the STRUGGLE (40 page)

It took all that Hannah had within her, but she forced herself to say she was glad for Suzanne and Titus. Inside, however, just hearing about Suzanne’s baby made her hurt even more. It was one more painful reminder that Hannah no longer had any children to hold and to love.

“We’ll be going to Kentucky to see the boppli in a month or so. Maybe you’d like to go along,” Fannie said.

Hannah shook her head. A wave of nausea came over her, and she thought she might lose her breakfast. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not feeling so well, and I need to lie down.” Before Fannie could respond, Hannah jumped up and rushed into the house.

Pembroke, Kentucky

When Timothy arrived home from work that day, the first thing he did was head to the phone shanty to check for messages. He found only one—it was from Mom, and it wasn’t good news. She’d spoken to Hannah but couldn’t get her to change her mind about coming back to Kentucky.

With a heavy heart, Timothy dialed his folks’ number to leave a message in return. He was surprised when Mom answered the phone.

“It’s Timothy, Mom. I just listened to your message about seeing Hannah today. Is there anything else you can tell me about your visit with her?” he asked.

“Hannah isn’t the same woman you married, Timothy,” Mom said. “Losing Mindy has changed her. She’s bitter and almost like an empty vessel inside. I fear she may never be the same.”

“Does she still blame me for Mindy’s death?”

“Jah, and she’s not willing to return to Kentucky.”

Sweat beaded on Timothy’s forehead, and he reached up to wipe it away. “She didn’t mention divorce, did she?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s a relief. Maybe it’s for the best that she’s not with me right now. Seeing her every day and knowing how she feels about me would only add to the guilt I already feel for causing Mindy’s death.”

“I think maybe Hannah needs more time, Timothy. We’re all praying for her, and for you as well. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself, son, because all the blame in the world won’t bring Mindy back, and it’s not helping your emotional state, either.”

“I know, Mom, but if I could, I’d give my life in exchange for my daughter’s.”

“That’s not an option, and you need to find a way to work through all of this. You need to get on with the business of living.”

“How can I do that when my wife hates me and won’t come back to our home?”

“I don’t think Hannah hates you, Timothy. I just think she’s so caught up in her grief that she needs someone to blame. I also believe in the power of prayer, so let’s keep praying and believing that someone or something will help Hannah see that her place is with you. I don’t think you should try to force her to come back.”

“I would never do that, Mom. If Hannah decides to return to Kentucky, it has to be her decision of her own free will.” Timothy blinked as a trickle of sweat rolled into his eyes. “And I…I want more than anything for Hannah to say that she’s forgiven me and can love me again.”

C
HAPTER
49

T
here’s something I need to tell you,” Bonnie said to Allen as they shared breakfast together one Saturday morning in mid-September.

Allen set his cup of coffee down. “You look so somber. I hope it’s not bad news.”

She shook her head. “It’s good news. At least it is to me. I’m hoping you’ll think it’s good news, too.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Then tell me now, because I can’t stand the suspense.”

Smiling and taking in a deep breath, Bonnie said, “I’m pregnant.”

Allen stared at her like he couldn’t believe what she’d just said. “Are…are you sure?” he asked in a near whisper.

“I took a pregnancy test earlier this week, and I saw the doctor yesterday afternoon. It’s official, Allen. The baby’s due the first week of April.”

“How come you waited till now to tell me?” Allen’s furrowed brows let Bonnie know he was a bit disappointed. Was it because she hadn’t told him sooner, or was he upset about her being pregnant?

“I know we’ve only been married four months, and I’m sorry if you’re disappointed because we didn’t expect to start a family so soon, but—”

Allen placed his finger against her lips. “I’m not the least bit disappointed. I’m thrilled to hear such good news. You just took me by surprise, that’s all.” He smiled widely then leaned over and gave her a kiss. “Wow, I can’t wait to tell my folks this news. Mom will be so excited when she hears that she’s gonna be a grandma. Have you told your dad yet?”

“No, you’re the first one I’ve told, and I would have given you the news last night, but you fell asleep soon after we ate supper.”

“I don’t usually conk out like that,” Allen said, “but I’ve been working such long hours lately, and I can’t seem to get enough sleep.”

She smiled. “I understand. Things have been busier around the B&B recently, too, and it’s keeping me and Trisha hopping.”

“You should probably slow down now that you’re expecting a baby. Maybe you ought to consider hiring someone else to help Trisha so you can take it easy and get plenty of rest.”

“I promise I won’t overdo it, but I can’t sit around doing nothing. It’s not in my nature.”

He nodded. “Okay. I guess you know what you’re capable of doing.”

Bonnie finished eating her scrambled eggs then pushed away from the table. “I think I’ll call my dad right now. After that, I’m going to share our good news with Trisha.”

“Sounds like a plan. While you’re calling your dad, I’ll use my cell phone and give my folks a call.” Allen grinned. “Something tells me that once the baby comes, they’ll be making a lot more trips to Kentucky.”

Bonnie nodded. “I’ll bet Dad comes to visit us more often, too.”

“You look like you’re in a good mood this morning,” Trisha said when she found Bonnie humming as she did the breakfast dishes.

Bonnie turned from the sink and smiled. “I sure am. In fact, I’m feeling very blessed and happy.”

“Would you like to share some of that happiness with me?”

“That’s exactly what I was planning to do.” Bonnie motioned to the table. “Let’s have a seat, and I’ll tell you about it.”

Leaning her elbows on the table, Bonnie smiled and said, “Allen and I are going to have a baby. I’m due the first part of April.”

Trisha grinned and reached for Bonnie’s hand. “Oh, that is good news! I’m so happy for you, Bonnie.”

“I appreciate God giving me a second chance at motherhood since I was forced to give up my baby when I was sixteen.”

“I know you’ll make a good mom. I’ve seen how patient and kind you are with Samuel’s kids. And Allen will make a good daddy, too.”

“Yes, I believe he will.” Bonnie tapped her fingers along the edge of the table.

“Is there a problem?” Trisha asked.

“Well, no, not for me, but you might not see it that way.”

“What is it?”

“When I called Dad to give him the good news, he was very pleased.”

“I imagine he would be.”

“Well, the thing is …” Bonnie paused and moistened her lips. “He said something about quitting his job at the bank and moving here so he can be closer to me and the baby.”

“I can understand him wanting to do that.”

“How would you feel about it if Dad decides to move?”

Trisha shrugged. “Whatever Ken does is his business.”

“I know there has been some tension between you two, and if he moves here, you’ll be seeing him fairly often, so I thought—”

“It’s not a problem, Bonnie. When your dad came to your wedding in May, things were better between us, so I don’t anticipate any issues if he should decide to move here.”

“That’s a relief. I want having this baby to be a positive experience, and I was a little concerned that you might decide to leave if Dad moves to Kentucky.”

Trisha shook her head. “As long as you want me to help at the B&B, I’m here for you.”

“I’m glad to hear that, because my business has picked up since you came to work for me. Besides, you and I have become good friends, and I’d miss not having you around.”

Trisha smiled. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

Paradise, Pennsylvania

Hannah sat in the rocking chair inside her parents’ living room and placed both hands against her stomach. It hadn’t taken very long for her to realize that she was definitely pregnant. Due to the morning sickness, Mom had figured it out, too. Hannah was okay with her folks knowing, but she didn’t want anyone else to know—especially not anyone from Timothy’s family. If they knew she was expecting a baby, they’d tell Timothy. And if he knew, Hannah was sure he would come to Pennsylvania and insist she go back to Kentucky with him. So Hannah had asked her folks not to tell anyone, and they’d agreed to keep her secret. But Dad had made it clear that he wasn’t happy about it. He’d said several times that he thought Hannah’s place was with her husband, no matter how she felt about him. “Marriage is for keeps, and divorce is not an option,” Dad had said the other night.

Hannah grimaced. She’d never said she was going to get a divorce, but one thing she did know: she couldn’t be with Timothy right now.

A tear trickled down her cheek as she thought about the baby she carried. She wasn’t ready to be a mother again—wasn’t ready to have another baby. She wasn’t even sure she could provide for this child and wondered whether Mom and Dad would be willing to help her raise it.

Pembroke, Kentucky

“As time goes on, I become more worried about Timothy,” Samuel said as he dried the breakfast dishes while Esther washed. “When Hannah left three months ago, Timothy hoped she would change her mind and come back to him, but the longer she’s gone, the more depressed he’s become. I really don’t know how much longer he can go on like this.”

Esther nodded. “It’s sad to think of him living all alone in that big old house, feeling guilty for causing Mindy’s death and longing for Hannah to come home.”

“I’ve tried everything I know to encourage him, but nothing I’ve said has made any difference.” Samuel reached for another plate. “My mamm tried talking to Hannah several weeks ago, but it was all for nothing. Mom told Timothy that Hannah wasn’t very cordial and she isn’t willing to forgive him or come back to Kentucky.”