The Temptation of Savannah O'Neill (20 page)

I let him go,
the thought her constant companion.
I let him walk away.

“If Matt Woods is too good a man for me,” she said, “then Matt Woods is far too good a man to be talked about by you.”

He’s the best man,
she wanted to say.

“Honey,” Janice said softly, as though Savannah was a mad dog or a suicide threat. “Why don’t you come on into your office and have a seat?”

Savannah let herself be led away, but she turned back to the students. “Don’t talk about him,” she said. “Ever again.”

The kids nodded, mouths agape.

Satisfaction was a very dull candle against the blackness of all her grief, but it was something. One small thing.

Missing Matt was like carrying around a thousand extra pounds, and when she sat in her office chair, she collapsed, exhausted.

“Margot’s going to come pick you up,” Janice said, her chins wobbling, her hands clenched in front of that mountain of bosom.

“I think…” Savannah paused. “I need some time off.”

“That stomach thing again?” Janice asked, nodding as though she’d understood all along, and maybe she had.
Who knew what kind of secrets Janice kept with her Fannie May sampler pack.

“I love a man and I let him go,” Savannah whispered. “I really love him.”

Janice plunked down on the edge of the desk. “Does he love you?” she asked.

Savannah nodded, staring at her hands. Useless, those hands. Numb and unfeeling without Matt to touch.

“Well, honey.” Janice sighed. “Men are simple creatures and that’s the truth. If they love you, then they’re yours. It’s just the way it is.”

“He wants…too much…too much from me.”

“Well,” Janice huffed. “Bill tried that, too, in the beginning and I told him that real women aren’t like girls in those porno films. We don’t—” Janice stopped and turned bright red. “Maybe we’re not talking about the same things.”

“He wants me to leave Bonne Terre. He wants me to go to him.” Even saying it made Savannah’s stomach hurt and her head dizzy.

“Well.” Janice stood. “That’d be all right. A nice trip—you could take Katie.” There was a commotion out by the desk and Janice glanced over her shoulder.

“Well,” she said, “everyone’s a little wound up out there. I better go take care of things.” Janice patted Savannah’s shoulder and brushed back the hair she’d been wearing loose for some reason. As though Matt could see it. As though Matt would even know. “You take whatever time you need, Savannah. When Joey was sick last year you were so good to me and I’m happy to return the favor.”

Janice was gone and Savannah’s office pounded with quiet.

She pressed hands to her head.

It had been four weeks since Matt had left. Four weeks
and three days. The first week she’d kept thinking he would be back. He had to come back. All of his things were in the sleeping porch. Five shirts. Four pairs of pants. The files. His bag. His toothbrush.

But as the first week faded into the second week, she realized he was leaving these things behind the way he’d left her, and the shirts seemed sad. The pants forlorn.

It had only gotten worse. She slept in those shirts. Carried a river stone she’d found in the bottom of his bag in her pocket. She wore his cologne, used the last of his shampoo.

She was losing it. Every day seemed longer and harder to bear. Every night full of misery.

Discovery had more work for her. Not that she cared.

Katie didn’t play hide-and-seek anymore. The three of them got together every night and played poker, but it was halfhearted at best.

Matt’s chair, still pulled up to the foot of the table as though he’d just gone to the bathroom or gotten a drink, seemed so big. So empty.

The piano collected dust. The house was so silent, so devoid of music it seemed like a black hole.

“Well, look at you,” Margot said as she walked into Savannah’s office, her hair tied back in a scarf. The ends, blue and green and red, fell over her shoulder. “Giving the gossips something meaty to chew on for a change.”

She didn’t look her age but no one was going to live forever. Margot would die. And Katie…

“I don’t want Katie to live like I do,” Savannah said and Margot stepped in, shutting the door behind her. “I don’t want her to be scared.”

“Of what?” Margot asked as if this conversation made sense.

“Of people, of leaving the Manor, of…” Savannah sighed. “Falling in love.”

“Well, then I imagine someone should show her that there’s nothing to be afraid of. That falling in love is something to treasure. A gift. A very very rare one.”

“Why haven’t you been in love?” Savannah asked.

“I was, a very long time ago.” Margot sat in the chair across from the desk. “Your grandfather was quite a man. And when he died in Korea, I knew that was it for me. Some people get love like that a few times in their lives, but I wasn’t destined to be one of them.”

Savannah took a deep breath. “So it’s up to me?” she asked. “I’ve got to show her that love is a gift?”

Margot laughed. “You’ve got a very good man waiting for you.”

“I know,” Savannah said. She slipped her hand in her pocket and found that river rock, curled her fingers around it until it seemed to get hot in her palm.

I can do this,
she thought. If Matt could put the building collapse behind him and forgive his father and love her enough for the both of them, then she could go to him. She could put her faith in him. In love.

She stood. “I’m going to take Katie on a trip.”

“An excellent plan.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“A very excellent plan.”

“I can do this,” she said, trying to convince herself.

Margot clasped one of Savannah’s hands in both of hers. “You can do anything.”

Savannah threw her arms around Margot. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for keeping us safe. Thank you for being the best mother I could have ever wished for.”

“You’re welcome. Now go get that man before he decides life is easier without you.”

Crap. That could really happen?
Savannah grabbed her purse and ran out of the library.

The sun was bright and she blinked at its radiance, feeling as if she’d come out of a cave into a brand-new day.

M
ATT FLIPPED
C
ARTER’S CARD
around in his fingers, the edges of the fine paper getting soft, dingy from wear. To call or not to call, that was the question.

“All right,” Erica said, coming into his office with yet another box. “This is the last one.” She dropped the heavy box next to the other ten. All that was left of his business. Files he needed to keep. Tax returns. Other documents that seemed too important to shred.

He was getting rid of the office space—the last of the work he could do from home.

“Thank you,” he said, pushing back in his chair until it hit the floor-to-ceiling window looking down on Washington Avenue.

“You already have,” Erica said, her eyes becoming watery. The Rolex he gave her sparkled tastefully at her wrist, but he knew that wasn’t what she was talking about.

“When do classes start?”

“In a few days. Matt—”

He waved his hands. “You’re going to be an incredible architect and Washington University will give you the best education.”

It had been hard convincing her to take the opportunity, but he knew she’d been saving for the chance to go back to school. He simply sped up the process.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“Well, I’m going to finish the Monroes’ lake house and the library in Creve Coeur, but then…” He flipped the card again. “We’ll see.”

“No more disappearing acts?”

He nearly laughed. It seemed like a miracle she could even see him. Every day he woke up and looked in the mirror at his body, and wondered how it was still around. He felt like he was vanishing, bit by bit. A walking, talking ghost.

“I swear,” he said and held up his hand. “Now, you should head out before traffic gets too bad.”

“Okay,” she said. He quickly hugged her, before her tears could start in earnest, and promised to stay in touch, to take care of himself.

Blah, blah, blah.

Matt just wanted to be alone. To lick his wounds. To examine all of his memories of Savannah and Katie in quiet. Torture himself in peace.

She wasn’t coming. He knew that. He knew that the second he made the demand. She said she loved him, but without faith, love was shallow. Practically empty.

An hour later he heard the door open again and he spun away from the view he’d been staring at. The sun had set and his office was gray and shadowy, the yellow light from reception cutting a bright slice out of the gloom.

“I told you I’d—”

Savannah stepped into the doorway.

N
ERVES WERE CUTTING OFF
all brain function. Savannah could only look at him and wonder if she was too late.

Do you still want me?
she wanted to ask.
Even though I’m a mess? Even though it took me so long to believe in you, in the goodness and wonder of you?

Her mouth was dry. Her palms damp.

“Hi,” she said.
Idiot.

“Savannah?” He stood, slowly as if in disbelief. He was thin again, pale. But so handsome in a suit, the tie pulled loose.

He wore his glasses. And she just wanted to curl up in his arms and lick him.

“Matt!” Katie barreled into the room, nearly knocking Savannah over in her enthusiasm. “Whoa! Look at that view!” She ran to the window and pressed her face against it, her breath creating condensation against the glass. She’d been this way the whole journey—two days of uncorked curiosity. It was exhilarating. And exhausting. “You’re not going to believe it. We saw the Mississippi River. It looks dirty. And we saw a homeless person and we got stuck in traffic. Lots of traffic. We stayed in a motel, Matt. With a pool. Can you believe it?”

“No,” he whispered, not taking his eyes off Savannah. “I can’t believe it at all.”

“I’m…ah…” Savanna lifted her hand, feeling foolish in a hundred different ways.
Sorry?
As if that covered the extent of her emotions.
So in love I can’t sleep at night. So in love it hurts being away from you.

“Here?” he asked, slowly, oh, so slowly circling his big desk.

She nodded, her smile gaining strength. Courage. She gripped the rock in her pocket, her talisman, her compass leading to Matt. “I am. I’m here.” Oh, this was the hard part. The killer. “If you still want me?”

“Want you?”
he asked, his eyes like flames against the night. He practically stalked her across the room, his look so predatory, and it was thrilling to be the focus of all that desire. All that raw want.

Her body went hot in answer, her heart beat fast in anticipation.

Touch me. Oh, please touch me. I’m so much more real when you touch me. So much more myself.

“I will never stop wanting you,” he said. “I love you.”

His hand grazed her shoulder and she shuddered in relief, collapsing against him. “I love you, too. Oh, God, I love you.”

“I didn’t think you’d come,” he breathed against her hair.

“Not come?” She looked back at him. “For you?” She brushed aside some of his hair, touched his forehead, his cheeks, the gorgeous beloved curve of his lip. “You can’t get away from me now,” she said. “I’m unleashed. I’ll chase you anywhere.”

“This is the only place I want to be,” he whispered, pulling her so tight against him she could barely breathe.

And it was perfect.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for making me do this. Thank you for having faith in me.”

“Always,” he said. “You are my salvation, Savannah. My light.”

“Hey!” Katie cried as he was leaning in to kiss Savannah. “Can we go see that arch thing? And a riverboat, I want to see a riverboat. Mom said we could go see the ocean. Want to come, Matt? Have you seen the ocean?”

“The ocean?” he asked.

“It was a long trip,” Savannah said. “And she was so excited. I feel like now that we’re away from the Manor we need to see it all. I’ve taken a leave of absence,” she said. “I was hoping…” She looked up at him. “There’s a whole world out there, Matt, and I’d like to see some of it. With you.”

“And I’d like to show it to you,” he whispered. He
kissed her, or she kissed him. She wasn’t sure. And it didn’t matter.

They were together. And the journey was just beginning.

To Carter and Tyler
From Savannah

Hi, guys! I’ve only got a few minutes before our flight leaves. Matt, Katie and I are on our way to Paris. Matt wants to show me the Eiffel Tower and I want to see it! Katie wants to eat French fries in France—she thinks they’ll be better there. She’s going to miss some school, but you only live once, right? I know, I can’t believe it’s me saying that, either.

We’re going to be gone for two months and Margot is leaving for another cruise in two weeks so the Manor is going to be empty. Juliette says she can keep an eye on it, but frankly I’m worried. You know Mom broke in a while ago and I didn’t press charges. I know what you’re thinking, Carter, but I didn’t want to take that process on with her. Not when it feels like my whole life is starting.

Anyway, I don’t think we’ve seen the end of her. Carter, I know you’re busy being very important and Tyler, you’re busy doing…what are you doing, again? But it would mean a lot to me and to Margot
if you’d check in on the house. If one of you could keep an eye on things. Carter, I imagine it would be you. Tyler, sorry, but you’ve never been good at the responsibility thing.

Anyway, I love you both. Life is better than I ever imagined. I’ll send postcards.

Love,

Savannah.