The Sun and Her Flowers (4 page)

day by day i realize

everything i miss about you

was never there in the first place

-
the person i fell in love with was a mirage

they leave

and act like it never happened

they come back

and act like they never left

-
ghosts

i tried to find it

but there was no answer

at the end of the last conversation

-
closure

you ask

if we can still be friends

i explain how a honeybee

does not dream of kissing

the mouth of a flower

and then settle for its leaves

-
i don't need more friends

why is it

that when the story ends

we begin to feel all of it

rise

said the moon

and the new day came

the show must go on
said the sun

life does not stop for anybody

it drags you by the legs

whether you want to move forward or not

that is the gift

life will force you to forget how you long for them

your skin will shed till there is not

a single part of you left they've touched

your eyes finally just your eyes

not the eyes which held them

you will make it to the end

of what is only the beginning

go on

open the door to the rest of it

-
time

i notice everything i do not have

and decide it is beautiful

i hardened under the last loss. it took something human out of me. i used to be so deeply emotional i'd crumble on demand. but now the water has made its exit. of course i care about the ones around me. i'm just struggling to show it. a wall is getting in the way. i used to dream of being so strong nothing could shake me. now. i am. so strong. that nothing shakes me.

and all i dream is to soften.

-
numbness

yesterday

when i woke up

the sun fell to the ground and rolled away

flowers beheaded themselves

all that's left alive here is me

and i barely feel like living

-
depression is a shadow living inside me

why are you so unkind to me

my body cries

cause you don't look like them

i tell her

you are waiting for someone

who is not coming back

meaning

you are living your life

hoping that someone will realize

they can't live theirs without you

-
realizations don't work like that

a lot of times

we are angry at other people

for not doing what

we should have done for ourselves

-
responsibility

why

did you leave a door

hanging

open between my legs

were you lazy

did you forget

or did you purposely leave me unfinished

-
conversations with god

they did not tell me it would hurt like this

no one warned me

about the heartbreak we experience with friends

where are the albums
i thought

there were no songs sung for it

i could not find the ballads

or read the books dedicated to writing the grief

we fall into when friends leave

it is the type of heartache that

does not hit you like a tsunami

it is a slow cancer

the kind that does not show up for months

has no visible signs

is an ache here

a headache there

but manageable

cancer or tsunami

it all ends the same

a friend or a lover

a loss is a loss is a loss

-
the underrated heartache

i hear a thousand kind words about me

and it makes no difference

yet i hear one insult

and all confidence shatters

-
focusing on the negative