The Story of Lansing Lotte (36 page)

“Mick asked me to get a shot or two of the chase. When we lost Perk, the other guy doubled back to follow him. He was after the girl. We only took another shot or two when Mick veered off to the left and I noticed the other biker return. We kept going south on Park Avenue and I’ll admit I never looked back.”

“How are there other photos?” Galehaut asked in a tender voice for someone so large.

“I could only assume they were reporter shots. Scene of the crime images. Somehow, the two sets got linked together on the Internet. I’m assuming the photographer who took those shots is part of the same online indie photographer group I’m in. When I downloaded the images for sale that night, he must have downloaded his. Key words linked the two together.”

“You mentioned police?” Will questioned.

“I went to the police the next day. I was worried that with the connection online, this very thing would happen.”

“What thing?”

“Someone would think I took the photos, caused the accident, and then took more photos.”

“Right now, it really doesn’t matter what someone thinks, unless that someone is Lansing Lotte. He’ll have trouble processing this, Lila. He trusted you. He thought you were his friend.”

“I am his friend.”

“No, you weren’t,” Will said, in a voice that showed his exasperation. “He’s suffered a lot these past few months. No one loves him more than me, but even I know that he doesn’t always think clearly when it comes to women. He doesn’t see the reality of what’s in front of him.”

I looked up at Will, puzzled.

He continued. “He’s fallen for you, he just doesn’t know it, yet.”

“That will never happen,” I mumbled bitterly.

He paused to look at me.

“Furthermore, you’ve fallen for him. Haven’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Do you want it to matter?”

“I…” I couldn’t answer Will. My feelings were too raw. If Lansing couldn’t listen to me, what would be the point of being with him? I shouldn’t have been with Lansing Lotte, in the first place. I took that moment as a sign that we weren’t meant to be. History could not rewrite itself. He would always blame me; I would always feel at fault.

“I know better than to fall for a rock star.”

Elaine and I had already had a doctor’s appointment on that horrible day I discovered the pictures of Arturo on Lila’s computer. We had a second appointment for an ultrasound a week later. I wasn’t sure what the exam did, other than somehow take a picture of the baby inside Elaine’s stomach. We didn’t speak much other than small talk. My thoughts were too preoccupied with Lila to concentrate on anything more than questions about Christmas that involved one word replies.

Was I going to Lake Avalon for Christmas? No.

Was I going to see Vivian for Christmas? No.

Was I going to see Guinevere?

“Why does everyone keep asking me?”

“Well, it’s obvious you have a thing for her. Now with Arturo missing, it seems like the perfect time to move in on his girl,” Elaine said bitterly.

“That would make me a terrible person, if I moved in on my best friend’s fiancée,” I defended.

“Yes it would, but sometimes people act desperate when they are in love.”

I stared at Elaine. She knew what she was talking about. She had been disillusioned about her infatuation with me. She certainly took advantage of the situation, which was why we were sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women.

I couldn’t argue with Elaine, though. I had been desperate myself and had given into my desire.

Elaine’s name was called and I followed her. I exited the room when the nurse told her to change, but I returned moments later to find Elaine in a hospital gown, on her back on the exam table. The room was dimly lit and a technician entered a few minutes later. Squirting gel on Elaine’s stomach, the woman moved a strange looking wand around on Elaine’s still small bump, until she must have found what she was looking for. She turned a knob on her machine and moved the grainy computer screen, so Elaine and I could have a better look.

A strange sound filled the room.

Whamp. Whamp. Whamp. Whamp.

The noise was rhythmic and steady in beat. I foolishly looked up at the ceiling trying to figure out where the sound was coming from.

“What’s that?” I asked, trying not to sound like an idiot. I looked at Elaine who smiled at me with tears in her eyes.

“That’s life,” she whispered.

I looked at the nurse, who only smiled in return, and said, “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I was overwhelmed. I felt a cold wave of something slip from my head to my toes. I was going to be a father. I was going to have a child. With a woman I didn’t love. My life was so fucked up.

I glanced at the dark blob on the screen.

“Can you tell what we are having?”

“Do you want to know?” The nurse addressed Elaine.

Elaine looked at me and I gave her a shrug. I wanted to know, but I would do whatever she wanted.

“Sure,” she said, still mesmerized by the sound filling the room.

The nurse moved her magic wand over Elaine, positioning it here and there, before a clearer image came into view. A rather large head. An arm that looked raised like it was sucking it’s thumb. And something between the legs.

“Is that what I think it is?” my voice shook.

The  nurse calmly smiled again.

“Congratulations. It’s a boy.”

I was still dazed from the whole experience. If Elaine and I were a couple, I could imagine taking her back to my place and making love to her to celebrate. Instead I offered her lunch. It was a conciliation congratulations. I would never be having sex with Elaine again. At that point, I was a bit turned off by women as a whole. I felt like I couldn’t trust any of them.

We ordered in silence before Elaine leveled me with a stare.

“How’s Lila?”

I choked on my water.

“She moved out.”

“Why?” Elaine sounded surprised. “I thought her apartment wasn’t supposed to be ready until after the first?”

“It’s not.”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed in exasperation. Maybe it was desperation. I hadn’t been able to find a hint to where Lila had gone. After struggling with myself for a week, I went to Kaye Sirs and asked him to investigate Lila. I was still seething when I entered his office at Camelot Records.

“Why do you want to investigate Lila Lovelourne?”

“I think she had something to do with Arturo’s disappearance or at least the accident.”

“Why would you say that?” he asked cautiously. I suddenly realized Kaye knew something I didn’t.

“I saw the pictures,” I stated, but Kaye only nodded. He didn’t seem surprised as if he knew what I was referring to.

“Her intentions might have been wrong, but she did not cause that accident.”

“How do you know?” I bit, coming closer to his desk.

“Because I know the whole investigation like the back of my hand. Lila Lovelourne came to the police willingly with what she knew and what she didn’t know.”

“And what
didn’t
she know?” I snapped.

“She didn’t know who took the second set of photos, but the police now know it was an amateur photographer. They were taken after the accident. It was not Lila who took those pictures.”

“How can you be certain? I saw them on her computer. The images were together.”

“Those images were linked the moment they each hit the Internet, which they did, separately. The police were able to trace the source, which Lila willing gave them from her camera memory card. It didn’t match Lila’s.”

I remember being shocked at the amount of information Kaye had and hadn’t shared with us.

“Why did she take the shots, in the first place?” I snapped.

“Something about paying for dance classes for her sister’s daughter.”

Fleur. She had done it for Fleur.

Thoughts of Fleur brought me back to Elaine’s presence at the table. It was going to take a lot to raise a child on her own, but I didn’t plan to let Elaine be truly alone. I would be involved as the baby’s father; I would not be a Josh Tucker. Elaine and I had been friends once. What she wanted was a lover. I kept her at a distance to avoid that very situation. She wanted someone to share the experience with her. I couldn’t be that man and it made me a bad person, all over again.

I thought of Lila. Elaine wanted motherhood, but Lila had it by default. She willingly took over the care of Fleur and she was doing it all alone. Fleur’s father wasn’t involved, and Fleur had no other family willing to help her. I tried to imagine that in moments of desperation, Lila might have thought she had to take photos to make a buck. It only pissed me off more. However, Elaine came from money. A whole army of servants would be at her beck and call to support her raising our son.

“You miss her, don’t you?”

“Lila?” I blurted, as if Elaine had been reading my thoughts.

“Fleur.”

“I…I learned some things that I can’t trust about Lila, so I can’t miss her. I can’t miss either of them.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?” I laughed. Elaine Corbin was the epitome of decorum next to Guinevere DeGrance. To hear her throw out that word was rather out of character for her.

“You can still miss them.
Her
. It’s hard to find out someone you thought was perfect wasn’t, but it doesn’t lessen the withdrawal from that person.”

Somehow, I knew Elaine was speaking from experience.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Elaine. We used to be good friends. This is all fucked up now, but we have a life-long connection by this child. I’d like to start new with you. As a friend.”

Elaine twisted her lips as if she was thinking hard about what I said, as if it was a difficult decision to make, but finally her green eyes sparkled and she smiled slowly at me.

“I’d really like that Lansing.”

I smiled weakly back at her. So many things had happened in such a short time.
How did my life get turned upside down so quickly?

“So, back to Lila,” she started again.

“Forget Lila.”

“Can you? Can you really? Did you forget Guinie that fast?”

“I…Nothing happened with Guinie.”

“You accused Lila of lying to you, but now you’re lying to yourself. And me. Something happened and once again you need to live with those consequences, Lansing. Sounds like the Lady Killer strikes again with Guinie and Lila.”

“I didn’t break her heart,” I laughed bitterly.

“Wanna bet? I don’t think you know how
not
to break a heart,” she said, but she didn’t mean it as snarky as it sounded. She said it as if she felt sorry for me.

“Look, since we’re going to be friends, I’m going to be honest with you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You’re always going to love Guinie for some reason. You may always do anything to put her first, but she’s never going to pick you. You’ll always be her second, because her destiny is Arturo.”

“So, where is he?” I growled.

“I don’t know, but he’ll return.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do.”

“What do you know?” I hissed as I leaned across the table.

“I don’t know anything that you wouldn’t know yourself. It’s been on the Internet. Someone snapped a photo of Arturo in New York. He was standing next to a private car in the street.”

I knew exactly what she was talking about. It was the same day I’d seen Arturo.

“So, what are you going to do about Lila?” Elaine asked hesitantly, attempting to change the subject.

“I don’t know. She seems to have disappeared, too.”

I had fallen into an old routine. I hung out in my apartment until I couldn’t stand myself, or until I couldn’t stand Galehaut, who seemed to be spending a lot of time in my place. He was worried about me after my week-long binge. The holidays were days away and I wasn’t planning on spending them with anyone. I’d actually had one of the best Thanksgivings of my life when I thought back on my day with Lila and Fleur. I didn’t see how being with the band, or any of our family, was going to help my mood.