The Summer Garden (21 page)

Though he’d obviously meant the words to be positive, she felt oddly deflated, as if he valued the professional over the personal. And, if that was the case, she despaired of them ever reaching common ground.

Luke had no idea what he’d said or done, but a light had died in Moira’s eyes while they were on the way to Sally’s. She went through the motions of eating her lunch but left most of her sandwich on her plate and, when the time came for dessert, she turned down the banana split she’d claimed to want.

Though he thought he was used to her mood swings, this one felt different. While he waited for Sally to bring their check, he tried to get Moira to meet his gaze.

“Mind telling me where you’ve gone off to in that head of yours?” he asked. “One minute we were celebrating and then you turned quiet. You’ve hardly said two words during lunch.”

She responded with a smile that was obviously forced. “Sorry. I suppose the pressure of everything that happened sank in.”

“What sort of pressure? Has Megan put you on a timetable? You can always tell her to back off if it’s too much.”

“No, it’s just all these expectations. I thought it was awful when nobody thought I was ever going to accomplish anything. Now that someone thinks I have this previously undiscovered talent, I feel as if I have to start taking myself seriously.”

“I’m confused,” Luke admitted. “Don’t you want to succeed?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” she said, though there was an oddly bitter note in her voice.

“Apparently not you, if your tone is anything to judge by,” he said, completely at a loss about her change in attitude from just a half hour ago. “You sound as if it’s this huge burden that’s been placed on you, when you should be dancing with sheer joy. You were, just a short time ago.”

“And then reality set in, I suppose. I know it makes no sense to you. The pub is your dream.”

“It wasn’t always,” Luke said. “I had no sense of direction not that long ago.”

“And neither did I,” she said. “But you seem to have latched onto the dream and are intent on riding it full throttle. I think maybe I’m just used to a slower pace. The speed of this has me reeling.”

“I’m sure it does,” he said, because that was a feeling he could understand. He’d watched members of his family get swept up in things, so he’d been prepared for the wave of exhilaration that had come with the pub’s opening weekend success. Moira was clearly more used to failures, had even come to accept that failing was all she deserved.

“Are you feeling as if you don’t deserve this?” he asked, still trying to understand. “Because obviously, based on Megan’s reaction to your talent, you do.”

She sighed. “I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling right now. Would you mind terribly if I left and went for a walk? That usually clears my head.”

Though he wanted her to stay so he could get to the bottom of this, he gestured toward the door. “Go, if that’s what you need.”

“There’s nothing you need me for at the pub?”

“Nothing that won’t wait,” he assured her. “Will you come back after your walk?”

She hesitated. “Maybe we should take a break, just for tonight.”

Luke frowned at the suggestion. “Okay, though I’m suddenly getting the feeling here that your mood has as much to do with me as it does with your future in photography.”

She sighed. “It probably does,” she admitted.

“If that’s the case, then you need to stay right here and spell it out for me, Moira. Let’s deal with it head-on.”

She gave him what might have been the saddest smile he’d ever seen. “I don’t think this is something that can be fixed, Luke. I really don’t. Certainly not with a chat or a snap of the fingers.”

“Just tell me and let me decide if it can or can’t be,” he said in frustration.

“Okay,” she said. “You’ve once again made the assumption that a career is the only thing that matters, is the only thing that measures the worth of a person. I don’t think like that at all.”

“I never said it was the only thing that matters,” Luke protested. “It’s important. There’s no denying that, maybe more so for a man than a woman.”

She frowned. “I imagine there are a few in your own family who’d take exception to that statement.”

“Probably so,” he agreed readily. “More important, though, is whether you’re one of them. How do you feel about this? Do you not understand why I want to succeed with the pub?”

“Of course I understand. You feel you owe Nell for her faith in you, for one thing. For another, you’re holding yourself up to the O’Brien gold standard of accomplishment. Success is what matters, no matter what the personal cost.”

Luke regarded her with shock. “I’ve never said such a thing. Nor do I think that way. Don’t you suppose I can recall what thinking like that cost Uncle Mick? He lost Megan and made things difficult for all my cousins by being so committed to his career above all else. He thought he was working so hard for his family, but it was really all about feeding his own ego, I think. I’m not doing that.”

“Perhaps not, but what you have said is that until you’ve attained whatever constitutes success by your standards, everything else remains on hold.”

“By everything, you mean a wife and family,” he guessed, finally making sense of where this whole afternoon had gone off course.

She nodded. “And that’s the very difference between us, Luke, because for me the
only
thing that really matters is family.”

She regarded him thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s different for you because you’ve always had this storybook family, while I grew up with one that barely spoke. We didn’t have the big holiday celebrations or even the conversations over dinner. Family is a reality for you—one you take for granted—but for me it’s a fantasy. It’s all I’ve ever really wanted. For me this chance at a career is just the icing on a cake. It’s not the cake.”

“And you think I’m withholding the cake,” he said quietly.

She nodded. “And it scares me, not because you say you’re not ready for anything more now—I could handle that—but because I’m terrified that you never will be.”

Luke wanted to reassure her that wasn’t the case, but how could he? Work
was
his priority for now. He didn’t have an end date for that. He had no measure for when his feelings might change. Would it happen when the pub had been successful for six months? Or a year? How could he predict something like that? He simply knew he’d recognize the moment when it came, just as Matthew had known Laila was the woman for him and Susie had fallen in love with Mack and spent years waiting for him to return her feelings. Was that what he expected from Moira, that she’d wait quietly until he was ready? He knew better, or should.

Or, and this was the real rub, was his hesitation because he didn’t trust his feelings for Moira, at least not enough to act on them? Gram had told him often enough to listen to his heart. He’d thought he was. But if he kept pushing Moira away, refusing to make promises, maybe that wasn’t the case. All he knew for sure was that his indecision was hurting her, and that wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. I can only say that there’s no one else I’d rather have in my life right now. You matter to me, Moira, in so many ways, but if that’s not enough for you, I’ll understand.”

She looked shocked that he’d put it so bluntly, offered her the chance to walk away. He held his breath, waiting to hear her verdict, because it was her decision to make. He prayed she’d have the same patience as Susie, but he also knew they were two different women. There was nothing patient about Moira.

A tear spilled down her cheek. “It’s not enough,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not nearly enough, when we could have so much more.”

And before he could blink or apologize or beg her to stay and reconsider, she was gone.

Luke sat in stunned silence, realizing immediately that without a doubt, he’d just made the worst mistake of his life. The only problem with seeing that was that he also had absolutely no idea what he could have done differently.

19

M
oira couldn’t believe what she’d just done! She’d taken Luke at his word and walked away. How had her fears overtaken her last shred of sense? That was the only thing that could explain what had just happened. She’d panicked, seen the future unfolding and herself being in this exact same position months, maybe even years, from now, waiting for Luke to be ready for a family.

Even as tears rolled down her cheeks and she walked faster and faster back toward Nell’s until her breath was catching in her throat, she was still stunned that it had ended so easily. This was the man she loved, the man she wanted as a husband, as a father to her children, as the core of that family she claimed so desperately to want. And she’d just folded and walked away as if it were a foregone conclusion that she’d never have it.

But was it? In her view, Luke’s priorities might be all screwed up, but he wouldn’t have let her leave Sally’s if even some tiny part of him had envisioned a future for the two of them. He obviously couldn’t see it happening, so this was for the best.

Even though she kept telling herself the same thing for the entire twenty minutes it took her to reach Nell’s cottage, it didn’t feel as if it were for the best. It felt awful. It hurt deep inside, where an emptiness was opening up that she couldn’t imagine ever being able to fill again.

She debated going down to the beach and walking and walking until the pain went away, but if she tried that, she knew she’d be down there for weeks. No, what Moira really wanted was to crawl into her bed under one of Nell’s Irish quilts and never show her face in Chesapeake Shores again. If she thought she’d be able to slip out of town in the dark of night, she’d have planned to do just that.

But, she thought with a sigh, there was her ticket, which had already been canceled for the original return date. There was her grandfather, who might feel compelled to leave with her if he thought she was suffering from a broken heart.

And there was her pride, something she’d always had in spades. She wasn’t going to let Luke drive her away from a place she was starting to love and an opportunity that might give her life a sense of direction and purpose, at least for now. The jobs Peter had lined up in Dublin might suit her, but what Megan was offering held hope of real success. It might not be the goal she’d envisioned, but it promised financial security, something she’d come to value thanks to her mum’s struggles to make ends meet.

Maybe she’d even find someone else who had his priorities in order, marry and settle down right here just for the sheer joy of driving Luke nuts. She smiled at the thought.

She was almost to Nell’s when she spotted her grandfather coming up from the beach. She tried to wipe any trace of tears from her face, but he took one look at her and asked, “What happened? Did you and Luke have a fight?”

“Why does everyone always assume if a woman’s crying, it’s over a man?” she grumbled.

He smiled at her. “Because it often is, especially at your age. Am I wrong? Is this not about Luke?”

“Oh, it’s about Luke,” she admitted. “We’ve broken up.”

Her grandfather looked stunned. “But why?”

“Because it was in the cards already,” she said. “I just decided to take matters into my own hands and do it on my timetable.”

“
You
broke it off?” he asked, his astonishment plain.

She nodded, not even trying to hide her misery. “It was for the best.”

“Then you’re not in love with him?”

“Of course I’m in love with him,” she said impatiently. “I even think he’s in love with me.”

Dillon took her hand and drew her across the yard to the Adirondack chairs in Nell’s summer garden, where she’d spent so many wonderful moments snuggled in Luke’s arms during this visit.

“Okay, now, you’ll need to be explaining to me what’s really happened, because you’re not making a lot of sense,” her grandfather urged quietly.

Though she hadn’t intended to pour out her heart, that’s exactly what she did. Her grandfather, to his credit, listened without comment, nodding occasionally, even smiling a time or two. Her gaze narrowed at that.

“There’s nothing to smile about in this,” she told him.

“There is if you’re familiar with the tendency of two mules to butt heads,” he commented.

“You’re saying I’m stubborn?” she asked indignantly.

He didn’t even try to hide a smile at the question. “Would you even dare to deny it?”

That finally drew her own smile. “No, I suppose not.”

“And Luke certainly comes by it naturally as well,” he said.

She frowned. “You are not suggesting I was in the wrong to walk away, are you?”

“Not wrong exactly,” he said. “I’m just thinking that your timing could have been better. It seems to me the decision was a wee bit premature and based on the emotion of the moment. Luke’s head is caught up in his new business venture. He needs time to sort things out.”

“Time? Should we wait till we’re both old and too feeble to crawl out of these chairs?” she retorted.

“There’s the sense of drama that got you into this fix,” he chided. “No one is suggesting you wait that long, but Luke barely has the taste of the pub’s success on his lips. He’s had no time at all to bask in it or to feel certain it will continue, and now you’ve gone and issued your ultimatum.”

“There was no ultimatum,” she said.

“Really? That’s not how I heard it. Maybe you didn’t give him an either/or choice, but it was definitely implied that you’d lost patience. The proof of that is that he didn’t offer exactly what you wanted, when you wanted it, and you walked away.”

“I hadn’t lost patience,” she corrected. “It’s hope I lost, and there’s a difference. If there was an ultimatum, it came from him. It was wait and wait, indefinitely as near as I could tell, or call it quits now.”

“So your pride won out and you called it quits,” he concluded. “That won’t keep you warm tonight.”

She understood the truth of that. “Then what was I supposed to do?”

“It’s a little late to figure out how you could have handled it any differently. And if it helps at all, I imagine Luke is wondering the same thing now. It’s a waste of time, looking back. Now you have to put your mind to what you intend to do next.”

She bristled at the implication of that. “Apologize? Hell will freeze over first.”

He chuckled. “I imagined you’d say something like that. Perhaps, though, rather than an apology, you could simply go to him and talk things through.”

“To what end? It’s not as if he’ll have had an epiphany and declare his undying love. No,” she said adamantly. “If there’s talking to be done, he’ll have to come to me.”

“And if he’s just as stubborn and refuses?”

“Then it wasn’t meant to be, was it?”

Dillon shook his head. “An ending based on assumptions is never a test of what was meant to be,” he said. “Fate’s no competition for stubbornness.”

Moira let his words sink in, then sighed. She feared he was exactly right about that, but she wasn’t quite ready to act on his wisdom just yet.

“Were we ever that young and foolish?” Dillon asked Nell after describing what had happened between Moira and Luke earlier in the day.

Moira was locked in her room, and Nell and Dillon had gone outside to wait for the sun to set. Nell savored these moments she had alone with him, time to talk over their day, to share bits and pieces of memories. There’d been too few moments like this since Dillon’s arrival, quiet times for reflection and simply being together. She’d spent too much of the time she’d hoped to devote to him helping out at Luke’s pub instead.

“For whatever comfort it might be, Luke was in no better frame of mind when I popped into the pub this afternoon,” she told Dillon. “I had no idea exactly what had happened, but Moira was missing and his mood was foul. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”

“Do you think we should intervene?” Dillon asked. “In a way, I feel responsible for her misery, since I encouraged her to come here with me.”

Nell thought about the question. She’d seen Mick’s interference go awry often enough to know better than to try it herself. Sometimes matters needed time to settle on their own.

“You told Moira what she needs to do,” she said thoughtfully. “And, though she can be impetuous, I think once she’s mulled over your advice, she’ll see the wisdom of it. Let’s give it some time.”

She turned her head and smiled at him. “These nights out here like this have been too few and far between. Let’s leave the children to sort out their own problems for now and concentrate on us. I feel as if we have a lifetime to catch up on and, even with the extension of your stay, only limited time to do it.”

“We do,” Dillon said simply. “But do we really want to waste the time we have now thinking about the past? Perhaps we should be looking ahead, making plans of our own.”

Nell felt a quick stirring of anticipation. “What sort of plans?”

“Precisely how long I’m to stay, for starters,” he said, then reached for her hand. “Nell, is an interlude all you want? Ironically, it’s my granddaughter who’s gotten me to thinking about this. I’m content to be with you under any circumstances, but, to be honest, you’ve owned a part of my heart for most of my life. I’d be honored if you’d agree to be my wife and claim the rest of my heart from now till eternity.”

Nell had thought that if her heart ever began beating this hard at her age, it would be a terrible thing, but it wasn’t at all like that now. She was suddenly filled with a profound joy she’d never expected to experience again. She held Dillon’s gaze.

“Are you sure marriage is what you want?” she asked. “Perhaps it’s foolish to consider taking such a step at our age. It’s not as if we’d scandalize anyone by just living together.”

“I’ve dreamed of the day I could put a ring on your finger,” he admitted. “I dreamed of it sixty years ago, and now I’ve a chance to make that dream come true.” He reached over and held her hand. “But, unlike Moira, if you say you’re content with the way things are, I’ll stay right here by your side. I just want you to understand the depth of my feelings for you.”

Nell felt the surprising dampness of a tear trickling down her cheek. “Now you’ve gone and made me cry,” she said.

He frowned. “Is that the good sort of crying or the bad?” he asked anxiously.

“The very best kind,” she said, laughing through the tears she couldn’t seem to stop. “I think I’m going to have to marry you, Dillon O’Malley. My heart will never forgive me if I don’t, because I’ve loved you all these years as well.”

Until just this moment, she hadn’t realized how true that was. Though she’d loved her husband, though her life with him had been blessed in so many ways, including three fine sons and so many incredible grandchildren, Dillon had claimed a part of her heart years ago in Dublin. He still owned it.

“Then we’re agreed?” Dillon asked, as if not daring to believe he’d heard correctly.

She squeezed his hand. “We’re agreed. We’ll need to break the news carefully, though.”

“I’ll go to Mick tomorrow,” he said at once. “As the oldest, and the least likely to be receptive, I’ll do whatever it takes to win his approval.”

“Some might say a better strategy would be to win others over first,” she suggested.

Dillon shook his head. “I owe Mick the courtesy.”

She laughed at his old-fashioned belief in the order of things, but it touched her just the same. “Do I need to come along to protect you?”

“Mick doesn’t scare me,” Dillon said with confidence. “Because in the end, he and I both want only the best for you. I think we’ll come to terms.”

“As long as you don’t throw a couple of cows or sheep into the bargain, I’ll leave you to it, then.”

Dillon’s booming laugh carried on the surprisingly cool evening breeze, filling her heart with unexpected joy. And with her hand nestled in his, she was overcome with a contentment so pure it was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. And at her age, that was saying quite a lot!

Luke was fairly certain he hadn’t slept a wink all night. Just after dawn, he showered and headed for the pub to get ready for the noon opening. His eagerness to see how well the place would do on a day in midweek was overshadowed by his realization that he was on his own. There would be no Moira at his side, looking out for details, backing him up, giving his hand a quick squeeze as she passed by.

Well, he thought, that was just the way it was. He could hardly blame her for walking away when he’d given her little reason to stay.

He spent the morning checking supplies, even though he’d gone through the same lists just the day before. He confirmed orders with suppliers, who responded that yes, the information they’d given him yesterday was correct, deliveries would be on schedule. In a few cases he could hear the amusement in the voices of the customer service representatives.

“You’re newly opened,” one woman said. “I can tell.”

“Sorry. I’m still a little paranoid about things not going smoothly.”

“Understandable,” she said. “And the woman I spoke to earlier said the same.”

Luke went absolutely silent for a moment as her words sank in. “A woman called? From O’Brien’s? Are you sure?”