The Story of Me (26 page)

Georgia

I open my eyes to the sensation of the back of Cam’s finger stroking my face. My eyes instantly lock with his as they open. He’s so close. I would only have to move a fraction and my lips would be on his, and to be honest, I really don’t know if that’s what he wants from me. I know he stood up in front of my family and said that he did, but I just get the feeling that he doesn’t, and apart from that, we still need to discuss the big fat elephant in the room: the pregnant girlfriend.

“Wake up, Kitten. We’re here and we need to move. The press were here earlier, but Benny managed to get rid of them, but there might still be a couple hanging about.”

“What?” I ask as I try and process everything he’s just told me. “Benny still works for you?” is all that I manage and he smiles at me for some reason.

“You remember Benny?”

I nod. “Of course I remember Benny.” He looks at me for a long moment.

“Stay put until I come around and open your door. I just wanna check there’s none of the fuckers still lurking about.” I smile at him and his protectiveness.

“Go get the fuckers, Tiger.” He raises his eyebrows and I know he’s about to say something about me swearing when we are both startled by a commotion outside. We’re in an underground car park of some kind. It’s fairly well lit and I can see who I think is Benny and two other men trying to stop a photographer from getting any closer to Cam’s car.

“Fuck,” Cam says as he climbs out. He comes around to my side and helps me out. I pull the hood of my tracksuit jacket up and keep my head down as he walks me to the elevator. He swipes a card and the door opens instantly. We step in. He enters a number into the keypad and we shoot up. The speed makes my stomach churn, and I wonder for a moment if I’m going to be sick. We stop abruptly and I feel myself sway. “Fuck,” is all I hear from Cam as everything goes fuzzy. I feel him lift me up and walk with me. After a few seconds, he sits down still holding me. I don’t pass out. I just feel light headed and my legs and arms feel like jelly. I open my eyes and he’s looking down at me. My belly gives the loudest rumble and I raise my eyebrows and bite my lip as I try not to smile at the gurgling sounds coming from inside me.

“Kitten, when the fuck was the last time you ate?” Oh, shit.

“I had a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits at my mum’s earlier.” Hopeful that he’ll consider biscuits food.

“And before that?”

I shrug. “A bag of nuts and some Pringles on the plane.”

He shakes his head. “Real food, Georgia, when was the last time you ate anything containing any kind of nutritional value?” I close my eyes and pretend I can’t hear or see him.

“Stop talking about food. You’re making me feel sick.”

“You’ve not fucking eaten since Saturday night, have you?” I ignore him. “For fuck’s sake, Georgia, that was over two days ago. You can’t not eat for two fucking days. That’s just ridiculous. You’ll fucking die. You’ll starve to fucking death.”

I open my eyes and look at him. “Will you please stop swearing. You’re giving my arse a headache.”

He stutters for a few seconds, not sure what to come back with. “How can your arse get a headache?”

“Easy, it just has to listen to you keep moaning.”

He shakes his head at me. “I’m gonna order some food. What d’ya fancy?”

“You,” I reply, and I instantly feel his cock twitch underneath me. My insides squirm and I feel my cheeks burn. He closes his eyes and drops his forehead down to rest on mine. “Kitten,” he whispers, “we need to talk before we even think about going there.” I feel a sharp stab of pain in my chest at his rejection. That bitch Karma got me again.

“Okay, well, let’s order food. Then we can talk. Then we can have lots and lots of sex.” He stares at me. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t do his usual headshake. He just stares. “What are you thinking?” I ask him quietly,

“That I wish things were different.”

My eyes sting with tears and I don’t really know why. I try not to let my bottom lip tremble as I ask, “Different how?”

He shrugs. “The timing always seems to be wrong for us, George.” The words instantly remind me of Dire Straits’ “Romeo and Juliet”. That was mine and Sean’s song. We made it part of our wedding vows. It was a part of us, who we were, and here I am with Cam and he’s just accidently quoted a line from it, and now I’m totally confused about my feelings. A big fat tear plops onto my cheek.

“Is loving each other gonna be enough, d’ya think, Kitten? It wasn’t before.”

I let my tears fall as I try to be as honest with him as possible. “I didn’t know that I loved you before.”

“And what makes you so sure now. How d’ya know you’re not just settling for second best?”

I shake my head. “It’s not like that, Cam, and it’s never been like that. I was so blinkered back then. I’m a different person now.” I watch as he bites down on the inside of his lip.

“I wish I could be sure. If I take a chance and I’m wrong, it’ll kill me, Kitten. It’ll fucking kill me.”

I shake my head and sob as I say to him, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me. I’m yours but you have to let go of the past and accept me with all of my faults.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Then you have to let me go.”

“I can’t. I’ve tried for over twelve years. I’ve never come close, not even for a day, not since the very first night I set eyes on you.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We fight. We give it everything and we try and make this work.” He’s moved his head back so he can see me.

I nod. “That’s not a problem. You’ve seen me fight; my brothers taught me. You’ve got a gun. With my right hook and your shooting skills, our problems won’t stand a chance.”

“It’s not gonna be easy.”

“Nothing worth fighting for ever is.” My belly gives a loud rumbling sound. “Let’s eat. Then we can talk some more.” I climb out of his lap and curl into the corner of a large red leather sofa. Cam reaches down the side and puts a soft, cream-coloured fur throw over me and gets up.

“Chinese okay?” he calls over his shoulder.

“Oh, yes, please, I’ve missed an English Chinese. I didn’t like the Chinese I had in Australia very much. They didn’t even sell chips or curry sauce.”

He shakes his head as he walks away from me, goes into the kitchen area and starts to rummage through a drawer. I take the opportunity to look around the room. It’s all sleek and modern in shades of red and cream, with the odd splash of black and a bit of chrome. The level that we’re on is completely open plan and consists of a living, dining and kitchen area. There’s a flight of stairs to my left and a huge floor-to-ceiling window in front of me that stretches across one whole side of the apartment. I’d really like to get up and look out at the view, but my legs still feel shaky and I still have adrenalin coursing through me, triggered by our intense little conversation.

This whole situation is giving my emotions whiplash as I crash into guilt, after bouncing off lust, then drown in sorrow. Every time I feel one thing, I’m floored by the way I’m catapulted into feeling another. I need someone to tell me it’s okay. I want someone to go ahead and say to me, “You know what, Georgia, it’s time. Grab this relationship with both hands and be happy. You’ve been through enough. It’s about time you had something good happen in your life,” but I’m not sure that I’m entitled to hear that from anyone. Do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to be in love or to be loved? I’m not sure that I do. I want to believe it, but I need to hear it from someone else. I need some time with Ash and Jimmie so they can help me out with this. There’s no doubt about my feelings for Cam. I’m sure of them. It’s more to do with living with myself and the guilt that being with him would bring me that I’m confused about.

I watch him as he walks back towards where I’m sitting, menu in one hand, phone in the other, his eyes on me. Every single cell I’m made from is affected by his presence. He calms me, but he makes my heart race. I want to run far away, but I want to wrap myself around him. He sets my belly on fire and gives my
skin goose bumps. He sits down next to me, his outer thigh pressed against mine. He stretches his long legs out and puts them up on the coffee table, crossing them at the ankles.

“What would you like to order?” I feel lightheaded and it has nothing to do with the lack of food in my stomach. When we were together, Cam and I had the best sex. We’ve made slow, beautiful love together and we’ve fucked hard and fast. I don’t think there was ever a time when I didn’t experience multiple orgasms thanks to his expert cock, fingers and tongue, but sitting here, now, fully dressed, with just the outside of our legs touching, I’m actually throbbing. My cheeks are burning both from arousal and embarrassment. I have no idea where it’s come from, but suddenly, I’m on the edge of an orgasm and I have no idea what has brought me to this state.

“Kitten, you okay?” I turn and look at him and saying nothing, I just move and straddle his lap. Raking my hands through his hair, I kiss him hard on the mouth and grind myself against him. He doesn’t kiss me back at first, but as I feel him grow hard through his jeans, I moan into his mouth.

“Oh, fuck,” I hear him say and suddenly I’m under him. He pulls off my tracksuit bottoms and knickers in one go as I struggle with his belt and button fly, he takes over and says, “Tits, kitten, I wanna see your tits.” Instantly I’m hearing Sean’s voice telling me, ‘Love ya, Georgia Rae, show us your tits’ and I stop. Oh, God, what am I doing? I want this so badly, but I feel so wrong for doing what I’m doing.

“Don’t you stop this now. Don’t you dare fucking stop this.” Cam looks down at me. “Stop thinking, Kitten, stop thinking. Close your eyes and just feel.” I unzip my jacket and he looks down at my chest, then back to my face, and suddenly, everything turns frantic again. He pushes my bra up and takes my right nipple in his mouth. He hasn’t touched me between the legs, but I know I’m wet enough when I feel him guide himself inside me. He’s still the biggest I’ve ever had and I wonder and worry for a moment if I’ll feel differently to him. I know I worried about it with Roman, but he didn’t know how I felt before my womb was ripped out. He only knew how I felt after. In my head, I imagine I feel hollow; that inside me there’s just a big empty space. I’ve not touched myself since my surgery, too scared to know the truth.

I enjoy the stretching sensation as he starts pushing in. It takes a couple of thrusts and he’s in to the hilt, and I don’t think he’s even going to have to move to have me coming.

“Fuck, Kitten,” he repeats, “I’ve waited too long for this, too fucking long.” He slides his hands under my arse cheeks, tilts my hips and grinds into me.

“I love you, Cam. I love you so fucking much. Fuck me, please. Get right inside me. Just you, I just want you, all of you inside me.” I don’t know if anything I’m saying is making sense. They’re just the words that are going around in my head and escaping from my mouth.

“Need me, Kitten. Tell me, tell me how much you fucking need me. Show me how much.”

I claw and scrape my nails over his scalp and his back. I grab at his arse and force him deeper inside me. His thrusts become more brutal and it’s exactly what I need to explode. I stop moving, my hips giving an occasional jerk of their own volition. I moan, again, giving up sounds of pleasure that I have no control over as my orgasm just rolls on and on. I feel his cock jerk inside me, one, two, three times as he fills me with warmth and growls in my ear, “You’re mine now. You’re fucking well mine. No running away, no leaving. You go, I will bring you back, every time, Kitten. I’ll hunt you down and tie you to my fucking bed.” I should be terrified, but being the weird little freak of a person that I am, I’m just turned on even more and before one orgasm has finished, I’m more than ready for another.

We both lay quietly panting, trying to catch our breath.

“So much for talking first,” I say quietly.

He looks down at me and shakes his head. “That’s one of the best conversations I think we’ve ever had.”

“Yeah?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he kisses my nose.

“Well, I didn’t hear a word you said. I need you to repeat yourself.” I tell him, and of course, he gives a little headshake.

He reaches up to the coffee table and he pulls down a box of tissues. We clean up and he shows me up to his bathroom and leaves me to shower while he goes to order food. That was a stupid thing to do. I think to myself as the water from the body jets sting my skin. We’ve discussed nothing. He is quite possibly already in a relationship with a woman and she’s carrying his child, and I’ve just let him fuck me, without a condom. Like the easy little whore that I am, I’ve let him fuck me without a thought about safe sex, and he must be thinking along the same lines as me; otherwise, why isn’t he in here with me? I know Cam. I know how much he likes to fuck, so why isn’t he in here fucking me now? I cry angry tears as I wash myself. I’m angry at me and at him, but mostly at this fucked-up situation.

I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a towel and use Cam’s toothbrush and deodorant. I even find some Nivea for men and moisturise my face with it. When I walk out to the bedroom, he’s lying on the bed, hands behind his head and his legs stretched out and crossed in front of him. There’s a pair of boxers and a hoodie folded up on the bed and he gestures towards them with his chin.