The Three (21 page)

As she still didn’t make a move to leave, I rather pointedly thanked her again and smiled expectantly. She got to her feet and stared straight at me, the jowls in her huge bulldog face quivering. ‘Bit of advice for you, Paul,’ she said. ‘Watch what you put in your recycling bins.’

I was hit with another wave of paranoia, for a second I thought maybe she’d found one of my bottles of what I call ‘coping booze’ and was about to blackmail me. I’ve made a big deal about being on the wagon, so I can hardly have that coming out. Not on top of everything else. ‘The press, you see,’ she said. ‘I’ve caught them digging through the bins a couple of times. But don’t you worry, I sent them on their way.’ Then she patted my arm. ‘You’re doing a good job. Jess is absolutely fine. She couldn’t be in better hands.’

I saw her out, and then I burst into tears. I was limp with relief. Relief that at least one person thought I was doing some good where Jess was concerned. Even if it was that crusty old cow.

And now I’m thinking, I
have
to get the nightmare situation under control. Get my act together, bury the self-pity once and for all.

22 March, 4.00 p.m.

Just back from Dr K.

After he finished with Jess–the usual, she seems to be coping, we can definitely look at getting her back into school soon etc. etc.–I tried to talk to him about some of my concerns. Mentioned that I’d been having bad dreams, but didn’t go into detail for obvious reasons. He’s easy to talk to, kind, overweight, but in a cuddly bear way that suits him, not in a ‘hide the cakes
quick
’ way. He says that my nightmares are a sign that my subconscious is working through my grief and anxiety and as soon as the press attention wanes, things will settle down. He says I mustn’t underestimate the pressure I’m under from the hacks, the Addams Family and the nut-jobs who still phone occasionally. He says it’s fine to take something to help me sleep, and gave me a prescription for some tablets that he says are guaranteed to knock me out.

So… let’s see if they work.

But I’ll be honest. Even with the sleeping tabs, I’m afraid to fall asleep.

23 March, 4.00 a.m.

(
a sob
)

No dreams. No Stephen. But this… this is, uh… not worse, but…

I woke up–around the time Stephen usually comes, three a.m.–and I could hear voices coming from somewhere. And then a laugh. Shelly’s laugh. Clear as day. I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs, heart in my throat. I don’t know what I was expecting to find, maybe Shelly and Stephen standing in the hallway saying how they’d… fuck, I dunno, been kidnapped by Somalian pirates or something and that was why we hadn’t heard from them. I was only half-awake, so I suppose that’s why I wasn’t thinking straight.

But it was just Jess. She was sitting inches away from the television screen watching the DVD of Shelly and Stephen’s wedding.

‘Jess?’ I said really softly, not wanting to give her a fright. I was thinking, fuck, has she finally decided to face up to their loss?

Without turning around she goes, ‘Were you jealous of Stephen, Uncle Paul?’

‘Why would I be jealous?’ I asked her. Didn’t occur to me then to ask why she was calling him Stephen and not Daddy.

‘Because they loved each other and you have no one who loves you.’ I wish I could get across her tone of voice. Like a scientist interested in a specimen.

‘That’s not true, Jess,’ I said.

Then she said, ‘Do you love me?’

I said yes. But it was a lie. I loved the old Jess. The old Paul loved the old Jess.

Fuck me. I can’t believe I just said that. What do I mean by the old Jess?

I left her rewatching the DVD, then slipped into the kitchen and found myself unearthing an old bottle of cooking sherry. I’d hidden it away–out of sight, out of mind.

She’s still watching the video now. Over and over again. The fourth time now, I can hear the music they played at the ceremony. ‘Better Together’ by Jack fucking Johnson. And she’s laughing. Laughing at something. But what could be funny?

I’m sitting looking at the bottle now, Mandi.

But I won’t touch it. I won’t.

I blame the press. They’re the ones who should answer for this. You hear about that phone hacking, them getting away with printing lies; I couldn’t really blame Paul for getting a bit paranoid. The buggers even tried to get me and Mel to say bad stuff about him a few times, came at us with leading questions. Mel told them to sling their hooks, of course. We’re tight at 277 Together; look after our own. Now, I think it’s a miracle myself, those three kids surviving like that, it’s simply one of those things in life you just can’t explain. But try telling that to your alien fanatics or those Yanks with their conspiracy bollocks. And if it wasn’t for those bleeding reporters, none of that crap would have seen the light of day. They’re the ones who kept it in the public eye. Buggers should be bleeding shot, the lot of ’em.

We knew what Paul was, course we did. And I don’t mean about him being gay. What people do behind closed doors is their business. I’m talking about him being a bit of a luvvie, wanting to be the centre of attention. He told us he was an actor straight away. I’d never heard of him, though he said he’d had a few roles on telly in the past, guest ones, you know. Cameos. Must have bruised his ego, not getting where he wanted to in life. Reminded me a bit of my Danielle. She was much younger than him of course, but it took her a while to decide what she wanted to do, tried all sorts until she went in for that beauty therapy. Just takes some people longer to find their way in life, doesn’t it?

Before Paul started to behave… well… before he started becoming a bit more withdrawn than usual, he used to irritate Mel a bit. He would talk for hours at the meetings if you let him. But when we could, we tried to help him out with Jess. It wasn’t always
easy; we’ve got our own grandchildren to take care of as well. Our Gavin, he’s got three little ones, but Paul was a special case. He needed all the back-up he could get, poor bugger, what with the press at him all the time and the other side of the family–bad seeds, Mel called them–giving him all that grief. Gavin would’ve stepped in if that family had mucked about at the memorial service. Gavin’s applying for the police next year. He’ll make a good copper, they always do, them that’ve seen the other side of the law, so to speak. Not that he ever got himself into real trouble.

That snooty neighbour also did what she could. Right snobbish she was, but her heart was in the right place. She saw off one of those paparazzos by throwing a bucket of cold water over the bugger. Fair play to her for that, poker up her arse or not.

When the Discovery Channel was planning that special programme on Black Thursday, just after the findings were released, the producer approached me and Mel to be talking heads on that show, wanted us to say what we felt when we heard about the plane going down. It’s horrible to think about it now, but before we lost our Danielle, me and Mel used to love that air-crash investigation show, the one with that American investigator, Ace Kelso. Wish I’d never seen it now, of course. Mel turned the producers down flat, so did Kylie and Kelvin. They’d got together by then. Kylie had lost her other half in the crash and Kelvin was single, so why not? Sure, he was that much older than her, but May–September relationships can work, can’t they? Look at me and Mel. She’s seven years my senior and we’ve been going strong for over twenty years. Kylie and Kelvin were planning an August wedding, but they’re talking about postponing it now. I told them, we need some joy in our lives, don’t let what happened to little Jess put you off.

That’s when I should have realised something wasn’t right with Paul for definite. When he said he didn’t want to be part of the Discovery show, I mean. I’ll say this for him–he didn’t try to put Jess in the spotlight. Opposite, really. But in the early days he wasn’t shy about appearing in front of the media. First couple of months, it was like he was always on the morning shows, sitting on
the couch talking about how Jess was coping. And no, I don’t think that gave the press the right to pry into his private life and hound them like they did. You’d have thought after what happened to the People’s Princess, they’d have learned their lesson. How much blood needs to be spilled before they’ll bleeding well stop? I know, I do go on, but it makes my blood boil.

As for Jess… she was a real sweetheart. Absolute treasure. Gave you the impression she was wiser than her years, which wasn’t surprising seeing what she’d been through. Never stopped smiling, never complained about the scars on her face. Right sunny disposition; it’s amazing how kids can bounce back from things like that, isn’t it? I read that biography, the one by that Muslim girl who was the only survivor of a plane crash in Ethiopia, and she said how none of it seemed real to her for years. So maybe that was how Jess was coping. Mel couldn’t touch that book. Nor could most of the 277s. Kelvin says that even now he has to get his mates to screen what’s on telly before he can watch it. Can’t see anything about airplanes or crashes, or even watch any of them police procedurals.

And no, there was nothing bleeding strange about Jess. I’ll go on the record about that. Bloody Americans and their lies about those poor kids. Made Mel apoplectic. And it wasn’t just us who thought Jess was fine, was it? We would have heard from the school, wouldn’t we? Her teacher’s a no-nonsense type of woman. And her psychologist and the bloke from the social never saw anything untoward going on, did they?

Last time I saw Jess I was on my own. Mel was off helping Kylie choose a wedding venue and Paul was in a pickle, said he had a meeting with his agent. I fetched her from school and took her to see the horses down the lane. I always asked her how she was doing at school, I was a bit concerned that maybe she’d be facing bullying and that from the other kids. Jess’s scars weren’t bad, but they were still there and you know what kids can be like. But she said no one ever made fun of her. Tough little cookie. We had a nice time that afternoon. When we got back to the house, she asked me to read her a book,
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
.
She could read well herself, but she said she liked me to do the voices of the characters. She thought that book was funny, couldn’t seem to get enough of it.

When we heard Paul arriving home, she smiled at me, just the most lovely smile, reminded me of my Danielle when she was little. ‘You’re a good man, Uncle Geoff,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry your daughter had to die.’ I always think about that whenever I think about her now. Brings me to tears.

Message logged @ 13.10, 25/03/2012

RYU
: Are you there?

Message logged @ 13.31, 25/03/2012

RYU
: Are you there?

Message logged @ 13.45, 25/03/2012

CHIYOKO
: I’m here.

RYU
: I was worried. You haven’t been silent for this long before.

CHIYOKO
: I was with Hiro. We were talking. MC is out so we have the house to ourselves for once.

RYU
: Has he spoken about the crash yet?

CHIYOKO
: Yeah.

RYU
: And??????

CHIYOKO
: He says he remembers being hoisted up into the rescue helicopter. He said it was fun. ‘Like flying.’ He said he was looking forward to doing it again.

RYU
: Weird.

CHIYOKO
: I know.

RYU
: Is that all he remembers about the crash?

CHIYOKO
: That’s all he’ll say so far. If he does know anything else, he’s not saying. I don’t want to push him too hard.

RYU
: Has he spoken about his mother yet?

CHIYOKO
: No. Why are you so interested anyway?

RYU
: Of course I’m interested! Why wouldn’t I be?

CHIYOKO
: I’m being too hard on you again, aren’t I?

RYU
: I’m used to it now.

CHIYOKO
: Ice burns from the ice princess.

RYU
: Chiyoko… when he talks through the android, who do you look at? Hiro or it?

CHIYOKO
: Ha! That’s a good question. Mostly Hiro, but it’s strange… I’m so used to it now. It’s almost like it’s his twin. Yesterday I found myself talking to it as if it was alive when Hiro left the room.

RYU
: RYU:!!!

CHIYOKO
: I’m glad one of us is laughing. But the way I’m reacting to it, forgetting that it’s not actually alive, is exactly why Android Uncle made his surrabot in the first place.

RYU
: ???

CHIYOKO
: He wanted to find out if people would eventually start treating androids as if they were human once they got over the uncanny valley feeling. Now we know that they
will
start seeing them as human. Or at least ice princesses will.

RYU
: Sorry, I was being dense.

RYU
: Hey… Did you see that interview where he said that sometimes, when people touch the surrabot and he’s miles away, working it remotely, he can feel their fingers on his skin? The brain is a strange thing.

CHIYOKO
: It is. I wish I knew why Hiro will only talk through it. I know he has a voice, so he’s capable of speech. Maybe it gives him an emotional distance, although in this house we are all emotionally distant ha ha.

RYU
: Like cameramen who can film horrible scenes without turning away. Yes. I think you are right about the distance.

CHIYOKO
: Listen to this: I asked him if he wanted to go back to primary school today.

RYU
: And?

CHIYOKO
: He said, ‘Only if I can bring my soul.’

RYU
: His what?

CHIYOKO
: It’s what he’s started calling his surrabot.

RYU
: You need to keep that quiet. Especially as Aikao Uri is in the news again with her crazy alien theories. You don’t want to give her any ideas.

CHIYOKO
: What is she saying now? Did she mention Hiro again?

RYU
: Not this time. But she really does believe she was abducted by aliens. There’s a cool clip of her talking about being probed on Nico Nico. Whoever made it has intercut it with scenes from
E.T.
It’s very funny.

CHIYOKO
: She’s as bad as those religious Americans with all their fourth child stuff. It stirs it up again. All the attention. The silt settles, and then someone pokes a stick in the water and it becomes cloudy.

RYU
: Ha! Very lyrical. You should become a writer. I could illustrate your stories.

CHIYOKO
: We could have our own manga factory. Sometimes I think… wait. There’s someone at the door. Probably just a salesman or whatever trying their luck.

Message logged @ 15.01, 25/03/2012

CHIYOKO
: Guess who that was?

RYU
: I give up.

CHIYOKO
: Just guess.

RYU
: Captain Seto’s wife.

CHIYOKO
: No. Try again.

RYU
: Aikao Uri and her alien friends?

CHIYOKO
: No!

RYU
: Toturo in his cat bus?

CHIYOKO
: Ha! I must tell that to Hiro. I told you I let him watch
My Neighbour Totoro
, even though MC said I mustn’t in case it upset him, didn’t I?

RYU
: No! You didn’t tell me. And did it upset him? Or his android?

CHIYOKO
: No. It made him laugh. He even thought the part where the girls’ mother is in the hospital was amusing.

RYU
: That kid is seriously weird. So?? If it wasn’t the cat bus, who was it?

CHIYOKO
: It was the American woman’s daughter.

RYU
: Σ(O_O;)!!Pamela May Donald’s daughter?

CHIYOKO
: Yeah.

RYU
: How did she find out where you lived?

CHIYOKO
: Probably got it from one of the
izuko
support group members. But it’s not impossible to find from other sources. The magazines are always saying that the house is near to Yoyogi station, and there are those pictures of it on the
Tokyo Herald
website.

RYU
: What is she like?

CHIYOKO
: I thought you saw her when you watched the memorial service?

RYU
: I mean what sort of person is she?

CHIYOKO
: At first I thought she was a typical foreigner. And in some ways she is. But she was very serene, quiet, dressed conservatively. Greeted me as if she knew of my status as Shinjuku’s Number One Ice Princess.

RYU
: You let her into the house????

CHIYOKO
: Why not? She’s an
izoku
like all the others. Not only that, I let her talk to Hiro.

RYU
: Hiro or Hiro’s soul?

CHIYOKO
: Hiro’s soul.

RYU
: You let him talk to her through the surrabot???? I thought you were angry with her?

CHIYOKO
: Why would I be angry?

RYU
: Because of what her mother has caused.

CHIYOKO
: That’s not her fault. It’s the stupid Americans. And she looked so lost when she arrived. It must have taken courage to come all the way from Osaka to see him.

RYU
: Something’s not right. The ice princess would never normally behave in such a manner.

CHIYOKO
: Maybe I wanted to hear what she was going to say to Hiro. Maybe I was curious.

RYU
: How did she react when she saw Hiro’s soul and realised she’d have to talk to him through it?

CHIYOKO
: She just stared at it and then she gave it one of those self-conscious bows Westerners do when they’re trying
to be polite. I could hear him giggling through it straightaway. He was hiding behind the screen in my room with the computer and the camera. I was impressed that she didn’t scream or freak out.

RYU
: And what did she ask?

CHIYOKO
: First of all she thanked him for agreeing to talk to her. Then she wanted to know what they always want to know, which is, did her mother suffer.

RYU
: And?

CHIYOKO
: And Hiro said yes.

RYU
: Ouch. What did she say to that?

CHIYOKO
: She thanked him for being honest.

RYU
: So Hiro admitted that he’d spoken to her mother?

CHIYOKO
: Not exactly. He didn’t really give her any straight answers. I thought perhaps that she was going to start getting really frustrated, but then Hiro said, ‘Don’t be sad,’ in English!

RYU
: Hiro can speak
English
?

CHIYOKO
: Auntie Hiromi or Android Uncle must have taught him some phrases before the crash. Then she showed him a photograph of her mother, asked him if he was sure that he’d seen her. And again, he said to her, ‘Don’t be sad.’ She started crying; real weeping. I was worried that this would upset Hiro, so I asked her to leave.

RYU
: Chiyoko, it is not my place to say… But… I don’t think you should have done that.

CHIYOKO
: Thrown her out?

RYU
: No. Let her talk to Hiro’s soul.

CHIYOKO
: I didn’t ask your opinion about that, Ryu. And anyway, I thought you were in love with the Americans?

RYU
: Why do you make it so hard for me?

CHIYOKO
: It’s not fair of you to make me feel guilty.

RYU
: I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty. I was trying to be your friend.

CHIYOKO
: Friends don’t judge each other.

RYU
: I was not judging you.

CHIYOKO
: Yes you were. I don’t need that from you as well. I get it all the fucking time from MC. I’m going.

RYU
: Wait! Can’t we at least talk about this?

CHIYOKO
: There’s nothing to say.

Message logged @ 16.34, 25/03/2012

RYU
: Are you still mad?

Message logged @ 16.48, 25/03/2012

RYU
: _|7O

Message logged @ 03.19, 26/03/2012

CHIYOKO
: Ryu. Are you awake?

RYU
: I’m sorry about earlier. Did you see I even sent you an ORZ?

CHIYOKO
: Yeah.

RYU
: Are you okay?

CHIYOKO
: No. Mother Creature and Father are fighting. They haven’t done that since before Hiro came. I’m worried they’ll upset him.

RYU
: What are they fighting about?

CHIYOKO
: Me. MC says Father has to be stricter on me and make me go back to free school. She says I have to be made to work on my future plans. But then who will look after Hiro?

RYU
: You’re really attached to that kid now.

CHIYOKO
: I am.

RYU
: So… what do you want to do with your life?

CHIYOKO
: I’m like you; I never look further than a day ahead. What are the choices? I don’t want to work for a corporation, become a slave for life. I don’t want to do some dumb freeter job. I’ll probably end up living in a tent in the park with the homeless. MC would be happiest if I got married and had children and made that my life’s goal.

RYU
: Do you think that will ever happen?

CHIYOKO
: Never!!!!!! I love Hiro but the thought of having the responsibility for someone else’s life… I will live alone and die alone. I’ve always known that.

RYU
: You’re not alone, Yoko.

CHIYOKO
: Thanks, Ryu.

RYU
: Did the ice princess just say thank you????

CHIYOKO
: I have to go. Hiro has woken up. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

RYU
: