my hair down to make sure no strays are bursting out, tug on the bars of the brace to push them as far down into my shirt as I can and scoot up in the seat. It seems like it takes him forever to reach me. Mrs. Honor goes back to her lecture as Jamie slides into the chair next to mine, still staring and grinning at me. I want to look at him but I won’t. I don’t have a mirror and what happens if I look at him and there’s pen on my face or worse. What if, before I left the house this morning I forgot to finish my makeup and I look like two-face? What if I look at him and he looks back?

“Hi,” Jamie says, slumping in the seat. “Looks like we’re neighbors. I’m Jamie.”

I ignore him and continue to pretend to take notes even though Mrs. Honor has moved on to roll call. “Please tell me I’m not the only one from out of town who almost drove straight into the Atlantic.”

I still pretend I don’t hear him. I want to answer him, I want to look at him but if I do I know I am going to make a fool of myself. I don’t know how to talk to guys, not really, not like this.

“Is she always this intense?” Jamie asks, again trying to grab my attention. It is hard to understand him since I’m half listening and half waiting for my name to be called.

“What?” I reply instinctively.

“Ah she speaks,” Jamie laughs. He cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows. “I was afraid you might be mute or something.”

“Oh. No, I’m not,” I reply in a shaky voice.

“Clearly.”

“April Marks,” Mrs. Honor finally reaches my name in roll call.

“Present,” I shout, stealing a quick glance at Jamie who is still smirking at me. God I wish he would stop looking at me like that.

“Is she one of those teachers who always does roll call so she can embarrass those students who come late?”

“What? Teachers
actually
do that?”

“Are you kidding? In my last school I had this teacher who did roll call every day and when someone was absent or late she made a big deal about it. Once she even booed a student who came in five minutes late.”

“Booed? Like they do at baseball games to the opposing teams?”

“Exactly.”

I cover my mouth so the laughter that comes out isn’t loud enough to be heard.

“I can’t imagine how embarrassing that must be. I am so glad we don’t have teachers like that here. The teachers here may be tough but they certainly don’t boo their students. Good thing you got away when you did.” Jamie grins and bites his lower lip.

I wonder what it would feel like to be kiss him. Oh God did I really just think that? What is wrong with me? He’s just a stupidly handsome boy with gorgeous hair and gorgeous eyes, no big deal. Geez, I need to focus.

Mrs. Honor spends a good deal of time handing out copies of
To Kill a Mockingbird
, and explaining why we will be reading it this semester.  As he puts his copy of the book aside, Jamie turns to me.

“So, April, I’m kind of new here and you seem harmless, would you mind giving me the grand tour after school?” Jamie asks, leaning off the chair in my direction. “I’d like to not almost drive into the Atlantic from now on.”

“Me? You want
me
to give you a tour?”

If I wasn’t sweating before I am sweating now. I’m nothing, just the girl in the back brace, who spends hours alone in her room trying to write, who obsesses about things like, The Backstreet Boys. I don’t get asked to show people around town, let alone by a boy like Jamie. Amber is more his type. The flirt, the hot girl with dark hair and dark eyes, the girl who likes to drink, party and do things other than hang out with their parents watching reruns of
Friends,
someone who doesn’t look like she’s auditioning to be a monster in a science fiction movie.

“I don’t think so,” I reply flatly.

His eyebrows arch and his lips curl downward. He probably doesn’t hear “no” very often. It’s not that I want to say no to him but I don’t want to become a punchline for the rest of the school when he realizes that I am a big loser.  

“We’re not all assholes.”

“What?”

“I saw what happened outside. How those guys were messing with you,” Jamie begins as my heart sinks to my feet. I
knew
he saw what happened. “But we’re not all like that. Not all guys are jerks.”

Every time he speaks to me a bead of sweat flies down my back. I have never gotten into trouble in class before but I am almost wishing Mrs. Honor will look up and see Jamie talking to me. His voice, his eyes, everything about him is making me nervous so getting lectured by the teacher would be a welcomed distraction.

“I’m sorry but I can’t,” I stare at the front of the room where Mrs. Honor is reading through the class syllabus. 

“Can I ask why?”

“Why what?”

“Why you won’t show me around.”

Because I am afraid I’ll act like an idiot and you’ll run screaming for the hills. Because you’re gorgeous and I’m a plain Jane and I am going to bore you. Because I’m the Tin Man Hunchback of Perkins Harbor. Because once you get to know me you’ll wish you never asked. Because there is no way you could be interested in me… I have a million other reasons floating around in my brain but what I say is:

“I don’t have the time, I’m sorry.”

“Okay. Well if your schedule clears up let me know,” Jamie says as he puts the pen in his mouth like a cigarette and smiles at me.

              Ugh! Sometimes I wish I could be more like Amber. For once I’d like to not second-guess myself. I would like that confidence to do and say as I please without fear. I want to say yes to Jamie. I want to believe that he is interested in hanging out with me without thinking he is asking because he has no one else
to
ask. And a few weeks ago I might have believed it but the moment Dr. Meresh pulled straps and locked me in this nightmare my entire world crumbled.

“Of course I find William Shakespeare to be the most interesting of writers,” says Mrs. Honor.” Who has other interesting writers they admire?” As she asks she looks towards me. Although I don’t enjoy bringing attention to myself, I aspire to be a writer some day and I raise my hand. “I enjoy the works of Lewis Carroll, Jane Austen, Leo Tolstoy and Mark Twain. I have always been drawn to their style of writing because it always felt more truthful.” I grew up with literary classics and the desire to read is in my blood. Before she can respond, the second bell rings ending the class.

“I’ll see you tomorrow class,” Mrs. Honor says.

I bolt out of the room hoping that Jamie isn’t behind me but as I round the corner I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“April, I don’t mean to bother you but do you think you could show me where the gym is? Apparently whoever makes the class schedules thought it would be funny to give me gym this early in the morning,” Jamie says as he swings his backpack over his shoulder.

I am officially screwed. The gym is on the way to my locker and I have to meet Amber there.

“Okay,” I reply and start toward the gym without turning around to make sure he’s following.

“Have you lived here your whole life?” Jamie asks.

“Yes,” I reply. “Most people who live here have lived here their entire lives.”

“I never thought that I would be living in a small town. I have seen shows and movies about small towns but to actually be living in one it’s sort of surreal.”

“Living here is sort of like living in a weird reality show.”

“You don’t seem too happy about that.”

“No, I love it here. Perkins Harbor is probably one of the nicer places to live. It’s not threatening the way some of the bigger cities and towns are but not much happens here in the way of excitement.”

Jamie laughs. I didn’t say anything funny. Oh my God is there something on my face like an ink mark or makeup smudge and that’s why he’s laughing? Crap, crap, crap. There is no way I can check because I don’t have a mirror. This is exactly why I wanted to avoid him altogether so I don’t have freak out like this.

Don’t look at him. Keep your face forward.

“Doesn’t it get kind of boring, though?” Jamie asks as he pulls ahead of me and walks backward so we’re face-to-face. “I mean this town is
so
small I can’t imagine there is a lot to do.”

“It can be if you don’t have any hobbies or things to keep it interesting.”

This is why I should have kept my mouth shut. Remember the dumb things I was so afraid of saying? Well, this would be one of them because now he is going to ask me what my hobbies are and let’s face it, telling a boy you’re obsessed with a boy band isn’t exactly a turn on.

“Hobbies? Like what?” Jamie asks, surprise, surprise.

“Nothing special,” I reply as we reach the gym. “I’m pretty boring.”

The hallway is flooded with students some of whom stare at us as they brush by. We’re on display and now everyone will witness my stupidity.

Jamie smiles and cocks his head to the side. “People who call themselves boring are anything but, April.” I think if he asked Amber she would say I am. “Somehow I doubt you’re boring.”

I glance down the hall to plan my escape and coming right toward us are the two freshman boys from this morning. “Well, here is the gym, obviously. So…enjoy.”

I start to back away …..”Hunchback” the pierced freshman shouts from down the hall. “You haven’t returned to Notre Dame?”

Jamie’s eyes dart in the boy's direction. His lips flatten and his brows furrow.  “The only hunch is on your dick, turd,” says Jamie as he steps towards them with his fists clenched.

The freshmen rush off chuckling to themselves and disappear around the corner.

“Are you okay?” Jamie asks turning toward me. “I nod. My head is pounding and my arms are trembling. I am used to Amber coming to my defense but I’ve barely said ten words to Jamie and yet he was ready to beat the hell out of those kids.