The Summer of Me (2 page)

“Natalie is too uptight,” Bertice said when Destiny reached her. “She never should have married the preacher.”

Destiny took a seat on the stool behind Bertice's chair and picked up her comb. “Gavin's a great guy.”

“He's not bad, for a preacher,” Bertice said, fidgeting in her chair.

“If you want me to braid your hair, you'd best be still.”

Bertice looked up at her with a grin on her face. “So do you want to hear about my business opportunity?”

“I'm sure I shouldn't,” Destiny said with a chuckle, “but tell me anyway.”

F
EELING SAD?”
P
ATRICIA
M
ADISON ASKED, PEERING OVER
her cup of coffee at her daughter, who sat next to her on the couch.

Destiny put her cup on the ottoman that served as a coffee table in her mother's living room. “Am I that obvious?”

Patricia grunted. “You're a mother. Your kids are leaving for the summer and you'll be separated from them for the first time. It's not a matter of being obvious. What you're feeling is what any mother would feel.”

Destiny leaned back, picked up a pillow from the couch, and pressed it against her chest. “They're growing up too fast, Mom. Pretty soon they won't need me anymore.”

Patricia leaned over and pressed her forehead against her daughter's. “Now you know how I feel.”

Destiny smiled. “I still need you,” she told her mother.

Patricia leaned back. “It's not the same.”

“No,” Destiny said. “It isn't the same. My kids are getting ready to leave for three months and they'd rather spend
the days before their trip with their friends instead of their mother. That hurts.”

Patricia chuckled. “I can now officially welcome you to the Old Mom's Club since you've already passed the initiation.”

“Well, I don't feel as though I've passed anything.”

“I know, sweetheart, but you have. You've learned that kids are the source of your greatest joy and also the source of your greatest sorrow. You love them more than they'll ever know until they have their own kids, and sometimes you feel as though they wish you'd just disappear.” She eyed her daughter. “I know you've always thought I was too hard on you, Destiny, but I hope you can see now that you have your kids that everything I did was because I loved you.”

“I know you love me, Mom,” Destiny said. She was sure her mom loved her, but she wondered if her mom knew the best way to show that love. If she did, Destiny might feel more comfortable sharing her problems with her. As it was, she didn't dare for fear her mother would attack her decision making or try to tell her what to do. Her mother had no idea she'd been planning to move to Gwinnett. She'd planned to tell her when it was a done deal because she didn't want to open herself up to any negative comments. Given that the job had fallen through, she was glad she hadn't told her.

“I push you hard, Destiny, but I do it only because I love you and want the best for you. I named you Destiny because you were special. You still are. And I want you to reach your destiny.” Patricia put her hand on her daughter's knee. “I know you're going to miss the kids, but you can make good use of the time they're away by going back to school.”

Destiny groaned. “Not again, Mom.”

“Yes again,” her mother said. “You're only a few credits short of getting your degree. You've put it off too long as it is. With the kids away, this summer is the perfect time to knock out a few courses. Then you should be able to finish up over the next year or so by taking a class or two each semester. The kids are in school now and are beginning to have their own interests. It's the perfect time, Destiny. Don't let this opportunity pass you by. You know I didn't like it when you left school because you were pregnant, but you were so determined to do what you wanted.”

Destiny heard her mother's unspoken “and you see how that turned out” rebuke. She accepted that she'd used her pregnancy as an excuse to leave school. She'd wanted out long before the doctor had given her the news that had changed the trajectory of her life. There had been a time when she'd thought about going to New York or Los Angeles and trying her hand at modeling or acting. That dream may have still been achievable with one child, but giving birth to twins had closed all those doors. Her priority at that point became the health and care of her children. So she'd taken an entry-level job at Marshalls and reached the highest position she could reach without a degree, manager of the cosmetics department.

“I don't know,” Destiny said, hedging even though she had absolutely no interest in school. Her mother was a teacher with a graduate degree, so the importance of education had been drilled into her since childhood. But she'd never really enjoyed school, something she attributed to her mother's unrelentingly high standards. It wasn't enough for Destiny to
be a good student; she had to be a great student. As a result, Destiny had felt more inadequate in school than she did at home. “School is not for everybody, Mom. You should know that by now.”

“It may not be for some people, but it is for you. You're a smart girl, Destiny. You just have to apply yourself. I don't think you ever applied yourself when you were in school before. You'll be surprised by how well you do when you give it your all.”

Destiny nodded, but she didn't agree with her mother. She had been an average student at best. All the evidence pointed to that conclusion, but her mother refused to see it.

“There are no guarantees in life, Destiny, but a degree will increase the likelihood of your getting a better job. You need to let those executives at Marshalls know that you're not content with the position you have. Show them that you're willing to work hard to move up. That's the way it works in corporate America.”

Destiny resisted the urge to point out that her mother had never worked in corporate America. Besides, she knew what the older woman said was true. She just didn't want to go back to school.

“Get that degree because you need the credential. Your managers will view it as a sign you're committed to your future. Then when an opportunity presents itself, they'll know you're ready for it.”

“I hear you, Mom” was all Destiny could say. Well, she could say more, but it would do no good.

Her mother sighed. “It's still not too late to get your teaching degree.”

Destiny began shaking her head, effectively cutting her mother off. “We agreed a long time ago that teaching was not the road for me.”

“You should reconsider now that the twins are in school. Teaching is the perfect lifestyle for a single parent. You're at work when your kids are at school and you're off when they're off. The pay may start a little lower than in industry, but over time you can make a good living.”

“I hear what you're saying, Mom, but teaching is not for me. I'm not you. I'm not like you. We've been through this.”

Patricia leaned forward and picked up her cup of coffee. “No need to get upset. It was just a suggestion.”

Destiny didn't buy it. Her mother rarely gave suggestions; she gave orders and she made points that she wanted others to adhere to.

Patricia gave another long sigh, clearly exasperated with Destiny. “If you don't want to go to school, what are you going to do? You don't talk much about it, but I know your finances are tight. What are you going to do about it? Don't you want to own your own home someday? Don't you want to be able to buy a new car for once rather than a used one? Don't you want to be able to afford vacations for you and the twins? And I don't even want to think about funding the kids' college educations.”

Yes, Destiny wanted all those things and her mother knew she did. This was Patricia being her overbearing, unyielding
self. Since arguing with her did no good, Destiny kept quiet. It was a tactic she'd learned as a child.

“If you don't go to school this summer,” her mother continued, “what are you going to do while the kids are away? Sit around and mope? That wouldn't be too smart.”

Destiny could feel herself shutting down. She knew her mother meant well but she poured it on too thick sometimes. “I'll do something productive,” Destiny said, wanting to end the conversation. Now was not the time to tell her mom about her failed plans to get a second job so she could move herself and the kids to Gwinnett to be closer to their school.

“Like what?”

“I don't know yet, Mom,” she said. Then she decided to test the waters. “Maybe I'll take on a second job,” she added and held her breath while she waited for her mother's reaction.

Patricia began shaking her head. “A second low-paying job is only going to leave you exhausted. Think long term, Destiny. Finish that degree and start thinking about a career rather than a job.”

“Okay, Mom,” Destiny said, accepting that the test had failed. “I hear you. I'll think about it.”

“What's there to think about, Destiny? I don't understand you. Wake up, girl, and smell the coffee. Who did the man of your dreams marry? An educated career woman, that's who. Do you think Mary Margaret and Kenneth worry about money the way you do? And look at the two of them
living in that huge house while you and the kids are in that cramped apartment.”

“We live in a spacious, townhouse-style apartment and it is not cramped,” Destiny said, taking offense at her mother's choice of words. There were a lot of negative things to say about her home but size wasn't an issue. It had three bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a basement, which was all the interior space she and the kids needed. The outside space was another matter; she'd love for her kids to have a big backyard. The house she wanted in Gwinnett had a perfectly sized backyard. The twins would have loved it.

“That Mary Margaret may be fat but she's got a career and a man,” Patricia went on. “What do you have?”

Destiny glared at her mother. “I have two beautiful children,” she said defiantly.

Patricia sighed. “What kind of example do you want to be to those kids? Do you want them to get a job like the one you have or do you want something better for them? Don't you want them to get an education so they can live a full life and not worry about money all the time? Don't you want them to reach their potential?”

“You know I do,” Destiny said, becoming more annoyed now that her mother was repeating herself. “I always want the best for my kids. They know how important education is and they know the sacrifices they have to make to get the best education possible. It's not lost on them that they get up earlier than all their friends and travel much farther to get to school. They're bright kids.”

Patricia sighed again. “That may be true, but they also know that their mother works at a department store where they can get a ten percent discount. What they know is that they live in a small apartment and their mom drives them around in an old car. What they know is that the better schools are in their father's neighborhood, not yours.”

Destiny didn't like what she was hearing. Her mother was hitting below the belt by talking about her ability to provide for her kids. The words hurt even more because Destiny felt there was some truth to them.

“Do you know what else they know?” Patricia asked. Not waiting for an answer, she said, “They know that their father and stepmother live in a huge house on the better side of town. They know their stepmother's job is sending her to glamorous Los Angeles for the summer. They can't help but think that Mary Margaret is somebody important. You don't want Kenae to come home one day and say she wants to be just like Mary Margaret, do you? And you don't want KJ to say that he wants to live with his dad who has that big game room with the seventy-two-inch television and enough gadgets and toys to impress any kid.”

Destiny felt her mother's words as if they were blows to her midsection. Her greatest fear was that her kids would compare their life with her to their life with Kenneth and Mary Margaret and find their life with her lacking. That fear had her planning to take on a second job so she could enter into a rent-to-own agreement to purchase a house in Gwinnett County near Kenneth and Mary Margaret. That fear had almost made her nix their summer trip to California.
All the trip was going to do was magnify for her kids the difference in her lifestyle and that of their father's. That was not a comparison she welcomed.

“Well, do you?” her mother asked, not letting up.

“Of course I don't,” Destiny said. “I don't even know why you're asking me something like that.”

“I don't want you to let this opportunity pass you by, Destiny. For years, you've used those kids as an excuse for not going back to school. Well, you no longer have that excuse. This summer is the time for you to get your life on an upward trajectory. Do you want to spend the rest of your life working long hours at that department store every day and spending all your free time doing hair in your basement? Don't you want to take your kids on vacation? Don't you want to buy a house one day?”

Her mother continued to talk, asking the same questions over and over, so Destiny tuned her out. Her mother had made her point. Destiny knew she had to do something productive this summer. She wasn't yet ready to give up on her plans for a second job and moving to Gwinnett. She'd have to redouble her efforts to find work. And if she didn't find something soon, she'd see if Bertice could hook her up with her part-time gig. She wouldn't tell her mother her plans until she was ready to move.

I
KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, BUT YOUR MOM IS
right.”

Destiny knew her ears were playing tricks on her. “What did you just say?” she asked Bertice.

Bertice got up, taking her paper plate with her. “You heard me. Your mom is right.”

Destiny followed her friend to the kitchen of her four-bedroom ranch-style home in southwest Atlanta. “How do you figure that?” she asked, taking Bertice's lead and dumping her plate into the garbage can. She put her utensils in the sink. “You know what I'm trying to do this summer. How can you say my mom is right?”

“I'm thinking long term, Destiny, and so is your mother. What you're trying to do this summer is great. It just shows what a go-getter you are, but you have to face facts. Right now, you're only making ends meet because of Kenneth's child-support checks. When those stop, you're going to be in a world of hurt. You need to get a better hold on your finan
cial future. And a second job is not the answer long term, not when you want more time with your kids, not less.”

Destiny leaned back against the refrigerator. “I can't believe you're saying this to me. You're not exactly Suze Orman yourself. You're closer to Al Capone.”

Bertice chuckled, not taking offense. “Look, I get my hustle on and I'm not ashamed to admit it. But I also take care of my business. I moved out of my apartment and bought this house last year and you're still living in an apartment. A very nice townhouse-style apartment, but it's still an apartment. And you couldn't pay for that without Kenneth's child support. And you're going to need Kenneth's child support to pay for this house you're taking on a second job to get. A second job can't be your answer all the time; at some point, it has to be a better job. And, in today's economy, that's probably going to require a degree.”

Destiny blinked her burning eyes, praying she could keep the tears welling up in them at bay. “Wow. Tell me how you really feel.”

Bertice put her hands on Destiny's shoulders. “I'm saying all this because I love you. You know that, right?”

Destiny turned her head away, not meeting her friend's gaze. “You certainly don't sound as though you do right now.”

Bertice sighed, dropped her hands. “I know this is tough to hear, Destiny, but it needs to be said. Natalie is too goody-goody to go there, but she knows it's true as well. Why do you think she's so busy trying to get you hooked up with every eligible man she knows?”

Needing to get away from the intensity of the moment,
Destiny slid around her friend and made her way back to the sink. “You're out of dish detergent.”

“Look in the cabinet under the sink.”

Doing as she was told, Destiny found the detergent and began washing the few utensils that were in the sink.

“You're not going to get out of this conversation that easily,” Bertice said.

Destiny looked over at her friend, sure her pain showed in her eyes. “I don't see what you can possibly add to what you've already said.”

Bertice propped her hands on her hips. “Don't you want to know why Natalie's always trying to fix you up?”

To be honest, Destiny didn't want to know. “I don't have to ask,” she said. “Natalie's still in newlywed mode. She's in love and she wants everybody else to be in love. She wants me to find my Gavin the way she found hers. She wants that for you, too.”

Bertice reached over and turned off the faucet. “That's just part of it. The real driving force is that Natalie doesn't think you can take care of yourself. She thinks you need a man to take care of you. No, that's not right. She thinks you don't want to take care of yourself, not really, and that you'd rather depend on a man to do it for you.”

Destiny took her friend's words as body blows. “Natalie doesn't think that. Why would she?”

As if seeing how much her words had shaken Destiny, Bertice took her by the hand and led her away from the sink and toward the living room. “We can finish up in the kitchen later. We need to talk this through.”

“I don't think there's anything to talk through. You've shared some pretty eye-opening truths about the way you and Natalie see me.”

“I'm not trying to hurt you, Destiny,” Bertice said after they were seated on the couch. “I love you like a sister but you've got to do something to change the status quo. It's as though you've put your life on hold since you had the twins. I know you had this picture of how life would be with you, Kenneth, and the kids as the perfect little family. And I know how hard it was for you when Kenneth decided he didn't want to get married. Heck, it was hard for me. And in some ways, it still is. But then Kenneth stepped up and has been a good parent, financially and emotionally.”

“That's what he's supposed to do. He is their father.”

“I know that, but he's no longer your boyfriend, lover, or whatever he was to you. And though it pains me to say it, he's another woman's husband. While he's providing financial support to your household now, that's going to stop as soon as your kids come of age. Then where are you going to be?”

Destiny didn't want to think about the answer to that question. She knew her financial situation wasn't strong, but she was doing the best she could, wasn't she? “Look, I have a lot of years to figure that out.”

“Not that many. Suppose something happened to Kenneth?”

Destiny gave a dry laugh. “He has a life insurance policy for the kids. We'd be in good shape if something happened to him, better shape than we're in now.”

Bertice shook her head. “Do you hear yourself? If some
thing happened to Kenneth that money should be reserved for the kids and their future needs. It's not for you to make ends meet every day.”

Destiny shot hard eyes at her friend. “Are you saying I'm not a good mother?”

Bertice sighed. “That's not what I'm saying at all. You're deliberately misunderstanding me. You're a great mother, Destiny.”

Destiny snorted. “Well, thanks for the compliment.”

Bertice slumped back into the couch. “Just forget I said anything. Let's talk about something else.”

That was fine by Destiny. She welcomed a change in topic. Unfortunately, what seemed like several minutes passed and there was nothing but silence between her and Bertice, who sat with her head down, twiddling her thumbs. Destiny couldn't come up with anything to talk about because she was still stuck on the notion that her friends saw her as some weak woman unable and unwilling to take care of herself. She cleared her throat. “Is that really what Natalie thinks of me?” she was forced to ask.

Bertice looked up. “It's not that simple, Destiny. She just wants better for you, and she believes you can do better. She doesn't want you to struggle the way you do.”

“I'm not struggling that badly. We make do.”

“Yeah, but we all want more for you than making do. And that we includes me, Natalie, and your mom.”

Destiny chuckled.

“What's so funny?” Bertice asked.

Destiny wiped her hands down her face. “I was just think
ing that we got into all of this because I was telling you my mom was trying to convince me to go back to school. I thought she'd been harsh last night, but she was comforting compared to you.”

Bertice turned sad eyes to her. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Destiny met her friend's eyes and knew that wasn't her intent even if it had been the result. “I know you didn't,” Destiny said. “Maybe I needed to hear what you had to say. Maybe I do need to take a closer look at myself and my future.”

“That's all I'm saying. Go to school the way your mom suggests or take me up on my business opportunity or do both or neither. It's up to you. You just have to get started in some direction. You can't depend on child support forever.”